


In Pursuit of Happiness

by myotherselfs



Category: Queer as Folk
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-04-06
Updated: 2011-04-06
Packaged: 2014-12-17 00:19:19
Rating: M
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,167
Publisher: www.fanfiction.net
Story URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6882696/1/
Author URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/2804525/myotherselfs
Summary: When do you have to compromise your beliefs to be true to your self? All the major QAF characters have beliefs that challenge traditional,and even each other's, moral codes. In this story, B&J live happily ever after and hold on to their true selves.





	In Pursuit of Happiness

**In Pursuit of Happiness**

_Author's Note - some background info (mainly from Wikipedia)  
>Ayn Rand's philosophy (Objectivism) is that the proper moral purpose of one's life is the pursuit of one's own happiness or rational self-interest and that the only social system consistent with this morality is full respect for individual rights. This reminds me of Brian.<em>

_Libertarianism is a political philosophy which upholds individual liberty, especially freedom of expression and action. Justin seems to be a Libertarian._

_This story is based on a layman understanding of these philosophies so please be tolerant._

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own QAF. This is just interpretation.

Many many thanks to my wonderful Beta ksg814slash. XOX

Rated M for language, and just enough perverted sex to make QAF proud.

* * *

><p><strong><em>This story starts at the end of Ben and Michaels house warming party, when Ben hands out copies of the marriage issue of Rage. Brian gets annoyed and ridicules the whole concept of gay marriage.<em>**

Ben sees Justin standing there, looking heartbroken. _Damn it,_ Ben thought, _the party will just have to carry on without me. This is more __important._ He follows Brian, who's heading to the door in a true "Brian dramatic exit". Ben put his hand on Brians shoulder, stopping him.

"Look at him, Brian!"

Brain turns to look at Justin, the man he loves, standing there alone in a room of people. He looks as though he's about to cry.

"Come on," Ben says, "I'll walk you to your car."

Ben walks out with Brian, into the cold night air. "I get it," he says. "I understand why you can't accept marriage; why you don't condone marriage; and even why you resent those who do it. But, Justin isn't Michael. You can make him happy without denying who you are." Brian looks at him with skepticism, but continues listening.

"Ninety percent of what Justin wants, you can give him. You can give him things you enjoy giving him, whilst making it clear there are no locks on the door, and no one owes anybody anything. You're doing it because you want to, and that is what you want from him, without obligations or commitment."

Ben pauses for a moment, then adds quietly, "maybe sometimes we bend our religion so it works for us, and for love. At least a little bit."

Brian smiles, leans over, and gives Ben a provocative kiss on the lips. Ben pulls away laughing. "I've gotta get back to the party," he says, "but let Justin know you can meet a lot of his needs. Let him know you're working on it." He pauses for a second. "Tonight. Let him know tonight."

He starts walking back, to his home and husband, but turns around. "Hey Brian, how about you and I go jewellery shopping tomorrow? I'm free for most of the morning. We can buy something for Justin, and you can sponsor my purchase of a gift for Michael."

Brian smiles, looking happy. "I'll call you in the morning, Professor."

**BJBJBJBJBJ**BJBJBJBJBJ** **BJBJBJBJBJ** **BJBJBJBJBJ** **BJBJBJBJBJ** **BJBJBJBJBJ** **BJBJBJBJBJ** **

Driving home, Brian thinks: _I won't buy a ring. Something sexy perhaps? Something to set off Justin's beautiful skin. Something I would enjoy seeing on his naked body_. Brian's smile suggests an evil thought. He can pervert the process. He will enjoy this a lot.

**BJBJBJBJBJ**BJBJBJBJBJ** **BJBJBJBJBJ** **BJBJBJBJBJ** **BJBJBJBJBJ** **BJBJBJBJBJ** **

Brian sits in the loft, looking at the $1,200 necklaces, as he waits for Justin to come home and to start his new sex game. He loves seeing Justin happy, and loves giving him things; it's everything else that's the problem.

Brian muses over Ben's words, as well as his own philosophy on life and what makes him who he is. He remembers the first time he encountered  
>the views of Ayn Rand, and the sense of belonging they had given him. Someone had formulated what he believed; what he felt to be his own indelible truth: that you are responsible for your own happiness; that you need to depend on your own intellect; that man is heroic; that his parents' martyrdom to some unknown cause is for shit.<p>

It's more than shit...it's wrong. His parents should not have gotten married just because his mother was pregnant with him. If she did not want him, she should have had an abortion.

He mumbles to himself, _"it was her choice, not mine. It is not my responsibility_." He scorns the martyrdom and sacrifice that society seems to expects. _A bunch of cowards, evading responsibility for there __own happiness, preferring to be enslaved by conformity bullshit_. He will have none of that. He will not be enslaved by the guilt of what his birth had done to his parents. Rejecting guilt is how he survives. He's ruthless in business and breaks hearts as often as he can. After all, other people's happiness are not his responsibility.

Brian thinks back to the ecstasy of discovering Liberty Avenue - a world of perverts, rejecting the constrictions of other people's judgments with their united mantra of "fuck you". He loved it. He loved being a fag. He found his home. He also found something he never thought he would have, people who understood: Debbie, Justin, and now Ben.

When George called Brian the love child of Ayn Rand and James Dean, he felt like kissing the elderly man. He's already betrayed James Dean  
>though- he's still alive past 30. He didn't kill himself scarfing; he went to the prom instead. Ironic how things die.<p>

_*Flashback*  
>Brian sits, full of self-pity, mourning the desertion of Mikey.<em>

_"He's not deserting you," Debbie says, "he's just making his own choices."_

_'Great,' he thinks, 'just like I taught him. Damn it.'_

Now they are all deserting him. Stepford self hating fags. He hated them, but it was more than that, it was...

fear.

The one thing he promised would never bind him. Fear of the locks on the doors; the stifling of marriage and conformity. Brian realizes, as his stomach falls, his biggest, newest fear: The fear of losing Justin. He had fought needing Justin, as hard as he could. Every time he lost a battle, he would fight back like a true believer. He fought, but they were just new battles in a lost war. He tried to believe he didn't need him, but it was so fucking hard to breath without him.

_*Flashback*  
>Justin stands in the loft, beseeching Brain, "but I need you."<em>

_He turns around, looking angrily at the boy, "you don't need me, you __don't need anyone."_

Ironic how his relationship with a minor, his biggest rejection of other people's rules, ended up being the only thing that could: destroy him, tame him and make him need other people. Brian had started off doing whatever he felt to Justin. He had enjoyed him when he wanted to and rejected

him when he wanted to, depending on his mood and what he felt like. He influenced everything the boy did: going home, leaving home, what to study; it was all about Brian. But now, hell, now it's all about Justin. Brian donated possessions to charity.  
>He sacrificed for a cause. He felt that he had lost his own value system and was fast becoming everything he despised. It was getting ridiculous.<p>

But now Ben had shown him a way out. Maybe he could be true to himself, and not lose Justin. Maybe he could compromise and still be Brian Kinney. He smiles. A basic Rand premise is to choose what you want to do, regardless of other people's judgements. Right now, that might include  
>his own better judgements. More irony. His life is a fucking paradox.<p>

_*Flashback*  
>Debbie leans forward, her face unusually serious, "I have always been a good Catholic girl, except with homosexuality and abortion, where I think they're a crock of shit."<em>

Brian smiles. It's OK to leave out a few items from your religion.  
><em><br>*Flashback*_  
><em>"I thought Jews don't eat ham." A very pregnant, and hungry, Melanie responds, "there is a special dispensation for pregnant lesbians, every second Tuesday of the month."<em>

_Somehow, her Judaism worked with her inconsistencies._

_**BJBJBJBJBJ**_**BJBJBJBJBJ****BJBJBJBJBJ****BJBJBJBJBJ****BJBJBJBJBJ****BJBJBJBJBJ**

Justin walks into the loft and sees Brain sitting, facing the door his beautiful face full of lust. He stops in his tracks and smiles.

"What can I do for you this evening...Mr Kinney, Sir?"

Brian looks at him, drinking him up. "Take off your clothes," he jerk his chin forward. "No striptease, just take them off." Justin stands naked in front of a fully clothed Brian. He never felt quite so naked in his life, but he is enjoying this and wonders what will come next.

"Come here," Brian commands. "Turn around". Brian caresses, studies and inspects the beautiful ass of his lover and finds it satisfactory. He  
>gets up, pulling Justin towards the mirror.<p>

Standing behind the smiling Justin and facing the mirror, Brian pulls a box out of his pocket. He opens it and places the gold and sapphire  
>chain around Justins neck. "Beautiful," he says. He leans forward to gently kiss his young lover. "You're beautiful", he whispers.<p>

Brian smiles as he makes plans for the next night. Maybe he will give Justin papers, declaring him a joint owner of the loft. Maybe after Justin strips for him and he puts Justin over his knee to playfully smack his ass...He pictures that white ass on his lap, he pictures spreading his cheeks and fingering his hole. Brian smiles. He deeply wants Justin to be co-owner of the loft. Giving this to Justin feels right , it answers an almost primal need in Brian to take care of Justin. And he wants the deep lovemaking, sure to follow their games.

**BJBJBJBJBJ****BJBJBJBJBJ****BJBJBJBJBJ****BJBJBJBJBJ****BJBJBJBJBJ****BJBJBJBJBJ**

Ben smiles to himself, wondering what's going on in the loft right now. He feels a Zen-like inner peace, for helping Brian. Brian deserves it. After all, he did hand over Michael to him. Brian's Michael was now Ben's Michael. Ben finds that statement ironic, seeing as an Objectivist would never own anyone; they don't believe in slavery, even if the slave wants to be owned.

**BJBJBJBJBJ****BJBJBJBJBJ****BJBJBJBJBJ****BJBJBJBJBJ****BJBJBJBJBJ****BJBJBJBJBJ****BJBJB**

Brian is thinking new thoughts, about compromise and giving. _Justin is not Michael. He does not need monogamy, commitment or any of that bullshit, so long as I only fucks around occasionally and with less obsession_. He can give that to Justin without losing his sense of self.

Their friends will make snide comments about his change in lifestyle, but Brian promised himself long ago to never care about what other people thought about him. It's much harder with those he likes, but he has much experience in giving people the old "fuck off". It always works for him.

Brian thinks of what might come later. He's not interested in leaving his sacred Liberty Avenue, but maybe they can buy a second home - a bit  
>out of town - for holidays and weekends. He imagines a bungalow, with a large garden, kitchen and studio for Justin to enjoy. It will also have a pool, hot tub and - he smiles a very "Brian" smile - an R rated "play room" that he can enjoy. Maybe it will have extra bedrooms for guests and especially one for little Gus to visit when he can. Maybe one day there will be more kids, maybe blond kids with blue eyes and bright smiles.<p>

**BJBJBJBJBJ****BJBJBJBJBJ****BJBJBJBJBJ****BJBJBJBJBJ****BJBJBJBJBJ****BJBJBJBJBJ**

Justin looks at himself in the mirror, naked, wearing his beautiful necklace. His Brian necklace. He looks at his lover behind him, thinking: _I love the perversion. I love the perversion of this man, and this man loves me._

He breathes in deeply and is overwhelmed by a sense of belonging and love for Brian. His Brian. He thinks back wistfully to his younger self, looking for an idol to follow. He had found Brian, his own personal God. But lately he sometimes wonders if he can still be his disciple. He's grown up, and has different needs now. But it looks like the marriage between Libertarianism and Objectivism will still go ahead, in a manner of their own choosing.

Justin turns around and kneels before his idol, raising his hands and touching his Heaven. He closes his eyes and opens his mouth.

Both men groan a prayer, in a language only they understand.

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><p><em>Author's Note <em>  
>This is my first story! I stand here, in need of you and your reviews..<p>

Also I have another similar/contrasting idea that can go as either a second chapter or a separate story. Up to you.


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