


Angel's Wings aka Loneliness knows me by name

by Davey-Malucci



Category: Queer as Folk
Genre: Angst, Drama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2003-12-30
Updated: 2003-12-30
Packaged: 2013-06-25 14:35:02
Rating: K+
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,200
Publisher: www.fanfiction.net
Story URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1664462/1/
Author URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/376347/Davey-Malucci
Summary: Vince's world is turned upside down when someone close to him dies, will he be able to survive?





	Angel's Wings aka Loneliness knows me by name

Notes: Another story using a challenge set to me by Stuart!  
  
Timeline: Alternate universe!  
  
Angel's wings (aka Loneliness knows me by name)  
  
"I've had all I can take of you right now"! Vincent Tyler shouted angrily. He was standing opposite his friend, trying to stare him out. Stuart was standing his ground not looking the least bit fazed by Vince's sudden burst of anger. "I didn't do anything wrong" Stuart professed. Vince just stared at him like he couldn't believe what he just said. "How can you say that"? Vince asked, more in disbelief than sheer anger. "You fucking told my boss to shove her homophobic views right up her arse! You do know you've probably just lost me my job"!  
  
"I was tired of hearing you complain about the way she was treating you so I decided to take some action" Stuart said defensively.  
  
"Oh it must've been so hard to hear" Vince spat. "You're such a bastard Stuart and you know something? I'm done with it. I'm done with you and all the shit that comes from being your friend. I never want to see you again"! Vince yelled with all his might. Stuart glared at his friend, his eyes on fire. He put on his sunglasses and coolly strode over to the Jeep. Opening the door, he climbed in then leaned out through the window. "Fuck you Vince" He said in a dangerous tone. Vince simply frowned then turned away. He was so angry with Stuart right now so he didn't care whether he'd hurt him or not. He heard Stuart put the Jeep in gear, then the screech of tyres as he drove off at his usual manic speed. Vince sighed deeply and watched the black blur of the Jeep as it disappeared out of view. "He's going to get himself killed one day" Vince muttered to himself as he headed back towards the supermarket. Sadly for Vince, he had no idea just how right he was going to turn out to be.  
  
~*~  
  
"Fucking old gits"! Stuart cursed as he screamed past a couple of pensioners driving a battered old Ford. He hated slow drivers, he hated careful drivers, hell; he hated any driver that wasn't him. The fact that he was in such a foul mood didn't help either. It made him even less tolerant of everyone than he usually was. He couldn't believe how Vince was reacting. He'd done him a favour telling that bitch Mrs Fletcher where to go. Stuart wasn't in the wrong here. He'd done Vince a favour. Vince should be grateful not shouting the odds like he had done. It was just typical Vince, allowing someone to walk over him like that, hurting him, letting them say what they wanted and he'd just stand there and take it. Still thinking angry thoughts about his friend, Stuart veered the Jeep around a corner and failed to stop in time as the other car headed straight for him.  
  
~*~  
  
He blinked his eyes, everything seemed so bleary. Where was he? What was he doing here? What had happened? All of these questions and more flooded his brain. Every inch of his body seemed to hurt. He glanced around as best as he could with limited movement. He could feel the cold, harsh tarmac beneath him. He could hear voices above him, talking, but he couldn't make out the words. There were lights too, blue ones, flashing. What the hell was going on? Before he could try to ask someone, he could feel the darkness enveloping him, giving him a huge need to close his eyes. Stuart Alan Jones managed to whisper before the darkness consumed him.  
  
"Vince"  
~*~  
  
Vince muttered to himself as he made himself a cup of tea. Sometimes Stuart could be such an evil bastard. Luckily, he'd managed to convince Mrs Fletcher not to fire him after what Stuart had said. Although Vince still had his job, it didn't mean that he had respect from anyone. He knew that now work would be worse than ever, a thought that didn't please him in the least. His mobile phone rung, Vince glanced at the display, telling himself he wouldn't answer if he saw Stuart's name. Strangely, no name came up, just a number that Vince didn't recognise. Frowning, he answered it. "Hello"?  
  
"Vincent Tyler"? A professional sounding voice asked shortly.  
  
"Yes, that's me" Vince replied nervously. He picked up his tea and started to walk into the lounge.  
  
"Do you know a Mr Stuart Jones"? Vince froze on the spot, tea in hand. "Yeah, I've known him for years. He's my best friend, what's this about"? Vince demanded. "There's been an accident" The voice sad sadly.  
  
Vince dropped the cup, tea spilled onto the carpet as he stood there, stunned.  
  
~*~  
  
Hospitals were horrible places, the look, the smell, the illness, all horrible. Vince hated them with a passion. Yet he couldn't care less about the building as he stood in the corridor outside the intensive care ward, waiting to hear any news at all on Stuart. According to the nurse, Stuart had been in a car accident. He'd been speeding and his car had collided with another one. Stuart, who rarely wore a seatbelt, had been thrown from the jeep through the windscreen and had landed on the tarmac of the road. The nurse had told Vince that it was a serious accident. She'd been so calm and kind as she'd told Vince. Vince too had been strangely calm, nodding his head and thanking her for her help. He'd even remained calm when Mr and Mrs Jones and Marie had appeared; demanding to know what was going on. He'd even stayed calm as he'd told them all about the accident. Hell, he'd even been calm when a very frantic Hazel had arrived. Now, as he stood alone in the corridor, whilst Stuart's family were in Stuart's room, his calm exterior faded rapidly. He shook as he paced, literally feeling the fear in the pit of his stomach. His palms and forehead were sweating and tears kept threatening to spill over onto his cheeks. He wanted to rush into the room and do something to save his best friend but deep down he knew that Stuart's condition was well out of his control. The squeaking of other shoes than his own made his eyes rise from the tiled floor. He saw Marie standing just outside the door to Stuart's room. Her eyes were wet with tears and her body trembling. Vince didn't need to ask what had happened, he already knew. In an instant he fell to his knees and screamed, long and loud.  
  
~*~  
  
As the daylight streamed through his window, Vince was haunted by insomnia. Since the death of his friend two days ago, he hadn't slept, not even for a minute. Dark rings surrounded his sockets and his once expressive blue eyes were now cold and harsh. Every time Vince closed them all he saw was Stuart. Not the loving, wonderful amazing Stuart. It was a Stuart lying in the middle of the road, sprawled on the cold tarmac, in immense pain, his life blood slowly ebbing away from his still body. Vince shook his head violently, hoping to disperse these disturbing and frightening images. He felt an overwhelming guilt. He hadn't been there when Stuart had needed him. When Stuart was experiencing his final moments on Earth Vince hadn't been there. Vince had let Stuart down in the worse possible way and now there was no way of making things right. The last time he'd seen Stuart alive he'd been angry at his best friend. God, how he wished he could take back everything he'd said. Vince had been in a cycle of depression ever since the news came through that Stuart's body lay cold in that hospital bed. Hazel had tried, god bless her, she'd been there since her son had first heard the devastating news. She'd willingly put aside her own feelings on the loss of Stuart in order to be there for her Vince. She knew just how earth shattering Stuart's death was for Vince and the impact it was going to have on his life. A gentle knock at the door startled Vince out of his soul consuming train of thought. Vince muttered something along the lines of 'come in' and went back to staring out of the window at a world he now despised. Hazel Tyler shuffled into the room, carrying her trusty cup of tea. She placed it on Vince's drawers before resting a gentle hand on her son's shoulder. Vince flinched at the touch, he only wanted Stuart to touch him, but of course that would always be impossible from now on. "Tea love" Hazel said softly. Vince just nodded. "Maybe you're hungry now"? Vince merely shook his head. Hazel bit her lip and glanced around Vince's bedroom. He'd recently moved back in with his mum so he didn't have to be alone, Nathan had gone back home and Alexander gladly took the sofa. The old Doctor Who posters that used to be on Vince's walls were now replaced with hundreds of pictures of Stuart at various stages in his life as well as numerous paper cuttings about the accident. On Vince's un-used bed lay Stuart's red jumper that he'd left at Hazel's only days before. Vince had also doused the room in the unmistakable scent of Stuart's favourite aftershave. Hazel was unsettled by all of this and prayed that Vince's seemingly unhinged state of mind was merely part of the grieving process. "Maybe a walk would do you some good"? Hazel suggested hopefully. Vince simply shrugged. "You should at least get out of this room"  
  
"No" Vince said adamantly. What use was the outside world without Stuart?  
  
"It's not good Vince" Hazel ventured.  
  
"I don't care" Vince muttered.  
  
"Stuart wouldn't have wanted this though" Hazel argued, indicating the room.  
  
"How would you know"? Vince challenged.  
  
"You weren't the only one who knew him you know, you weren't the only one that has been affected by his death" Hazel shot back angrily.  
  
"I know that" Vince whispered. "But you tell me this mum. Did you love him with all your heart? Did you wake each morning longing to see his face there beside you? Did you cherish his soul with every single fibre of your being? Did you want to be with him so badly you'd cry yourself to sleep? Did you let him into your heat and give him your all"? Vince asked, tears forming in his pained, blue eyes. "I'll never see him again mum" Vince gave into his inner sorrow and let the tears flow. Hazel wrapped her arms around her son and pulled him close. Vince sobbed in her shoulder, tears falling non stop. He trembled, the emotions from the past couple of days all hitting him at once. "Ssh love" Hazel soothed, tears in her own eyes. She didn't know what to say, how in the world did you console a guy who'd lost his best friend and soul mate? "Trust me Vince love, Stuart wouldn't have wanted any of this"  
  
"Don't know what to do" Vince mumbled into her shoulder.  
  
"Tomorrow's the funeral love, you'll feel a bit better after that"  
  
"Everything reminds me of him." Vince whispered sadly.  
  
"Vince." A knock at the door stopped Hazel from offering any further words of comfort. Bernie put his head around the door. "Vince love, there's someone at the door for you" He said quietly. Vince's eyes suddenly lit up with hope and his heart skipped a beat. He shoved Bernie out of the way and raced down the stairs. He got to the bottom of the stairs and his heart sank. "Oh Vince." Romey said gently as once again, Vince dissolved into tears.  
  
~*~  
  
Stuart's funeral was definitely a large affair. Vince insisted that Stuart be buried, remembering what the Irishman had said at Phil Delaney's funeral. There was a massive crowd in the church consisting of Stuart's friends, fans and past shags. Stuart's parents sat at the front of the church, tight lipped, watching the ceremony with confusion. All of these men had turned up for their son. Vince sat beside them, clutching Hazel's hand tightly. The service itself seemed to fly by, the only interruption came when Alfred began to cry, causing Lisa to take him out for a while. At Margaret and Clive's request, Vince delivered Stuart's eulogy. Vince hated that, having only a few words to try and sum up that wonder that had been his Stuart. The burial however, was definitely the worst part of the whole day. Vince couldn't bear to watch the coffin as it was lowered into the earth, much less think about the person that lay in it. After the funeral, Vince managed to slip away from the others, he desperately needed some time on his own and he knew the perfect place. Vince walked all the way from the church to Mariner's Court. He fumbled in his jacket pocket for the fob that held all of his keys. He quickly located Stuart's key and let himself in. His thoughts drifted back to the time when he and Stuart had done this at Phil's house. Nothing had changed in Stuart's flat at all. There were still dirty glasses in the sink and still food in the fridge. Stuart's mobile phone charger lay on the worktop. It was almost like Stuart was going to return. Vince immediately banished that thought from his head. Stuart would never return. Vince crept into Stuart's bedroom, almost feeling as if he were prying. Stuart's bed was immaculately made and Vince couldn't help but smile as he saw the perfect sheets. One thing Stuart had always prided himself on was having a neat bed, although he would've killed Vince if Vince had have told anyone. Vince sniffed as a couple of tears ran down his cheeks. He found himself removing his jacket, his shirt and his trousers and finding an old pair of Stuart's pyjamas. That had been another one of Stuart's secrets. He'd owned a pair of flannel pyjamas. He'd only ever worn them when he was sick and had only ever let Vince see him in them and now as Vince dressed in them, feeling the soft fabric against his skin, he could understand why Stuart loved them so much. The next thing he knew, Vince was climbing in between the sheets, snuggling down into Stuart's deep mattress and crisp duvet. He grabbed Stuart's pillow and held it to his face, deeply inhaling the smell of his best friend that still lingered there. A few minutes later, Vince was sleeping soundly, Stuart's pillow against his chest.  
  
~*~ A week later, Hazel Tyler held a crisis meeting in Via Fossa. Bernie, Nathan, Alexander and Dane all assembled around their usual table. "Something has to be down about Vince" Hazel stated.  
  
"I agree" Alexander said, sounding flatter than usual. "The poor chocolate hasn't stepped a foot outside Stuart's flat since the funeral"  
  
"He says he's going to take over the lease" Dane added with a sigh. "There's no way he can afford it on his wages"  
  
"Don't worry about that, Stuart left him quite a bit of money in the will" Bernie replied sadly. "But I agree, it's not good for Vince to stay in that flat all the time"  
  
"So how do we go about getting him out of there"? Nathan asked. The young blonde had only just been able to get over the shock of Stuart's death. He too had taken it badly but was willing to forget about his own feelings to rally around Vince. "I don't know but it's not going to be easy. I tried the other day but he wasn't having any of it" Hazel replied.  
  
"Maybe we should have a night where we visit Stuart's old haunts, you know, the bars and clubs down here, a sort of, celebration of Stuart's life only less morbid than a funeral" Alexander suggested.  
  
"Alexander Perry, that has to be without a doubt the smartest thing I've heard you say in a long time"! Dane teased in mock shock. Alexander glared at him theatrically. "You're just sore you didn't come up with it"! He exclaimed, playfully slapping Dane on the arm. "You know, that just might work" Bernie said, sounding impressed. "And Stuart would've defiantly wanted it"!  
  
"Then it's sorted, tomorrow night we'll all go round and we're going to take him on a good night out, Stuart Jones style"! Hazel announced. In unison, the group held up their various glasses in a silent toast to Stuart Alan Jones.  
  
~*~  
  
I keep trying to find my way  
All I know is I'm lost without you  
I keep trying to face the day  
I'm lost without you  
(Lost without you - Delta Goodrem)  
  
Stuart's alarm clock woke Vince from his troubled sleep. His dreams were filled with Stuart, Stuart dying. Vince rubbed his eyes and sat up, the clock beside the bed told him it was eight o clock. If Stuart were here now he too would just be waking up. Vince smiled slightly, knowing he was doing the same thing that Stuart would've been doing brought him a strange comfort. Somehow, it made him feel closer to his best friend. Vince hit the alarm clock the way he'd seen Stuart do so, so many times. He threw back the duvet and climbed out of bed. He then took the time to make the bed exactly the way Stuart would've liked it to be. Making sure it was neat enough, Vince then ventured into the bathroom for what Stuart would call, 'his morning piss'. A few minutes later, Vince was in the kitchen making coffee. He didn't put any milk in and had only one sugar. He didn't really like coffee without milk but he'd seen Stuart drink it this way countless times. Even something as small as having his coffee the same as Stuart's used to be made him feel better. Vince made himself a couple of slices of toast and settled on Stuart's sofa to eat them. He'd been living here since the day of the funeral. Both Clive and Margaret had dropped by to sort things out but Vince insisted he was on top of things involving the flat. In honesty, Vince had decided not to sell the flat. He wanted to stay here as long as possible, surrounded by Stuart. Vince sunk further down into the sofa, still smelling Stuart's aftershave on the cushions. The buzzer buzzed, startling him slightly. Vince wandered over to the intercom and pressed the button. "Hello"?  
  
"Vince love, it's me, can I come up"? Hazel's voice asked.  
  
"Yeah" Vince replied, pressing the button that opened the door. Eventually, a slightly worn out Hazel entered the flat. "God those stairs will be the death of me"! She exclaimed. She then instantly cursed herself, knowing that wasn't the best thing to say right now. Luckily, her son hadn't seemed to notice, he was too busy pouring himself a glass of vodka. Vince downed the glass immediately, without offering any to Hazel. "What brings you here"? He asked.  
  
"We're going out tonight love, to all of Stuart's favourite places on the street. It's a much better way to celebrate his life, less morbid than a funeral don't you think? I'll pick you up at eight" Hazel replied.  
  
"I'm not going mum" Vince said, pouring himself another glass. He downed that one too. Hazel stared at him, a concerned look on her face, Vince had never been a heavy drinker, and he'd never drunk in the mornings. "It'd hurt him if he heard that"  
  
"Well he won't, will he? so it's alright" Vince snapped back. He was getting irritated with people using Stuart as an excuse to get him to do things. Hazel frowned at her son and stepped forward, next came the harsh sound of flesh meeting flesh. Vince's cheek stung and his eyes reflected the shock of what had just happened. "Now you listen my lad" Hazel said in a dangerous tone. "You can't keep getting away with speaking to people like that. You're going to come tonight, if not for yourself then for the others. They want to celebrate their friend's life and they want you there with them. Stop being a selfish bastard and acting like you're the only one hurting in all of this"! Vince stared at her, and turned back to his bottle of vodka. Hazel heard him let out a deep sigh. "Fine" He replied.  
  
~*~  
  
They'd started out in Via Fossa, drinking vodka the way Stuart had done for all those years. Hazel and Bernie had passed up on going to Babylon so Vince had been left in the care of Alexander, Dane and Nathan. Vince had drunk a little more than the others at the bar and with the alcohol he'd consumed this morning, he was certainly drunker than the others and at the swaying and slurring stage. "Maybe we should take you home chocolate" Alexander suggested when Vince fell into his arms. "Nah! I want to have fun"! Vince slurred, giggling as he fell towards Dane.  
  
"If you're sure." Alexander replied hesitantly as he watched Dane help Vince back to his feet. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea" Dane whispered after Vince had stumbled ahead with Nathan. The pair seemed contented, singing some kind of disco tune they'd heard back at the bar. "He seems happy enough, at least he's not moping around that flat on his own thinking about Stuart" Alexander muttered back.  
  
"I just don't think this is a good idea" Dane said, folding his arms. Alexander sighed and decided to ignore his friend. He was going to make sure that Vince stayed safe and had a good time.  
  
~*~  
  
Babylon was filled to the rafters with the usual crowd of good looking men. Vince half walked, half stumbled down the stairs. He smiled to himself, deciding he needed another drink. He was aware that a couple of blokes were eying him up as he passed them. Vince casually strode to the bar, knowing that he must look good wearing Stuart's red jumper and black jeans. Vince ordered another vodka and leant against the bar. He was beginning to experience clubbing from Stuart's point of view. Other men were actually looking at him, smiling, showing their approval. A man in the corner caught his eye, it was Harvey, the well known drug dealer that had supplied Phil with his lethal dose. Vince grinned wider, a good fix was just what he needed right now. He downed his vodka and sidled over to Harvey. Harvey flashed him a grin and hugged him. "Well, well I haven't seen you in here for ages, where you been"? Harvey asked cheerfully. "Here and there" Vince answered with an enigmatic smile he'd seen Stuart do oh so many times. "Just wondering what you have for me tonight"  
  
"Well mate, whatever you want, I have" Harvey replied, grinning at his friend. Vince grinned back and began to whisper in Harvey's ear.  
  
~*~  
  
"Dane, have you seen Vince anywhere"? Alexander asked as he staggered over to his friend who was standing on the platform over looking the dance floor. Dane rolled his eyes and sighed deeply before taking another sip of his pint. "Not since we arrived" He replied in a bored voice.  
  
"What about Nathan"?  
  
"Last seen going to the toilets with Simon from the Union" Dane answered. Alexander giggled a bit. "Do you think we should go and find dear Vinnie"? He questioned.  
  
"Probably, the state he was in god knows what he's been up to" Dane said with a hint of concern. He used his vantage point to scan the dance floor for any signs of Vince. Alexander joined in too, being less helpful in his drunken state. After a few seconds of intense staring, Dane located Vince in the corner. "Shit" Dane muttered.  
  
"What"? Alexander asked through a fit of giggles. God knows what he found funny. "It's Vince, he's with Harvey"! Dane exclaimed, irritated. "I told you we should've taken him home"!  
  
"Go and get him"! Alexander ordered, Dane's last words having a kind of sobering effect on his mind. Dane didn't need telling twice. He began to hand Alexander his pint, but, thinking better of it, he simply took it with him as he bounded across the platform and down the stairs. He pushed through various dancing men and finally managed to fight his way to the corner, just as Vince was handing over a twenty pound note. "Vince"! Dane exclaimed, snatching the note out of his hand. "We have to go"!  
  
"Fuck off"! Vince slurred in a manner that could've only been that of Stuart. He tried to shove Dane out of the way, but Dane gently took him by the arm. Vince tried to shake off the other man's grip but Dane was much stronger. Without a word to the bemused Harvey, Dane practically dragged Vince away. It was time to get him back home where he belonged.  
  
~*~  
  
Vince moaned as he opened his eyes. His head was banging and the sunlight streaming through Stuart's large bedroom window didn't help one bit. Vince groaned and turned over. If it hadn't have been for the pain in his head he would've screamed in shock as he saw Alexander sitting on the edge of the bed, glass in hand. Dane was beside him, holding a box of headache tablets. "Morning chocolate"! Alexander said cheerfully.  
  
"Ugh" Vince mumbled into the pillow.  
  
"Rough night last night" Alexander stated as he proffered the glass of water. Vince sat up and little and took it, along with the box of tablets. He swallowed two and then sank back into the sheets. "What happened last night? I don't remember much" Vince asked.  
  
"You wouldn't, you were completely out of it"! Dane replied. "Totally smashed"! Alexander added. Vince groaned again. Alexander pulled back the duvet and Vince flinched as the cold air hit his body. "You need to get up and get some breakfast down you. We need to have a talk"  
  
"Later" Vince protested.  
  
"Now" Dane said adamantly. "Get dressed and we'll have something sorted for you to eat" He added as he and Alexander left the room.  
  
A couple of minutes later, Vince emerged out of the bedroom wearing Stuart's old sweat pants and a black t-shirt. He sat himself down on the sofa and shortly afterward, Dane joined in. He handed Vince a cup of tea which Vince gratefully sipped. "What's so urgent then"? Vince demanded, slightly annoyed that he'd been woken so early. "You really have no idea what happened last night"? Dane asked. Vince frowned and shook his head. "Vince, I'm being serious here, you could've gotten yourself into a lot of trouble"  
  
"What do you mean"? Vince asked, now slightly concerned himself. He hadn't been that drunk last night had he? "I found you trying to buy drugs from Harvey Black"! Dane exclaimed. Vince blinked, not quite believing what he'd just heard. "No way"! He protested.  
  
"Vince, I'm worried about you" Dane said, a sad look on his face. "I think that you've got some serious problems. I know Stuart's death was hard for you."  
  
"Get out" Vince said suddenly. "What"? Dane asked, staring at his friend in shock.  
  
"I said get out and take Alexander with you. I don't need you telling me what's wrong with me or telling me how to live my life, just get out"! Vince shouted angrily. Dane nodded and bit his lip. He rose from the sofa and nodding for Alexander, who was in the kitchen, to follow him, he left.  
  
Vince waited until he was sure his two friends were gone before leaping from the sofa and reaching into one of the kitchen cupboards for the bottle of vodka he knew was there.  
  
~*~  
  
"Here love, drink this" Hazel said gently as she handed Nathan the cup of steaming tea. Nathan sniffed and wiped his eyes on his already damp sleeve. Since Stuart's death, the teen had been prone to emotional outbursts that usual resulted in him having a good cry. This was one of those particular occasions. "I'm sorry" He whispered, taking a tissue from Hazel.  
  
"Don't worry about it love, it's a normal reaction" Hazel replied, she was now sitting opposite Nathan at her kitchen table. She gave Nathan a small smile and patted his hand comfortingly. "I was fine last night" Nathan sniffed. "Even managed to cop off"  
  
"It's alright Nathan, when somebody you know dies it's only natural for your emotions to be up and down like a rollercoaster"  
  
"I just feel so guilty, copping off like that when Stuart's barely cold" Nathan replied miserably. "I'm more than sure Stuart would approve" Hazel said with a smirk. Nathan looked up at the older woman and grinned a bit. "You're right there"  
  
"How was Vince last night love? I'm sorry to change the subject, but I'm very worried about him at the moment"  
  
"I didn't really see a lot of him, but he was really drunk before we even got to Babylon. Dane insisted that he be taken home but Vince was having none of it" Nathan replied, sniffing still. "It's like he's going off the rails"  
  
"I'm hoping it's just his way of coping, granted, it's not a healthy way but at least it means he's starting to come to terms with what happened" Hazel replied, lighting up a cigarette. Nathan nodded and was about to reply before Bernie burst into the room. "Bernie, what in the world is wrong with you"? Hazel asked.  
  
"Dane just phoned, there's been a bit of an accident" Bernie said gravely.  
  
~*~  
  
"The stupid little fucker"! Hazel fumed. She and Dane were sitting in the hospital corridor waiting for the doctor to finish with Vince. "What the fuck was he doing"?  
  
"He was drunk Hazel, he just slipped in the shower" Dane answered, trying to calm the frantic woman down. "Drunk? At ten o clock in the bloody morning! What is he playing at"?  
  
"I really don't know Hazel. I've been worried about him since the funeral. I think he's been drinking more than we know" Dane replied. He hated thinking this about his friend, but from the evidence, it looked like it was true. "How much"? Hazel questioned, the anger on her face quickly faded, only to be replaced by worry. "I honestly don't know, Alexander's at the flat now, he says he's going to have a good look around"  
  
"I should've been to see him more often" Hazel said mournfully. Tears built up in eyes, threatening to escape. She brushed them away quickly. "The thought of him, sitting alone in that flat, surrounded by those memories."  
  
"You can't start blaming yourself Hazel" Dane replied sympathetically. "He's thirty years old; he should be able to manage his own life. At least now we know"  
  
"Have you tried talking to him about it"? Hazel asked.  
  
"I tried this morning, but he went mad and yelled at me and Alexander to leave. We did but eventually we went back, to check on him, that's when he found him in the bathroom"  
  
"Well he's going to find that he's going to have to talk about this and he can shout and scream as much as he likes, but we're going to get to the bottom of this drinking" Hazel replied defiantly. Dane nodded and took her hand, silently giving her his support.  
  
~*~  
  
A couple of hours later, a more sober Vince got led into Stuart's flat by Dane and Hazel. He'd insisted he be taken there, as he now considered it to be his home. His head ached from where it had made contact with the base of the shower. A small plaster covered a couple of stitches on the minor cut on his forehead. He hadn't really said much on the journey, preferring to stare out of the window. Hazel had been watching his every move, biting her bottom lip nervously.  
  
Vince settled himself on the sofa as Hazel made a cup of tea. He hugged one of the cushions close to him and stared at nothing in particular. Dane eyed him carefully. It seemed that Vince fell into this gloomy reverie only in his sobriety and that maybe, getting drunk was his way of escaping these terrible feelings. Dane made a promise with himself to look out for his friend more, deciding that if needs be, he would move in. "Here's your tea love" Hazel said as she handed her son the tea. Vince took it from her without looking at her. He held the cup, not caring if the heated ceramic burned his hand. "How's your head"? Dane asked. Vince just shrugged. Dane sighed deeply, suddenly becoming irritated at Vince's lack of words. "Is there anything we can get you"? Hazel questioned, looking at her son with concern. "You could leave me alone" Vince finally muttered.  
  
"I don't think." Dane began.  
  
"I don't want to hear what you think Dane" Vince suddenly spat, sounding vicious. "I just want the both of you to leave me alone" Dane looked to Hazel, hoping she would have some kind of answer. Hazel simply shook her head as if to say she didn't have a clue as to what to do next. "Did you not hear me"? Vince demanded angrily. "We heard you love" Hazel said gently. "We just don't think it's the best thing to do, leave you alone when you're obviously hurting"  
  
"Well, I know what's best for me." Vince argued, but Hazel cut him off.  
  
"I don't think you do love. I know you've been drinking."  
  
"It's none of your business mum..."  
  
"Yes it damn well is Vince. Like it or not I'm your mother and if you're slowly killing yourself with drink then I make it my business"! Hazel replied, fighting to keep from yelling at her son. "Just go mum" Vince said quietly.  
  
"Vince, this isn't like you."  
  
"GO"! Vince shouted. He threw the cup at the wall. Dane jumped as it smashed against the plaster, spraying tea and bits of ceramic everywhere. Hazel had started to cry so Dane decided the best thing to do would be to get her out there. Vince was being so out of character and unreasonable right now, god knows what he would do next if they didn't leave. He quickly ushered the reluctant Hazel out, leaving Vince on his own.  
  
Once Vince heard the door slam shut, he lost it. He crushed the cushion against his chest and buried his face in it. He began to sob, quickly soaking the material. He hated feeling this way, like there was a huge gaping hole inside of him that could never be filled. It was a hole that Stuart had left and Vince knew there would never be anyone able to fill it. He got up shakily and wandered into the kitchen area. He wiped his eyes roughly and went to the now familiar cupboard where he had hidden his stash of alcohol. He delved into the cupboard and felt relief wash over him as he pulled out a bottle of vodka.  
  
~*~  
  
Alexander sat on Vince's old bed that evening. He glanced sadly at the pictures that still adorned the walls. Alexander had taken down the gruesome articles about the crash, but had decided to leave up the pictures of Stuart and Vince in their youth. His cheeks felt moist as he stared at the images. He hadn't really known Stuart all that well and he knew that the Irishman hadn't particularly liked him, but it was for Vince that he shed his tears. Staring at all these pictures made Alexander realise just how big a part Stuart had played in Vince's happiness. In each and every picture, Vince was smiling. It was a smile that Alexander hadn't seen since Stuart had died. He was beginning to think that the smile had died alongside Stuart. There was a knock at the door and Dane slipped into the room. He took one look at Alexander and instantly enveloped him into a hug. Grateful of the contact, Alexander let go in Dane's arms. His body shook from the sobs as Dane's strong arms held him tight. Alexander finally pulled away from Dane and wiped his eyes. "Thanks" He whispered. Dane offered him a small smile and gently moved a hand to caress Alexander's face. "No problem" He replied. Alexander smiled at Dane as if seeing his friend in a new light. Before he could fully realise what he was doing, he'd leant forward and was kissing Dane tenderly on the lips. Ignoring the alarm bells going off in his mind, Dane kissed Alexander back. The two men shared their moment of passion, all thoughts of Stuart and Vince forgotten.  
  
It's all in the way you look at it  
That makes you strong  
We were two  
Now we are one  
(We are one - Westlife)  
~*~  
  
The following night, Nathan Maloney had decided to go out again. He enjoyed going out on Canal Street even more now as everything on the street reminded him of Stuart. In fact, it had been that very street where he'd first met Stuart. Nathan smiled as he casually strolled down it. The king of Canal Street may have gone, but the prince was still alive and kicking and ready to live up to what was expected of him. Nathan entered Dante's and grinned widely, the place was packed with men. Some he immediately rejected as 'losers' or 'mongs' and others who he thought to be acceptable. He strolled across the dance floor to the bar, flashing his now infamous grin at various guys who eyed him up. Nathan had a lot of confidence in his 'pulling power'. After all, he'd learnt all he knew from the best. Nathan ordered a couple of vodka shots and downed them, before ordering a Harvey Wall-banger, after trying Hazel's at Vince's 30th birthday party, he found himself liking the cocktail. As he sipped the drink, he scanned the dance-floor looking for his latest prey. He dispelled any guilt, remembering Hazel's earlier words. Stuart would definitely be proud of him if he could see him right now.  
  
~*~  
  
Vincent Tyler strolled down Canal Street, after having a couple of vodkas back at the flat, he was ready and in the mood for a night out. Dressed once again, in Stuart's red jumper and another pair of Stuart's trousers, Vince was dressed to pull. He'd even put on some of Stuart's aftershave and perfected his walk so he too swung his hips in the sexy way Stuart always used to do. If it weren't for his spiky dark blonde hair, Vince would practically be a mirror image of Stuart Alan Jones. This pleased Vince, if he couldn't have Stuart around, then he'd simply have to continue his memory and what better way was there than to do things the Stuart Alan Jones way? Vince walked into Dante's, remembering how Stuart used to like going there. The Irishman had insisted that all the best looking guys go there and it didn't look like tonight was any exception. Vince checked out a couple of likely shags as he headed to the bar. In order to kick his night off, he would need a few drinks. Deciding to continue on his theme of the day, he ordered a couple of vodka shots. Downing these in seconds, he ordered a couple more. He downed these also and smiled to himself. Tonight, he was going to be Stuart Alan Jones.  
  
~*~  
  
Alexander had no idea how long he'd slept. As he woke up, he remembered kissing Dane last night. He was shocked that he didn't immediately think 'oh shit'. In fact, kissing Dane hadn't felt like a mistake at all. This thought disconcerted Alexander greatly. Although he hadn't been as much of a shagger as Stuart, the very thought of being in love with someone was scary, particularly Dane, whom he'd known for years. Alexander mentally stopped himself, he was going too far. After all, he wasn't in love with Dane was he? No, it had just been a kiss and it was never going to happen again, or was it? Alexander felt very confused. He actually wanted to kiss Dane again; even the thought of having sex with Dane didn't disgust him as he felt it should. He'd never before felt anything but friendship for Dane McAteer so what was so different now? Alexander turned over in bed and came into contact with a body. He choked back a scream when he realised that it was Dane. The Londoner was thankfully still asleep. Alexander noticed that Dane wasn't wearing his t- shirt. He glanced under the sheets to see that Dane was only wearing his boxers. Alexander felt his cock stir as he looked over his friend's body, the toned stomach, those inviting looking thighs, those amazing biceps. Alexander panicked as he felt himself getting harder. Jesus Christ, what was going on with him? Were these feelings really for Dane? He slipped out of bed, being careful not to disturb Dane. He dashed to the bathroom, desperately needing to sort himself out. As he slowly began to pump himself he remembered something he'd said to Vince when Vince had been dating that Cameron guy.  
  
"So who do you think about"?  
  
As Alexander's hand began to work harder, he realised who he was thinking about.  
  
Dane!  
  
~*~  
  
Vince danced like a madman on the dance-floor, using some of Stuart's best moves. He hadn't taken any drugs, but the alcohol and catchy beat of the dance track currently playing made him feel high as a kite. Vince let the music carry him away as he danced.  
  
Nathan had to do a double take as he looked at the man dancing in the middle of the dance-floor. He could've sworn it was Stuart, that red jumper, those trousers, the way he was dancing, god, if it wasn't for the hair, he'd be Stuart. Nathan found himself drawn to the man. He edged closer to get a better look. The closer he got, he realised that this man was in fact Vince. Nathan knew that what he was about to do was wrong, but he couldn't help it. Vince looked so much like Stuart.  
  
The next thing Vince knew, there was a guy dancing close to him, his body mere inches away. Vince turned to look at the guy but his bleary vision and drunken state meant he could only make out blonde hair and a great body. Vince grinned widely, trying to emulate Stuart's predatory grin.  
  
Nathan smiled; Vince was even doing that grin Stuart used to do. He felt like he was back with Stuart on the first night that they'd met. It seemed like an age away and it was great to get that feeling back. Nathan moved closer, ignoring the part of him that told him to back off. Who cared if this was Vince? Tonight Vince was Stuart and to Nathan, that was all that mattered.  
  
Vince grinned again as the guy moved closer. After watching Stuart for so many years, Vince knew exactly what to do and how to act. He was going to try Stuart's casual, I-could-have-anyone routine. He continued to dance but moved away slightly from the stranger.  
  
Nathan could feel a burning desire deep inside of him. Vince had Stuart's attitude down to a T. Nathan knew that he was going to have to have Vince soon.  
  
~*~  
  
Dane was awake by the time that Alexander ventured back into the bedroom. He watched as his friend stumbled back to bed in the darkness. He moved aside to allow Alexander room. "Are you alright"? He asked in a concerned voice.  
  
"Yeah, just needed the toilet" Alexander replied, praying his nervousness wouldn't betray him. "Do you regret it"?  
  
"What"? Alexander said, playing innocent. For him, that was the best way to be. "You know what" Dane answered. He turned so he could look Alexander directly in the face. There was no sign of mocking in his eyes. "No, I don't" Alexander said honestly. "What about you"?  
  
"I'm starting to wish it had been more" Dane replied, still staring at Alexander. It was practically an open invitation and Alexander decided to take it. He grabbed Dane and pulled him into a kiss, more passionate, more animalistic than their previous lip-lock. Dane responded immediately, his tongue pushed at Alexander's lips, demanding entry. As the two friends sank back down onto the bed, they both knew they were making the right decision.  
  
~*~  
  
Nathan knew that this was wrong but as he stared into Vince's blue eyes all he could see was Stuart Alan Jones. As he eased the red jumper over Vince's head, his mind began to drift back to that first, hot night he'd shared with Stuart. Nathan began to kiss Vince with a renewed passion. Any previous trepidation he felt had now been forgotten in the heat of the kiss. Nathan's finely trained tongue ran over Vince's, each man slowly exploring the other's mouth. Nathan ran his hands through Vince's soft, spiked hair causing a moan to emit from the other man. Nathan revelled in the feeling of touching Vince's hair, god, it was so much like Stuart's. Vince responded by pulling Nathan even closer so that their hips and groins pressed together. He felt Nathan's hardness against him, finding the heat too much to take; Vince began pushing Nathan towards the bedroom. He felt Nathan's frantic hands pulling at his trousers. Shoving Nathan roughly onto the bed, Vince ripped off the blonde's t-shirt and allowed Nathan to take off his jeans as he got to work removing Nathan's. Boxer shorts revealed; the two friends stared at each other's bodies. Nathan saw that Vince had lost weight, making him look even more like Stuart. He smirked as his eyes focussed on Vince's groin. "Now." Vince whispered.  
  
"Shut up" Nathan ordered, taking charge, smirk still present. He pushed Vince over and pulled down his boxers, revealing Vince's hardened state. Nathan's eyes lit up as Vince started to remove his boxers. He couldn't believe this was about to happen. Nathan straddled Vince and began to run his hands across the pale skin of Vince's chest. Vince pulled Nathan down and started to kiss him again, nipping the teen's bottom lip gently. Nathan rubbed his own hardened cock against Vince's making him groan with pleasure. Nathan moved his hand down until it was wrapped around Vince's cock, as Vince trailed kisses down his neck, Nathan began to pump Vince. Vince moved his hips up in time with Nathan's strokes. Nathan looked down and saw Stuart's face filled with pleasure. Stuart was moaning and groaning and Stuart's cock felt slick in his hand. Nathan knew that Stuart was beginning to get close to the edge. He released Stuart's cock which was already wet with pre-cum. Stuart moaned in frustration at the loss of Nathan's touch. "Please." Stuart begged breathlessly. Nathan felt happy to oblige, finally, he was going to have Stuart again. He eased Stuart's legs up so they were draped over his shoulders. Stuart handed him some lube and a condom. Nathan squirted some of the lube onto his hand and rubbed it between his fingers. He leant down and felt Stuart's tight opening. Nathan penetrated the opening, gently pushing a finger up. Stuart moaned and moved his hips up as Nathan added another finger. Nathan began to move his fingers up and down, effectively finger-fucking Stuart. He stabbed at Stuart's prostate and Stuart responded by groaning. Nathan grinned as Stuart's cock glistened as the pre-cum leaked out of the enlarged head. "Your cock." Stuart demanded. Nathan smirked; he had Stuart exactly where he wanted him, in his control. It was Nathan calling the shots and Nathan was going to take advantage. He removed his fingers and kissed the inside of Stuart's thighs. Stuart moaned again and demanded that Nathan enter him properly. Nathan grinned and opened the condom packet extra slowly; teasing Stuart and making him wait. Still taking his sweet time, Nathan pulled the condom over his hardened cock. "You want this"? He asked teasingly.  
  
"God, yes" came Stuart's gasped reply. Nathan definitely didn't need telling twice. His own cock was throbbing with want and desire for Stuart. He carefully positioned himself before slowly entering Stuart. He instantly felt Stuart's heat and pushed himself all the way into the older man. He then withdrew and pushed in again, wanting to make Stuart wait for this. He could see Stuart's fists gripped the sheets in anticipation. Nathan grinned again and began to thrust. Stuart's hips moved in time with his thrusts and Nathan found it harder and harder to be the tease. He wanted this just as much as Stuart so he allowed his animal instincts to take over. He thrust again and again, speeding up and thrusting harder with each time. Stuart was crying out at this point, yelling for more. Nathan's rhythm sped up even more, almost becoming frantic, enjoying the feeling as Stuart's muscles squeezed him. Stuart was flushed, eyes screwed up, grunting and begging for more. Nathan could feel his own blood pulse and his heart pound like mad against his chest, his body was screaming and he knew that he was on the edge. He grabbed hold of Stuart's cock and pumped furiously. Seconds later he could feel Stuart's spunk shoot onto his hand and stomach. Nathan's own body tensed before shooting his own load inside Stuart. Both men panted as their bodies, slick with sweat, shuddered. Nathan's eyes locked on Stuart's as he slid out of the older man. He collapsed over Stuart shortly afterward and the two men held each other, each swimming in ecstasy.  
~*~  
  
At that same time in Vince's old bedroom, Dane pulled Alexander close for their post-coital hug. Alexander relaxed in Dane's arms, feeling any troubles he felt simply melt away. He never knew that his friend could make him feel this good and who knew that Dane McAteer was such a great shag? Alexander mentally corrected himself. Dane was definitely more than just a shag. Their love-making had been just that, love making, not any of your run-of-the-mill fucking. No, this was a full on love job as far as they were both concerned.  
  
~*~  
  
Nathan shifted in bed, not fully awake. Last night had been one of the best nights of his life, bar that first night with Stuart. He turned over and saw the sleeping form of Stuart. Nathan smiled as just as he had done that first night, he pulled Stuart closer. Stuart mumbled something then settled back into sleep. Nathan grinned and decided to watch his lover sleep for a while. He blinked his eyes and wiped them, wanting to properly wake up. He opened them again to find that it was not Stuart that he was holding, but Vince. "Shit"! Nathan exclaimed, letting go of Vince swiftly. Once again, Vince stirred but didn't wake. Nathan quickly hopped out of the bed and scrambled around trying to collect all of his clothes. He dressed quickly and without another look back at Vince, left the flat.  
  
~*~  
  
"Morning lover" Dane whispered as Alexander opened his eyes. Alexander looked at him and smiled brightly. It was amazing how one man could make him feel so happy. "Morning" He replied, kissing Dane tenderly. Dane responded by wrapping his arms around Alexander's slight frame and holding him close. "Are you feeling better this morning"? Dane asked, resting his chin in Alexander's soft, blonde hair. "Much" Alexander answered, sounding slightly muffled. It was true; he was definitely happier than he had been since Stuart's death. He could lie like this for all time, in Dane's arms. "Now if only we could sort Vince out" Dane remarked. Alexander nodded, thoughts of Vince bringing him back down to earth, away from cloud nine. "We could try and talk to him again" Alexander suggested.  
  
"We'll see what Hazel thinks" Dane replied, stroking Alexander's back lovingly.  
  
"Shit, she doesn't even know about us"! Alexander exclaimed, heading towards full on drama queen mode. "Oh finally some decent gossip"! Dane laughed before planting a kiss directly on Alexander's lips.  
  
~*~  
  
Vince struggled to remember the events of last night as he stepped under the shower. He didn't really remember much apart from going out on the pull. When he awoke, he distinctly smelt aftershave that wasn't Stuart's, so he knew he must've brought somebody back here with him. Vince couldn't help but grin a little, living Stuart's life was fun. You'd get the sex but you wouldn't get any of the troubles that came along with being in a relationship. Vince wondered to himself why he hadn't thought of this whilst Stuart was alive.  
  
Because you were in love with him you twat!  
  
Vince stopped dead under the cool water. That was why; he had been in love with Stuart, since they've first met. Thinking of Stuart in this way brought home the fact that he would never be able to tell Stuart any of these things. As Vince continued to shower, his salty tears mixed with the water as he once again, mourned his friend.  
  
~*~  
  
"Do you have any idea what time it is"? Donna demanded from her bedroom window. Nathan was standing in the street, demanded she come out so they could talk. "I really need to talk"! Nathan shouted up.  
  
"What about Hazel"? Donna suggested.  
  
"I can't talk to her about this"! Nathan protested. "It's serious Donna! I don't know what to do, can you please get out"?  
  
"Give me a minute" Donna replied, sighing deeply. She closed her window and disappeared from view. Nathan kicked a stone as he waited for his best friend. His mind was swimming with guilt and confusion. Had he shagged Vince because he thought he was Stuart or had he really wanted Vince? After a few minutes, Donna came out of the house and ran over to Nathan. Not knowing what to do, Donna simply hugged her friend. Nathan hugged back, fighting back his tears. He didn't want to cry, not now. "What's going on"? Donna asked; looking at Nathan's troubled expression. "Donna, I've done something awful" Nathan admitted, not looking at his friend. He was too ashamed. "Is there anywhere we can go to talk"?  
  
After a few deliberations, Nathan and Donna had eventually ended up at the local park. Thankfully, it was empty, so the two friends got seated on the swings before Nathan began his story. "I had sex last night" Nathan eventually said.  
  
"Is that all"? Donna asked with a giggle. "So what else is new"?  
  
"With Vince" Nathan added quietly. Donna gasped and almost fell backwards off the swing at the revelation. "How did that happen"? She questioned, staring at her friend.  
  
"We met in Dante's, god Donna, Vince looked so good, he was wearing Stuart's clothes and Stuart's aftershave, he was even dancing like Stuart. It was like Stuart had come back y'know? It was great. I couldn't help but go over to him, we had a dance and then he invites me back to his; he's living in Stuart's flat now. I don't think he realised it was me; he was drunk, like, really drunk. I couldn't help it; I was drawn to him because he was Stuart. It was like the night when I first met Stuart and I couldn't help it. I tried to fight it but we eventually had sex, but I was seeing Stuart all the time we were doing it, it was like I was having sex with Stuart. I thought I was. When I woke up this morning and realised what I'd done I just got my clothes and ran. I didn't know what to do; I don't think Vince knows it's me though. I feel really bad because it feels like I took advantage of him, shagging him when he had no idea what was going on. I mean, he wanted it, I didn't force him or anything, but I still feel really bad. Obviously I can't tell Hazel, I don't know what to do"! Nathan explained, getting more and more desperate as he went on. "I don't know what to suggest" Donna replied. "Maybe try talking to Vince"  
  
Nathan suddenly hopped off the swing, hit by a burst of anger. "I knew you wouldn't understand"! He yelled at Donna before turning and running away.  
  
~*~  
  
Vince carefully put the finishing touches to the bed. He'd made it in the way that Stuart would've wanted it, total perfection. Happy with his work, he took a step back to fully admire it and to check that it was to Stuart's standard. He felt something sharp under his foot. Frowning, Vince bent down and picked the object up. It was a key-ring with one single key on it. Vince gasped when he saw the key-ring. It was one of those ones that explained what your name meant, the type of thing you gave as a little added gift. Vince felt his heart sink as he read the name.  
  
Nathan  
  
~*~  
  
"Congratulations"! Hazel exclaimed as she pulled both Dane and Alexander into a big hug. The two men had just told her about their relationship and she couldn't have been happier for them. "It's about time we heard some good news" She added with a sad smile. "We're not going to tell Nathan and Vince yet, it doesn't seem right, not so soon after Stuart" Dane explained. Hazel nodded, understanding.  
  
"We wanted to ask your advice too" Alexander added, giving Dane a little poke in the ribs to remind him. "It's about our poor chocolate"!  
  
"We want to try and talk to Vince again but we don't know the best way to do it without getting him angry" Dane said.  
  
"I wish I could tell you boys, but Vince has changed so much since Stuart's death, I barely recognise him anymore" Hazel replied sadly. "It's difficult to know what he'll be like from one day to the next. I phoned him the other day to ask if he wanted to come round for a chat and he, politely mind, told me he'd rather be alone".  
  
"Short of bringing back the dead I don't know what we're going to do" Dane answered. He hugged Alexander tightly, needing comfort. Alexander hugged back, resting his head on his lover's shoulder. Hazel sighed deeply and took a deep drag from her cigarette. "Maybe you could try again" She offered.  
  
~*~  
  
Vince stared at the key-ring in his hand as he sat down on the edge of the carefully made bed. He couldn't believe it; he'd had sex with Nathan Maloney, the guy he'd always resented. Vince cursed his own stupidity, sighting the alcohol as his reason for last night. He caught a glance of himself in the mirror, if you ignored his hair he looked so much like Stuart, the look on his face and the attitude that shone out of him all said Stuart. Vince sighed deeply, realising the full extent of what his dramatic transformation had caused him to do. This wasn't the way he was, he wasn't the type of person that could live life the way Stuart had. Stuart's wild man attitudes were basically the cause of his demise. He fingered the key-ring absentmindedly, wondering what to do next. His sensible side told him that it was finally time to let Stuart go, but his heart was screaming at him to hold on to anything and everything that was left of his best friend. Vince was torn and he knew he would have to make a decision. He could either continue the way he was, pressing the self-destruct button, or he could sort himself out, shape up and be the man he used to be. Vince needed to ask himself which option was not only better for himself; but also for everyone else he knew. Slowly, he reached for his mobile phone and began to dial.  
  
~*~  
  
Nathan stomped into his mother's house, angry that Donna had not understood his situation. He was basically lost now for anyone to talk to. He couldn't talk to Hazel because Vince was her son and he couldn't talk to his own mother because, well, she was his mother. As Nathan went into the kitchen to fix himself a snack, he found his mother sat at the table with Vince. "What are you doing here"? Nathan asked rudely. Vince's eyes stayed on the floor, not wanting to look the angry teen in the face.  
  
"Nathan"! Janice Maloney scolded. "Vince wants to talk to you"  
  
"If you don't mind that is" Vince added sheepishly. It was Nathan's turn to look at the floor, embarrassed over the events of last night. "I'll leave you two boys to talk" Janice said, getting up. Nathan smiled a bit; sometimes Janice could be awfully perceptive. "I need to do the shopping anyway, if you're going out anywhere Nathan, leave a note" She added as she grabbed her coat and bag. Nathan took a seat as he heard the front door close. He sighed deeply and managed to look at Vince. "I know it was you last night" Vince said, breaking the silence. His words seemed to echo around the kitchen. "I'm sorry." Nathan started, feeling guilty.  
  
"I just need to know.one thing." Vince interrupted. "When we shagged.was it because it was me.or did you see Stuart"? Nathan didn't reply to this, he simply stared at the floor, Vince swallowed, hard. "That's answer enough. I want you to know, I'm not mad"  
  
"I was sort of drunk, I didn't mean to" Nathan replied quietly.  
  
"I know; I was drunk too I mean god, I didn't even know what I was doing. I only knew it was you when I found this on the floor this morning" Vince said, holding up the key-ring. "I'm beginning to think that mum and the others had a point"  
  
"About the drinking" Nathan ventured.  
  
"Yeah that and the fact that I've been dealing with Stuart's death in the worst way possible, by trying to become him. Cameron had a point when he said that I don't exist on my own, without Stuart I feel like I'm nothing, nobody" Vince explained. "You are though. You don't need Stuart to live"  
  
"I'm starting to realise that" Vince admitted. "Though, that doesn't mean I don't miss him every day and I don't love him. I'm just as much in love with him as I was when he was alive" Vince allowed a small smile to come to his lips. "In love with a dead guy, how sad does that make me"?  
  
"Oh, only the saddest bastard in the world" Nathan joked with a grin. "Oh fuck off"! Vince laughed.  
  
"Fuck off yourself"! Nathan retorted. Vince smiled at the old joke that he used to share with Stuart. "So we're ok"? Nathan asked.  
  
"We will be" Vince replied, patting Nathan's hand.  
  
~*~  
  
When Dane and Alexander finally made it to Stuart's flat, they found a new, improved Vince. This new Vince had given the flat a good clean, getting rid of all the empty vodka bottles as well as a couple of unopened ones. He seemed a lot more cheerful and was back wearing his familiar blue jeans and blue t-shirt. "Hi guys"! He greeted cheerfully as Dane and Alexander walked in.  
  
"Vince"? Dane said questioningly, seeing the collection of bottles.  
  
"I'm going to take them into work with me, put them in the bottle bank, no use them cluttering up this place" Vince explained, dumping another carrier bag next to the bottles. "You're going back to work"? Alexander asked.  
  
"As of next Monday" Vince replied.  
  
"Oh chocolate that's wonderful"! Alexander exclaimed, grabbing Vince and pulling him into a big hug. Vince laughed and hugged back. "Guys I don't want to sound rude, but you caught me at a bad time, I was just heading out"  
  
"Where"? Dane asked, sounding suspicious.  
  
"Don't worry, it's not some cheap bar or the off license, I'm just going to get some closure" Vince explained. Dane frowned and looked at Alexander for inspiration, who simply shrugged. "I'll tell you what, I meet you two down Via Fossa at eight tonight, thought I'll be strictly on the soft drinks for a while"!  
  
~*~  
  
Vince brought the Jeep to a stop outside the cemetery. He climbed out and made sure he still had his gift in his pocket. His feet crunched as they walked up the neat gravel path to the graves. He knew exactly where Stuart's was, although he hadn't seen it since the funeral. He found the stone and knelt down, tracing his fingers over the engraving.  
  
Stuart Alan Jones  
Born: 12th November 1960  
Died: 17th July 1999  
A loving son, brother and friend  
  
"Can't believe they summed you up like that mate" Vince said aloud. "If it had been up to me I would've added 'Best shag this side of Manchester' too. Can you imagine your parent's faces though? God; that would've been a picture"! He continued. "Sorry I haven't been to see you, I've sort of been in denial after the accident. I didn't want to think that you were gone, that I was never going to see you again. Sometimes I still can't believe it. I keep expecting you to ring me, asking me to pick Alfred up from The Lesbians or to see you in Babylon, copping off with some hot young thing. Alfred's fine by the way, Romey's got a lot of pictures of you and I'm going tell him all of the clean stories about you, so he's going to know his daddy really well, I promise. Oh and, I know you don't go in for any of that love stuff, but you'll never guess who's got together, only Dane and Alexander! When they told me I thought, god, Stuart would've laughed his head off at that one" Vince sighed gently. "I've made a lot of mistakes recently. Don't get mad with me but I've sort of gone off the rails. Your death hit me really hard, it's typical of you, you selfish bastard" Vince said gently. "Leave me with the shit. Doesn't matter anyway, because I've got myself sorted out now, have things back on track. I just wanted you to know that although you're not here with me physically, you're still with me. I think about you all the time, remember all of the things we shared, the good times. I'm taking good care of your flat and your porn collection and no, I haven't let your parents find it. It was the Phil situation all over again except you had a lot more you randy sod, took me ages to get it all hidden away, even had to put some of it in Doctor Who cases. I was rushing around like a right twat. Anyway, I still love you Stuart and I always will, no matter what happens; you're still going to have that place in my heart. No-one is ever going to take it away, I promise" Vince touched the gravestone tenderly. "I miss you" He whispered. "Ok, ok, I know, I'm being a soppy bastard! I'm sorry but you just bring it out in me, anyway, I've brought something for you, figured it might come in useful" Vince dug in his jacket pocket and removed the small box. He placed the packet of condoms lovingly on the grave. "For all those hot angels I know you're going to be shagging, not so much Manchester's champion shagger, but heaven's" Vince smiled, standing up. "Tell them all Paul McGann doesn't count too, don't want them thinking he does. Anyway, I'll come back and see you soon mate, lots of love" Vince turned away and began to walk up the path. He felt more at peace with himself after his talk with Stuart. He knew that the Irishman had never really died as he had stayed in Vince's heart and Vince's head all this time. He knew now he didn't have to become Stuart to keep his memory alive, he could simply think about his best friend and there he'd be.  
I still believe it when you say  
It's another perfect day  
Another perfect day  
(Another perfect day - American Hi-fi)  
  
~*~  
  
As Vince walked through the door of Via Fossa, he was greeted by the warm sight of his loved ones, Hazel, Bernie, Nathan, Alexander and Dane. Vince felt a large smile come to his lips. He felt so much better since his visit to Stuart's grave and it was even better to come back to friendly faces. "It's our chocolate"! Alexander shrieked theatrically. Vince smiled and rolled his eyes. Alexander Perry, ever the drama queen. "Vince"! Nathan said excitedly. Vince grinned at the younger man, just like he'd told Nathan earlier, they'd be alright. "Took you long enough"! Dane joked, his arms around Alexander.  
  
"Come and sit down next to your old mother"! Hazel said, pulling out a chair for Vince. Vince obliged and sat down. "So where have you been then"? Bernie asked.  
  
"Yeah, everyone's been guessing"! Alexander added.  
  
"I went to see Stuart's grave" Vince answered. The table was shocked into silence; everyone immediately stared at the floor, not knowing what to say. "It's ok you know, really it is" Vince added, seeing everyone's reaction. "Besides, haven't annoyed the twat in a while so I thought now was as good a time as any" He joked. Upon his joke, the others all broke into relieved smiles. "Welcome back love" Hazel said happily, planting a kiss on her son's cheek. Vince hugged his mum, feeling happier than he had done for ages. As he sat with his friends and his mother, he felt tears of joy prick in his eyes. As long as he had them and his memories, Stuart Alan Jones would live on.  
  
THE END 


End file.
