


Hidden Thoughts, True Feelings

by Sharaya



Category: Queer as Folk
Genre: Drama, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2004-08-06
Updated: 2004-09-17
Packaged: 2013-05-24 02:25:29
Rating: T
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,621
Publisher: www.fanfiction.net
Story URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2001163/1/
Author URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/238158/Sharaya
Summary: This story takes places right after the season 2 finale...right at babylon. It's A BrianJustin fic... How does brian react when Justin leaves him for Ethan...?





	1. GoodBye Sunshine

Chapter 1 "Goodbye sunshine"

Brian POV

Justins image began to disappear behind the sweaty bodies at babylon. The lights glared and became to thick for my vision to find him. I turned my head and fought with myself....Then turned back towards where he had vanished. I couldn't feel sad, I couldn't want to cry. I did not care for this boy...he was an mistake. "I was not attached!" I yelled in my head. The music seemed to get louder as I finally let go of the gaze from where Justin and Ethan had left. I was left broken, confused, used, tired and afraid. I didn't know why I was afraid...unlike my other emotions I couldn't gather much thought upon being afraid. Was I really scared of losing him, someone who I had denied my feelings for. After all I did for him how could he leave me here... A feeling of reality swept over me as if nothing which had happen before really took place. I closed my eyes tight, afraid to open them for I may let out tears when opened. I swayed back in forth not seeing my surroundings, just dancing to the amusing upbeat music blasting from all sides of the rather humid club. A familiar voice called out to me, it got closer with every second. It was Michael, I could see him looking at me although I would not look at him... my eyes was still shut tight...I could feel him rubbing my shoulders up and down for comfort.... I'm Brian Kinney I don't need your support I wanted to shout out...I had to much pride to let him make me feel this way, no one would see my pain, would know my very thoughts and my insecurities. I had to let go... I had to be a man. I had to be Brian. I opened my eyes and the environment seemed 10 times brighter then it's original setting.

"What do you want Mikey?" I said in what I thought was a much convincing nonchalant tone. He stared at me, I knew he knew me. I knew he knew my pain...that my very existence was tormenting me. That I wanted nothing more then to cry in his arms and turn into a puddle of nothing. He knew me well enough to know I would never actually do that though. He put on an act...An act I very much needed right now. He would treat me as I needed to be treated. He wouldn't push for answers...I would give it to him and my own way. Our communication was my favorite thing between us...I've wondered if he thought the same thing.

"You want to go home Brian?" He asked speaking loud against the music. he didn't even ask what was wrong or if I was okay. He knew Id give him an smart ass answer lashing out at him.. He avoided this. He was much better at it now. I gave him a nod and he drove home with me. We drove home in silence though, the only sound came from through the cracks in the car window. He dropped me off at the door and gave me my space...reluctantly of course. When I went into my what seemed emptier than usual loft everything seem to remind me of Justin. I wondered what he was doing, I wondered if he was happy... I wondered if he was on his way here... if he had re-thought his decision. I planned out in my head how much I'll show him I didn't care about his return or that he left in the first place. Reality hit me the second time that night, even more bitter then than the first time. He never came home...It was one of my loneliness nights ever, no one would ever understand this not even myself.

* * *

A/N- Next chapter may be from someone else point of view. Maybe Justin's. this is definitely a b/j fic with a strong b/m friendship...just so no one is confused. I'm sorry this is so short, just starting it off like this.


	2. Chapter 2 Good Morning Sunshine

Chapter 2 "Good Morning Sunshine"

**Justins POV**

I woke to the smell of pancakes... I rubbed my eyes to gain vision and turned over to see Ethan standing over me with a tray in hand. He smiled at me, I sat up slowly and took the tray. I love pancakes, I thought it was romantic that he remembered.

"Morning sunshine" He smirked and gave me a quick kiss and went to grab himself a plate.

It was much like a dream, I woke up to breakfast in bed that my prince had made for me. Ethan was perfect, he understood me, he knew how to make me happy and he wasn't afraid to love me. That's all I needed, to feel like I was special. He must of noticed my overwhelming joy, cause he put down his plate and came and kissed me again.

"You're gonna make me spill my juice" I said trying to gain balance of his lips and my tray at the same time. I felt his lips form a smile as he pushed the tray over and got on top of me. This went on for a while until his phone rang. I tried to make him not take it, but he insisted it could be important. He got up as I began to pick up the mess we made. When he got back he told me he had to go.

"You can stay here, or you go take care of some unfinished business now...it's pretty boring around the house" Ethan spoke avoiding the obvious, The unfinished business was Brain...He didn't want to say his name. Ethan hid how jealous he was of my feelings for Brian, of course I thought it was cute. I was yet to think of Brian until he mentioned it, of how I would possibly go over to his house to get my things and bring them over here. I didn't want to see him, or have to face him. Brian would treat me like I didn't exist, like I didn't matter....sometimes it was hard to know if what Brian was doing was an Act or in fact the truth. Either way I knew he wouldn't ask me to come back to him, or say how much he wants me and needs me. I am better off here, with Ethan...aren't I?

"Sure...I'll go get my things today...ok?" I answered back quickly after noticing I kept him waiting.

"Don't forget to work things out with Michael, don't want any tension between you two. You have a comic book to work on" Ethan said trying to remind me not to forget anything to do today, he had made it clear he wanted me and him to start off with a clean sheet. I smiled and gave him a reassuring nod. He went to go take a shower, I laid there in bed staring up at the ceiling...wondering what to do first.

* * *

Later that day I decided to take a walk to clear my head...Avoiding all task today. Unfortunately the avoiding was over...I saw Michael across the street. Apparently he saw me too and there was no avoiding it now.

"Hey Michael" I said upbeat....he didn't look happy. He snapped back at me

"What is your deal kid? After all he did for you! you ungrateful little....how? why? You mean everything to Brian, even if he doesn't always show it! you don't deserve him, you never did!" Michael seemed like he's been waiting all day to share this with me. I felt overwhelmed, I wasn't going to let him make me feel bad, I was going to be happy.

"Why don't you just mind your business, Brian is a big boy...If he cared half as much about me as I care about him we wouldn't be standing here...would we, besides I'm with Ethan now" It sounded less convincing then it attended to be, But I didn't care...Michael had no right...or did he? Michael stared at me...he didn't say anything. He brushed passed me and walked away... I looked at him until he disappeared from eyes view. Suddenly the streets seem to get smaller...and my destination seemed further. Come to think of it, I had no idea where I was going. Then it hit me...to the loft. When I arrived Brian opened the door with a sheet around his waste...I can hear moans coming from the next room....he obviously had company over. He sure didn't waste no time. I felt my heart pound as I began to speak...

"I just came for my stuff but I'll come back another time" I didn't give him chance to respond. I just went back on the elevator. I could feel him still looking at me...I liked the feeling.

**No POV**

Brian watched the elevator vanish. He leaned against the door and waited to see if Justin would come back But much like the day before....He didn't.


End file.
