


The Bet

by QAFfangirl



Category: Queer as Folk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-24
Updated: 2014-04-22
Packaged: 2014-05-07 07:12:09
Rating: M
Chapters: 21
Words: 53,716
Publisher: www.fanfiction.net
Story URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10141291/1/
Author URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5478448/QAFfangirl
Summary: What starts as a harmless bar-room wager between Brian and Justin quickly escalates. Can they handle the stakes? ***Now Complete with Epilogue***





	1. Chapter 1

It was just a simple comment, flippant even. _You wanna bet? _

Brian and I were at Woody's and this hot guy came in. He was late twenties, six feet, reddish-brown shaggy hair. His pants were certainly tight; leaving little to the imagination, the outline of his cock could be appreciated as he walked even from a distance across the bar. He wore a sleeveless blue shirt showing off rippling biceps and fitted enough that you knew his pecs and abs were equally worthy of worship. There wasn't anything particularly unique about him; he looked like any one of a thousand hot guys that patrolled Liberty Avenue looking for something, or more specifically _someone_, interesting to do that night.

My head turned not-so subtly as Brian flirted with me, my eyes trailing this delicious distraction to his destination at the bar. I hadn't really paid attention to Brian since I noticed the attractive stranger but I was genuinely surprised as I turned my attention back to to see a look of exceptional irritation bordering on anger on his face. An initial twinge of regret fell upon me until I recalled anyone of the million times he had not-so-subtly done the same to me, and worse, since we started our non-relationship. I found his reaction amusing, rationalizing that he wouldn't hesitate to leave me in mid-sentence to chase down fresh meat if the situation arose.

"Put your tongue back in your mouth Justin" he scolded me. He rotated in his chair, turning away from me unsuccessfully hiding the pangs of jealousy he experienced when someone else captured my attention. An almost child like pout on his face.

His hypocrisy incensed me; I perhaps could have ended it there but decided to capitalize on his possessiveness over my attention. "Why, afraid I'll find someone who actually has something better to offer?" I glanced down at his crotch to convey exactly what I meant by "better".

He stared at me blankly; the mere suggestion was as ludicrous to him as if I asked him to fly to the moon. I so wished I could have read his mind in that moment.

He placed his hand on my neck and pulled me close to him so my ear was at his lips. His other hand went towards my cock. "I'm the best fuck you'll ever have; you'd never be able to tear yourself away" he whispered in my ear, pulling away with a dismissive laugh "face it, you're a slut for my cock".

_Fuck _I thought to myself feeling my cock twitch under his hand. I hated the reaction his voice could elicit from me. His cockiness shouldn't turn me on this much. His ego needed no additional stroking. "Well, you're hardly one to talk" I added with far less confidence than I desired "you could hardly resist me when I want you".

Brian gave me a skeptical look, shaking his head no, again showing me no mercy when it came to using my attraction to him to his every advantage.

"Face it Sunshine, you will always want me a hell of a lot more than I want you. You practically stalked me after that first night. Hell, you're so fucking horny for me; I could make you cum in your pants without ever touching you" his voice was smooth and sexy. He nipped my earlobe as he continued his relentless tease.

I removed his groping hand trying to hide my lust and summoned all the confidence I could muster "You wanna bet?" I asked cheekily, forgetting momentarily the man who had started this conversation was watching us intently along with half of gay Pittsburgh.

Brian looked intrigued "What's the wager?" he asked nodding to the trick at the bar suggesting we might simply compete for him. _Not in your life, _I thought. Brian could easily out-trick any man given the proper motivation.

The moment it came to me, I broke out in a wide smile. _Genius! _ "You….." I stated matter of fact.

"What?" he asked pushing away from me slightly, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

I responded louder than I needed to in my excitement "Okay, this should be good. You try to make me cum without touching me, if you succeed, you win. If you touch me first, I win"

"And the wager is what…. topping me?" he laughed entertained by my brazenness "not very creative"

"No, if I win you can fuck me and only me…" I explained with a cocky smile. I could see the wheels turning in Brian's head. I knew he would never take this bet. It was completely genius. "…and just to be clear, that includes all kinds of sex. Basically, your dick is mine exclusively…. for six months"

Despite my outrageous demand, I panicked a bit when Brian surveyed the room noticing we had attracted a bit of a crowd. Backing down from a bet was not in line with his public persona. I exhaled a sigh of relief when Brian finally grabbed my arm suggesting we continue the conversation in private.

I couldn't contain my enthusiasm thinking I might have finally bested the great Brian Kinney at his own game. He pushed me playfully against the car, leaning in, molesting me with his mouth. I moaned into his kiss. He grabbed my ass and pulled me closer to him; he smiled taking delight in feeling my hardness pushing against him. His hazel eyes burrowing into my soul.

"You're out of your league little boy" he said, leaving me breathless and panting by the side of the car as he moved to the driver's side.

I couldn't resist goading him further "so I take it you're turning down the bet" I asked smugly as he climbed silently into the car.

He first gave me an icy contemptuous stare that I momentarily delight in. However, my enjoyment quickly evaporated as Brian's glare dissipated and was replaced with his devilish grin. "Of course not, we just need to discuss my terms."

"Oh" I exclaimed with a mixture of anticipation and fear "okay then, what do you want if you win?"

"You…" he said.

"You want me to be monogamous?" I laughed mocking his earlier tone "Hell I would do that now if you asked. You know I only trick so that it doesn't drive me crazy when you do it. Not very creative"

"You misunderstand Sunshine" he was giddy with self-satisfaction "If I win, I get you… as my little sex slave….for, what was it you proposed? Six months?"

"Sex slave?" I asked cautiously not sure what Brian would want that I hadn't already willingly agreed to.

"I get you when I want, how I want, as much as I want" he clarified "you will be completely submissive to my every sexual need and desire. You won't even as much as jerk off without my permission. So we have a deal?"

_Oh fuck! Clearly, I should have thought this through a little more._

* * *

A/N: So this is Chapter 1. I have my thoughts for who will win the bet and how I will carry out the story but I could be persuaded to change my plans. So dear reader, which of our boys do you think should win this wager? A healthy dose of smut *grins* is in order either way but comment on which way you would prefer to see the story go!


	2. Chapter 2

"Justin, come here" Brian commanded, sashaying into his building's rickety elevator. He grabs the front of my shirt pulling me after him into the confined space and lowering the gate. He places one hand on the wall above my shoulder and his other hand on my chest backing me against the wall, leaning into me.

"You're not allowed to touch me, remember?" I warn as he re-positions himself so that his pelvis is even with mine despite our height difference.

He lifts my shirt as the elevator grinds and hums during its ascent to the sixth floor. "We haven't started yet", he asserts running his hands under my shirt, caressing my chest, stopping to tweak my nipples. A sensation shoots straight to my cock as he gently tugs on the ring hanging from my right nipple.

"You are so fucking hot" he whispers into my neck as his mouth licks and sucks the curve between my head and shoulder, his crotch presses firmly into mine. "I'm going to fuck you; I'm going to fuck you all night"

Brian reaches down undoing the button on my jeans, tugging at the waistband, making enough room to wedge a hand into the front of my pants. "So fucking hard" is all he says and I'm unsure if he means the state of my cock or how he plans to fuck me, but at the moment I don't care. The heat and tightness from his hand squeezing around my throbbing erection ends my last bit of resistance. I grab his neck and pull his tongue into my mouth as he jerks my cock still confined in my pants.

The elevator comes to a stop abruptly but this does little to deter Brian. He moves his hand over my dick expertly using the knowledge gained from countless times of watching me; watching me as I jerk off in the shower, or while I have his cock in my mouth, or observing how I stroke myself while he fucks me. He knows too well now; he knows exactly how I like it. He knows how much pressure to use, what rhythm I like, how fluid to make his strokes alternating short ones and long ones. I lean my head back and close my eyes, unable to take his intense stare. I don't even warn him because he knows. He can tell by my short rapid breathing, the moan that escapes from a place deep inside, the pulsing of my dick in his hand. He covers my mouth with his the moment I explode; simultaneously capturing my scream in his mouth and my cum in his hand.

I pant against the elevator wall, catching my breath as he withdraws his hand, offering his fingers to me to lick the milky liquid. He places two fingers at my lips which I suck for him. He joins me and we alternate between kissing lips and sucking fingers. "That was hot" I said finally, stating the painfully obvious.

"I told you" he answers smugly, lifting the gate and stepping into the landing outside his doorway. "You're such a slut for me. This is going to be too easy".

His confidence is unparallel. Olympic gold medalists don't have as much sheer tenacity as Brian Kinney trying to win a bet, particularly one aimed at testing his most prized skill. The man was a master at all things to do with fucking, particularly the mind-fuck.

I enter our bedroom and remove my pants. Brian doesn't even hide his pleasure at seeing me carefully remove my underwear wet and sticky from his first victory.

"I'm going to take a shower…" I say "...don't join me"

He laughs and I smile in spite of myself. I turn on the water as hot as I can stand it and climb in. I run the soap over my skin. I debate about how angry I want to pretend to be. I was annoyed, but unfortunately also shamelessly aroused. I want him to fuck me still. I try thinking of other things but all thoughts return to our wager and contemplation over what being Brian's sex slave might involve. I know my limited experience would pale in comparison to whatever he had in store. In the mist of my fantasy, my cock sprang up and begs for attention. I stroke myself, imagining Brian's mouth around it and consider throwing the bet just to discover what his twisted mind would come up with.

I was mid-climax, stifling my grunt the best I can when I am interrupted by the opening of the bathroom door. Brian enters naked, fully aroused. "If you're going to take all night Sunshine, I am going to have to join you", he lectures me. He opens the shower door and enters unapologetically. I hand him the soap, faking disgust and leave him to the rapidly cooling water.

I am already in bed as he exits the bathroom and takes his place next to me. "So when should we start the bet?" he asks suggestively running his fingers through my still damp hair.

"Tonight?" I suggest.

He shakes his head no, "that wouldn't be fair" he asserts.

"And why's that?" I ask him, running my hand down his spine and over his ass.

"Because you've already come twice in the last hour" he laughs at me knowingly, "and I am still under the effects of the E I took earlier. I wasn't kidding about wanting to fuck you all night."

"How's tomorrow then?" I suggest, secretly pleased.

He nods, effectively placing our game on hold. Then, in what seems a single fluid motion, he rolls me over, takes a condom from the nightstand, places it and is inside me.

* * *

"I think you look better on the blue sheets" Brian observes after carefully surveying my naked body sprawled on his black Egyptian cotton-clad bed.

I'm not sure how to take this statement although admittedly the glow of blue hues coming from the lighting fixture over his bed probably does my pasty white skin no additional service.

"The blue ones are still stained with my cum from yesterday" I tease grasping for his body that remained hovered above me, kneeling between my legs.

He pitches forward falling partially onto me. His lean body settling into a position all too familiar; propped up on his elbow, his bare chest making contact with my flushed freshly-fucked skin, legs falling alongside of mine. I sigh, relaxed at how perfectly the curves of his body can mold to mine. He smiles at me, twisting his fingers through my shaggy hair, looking content.

"Well you look good on anything" he corrects himself "but the blue ones….I can just look at you on the blue ones and get hard".

I laugh softly at his attempt at flattery "Brian, you're not exactly a challenge to turn-on"

"You sure don't know how to take a compliment" he chides me, kissing along my jawline "can't you just let me tell you how fucking hot you make me without being a smart-ass?"

"Sorry" I smile trying to keep a straight face "please go on..."

"Go on?" He questions me unsure if I mean his words or his kisses.

"Yeah…" I say, running my fingers over his pecs and brushing his nipple "…tell me how hot I make you."

He thinks for a minute, studying my body. "First, your hair….", he begins running his hand through my hair as he speaks, tugging gently "….every time I see your hair I want to touch it. Sometimes I have to consciously stop myself from running my hands through your hair in public."

"And why is that…?" I ask curiously, surprised at first how open he is being.

He raises his shoulders in a little shrug "It's not just the feel of it, although the silkiness against my fingers is amazing, especially when I grab a fistful as I…." he stops speaking, taking a deep breath in, his eyes glaze over as I am certain he is recalling his hand pulling my head back as he was cumming earlier "…. The smell is intoxicating. The shampoo that you use…I can smell it on the pillow when you're not here, I can't get enough of it."

"So my hair makes you hot?" I laugh finally understanding the purpose of this conversation.

"You make me hot" he admits a bit too sincerely, "Bet or no bet…you know you always make me hot".

"Brian" I cup his chin in my hands, "It's not going to work" I warn.

He smiles again, this time mischievously, pressing his lips together in feigned innocence "What's not?"

"You're trying to lower my guard with flattery" I surmised "I'm on to you"

He looks mildly amused, leans over and kisses me deeply.

Just like that, the game is back on.

* * *

A/N- Hope you enjoyed this prelude to the actual bet. There's still time to register your comment for Team Brian or Team Justin.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up Saturday morning to an empty bed and the sound of the shower running, a quick glance at the alarm clock tells me Brian must be heading to work. It was only six-thirty but when he works on the weekend, he liked to do it early enough that he could have his afternoon and evening free. I sat up in bed and grabbed my sketch pad and pencil.

I continue to draw as I hear the familiar sounds of Brian working through his morning routine. The sink turning on and off as he brushes his teeth, the gargle noise from his mouthwash, and the hair dryer running; sounds so familiar and orderly to me now that I can predict the moment he will reappear in the bedroom. I smile as the door opens right on cue and he takes the five steps to the dresser to pull out briefs from the top drawer.

"Do you want coffee?" I offer, unsure if I should make a pot or if he plans to stop on his way to the office. He places one knee on our bed and lunges across the mattress to give me a morning kiss.

"No thanks", he says as he stands back up and picks out his clothes for the day.

I decide to get out of bed anyway, throwing on a pair of sweatpants and plodding to the kitchen for some water. Brian picks up my sketch book and flips through the pages casually. "How come you don't draw me anymore?" he asks nonchalantly.

"I do", I answer with a reassuring smile, "You just look like Rage now". Sadly the truth is since I started working on Rage, I didn't draw much else of anything. My hand barely holds up to get the comic done but Rage is Brian in comic form so he remains my most prolific subject. "Do you want me to draw you?" I question not knowing if this bothers him.

He shrugs giving a typical Brian-esque non-answer and drops the sketch pad back to the bed. It's an odd conversation so I change the subject, "Are you going to be at the office long?"

He shakes his head no and we make plans to meet for lunch at the Diner when he's done working. He leaves quickly, stopping to kiss me good bye and I find myself alone in the loft.

Given the early hour and my lack of plans for the morning, I return to bed. I can't fall back to sleep so I just sit and reflect. Mornings were some of my favorite moments with Brian; it was when I could most delude myself that we were a real couple. We had a routine; it was ordinary but comforting. It was just the two of us and morning Brian seemed less-guarded, more loving than evening Brian. I crave this normalcy; my thoughts are persistent. If I can just win this bet, we'd have six months of this.

No more backroom tricks.

No more bullshit bathhouse orgies.

No more watching strange fucking men, fucking in our bed, with the love of my fucking life.

Just us, just with me, at last.

* * *

I drift off to sleep and wake up more determined than ever to win this bet. I over-slept and have to rush to meet Brian for lunch at the Diner. I cruise in and take a booth just moments before he arrives. He glides in confidently, takes a survey of the room as he always does but finds no one worthy of his attention , he heads straight to the booth I have occupied.

"Hey" he greets me, picking up the menu, studying it as if he doesn't know it by memory.

"Hey yourself" I offer smiling back "good timing, I just got here myself".

Kiki comes and takes our order and we eat while Brian fills me in on his morning. I'm only half listening as I wait patiently to bring up the bet, I'm anxious to get the details finalized.

Having run through his morning, Brian brings up his favorite subject giving me my opening. "Babylon tonight?" he confirms with me.

"Sure" I respond, nodding "but we start before Babylon"

"Excuse me" Brian gawps, waiting for me to explain.

"The bet" I clarify "we start before we get to Babylon".

"Okay" he agrees but looks irritated. "So I can't touch you at Babylon; that should make dancing interesting?" he jokes.

"Yeah, about that…" I say "…we should discuss the rules".

"Rules?" he laughs "There are no rules Sunshine; all's fair in sex and war"

"Ok so if you touch me for any reason before the next time I cum, then I win" I tease knowing full well this isn't what he had in mind.

"Okay, now let's be reasonable" he argues finally understanding my point.

Brian and I negotiate the terms of the bet with more consideration than given to Middle East peace treaties; painstakingly negotiating what constitutes a victory. We set the ground rules and agree to the terms. In the end, we decide he can't use his mouth or cock anywhere on my body and my ass and cock are off limits to any stimulation by any part of him. I struggle to hide my enjoyment when Brian asks for a third party and jerking off restriction; he insist I might improve my chances of resisting him if I have a few orgasms under my belt but I secretly think seeing me with someone else when he can't have me has him more concerned. We agree to start tonight at Babylon.

We piss away the remainder of the afternoon; keeping ourselves occupied when it's clear we both would have preferred to be fucking. I sketch; he reads some marketing magazine. Around six, I make us some dinner so we can eat like normal people since after seven Brian won't eat carbs or fat.

After dinner, we shower separately and it feels strange to me to be alone in the shower with him waiting on me. While Brian's taking his shower, I search through my bag looking for my sluttier club clothes. Despite our restriction on third parties; it only works to my advantage to be aggressively hit on tonight. Brian is nothing if not predictable; the more other men wanted me, the more he wanted me. I settle on a pair of cargo pants; the pants sit low on my hips and the fabric clings in all the right places, my ass looks great in them. I slide them on, forgoing underwear for good measure. I find a navy blue sleeveless shirt, a size too small, which stops above my navel. It's not comfortable for dancing but I didn't plan to wear it long.

Brian exits the bathroom drying off with a towel; he stops suddenly and stares. I know I already have his attention but I can't help bending over to run my hand over an imaginary wrinkle in my pant leg giving him a good view of my ass anyway.

"You're not wearing that" he half asks, half commands.

I stand up, running my hand suggestively over my exposed abs, "Why not?" I say channeling my best dumb blond imitation.

He shakes his head , "I may have underestimated you" he admits under his breath " I didn't think you would be so devious."

"I learned from the master" I tease.

* * *

We enter Babylon and my ensemble attracts the exact right kind of attention. I don't make it as far as the bar before I get pulled onto the dance floor and surrounded by several men vying for my attention. Brian heads to the bar without me and although I am literally sandwiched between two incredibly hot men in his full view; he isn't biting. I grow tired of being molested with no pay off so I wiggle free from my would-be suitors and join Brian at the bar.

Brian pushes a shot of whiskey in front of me. I realize he ordered it earlier knowing full well I wouldn't stay on the dance floor without him long. "Having fun?" he shouts in my ear over the blaring music as I take the shot.

He grabs my hips and pulls me close in his possessive way, still leaving room between his crotch and mine to not violate the terms of our agreement. He stares intently into my eyes before he grabs my hair and pulls my head back to expose my neck; his fingers digging into pressure points in my scalp which send tingles through me. He leans in so close that I am certain he's going to kiss me ending the bet right there but he stops inches from my skin and pushes his lips together blowing his breath along my neck. He whispers in my ear "You're being such a naughty little slut; I going to have to spank you if you keep this up".

I exhale realizing that I had been holding my breath since he pulled me in close to him. The downside of my outfit is that I can't hide my arousal at his words. He glances down, laughs with delight and orders another round of drinks. We spent several hours at Babylon playing our respective games. I flirted shamelessly; he would tolerate it for a time and pull me in close offering me every brand of verbal foreplay in his repertoire.

Around one in the morning, he pulls me away from the shirtless wonder number fifty and announces he's ready to leave. We head back to the loft in relative silence both of us formulating our plans.

When he opens the door to the loft, his humor about my antics at Babylon seemed to evaporate. "Take your clothes off and get on the bed" he commands firmly.

I strip seductively as I can and follow his order. My cock is hard and so is his; the evening of foreplay taking it's toll on both of us. He takes his clothes off and kneels on the bed beside me. The look on his face is one I know well; he looks like he's going to fuck my brains out. "Are you giving up?" I ask, wagging my fully erect cock at him.

He reaches down and slides open a drawer as a response. The drawer he opens contains all of our sex toys and I am certain that the game is almost over. He pulls out a dildo and places it on the bed.

"Not giving up" he warns "but you will be".

"Why is that?" I ask "You can't put a dildo in my ass"

He smiles smugly "No, I can't" and he slides a condom over the toy and applies lube liberally to it making a show of it for me.

He takes his cock in his hand and strokes himself slowly. He tosses his head back and closes his eyes. "You don't know what you do to me" he says, moaning slightly.

I am transfixed on watching him touch himself. He's usually so mechanical on the rare occasions he masturbates; simply looking for a quick orgasm to tie him over to the next trick; but now he's so sexy and relaxed while he moves. He looks like he's enjoying every touch. I instinctively start touching my cock matching his movements.

"I wish I could fuck your throat right now" he thrust into his hand and I can feel my mouth water wishing I could suck him. My hand is still working its way slowly over my cock.

He stares down at my naked body, "God Justin, you're so beautiful" he says "spread your legs wider for me; I want to see your tight little hole"

I know what he's doing but I make a show of lifting my hips up and spreading my legs so my ass is exposed for him.

He licks his lips "I wish I could shove my tongue in that ass right now. Do you remember how good that felt the first night I brought you home? I remember tasting your little virgin ass; I wanted you so much that night. It was so hard to go slow for you; you have no idea how good you felt when I was inside of you."

He continued to stroke himself and he reached for the dildo "Justin, I want you to use this" he said handing it to me.

"No way" I refused "I'm not using a toy so you can win"

He shook his head, "No, I want you to use it on me. I want you so much. I want you to open me up with it and then I want you to fuck me."

There it was; the last card in his playbook. _A fucking devious twat! _I started leaking copious amounts of pre-cum, my dick was begging for a release. I couldn't believe he would go so far to win.

I shook my head reluctantly; refusing him again but he took the toy from me and started working it in to his own ass. He moaned making noises like I have never heard him make. My slit was weeping and my balls tightened as I watched him work the dildo in and out of his hole. It was the hottest thing I had ever witnessed: He kept begging me to fuck him; telling me how much he wanted me; how hot I made him. He was moaning and writhing looking for release. I couldn't imagine this was still part of his game. He was too vulnerable; he had taken this too far for it to be just to win. I felt my resilience fading.

The momentum of my orgasm was building quickly; I calculated I had only a few moments left of rational thought. I grabbed a condom from the nightstand, unwrapped it and offered it to him. "Go on, put it on me" I whispered "slip it on my dick".

He stared at me lustfully, his mouth open, his skin flushed from excitement. He stopped moving all together.

I held his stare and the expression in his eyes shifted from desire to surprise as the realization set it. I had won. He knew I was testing the sincerity of his pleas. He had played his last hand and either way I had won. If he touched me to put the condom on, the game was over. If he didn't, then I had my answer that the entire night had been an act.

Brian took the condom from my hand and rolled it over my cock. He kissed me deeply officially ceding defeat. I took a minute to savor the moment and proceeded to have the quickest but best sex of my life.

* * *

A/N: Okay folks, there you have it. Hope it doesn't disappoint anyone too much. Team Justin wins this time! Please comment and let me know your thoughts so far.


	4. Chapter 4

I couldn't remember Brian having slept any more restlessly than he did last night; his constant tossing and turning had me concerned. Not that I expect him to cuddle after sex; if fact, I was pretty sure he would have slept with his back to me all night if his body could have tolerated it. I tried and was rebutted a number of times to be closer to him as we slept but finally retreated to my side of the bed alone.

I wasn't exactly surprised when I woke to an empty bed. I sat up, blinking repeatedly and rubbing the gunk out of my eyes to help them focus. I spy Brian standing in front of the windows of the loft, gazing absently at the river view below, and smoking a joint. Judging by the nearly full ashtray and the wafting smell in the air; I gather he had held this position for a while.

I step out of bed and cross to him. He is still naked; as was I although I took the sheet from the bed with me as I step down the stairs to him, wrapping it around me as I walk. I feel the heat in my hand as I stood for a minute unacknowledged behind him; my palm to his lower back. He finally turns briefly and gives me a forced half-smile.

"Are you all right?" I ask, as I run my hand up his back to rest on his shoulder. I dig my hand in to gently massage the muscle as it tenses under my touch.

He grabs my wrist and removes my arm but says nothing.

A sting of rejection resonates in my face but Brian remains standing there stoically, indifferent to it. It seems talking about what transpired the night before would not be on the menu this morning.

I grab the joint from his mouth and take a long draw before passing it back to him. I place a hand on my still semi-erect morning wood in an unspoken peace offering. I turn back to our bed. "Coming?" I toss out over my shoulder and drop the sheet. I lay face down on the bed and look over my shoulder in a "come and get it" pose.

Brian, I had hoped, would read my action for what it was; an apology for my impudence the night before. He follows me to our bedroom and stares at me sprawled out on the bed. His facial expression reads an internal discord; his eyes dance a line of lust and contempt. I roll to my side, pose seductively for him, and meet his intense glare. I ache for him and practically will him back to our bed with the look in my eyes, unsure of what to say. Suddenly, his eyes go cold and dead and a shiver crawls up my spine as I know contempt had won. My heart sinks as I watch him turn silently away from me to enter the bathroom. He shuts the door in a final symbolic rejection and turns on the shower.

A swell of emotions follow tears that well up, overcoming me. I choke them back; unwilling to give any more power to the hurt and anger I feel. Every fantasy of Brian playing the part of faithful, domesticated lover evaporates so quickly from my mind, and every ounce of my body feels deflated. The air was heavy and I had trouble catching my breath as fear sweeps over me. Fear that in my quest to draw him close; I would finally lose him. _This fucking bet_! I quickly dress and slip on shoes. I can't stand to be near him any longer; the look on his face conveying what I know lurks under his beautiful surface. Brian being faithful to me was so horrifying to him that he can't even look at me any longer. Since I wasn't about to wait around to be kicked out of the loft yet again; I left without a further word.

I grab a shower at Daphne's and as usual she can interpret my "Brian Kinney just ripped my heart out again" face; so I am grateful she asks nothing. When I get out of the shower, there is a note on the table with some peach yogurt and a spare key.

_Had to work, stay as long as you need, consume something besides cigarettes- Love Daphne_.

I picked up the bowl, rinse the creamy substance down the disposal and place the dish in the sink. I grab a pack of cigarettes and light one. I have less than an hour before I need to be at the diner. I consider a call in sick but I was with Debbie today and I knew she would be overwhelmed with the Sunday morning crowd if I didn't show. It's not her fault Brian is an asshole. I rationalize the distraction might be good; so I grab the spare key and head reluctantly to the diner.

I move through my shift robotically with some success. Slinging pink plate specials and greasy food to help the mostly still-hungover crowd absorb their residual alcohol makes the morning go by quickly. I was too busy to really think about all that had transpired but I still found myself wearing a forced smile partially because I didn't want the third degree from Debbie and partially because I knew it vastly improved my tips.

I manage to delude myself that I feel no pain; that was until Brian came in to the diner…. followed by him.

At first I don't recognize him; it takes me a few passes and sideway stares to connect the dots. But there it was; the man from Woody's. The man who garnered my attention that started this whole fucking thing; I had no earthly idea what the fuck he was doing here but Brian occupied the same booth so I surmise two painful conclusions from this act of cruelty. First, Brian has no intention of honoring our little wager and second, he still plans to punish me repeatedly for having the nerve to actually win.

"Debbie" I call out looking straight at Brian "I need to take a break".

"Okay Sunshine" she said without appreciating the gravity of the situation. I leave the diner through the kitchen door and stand in the alley out of site from the gossip queens that frequent the diner and with considerable self-loathing began to cry. I pull it together because I'll be damned if I will provide additional fodder for the rumor mill now well informed of our recent bet. It is already beyond humiliating since many consider our non-relationship effectively reduces me to a fucking back-up plan for the great Brian Kinney; I didn't need anyone thinking I was now his sex-slave to boot. I gather myself together; rub my eyes free of moisture and return to work. To my surprise, Brian was no longer there.

I take a deep breath and approach the stranger. "What can I get you?" I say coarsely without looking up.

"Your phone number for starters" he responds, he licks his lips and places a hand on my thigh a little too comfortably.

I take a step back causing his hand to fall, "Sorry, that's not on the menu" I say flatly out of reflex, a pick up line as unoriginal as they came but sadly I heard it regularly from customers.

I stare at him, his confusion evident. "But Brian…." He starts.

"Brian what?" I hiss angrily attempting to prevent unleashing my fury at Brian on this unsuspecting stranger.

"He called me this morning and said you won the bet", he glances at me reading my face but I am unsure why.

"Yeah, what the fuck does that have to do with you?" I mutter trying not to attract any more attention to the situation.

"He said you wanted me…you _won_ me actually. I was the wager. That I should reward the victor" he spoke to me as if I was some fucking desperate nelly- bottom, that I should be grateful to have the pleasure of experiencing his dick up my ass. It was humiliating.

I slam my fist down on the table causing a glass to fall. The shattered glass causes a commotion that draws a crowd. I take one look at Debbie, my heart practically leaping out of my chest; as the wave of nausea hits me. Debbie thankfully reads my face, she shakes her head in solidarity not knowing the specifics but knowing whatever it was; Brian was behind it. "Go, I got it" she offers.

I flee the peering eyes at the diner and practically sprint back to the loft. This was going to end one way or another….now!

I slide open the door and find Brian lying nonchalantly on his bed, blowing smoke rings into the air. His casual demeanor only feeds the fury inside me.

"Brian" I scream "What the fuck was that?"

To his credit he did look sincerely surprised to see me. "What are you doing here?"

"You think I'm going to let that go? What the hell was that?"

"Congratulations! You win sunshine. Now take your prize and fuck him. He is what you wanted, right?" Brian rose out of bed and met me face to face in the doorway his lips stopping inches from my lips "Just do me a favor and don't bring him here" he snaps.

"That wasn't the bet and you fucking know it!" I scream.

"Well consider it a bonus then; for a game well-played", his contemptuous words did little to mask the pain on his face.

"Brian" I beg "Fucking just cut it out. Just stop it please. I don't want anyone but you; you son of a bitch. You win, okay. I'm calling off the bet. I can't deal with these fucking mind games for six months."

I finally let out all the resentment and anger in one primal release "Just. Fuck. Whoever. You. Want!"

With that Brian grabs me and pulls me into his arms roughly. He forces his mouth on mine in an animalistic, frenzied kiss. His tongue slides in and out of my mouth with possessive strength. I stiffen against the unfamiliar harshness of his action but open my mouth, allowing him to own what he pleases to help us get past this moment. He pulls me into him, causing my knees to buckle slightly as he guides me crudely to the floor. His hands make quick work until I lay in only my briefs against the cold hardwood. His body covers mine; placing his full weight on me reserving his hands to explore my body. The lust I could feel radiating from Brian temporarily sweeps away the hurt and confusion I still have at his earlier behavior.

I raise my hips so he can remove my underwear freeing my engorged cock which he quickly captures in his mouth. He works his tongue over my leaking dick and I explode forcefully into his throat. "Fuck me" I command.

He reaches for a condom from his jeans and without hesitation, lifts my legs onto his shoulders and claims me for himself. I watch him as he enters me; regretful that he keeps his eyes closed. Brian as selfish as he was outside of the bedroom, had always been a considerate lover, his eyes usually study my face while he enters me gauging and adjusting to my comfort level. A small sharp breath and whine escapes my lips at the abrupt, poorly lubed intrusion on such an unforgiving surface. He pauses sensing my discomfort and waits for me to adjust. He stops, looks at me, and for the first time since last night I think he really sees me. He sits back on his feet; leaving me empty once again. He stands slowly locking his eyes on mine and to my surprise reaches down offering me a hand. He pulls me up and walks me backward to our bed kissing me; this time tenderly. He grabs the bottle of lube and pushes me gently to the mattress. This time he keeps his eyes open as he enters me. He thrusts into me; stopping to lean over and kiss me. I close my eyes and let Brian apologize to me the only way he knows how.

After we finish; he collapses and lays there wet and sticky, just holding me. I know at some point, he will grow uncomfortable with the level of intimacy and roll off so I enjoy every moment while it last. He does eventually draw back, supporting more of his weight, and looks at me again. To my surprise he just shifts sideways slightly so contact of our bodies is maintained but the fullness of his weight on my smaller frame is alleviated. He runs his hands over my hair, dragging the back of his hand down the line of my jaw against my cheek.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing, Sunshine?" he asks sincerely.

I smile, "yeah, I think I graduated from virgin twink status quite some time ago" I joke.

"I mean…." he says with an uncharacteristically serious but hesitant tone "….you think…Um…well…you've never…you know… had to bear the full burden of my sex drive. Are you sure you can handle it….for six months?

"Brian" I pause considering what I'm about to do, "I told you the bet was off. I don't want you to be monogamous if it's going to cause a rift between us. I still want it, more than anything, but I know it won't mean anything if it's forced. I mean, it's not like it would be a real commitment that way."

"Justin", he says softly. He leans down and kisses my neck next to my ear. "A deal's a deal!"

* * *

A/N: Okay Britin shippers...you didn't really think we could have a monogamous Brian without some angst first, did you? As always, love the comments and love the suggestions. Keep 'em coming.


	5. Chapter 5

I approached the first few days of our new dynamic with sanguine expectations. Brian was every bit as rapturous as I imagined he would be. He maintained a playfully appalled public attitude about his so-called forced fidelity but when it was just us, he was sweet, almost romantic, to a point that I allowed myself to believe he was secretly enjoying it. He would call me at work or rub my thigh suggestively in public, demanding sex like a petulant child, feigning an inability to wait for an appropriate time or place for me to indulge him. He clearly delighted in testing me in this way. I had no obligation to remain monogamous myself under the terms of the agreement, however, I suspect it was secretly Brian's way to ensure that I had neither the time, energy, nor opportunity to indulge on other men.

I grew apprehensive as the weekend approached. Between work, school and family obligations, Brian and I hadn't gone out much during the week, only making it to Woody's once for a few drinks with Michael and Ben. I was unsure how Brian's resolve would fare under the influence of recreational drugs and booze in the company of hundreds of gyrating men and the ever present draw of the backroom. After all, old habits die hard, not to mention, the news of our wager and subsequent outcome was well traveled within the legions of men that frequented Babylon. It was practically an open invitation for every conniving fag to wag their dick at Brian, baiting him at every turn. Brian had certainly inspired a following of willing repeat-receptacles with his "one-fuck only" policy over the years and I imagine they all believed they could be the one tall, cool glass of water accepted by the thirsty man given the opportunity. I was sure the weekend would be the first real test for him and me as well; I couldn't watch him 24/7. If he said he wasn't tricking, I would have to trust him.

Our pre-club Friday night ritual was well underway. Dinner followed by Brian giving me one of his mind-altering blowjobs. Brian was never one to drop to his knees in the backroom so he always gave me my due before we went to the club, preferring to save his for an audience. Whether he was truly that much of an exhibitionist or he just really needed people to know how much he got his dick sucked; I didn't mind this public display. Brian had a gift for cock-sucking; if he was more comfortable performing it in the privacy of our bedroom, I wasn't about to complain. Following that, sometimes he would just fuck me in our bed or on the cushions that blanketed the floor of the loft, but usually we ended up in the shower. Taking time to get really dirty before getting cleaned up to go out.

Tonight I found myself bent over slightly at the waist in the shower, the hot water cascading down my back, one hand steading myself against the shower wall as Brian moves expertly in and out of me. His soapy skin keeps slipping under my other hand that I place on his hip; coaxing him to take me faster. I meet his thrust forward with my own countermovement impaling myself deeper on his substantial rod. The stimulation hits a sweet spot within me bringing forth a wanting grunt. I, almost unknowingly, unleash a passionate barrage of encouraging words to my lover.

_Yes Brian_

_that feels so good_

_so…fucking good_

_yes, like that_

I am not usually the most vocal lover so I know my unexpected words spur Brian on. His movements become more primal; his mouth descends to my neck, his hands grasp my hips tighter. He rewards my lack of inhibition responding in kind with his own encouragement. I continue, this time less concerned about what I'm saying, displaying an unfiltered stream of consciousness:

_fuck me harder, _

_don't stop, _

_fuck yes, _

_oh god…your cock feels so good, _

_yes, my ass is all yours_

_spank me daddy_

_I've been such a bad boy, spank me harder_

Brian answers my plea with a firm repetition of smacks against my wet toned skin. The noise is exhilarating. The pain I know I should be feeling both from his spanking and his now relentless pounding of my ass is dulled by the sheer intensity; I ride wave after wave of pleasure and when I finally have my release, I moan loudly with complete abandon. After I climax, Brian is pulling out of me, and I realize in my trance; I was completely oblivious to his own simultaneous orgasm.

"Damn Justin" he breathes into my ear, biting my earlobe. "I don't know what got in to you, but that was fucking hot." Brian washes up quickly and exits the shower.

As my heart rate returns to normal; I instantly grow embarrassed by my earlier words. I had never ventured to say anything even remotely that dirty during sex before. I had certainly never called him daddy before. I sheepishly turn off the water and join Brian at the sink. The red flush on my cheeks clearly not from the heat of the shower coupled with my inability to look Brian in the eyes broadcast my discomfort over the encounter.

"Sunshine" Brian prompts, holding my chin up to meet me eye-to-eye "Why are you embarrassed? That was incredible. I love when you let me know how much you are enjoying it. I love when you tell me what you want me to do. It's fucking hot."

I just laugh nervously and smiled. I nod, making a point to grab my toothbrush and start brushing my teeth so I don't have to talk about it further.

Brian for whatever reason lets it go. We move through the rest of our evening ritual and get dressed for Babylon. He makes a crack about me not wearing the outfit from last week unless I want another spanking. I blush again but am equally certain that I only want Brian's attention tonight. I choose a pair of jeans and a shirt I intended to keep on. Brian looks incredible and I feel more confident about our chances as we approach his former hunting ground.

"Let's hear it for the boy" is playing when we enter the club. The song makes me break out in a wide smile; I recall it as the soundtrack to my first victory over Brian the night shortly after our first time. He had just recounted his "I've already had you- one-fuck only" standard rejection policy to me. With Daphne's encouragement, I had stolen the attention of not one, but two, of his dancing companions to this song. Brian was enticed enough to claim me as his own at least for the night. I somehow knew as he lifted me up off the ground and kissed my neck; it would be the first of many Brian Kinney policies he would eventually revise for me. I glance at his face as we strolled to the bar; if he understood the significance this song held for us, he kept it tucked away from me.

After our first round of drinks, I headed to the dance floor with Emmett leaving Brian at the bar alone. Emmett kept moving into my line of sight with his flamboyant praise-Jesus arm waving. He noticed my dancing was inhibited by my neck-straining and finally stopped.

"Baby, if you want to go back to Brian… I can go dance with someone else. There's a Brad Pitt look-alike that I think needs to make my acquaintance" Emmett said, gesturing to a man who in good lighting and with sober eyes would hardly resemble Brad Pitt.

I laughed "Don't let me stop you…" I shouted over the music. "….but Brian's a big boy. I can't stop him from doing something if he wants to do it".

We continue to dance and I watch out the corner of my eye as a tall muscular blond who closely resembles a Norse God does his first dick wag for Brian. He cruises the hell out of him and nods to the backroom. Brian leaves his seat and I huff when I lose him in the crowd.

"Em" I shout, straining my neck wishing I was taller "Can you see where Bri went?" I try to sound nonchalant but I am dying inside. I feel hands grabbing my waist. I push them off of me reflectively shouting "not interested!" without looking at the owner of the hands. I'm still bobbing around looking for Brian like an idiot when a stray hand grabs my dick. I deflect the hand and shout "look asshole…." Before I can get any further I am interrupted

"….Well I guess I should see if I can find Thor again" Brian shouts in my ear, he breaks out in an irresistible smirk "Looking for someone?"

"Dance with me" I command, smile knowingly "I need to keep you close; too many vultures circling".

He indulges me for a few songs before signaling it's time to head to the back room. "Come on Justin" he coaxes me when I want to stay for another dance, "we have an agreement that you will take care of my cock. The fact that you introduced an exclusivity clause, that's your problem. But it needs attention…now" he tugs my arm and guides me past the various couples and trio's already laying claim to backroom real-estate to an empty corner. With a slight push on my shoulder, I'm on my knees giving the ever demanding cock the attention it needs. Brian surprises me by issuing enthusiastic endorsement of my skills, praising my efforts to the backroom crowd.

After he comes, I am embarrassed as a few men stop to clap. Brian smiles as throughout the evening, a number of men push slips of papers with numbers in my pocket.

"Why did you do that?" I ask as we leave the club, pulling the slips of paper out of my pocket and throwing them away.

He shrugs "If those twats know I gave up tricking for someone; I want them to know I did it for the best fucking sex of my life"

He kisses me as we walk to the car and holds my hand. Suddenly the eyes of men who once dismissed me as Brian Kinney's teenage twink, his back-up fuck, were filled with envy.

When we were back in the comfort of our bed; Brian's enthusiastic praise of my skills continued.

"Come here" he beckons me after I finish licking him clean again. He guides me up to his mouth, swiping his tongue inside my mouth tasting his own fluids still on my lips. We kiss slowly for several more minutes.

"Tell me what you want" he whispers.

I look at him, unsure of what he is wanting to hear. I kiss him again, continuing the sweetness of the moment.

"Justin, I want to hear it" he asks "You can tell me. Tell me what you want".

I shake my head. "You know what I want"

He kisses me. "Tell me again" he insists.

"I want to feel you inside me" I finally say barely above a whisper. I arch under this touch.

"How?" he prompts me, grasping my cock firmly in his hand.

"You know how" I repeat, kissing him again.

"Baby, say it" he murmurs, stroking me tenderly "I want to hear it"

"I want you to fuck me….raw" I groan, my cock is pulsing in his hand as he works it expertly.

"You want me to fuck you bareback?" he asks

"Yes, I want you to cum inside my tight little ass" I feel my balls tighten and I grab Brian's wrist signaling how close I am getting.

"Cum for me baby" he whispers bending over and taking my cock in his mouth just as I begin to shoot streams of my hot liquid.

Brian licks me, sucking me clean and grabs a condom from the bowl on his bedside table. He kneels between my legs and opens the wrapper. "Justin, I don't know what will happen. I can't promise I won't fuck this up but I want you to know…." He places the condom on his cock and positions himself. I wrap my legs around him tightly pulling him closer to me.

He pushes into me slowly and pauses, he leans over me and whispers "…I want that too…" while kissing my neck "…I'm really going to try so I can give you what you want" I gasp more from the sincerity of his words than his movement inside me.

"Please don't hold back" he pleads continuing to pump in and out of me "Don't ever hold back with me"

I do as he asks and this time, I feel no embarrassment.

Brian falls asleep with his arms wrapped around me; I sigh and completely relax into his strong arms. I was fully at ease in this place beside my most-complicated lover. I somehow know no matter what happens in the next half a year or even the years to come; his freely given promise to try was worth more to our future than six months of obligatory faithfulness from some bet.

I close my eyes and shut my mind off, determined to love this man without inhibition and trust his promise to me.

* * *

A/N: This was your feel good chapter peeps...Don't you just love open, loving Brian? I know, I do. Alas, things are never so easy for our boys. What will happen when Brian is confronted with a work-situation he would normally solve with sex? Stay tuned...please review, comment and favorite. It keeps me motivated. Also, for anyone reading Playing with Fire, I hope to have a new chapter posted there soon.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Warning some angst ahead... Hope you won't hate me too much.

* * *

One of the downsides, if you could call it that, of attempting monogamy with Brian is that the man hated all things lesbianic or so much as hinted of a long term committed relationship. A month ago, if I wanted to do something special for him, I would pick up someone to take home and share or join him for one of his various kinks like orgies at the bathhouse. Now, that wasn't really an option. Not that I minded personally, in fact, I was thrilled to not have to share him, but thinking of that "something special" to mark a landmark event like my appreciation for one month of monogamy was proving quite difficult. I weighed my limited options: quickly dismissing another nude drawing, a sentimental gift or a romantic picnic as out of the question.

The month had gone by quickly. Brian was working hard at Kinnetik and I was working hard at keeping Brian satisfied. Admittedly too hard, I am unable to relax as much as I want to about it. I feel a compulsion to make the extra effort; frequently showing up at his office for lunch time quickies, giving him head in the car, and generally making myself available for whatever he wants, whenever he wants. If I am honest with myself, I remain afraid of not being enough for him. I am both aroused and disappointed by the lengths I was going to; as if I believed the hype that Brian was incapable of going so much as twelve hours without sex. I often considered re-thinking my strategy; after all, I need to know Brian was able to exercise self-control like every other human on the planet. I teeter back and forth so much that I am driving myself mad trying to decide once and for all and end my internal debate on the matter.

About five days before, I had decided to throw caution to the wind and plan an evening to show Brian that his commitment meant something to me; and to prove to myself that our relationship was deeper than sex, even monogamous sex. It was a risk I finally concluded I needed to take. I took the money I had saved from Rage and decided to splurge. I found a resort in the Poconos with a highly reviewed spa and booked us an overnight trip. I also picked out a beautiful black leather Prada briefcase for Brian as a gift. I was hoping the practical, albeit designer label, gift might balance the romantic gesture. Everything was coming together; I had strategized with Cynthia, Brian's assistant, so that I could ensure his calendar was clear and the briefcase was to be delivered tomorrow.

As the night of our 'anniversary' approached; I kept questioning my decision more and more. As I enter the building that houses Kinnetik; I decide to tell Brian of our weekend plans rather than surprise him. Somehow the sting of rejection seems more palatable sooner than later. I clutch the bag containing the lunch I had made us and head up to Brian's office. He is not expecting me but it's not unusual for me to bring him lunch on the days when I don't have afternoon classes. I stroll into the corridor outside his office and notice the empty workstations. I assume everyone is at lunch, even Cynthia's desk is abandoned. I can hear Brian's voice inside his office with another man but am unable to make out what either is saying clearly. I pause for a minute to decide the best course of action. I neither want to interrupt a business meeting, nor stand outside eavesdropping but without Cynthia at her desk to announce my presence; I figure I have no choice. I set the food down and knock gently before opening the door.

My eyes took in the scene before me. I notice the other man first. He was about Brian's height, slightly older. His well-toned body could be appreciated under his impeccably tailored suit. His lust-filled eyes caught mine for a minute before clouding over with the embarrassment I assume he felt due to his impossibly close proximity to Brian. He was leaning against Brian's desk and Brian was facing him, they were too close for it to be professional encounter. This man had his hands on Brian's hips and Brian's leg was occupying the space between the man's legs; their pelvis's pressed together. Less than a second after meeting his gaze; he pushes away from Brian enough for me to visualize the outline of his hard-on under tented Armani pants. Brian, likely due to the abruptness of the man's movement, finally turns around to face me. I feel my skin burn as his hazel eyes meet mine. One look of Brian's guilty face confirms all I needed to know. I heard him call my name as I turn around and flee the office.

Despite my best efforts I was tearing up before making it out of the office. I ride the elevator down to the main floor and when the door opens Brian greets me. Despite his claim to never chase after anyone; he must have run down the stairs to beat the elevator.

"Justin" he begs breathlessly as the door opens "Let me explain"

"Fuck off Brian" I shout as I try to push past him, I am unable to control the tone of my voice or the tears flowing from my eyes so my voice cracks and I hate that he sees me like this.

He grabs my shirt as I try to move past him and he pulls me towards him, "It's not what you think" he says as he forcefully pushes his lips on mine. I am revolted by the unapologetic manner in which he kisses me. I wiggle free from his grasp.

"Not what I think?" I scream, disregarding the fifteen or so employees who are returning from lunch and watching our drama unfold, "I can fucking taste him on you, you fucking asshole!" I whisper into his ear, "Now let me go unless you want your entire office to hear this"

Brian turns his head slowly, acknowledging our audience for the first time. "Come back upstairs with me so we can talk in private" he pleads quietly.

I shake my head no. "Let me go" I command, forcefully removing Brian's clenched hand from my shirt. Without another word I walk away, my body trembling from anger and disappointment. I half-run the block and a half to the bus stop. I collapse onto the bench, thankful there is no one else waiting and sob uncontrollably.

I was at the bus stop less than fifteen minutes and had just regained my composure when Brian's corvette pulls up along-side me.

"Justin, get in the car" he insist.

"What part of fuck off don't you understand?" I scream at him.

"Sunshine, you left your wallet in the bag with the food so I have your money and your bus pass. Stop being a princess and give me a chance to explain."

As soon as the words left his mouth, I despise him. I hate that he calls me a princess, I hate that he minimizes the pain that he caused, and most of all I hate that he has my fucking wallet and I have to talk to him.

I approach the passenger side window and hold out my hand, "Give me my wallet Brian and leave me the fuck alone"

He shakes his head and opens the car door on the passenger side. "Get in. I'll drive you home"

I know it's futile to persist. He won't give it to me unless I hear him out. I slink into the car and angle myself so that I am looking out the window. I know if I look at him I will either cry or scream or both.

"Justin, look at me" he begs, his voice softening a little. "I can explain. It was just business."

"I don't want your bullshit explanation. I called off the bet; you said you would try. You couldn't do it. There's nothing to more to say." I cross my arms and refuse to look at him still "Now give me my wallet or drive me to Daphne's"

"You're not going to the loft?" he asks.

I huff at his suggestion, "No, I'm not going to the loft".

Brian finally relents and drives me to Daphne's. When he pulls up, I hold out my hand for my wallet which he pulls from his pocket and places in my hand. I open the car door and walk away without another word.

I enter Daphne's apartment and throw myself into the daybed in her living room. I pull the pillow over my face and scream as loud and as long as I can until I pass out from exhaustion.

Daphne wakes me when she comes home from work. It's dark outside but I have no concept of time. I mumble something to her about a fight with Brian and she pats my head and lets me go back to sleep without pushing for details. This is why she's my best friend.

When I wake up again it's the next morning. I check my phone and there are four missed calls all from Brian. I delete the messages without listening to them. I groan with the realization that I have a class in about an hour and my bag is still at the loft. I want nothing more than to ditch the class but I had an important assignment due and the professor was notorious for not accepting late assignments for any reason. I hardly think a broken heart would change this policy. I quickly shower and head over to the loft.

As I climb the stairs to Brian's loft, my chest is literally aching. I slide open the door and flashback to the countless times I have walked in to see Brian fucking some random trick. The memories are everywhere and I am powerless to erase them. I quickly head to the desk where my portfolio is laying and gather up my supplies.

"Sunshine" I jump at the unexpected voice, I turn to see Brian sitting on the chaise lounge. He's clutching something to his chest and a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels is sitting on the table next to him.

"Jesus Christ Brian, you scared the shit out of me!" I yelled, hurrying my things into the bag "I just need some things for class and then I'm leaving. I didn't think you'd be here. Why aren't you at work?"

"I love it" he slurs, holding up the briefcase and then clutching it back to his chest.

I scan the room noticing for the first time the discarded packaging from the delivery I had forgotten about.

"Great Brian! I'm so glad you like it" I respond, he winces at the sarcasm dripping from my tongue.

Brian tries to get up from the chaise but he stumbles over his own feet and falls down on the floor with a thud. "Please don't leave me" he says, his hand reaching up for me.

I stare down at him for a moment. I want to leave. I want to walk away and never look back. He looks so broken, so vulnerable, so lonely. I had never seen him look quite so desperately pathetic in his drunken state. I reach my hand down to help him up. I throw my arm around his waist and walk him to the bed. "My Sonny Boy, please stay with me" he asks, pulling me down with him on the bed and wrapping his arms around me.

"I have class" I explain, remove his hands from me and stand free of the bed "Sleep it off. I'll come back after class tonight and we can talk"


	7. Chapter 7

I endure one hour of life drawing class followed by two hours of art history lectures. I am only half-listening, my mind still on Brian. My art history professor advances the slide show and the painting captures my attention.

…_The Kiss is considered Gustav Klimt's most famous painting from his Golden Period which was during 1898 to 1908.__ The painting shows what love and passion looks like close up since the couple are sitting on a bed. It is also assumed that both of the lovers have lost themselves in their passion and love and it is in a unity that only two people who are truly in love can explain and experience. Many art analysis think that the models in the masterpiece is himself and his companion Emilie Floge. However since Klimt was known for being unfaithful throughout his life, there is no way to really tell if that is who the couple is…._

Oh, for fuck's sake. Hundreds of thousands of fucking pieces of art throughout history and this is the one that we are studying today.

Class finally ends and I sling my bag over my shoulder. As I leave the PIFA building, I glance right and left a few times.

To my right is bus stop #93. Bus 93 takes me to Tremont and Liberty, a block from Brian's loft.

To my left is bus stop #28. Bus 28, connects to Bus 10, which in turn takes me to Daphne's apartment.

I sigh heavily and turn to my left. I clear half the distance to the bus stop and my legs lock in place unexplainably. My hand is cramping from the sketching and I rub it gently with my unaffected hand.

The same hand that just a few hours ago had pulled a hurt, broken, Brian up from the ground.

The same hand Brian held as he walked with a hurt, broken, me after the bashing when I was too scared to be in a crowd by myself.

Before my brain and better judgment could stop me, I allow the grasp of the unexplainable pull to move my legs in the only direction they can. The pull back to Brian. I just make it to catch the #93 bus before it pulls away.

On the bus I stare at a picture of Klimt's _The Kiss. _I read the description of the painting from my lecture notes_._

_It's considered a one of a kind masterpiece that shows what love should be like at all times. Passion and unity should be a part of a couples relationship. The hands and faces are the only thing that is shown in detail in this painting, this is because their bodies are combined in a great gold swirl of true love and also erotic passion._

I considered the statement and memories of Brian and I together flood my heart and soul with doubts. My chest aches heavy, a fissure forms where I suspect my heart is breaking. When it came to my relationship with Brian, I take a quick inventory:

Erotic passion….check

Unity…..not so much

I slide open the door to the loft, and with great trepidation enter. I once looked at the loft as the Promised Land. A place I was forbidden to enter, a place Brian guarded as closely as he did his own heart. Once I was granted access, it was like Brian was finally letting me in; into his life, into his heart. When he gave me my own key; I felt I had arrived at the proverbial mountain top. Little did I know.

"Hey" he says from the kitchen. Even hung-over, he looked just so. fucking. beautiful.

"Hi" I offer weakly, "feeling better?"

Brian nods. I stand at the doorway as he walks to me. I don't want him to touch me but at the same time, I can't wait to feel his touch. His eyes tell me he is unsure. Unsure what to say, unsure of what to do…to fix us.

I sit my bag down on the floor as he approaches. He grabs me and holds me close to him. We stand there silently. I can't let him go; I can't look at him; I can't move. I just let him hold me. I don't know how to move forward from where we are but I don't know how to walk away either. So I just let him hold me.

Brian lets go first. "Come sit down" he says "Couch or Bed?"

"Couch" I agree as I follow and sit opposite him.

"Justin" he starts, then with a tone and expression more sincere than I have known him to use he offers me "I'm sorry"

"I thought sorry was bullshit" I counter.

"I really thought I could do it" he says, lowering his head in shame "I know you're upset but I think you should know something…." He pauses, swallowing hard.

"What?" I ask "What do you want to say to me? How you are incapable of being faithful. How I should just accept that about you. How it meant nothing. How I shouldn't expect you to put my feelings above your desire for a quick meaningless fuck"

"I didn't fuck him" he explains "at least not yesterday when you saw us. Not since…."

My world turns upside down in my own rage. "Didn't fuck him? Brian, don't play semantics with me. If you didn't fuck him it was only because I interrupted you before you could. I could taste him on you"

"Justin, please listen to me" he pleads. "That guy, his name is Aiden. He's the son of Jack West, head of West Enterprises…." He pauses waiting for me to acknowledge that this fact somehow changes my view.

"Brian, I don't fucking care if he's the head of fucking Coca-Cola. Normal people don't fuck their clients to secure business" I spout indignantly "in fact many would argue that it's actually frowned upon to conduct business that way"

Brian is undeterred by my outburst. "Aiden and I have a history, I worked with him at Vanguard on a campaign. We fucked…a few times. So when he saw me again. He had no way of knowing that my circumstances had…you know, changed"

"No way of knowing?" I counter, "You could have told him asshole. What's wrong with, hey I can't put my dick in your ass anymore cause now I have a FUCKING BOYFRIEND and I only stick my dick in his ass?"

Brian smirked a little, amused at my outburst. "Yeah, come to think of it, that might have been better"

"Brian, this is pointless" I sigh in frustration "I don't want to hear your bullshit justifications, the truth is it could have been anybody. This whole month I have been killing myself trying to be enough for you. The truth is, I will never be enough, will I?"

"Sunshine, this has nothing to do with you being enough for me" he strokes my hair as he spoke gently "Can I just tell you what happened yesterday, please?"

I nod giving approval for him to continue but am afraid of what I am going to hear. Not sure if I am more afraid that it would make a difference in how I was feeling or that it wouldn't.

"When Aiden came into my office and made his, um, expectations clear. I turned him down at first. He didn't give up and he threatened to pull his business. I am counting on that business, Justin. I just hired six people to support that account. Without it, I would have to fire them….anyways...I did think about you, about what we talked about before…"

"Are you saying that I should forgive you because you were thinking about me while you fucked him?" I huffed as I got up to leave, confident this was getting us nowhere fast.

"Justin, fuck….wait" he pulls me back down "I told you I didn't fuck him, I wasn't going to fuck him"

"Then what…" I demand

He looks exasperated, "You said my dick was yours" he shouts "I couldn't let these people lose their job. So I…." he paused, looking completely gutted.

"WHAT? For God's sake…just spit it out already!" I insist

"I said I would…" he looked down, a hint of red on his cheeks revealing embarrassment "I gave him a blow job, okay"

"Huh?" I asked totally dismayed.

He shrugs off the embarrassment, presses his lips together and explains "I figured if I just sucked him off, then I wouldn't be breaking our arrangement, not technically anyways and these people would keep their jobs, and he would be happy enough. I thought it was the only way" he finally looks me in the eyes.

"So you didn't even cum, you just sucked him?" I clarify, laughing slightly at the thought of Brian dropping to his knees to give a blow job in his office.

He shook his head confirming my assertion, a half smile on his face.

"…and you actually thought about me and my feelings before you decided to blow him?" I ask unsure if I was supposed to be touched or outraged anymore.

"Justin, I really fucked up" he admits "…but I was trying to do the right thing. I just don't have much practical experience at it."

I burst out laughing uncontrollably at the ridiculousness of the situation.

"What's so funny?" he asks, irritated by my response to what I am sure he considers a genuine apology.

"I just…" I choke out in between laughing fits "I just…. can't believe….only you could….only you could make a convincing case…. for giving a blow job…. as the only option…. to save people's jobs"

Brian joins me in burst into laughter. We laugh for a good while and I start to remember the good times again and after a few minutes I feel the familiar pull again, this time it overcomes my lips as I lean over and place them where they belong- on Brian's waiting mouth.

The kiss starts slow at first, Brian lets me warm up to him, forgiving him at my own pace. He places his hand on the back of my neck and his fingertips send chills down my spine; electrifying the urgency as our tongues dance together playfully. He breaks our kiss for a second as his lips seek out the curvature of my neck.

"You're always enough" he whispers in my ear as he continues running his tongue over my neck.

His eyes fill with lust as he takes hold of my shirt hem, edging it over my head. He removes his own shirt as the momentum of desire builds between us. Item after item of clothing shed in rapid succession until we are flesh on flesh. He moans into my navel as he traces a path over my stomach and up my torso, taking my nipples, first right, then left into his mouth, sucking them to tautness. Guiding his head back up to my lips by a fistful of his hair, I pull him back onto me as I recline onto the couch, letting his body blanket mine fully. I feel the heaviness of his engorged cock push against my own, grinding my hips up slightly generating some pressure and heat as we rub together.

"Justin" I melt hearing him whisper my name so lovingly. "I want you" he says

"I want you too" I murmur back into his ear.

"I want you…only you" he whispers, caressing my hair and looking into my eyes.

He guides my legs to his shoulders as he pulls a stashed condom from under the couch cushion. I breath in and out slowly relaxing into the pressure of his entry. He fills me completely taking control as we rise to the height of ecstasy together. His thrusts into me are well-orchestrated with firm strokes over my cock and deep, mind-altering kisses. He pulls me over the edge with him; panting, moaning, and grasping each other tightly as we climax together.

_Yep definitely have erotic passion covered_, I thought to myself as my heart rate and breathing returns to normal.

Brian lies on top of me as we recover. I run my hands up and down his back and his fingers wrap around stands of my sweat moistened hair. The uncomfortable position soon wears on me and I shift under him prompting him to stand up. He pulls me up and walks us over to the bed.

I notice the briefcase I bought him was back in the package sitting on the dresser. I look at Brian asking silently for an explanation.

"I can't keep it" he says finally "You can't afford it and I don't deserve it anyways".

"I can afford it" I protest "and I want you to have it".

I climb into our bed and motion for him to follow me. He doesn't protest further.

"I love it" he offers after a few moments of quiet contemplation.

"I'm glad" I smile reassuringly up at him, giving him a kiss. "Brian, there's one more thing I need to ask you".

He nods, "Yes, I'll go" he offers without giving me a chance to ask my question.

"Huh?"

"You're going to ask me if I will go with you to the Poconos this weekend right?" he says smiling.

"Wait" I said, searching his face for clues, "How did you know that?"

"Sunshine, first I know how your mind works. I know you weren't going to let a month go by unacknowledged. Second, you did the research on my computer." Brian chuckles at my predictability.

"It's not too….lesbianic?" I ask cautiously

"No, for once I think we are in complete agreement" he responds.

"Complete agreement?" I smirk "So would you say we are in unity?"

"Yeah, Mr. I-got-a-1500-on-my-SAT's agreement and unity are synonyms last time I checked" Brian looks at me funny knowing he was missing the joke.

I laughed and kissed him, "Well maybe there's hope for us yet"

* * *

A/N:

First, thanks for all the support of this story. I am glad you are enjoying it. Please keep reviewing...

Second, I would love to hear your thoughts...does Justin forgive Brian too easily for this indiscretion? I considered dragging it out over a few chapters but I didn't want to torture you with too much angst. Personally I like a stronger Justin not doormat/weak Justin which alot of fanfics portray him as but I consider to be OOC with the series. I don't think Brian would be so drawn to Justin if he were not a challenge for him.

Lastly, coming soon in the next chapter...Will Justin and Brian get their weekend away? Will it be ridiculously romantic or another obstacle to overcome?

By the way I know virtually nothing about art history. Discussion of The Kiss was taken verbatim from blog/2011/07/gustav-klimt-the-kiss-painting-depict-love-and-passion. All credit belongs to the unlisted author of that blog


	8. Chapter 8

"Are you ready yet?" Brian asks me for the third time, "I really don't want to get stuck in traffic".

I survey the contents of my bag one last time and sigh, "I think so. I still feel like I'm forgetting something important. Did you grab my phone charger?"

Brian nods affirmatively, "Come on, let's go"

He takes my bag and carries them both into the elevator asserting the end of the packing phase of our weekend getaway and the start of the travel phase. Brian and I haven't done a long car trip together since he brought me back from New York after my ill-thought out run-away attempt. That time, we were crammed into the jeep with Ted, Emmett and Michael and Brian had been on a mission to get back to Pittsburgh as soon as humanly possible. I was hoping for a little more bonding and romance this trip.

Brian opens the Jeep door for me and as I climb in he throws the bags into the back of the car. He takes a minute to remove the top and folds the fabric into the back, securing it with the ties. He punches in the destination of our hotel into the GPS and all but ignores the first set of non-sense directions that guide him out of the neighborhood and onto the interstate preferring to take his usual route that bypasses the normal congestion in the area. Once we hit eighty and Brian has the cruise set, I take a deep sigh confident that we are really doing this and switch on the radio. I can't help but steal glances his way and fantasize about the upcoming weekend. I unfortunately also can't help but notice that my steadfast grin offers a stark contrast to the expression on Brian's face. It's not dread exactly, but it's not excitement or happiness either.

"Something wrong?" I ask finally. He looks at me, offers a half-hearted smile and shrugs, patting my thigh for reassurance but not answering my question.

"You don't want to do this, do you?" I offer, my insecurities wash over me.

Brian smirks, "Do I ever do anything I don't want to do?"

I softly laugh acknowledging his point, "Then what?"

Brian looks at me in a way so I know I am pushing it, "You're getting what you want, why do you care?"

"Brian, you look like you're looking forward to this about as much as someone would a root canal. I am trying not to be insulted that the thought of spending a weekend alone with me in a romantic setting, fucking our brains out, seems to have all the appeal as invasive dental work to you."

Brian laughs mocking me, "Don't be such a princess. Not everything is about you, you know?"

I know I am sulking. I turn the radio up and cross my arms in a huff, unsatisfied by his lack of explanation. Almost an hour goes by in silence before Brian takes an exit I was not expecting.

I glance at the gas tank, still three-quarters full. I look at him with a silent question.

"Gotta piss" he explains, "you thirsty?"

We pull into a rest stop area largely empty sans a single 18 wheeler that's pulling out as we pull in. He hands me a couple singles. "There's a soda machine over there. Will you see if they have bottled water?"

I nod and walk over to the machine as Brian goes to take care of business. I secure two bottles of water for us and return to the jeep. I climb in and wait for Brian.

Brian walks back over to the jeep. "It's starting to cloud up" he observes glancing skyward. "I should put the top back up"

I nod and we start replacing the top when the sky opens up and a random downpour begins. "Get in the car" he instructs me. I comply as he finishes replacing the top and climbs back into the car soaking wet. My cock twitches as I admire the outline of his pectoral and abdominal muscles and erect nipples visible through his clinging wet shirt. He turns to grab his bag from the back, probably to find dry clothes. He catches me staring lustfully and I blush slightly.

"See something you like?" he asks snaking his hand under the leg opening of my shorts, inching his fingers upward as far as the fabric will allow and squeezing my thigh.

"I think maybe we started this trip off wrong", I suggest running my hand over his chest. He makes a move for my zipper but I stop him. "Not here" I say, "There". . I glance to a picnic area nearby with cement tables and benches.

Brian looks at me, "What? It's pouring"

"I know" I smile and open the door. The rain feels warm on my face and I stroll a few steps before looking back at Brian still in the jeep. The rain has soaked my khaki shorts and my erection is bulging under the thin fabric. I arrive at the table closest to the jeep about 50 feet from the car. I lean against the table and cup myself, giving it a little encouragement for his benefit and shake my hair, lifting my face up and catching the warm summer rain in my mouth.

Brian opens the door to join me, jogging slightly. I pull him closer to me, feeling his wet skin under his soaked shirt. "Care to tell me why we are standing in the rain?" he says smiling.

"We've never done it in the rain before" I say, unzipping his fly and working my way through wet denim to pull his soft cock free enough to manipulate with my hand.

He smiles and kisses me, I grab the back of his neck and hold his mouth to mine sitting up on the table with Brian straddled between my legs.

"Take off these shorts" he commands. Obediently, I lift my butt off the bench and lower my shorts and boxers down to my knees.

"Better get your shirt out of the way too," he says, grabbing the bottom of my shirt and lifting it over my head, hooking it behind my neck. It was tight, but not restricting and it did leave my stomach and chest exposed. "Mmmm" Brian hums appreciatively, thrusting his erection gently against mine as he starts rubbing my nipples.

My hands instinctively grab his ass, squeezing and caressing. I enjoy the slippery feel of his skin as the rain falls over us. "This is sort of a fantasy of mine" I whisper.

He smiles down at me, looking into my eyes as he spits into his right hand, sliding his left hand up to rest on my shoulder. Wrapping his fingers around my shaft, he slowly strokes up and down, spreading his spit evenly mixing with the raindrops. Keeping our gazes locked, I spit on my own hand and start rubbing his engorged member.

He closes the short distance between us and crushes his lips against mine. The kiss was sloppy and wet, tongues tangling in and out of each other's mouths. His hand jerking my cock speeds up and I match his increase in speed. His passion and vigor was sensational and too pleasurable for me to hold off climaxing. I pull back from the kiss to grunt, "I'm coming." Moaning, I shoot ropes of come on my chest and stomach, the rain rinsing the stickiness quickly away.

Brian pulls me up and flips me around, bending me over the table. He pulls a condom from his pocket and rolls it on with one hand while his spit-slicked finger makes quick preparation of his target. I feel the intrusion and gasp just as the rain picks up and we are flooded by a hard pelting that stings the skin.

"You okay?" Brian grunts "No extra lube"

"Yeah" I offer, enjoying the rough stretching and sting "I want it, fuck me"

Brian complies and with little hesitation fills me up. He takes me as fast and furious as the rain smacks us and it's just as the fantasy had played out in my head. The combination of the punishing rain, the public location and the residual frustration from our early tension drives Brian to pound me mercilessly until he cries out, digging the fingers holding my hip into my skin and biting at my neck, marking me as his orgasm seizes through him.

He collapses on my back and I relish the feel of his heart pounding through the wet fabric for only a moment until an approaching car snaps us back to reality.

I grab my shorts and pull them back up as Brian makes quick work of removing the condom and tucking himself back in. We run back to the car together and the sky quiets down just as we close the door.

Brian reaches into the back and pulls his bag from the back of the car, rifling through it and pulling out a change of clothes.

He replaces the bag and pulls mine out as well and we head to the restroom to change, drawing funny looks and giggles from the mini-van of teen-age girls that just interrupted our post-coital moment.

After drying off and changing, we hit the road and Brian's attitude is much improved. He even takes my hand as we drive and I kick myself for not fucking him sooner into our trip and sparing myself the hour of pained silence earlier.

I am singing along to the radio as I catch Brian's stare and warm smile. "That's better" I say touching my lips to his, appreciating the absence of his early scowl.

"So the rain, huh?", he bites his lip. "Was it as good as the fantasy?"

I cover my face with my hands and nod.

"Good. Tell me more" he prompts turning his attention back to the road.

"More what?" I question him.

"More of your fantasies" he steals a quick glance and flashes a flirtatious smile.

I let a nervous laugh escape. "I'm not going to tell you my fantasies"

"Why not?" he pushes "Look we have _at least_ five more months of this monogamy trial period left, right?"

I nod and smile widely mostly because he emphasizes the 'at least' in his last statement implying that it could be longer.

"So" he continues, "we should be able to share our kinkiest fantasies if nothing else so we don't get bored with each other"

"You think you will get bored of me?" I ask, a bit hurt by the suggestion.

He sighs and I recognize it as a 'stop-being-so-sensitive-and-get-over-it' sigh, "Just tell me, I want to know"

"You first" I say before adding "since you're so concerned about getting bored"

He laughs, "I will need to get you a bit drunk before sharing my kinkiest fantasies. Maybe we can pick this conversation up tonight."

I welcome the reprieve accepting that it's probably better to save the conversation for some intoxicated pillow talk and we fill up the rest of our drive with less intense and sexually charged topics, enjoying the view of the mountains and the pleasure of each other's company.

The rest of our drive flies by and before I know it the GPS instructs us to exit and we pull into the parking lot of the hotel.

Brian grabs our stuff and we head to the check in desk. "Staying three nights, checking out Tuesday, correct?" the clerk offers.

I go to correct him "no checking out tomorrow" I say just as Brian nods affirmatively and says "that's correct"

"Wait, what?" I ask him.

"I changed the reservation" he says offering the clerk his credit card "Please put the charges on this card" he says.

"Brian, this was my treat and I have to work Monday and I have class on Tuesday"

"I already let Debbie know you wouldn't be in Monday and we can leave early on Tuesday, your class isn't until afternoon. As for the money, don't worry about it."

"I didn't bring enough stuff" I continue to object, the clerk is already processing Brian's card and I see that I am losing this battle that I have no interest in really fighting.

"I added a couple extra things of yours in my bag" he says kissing me "although, I don't think you will be needing anything if I have my way"

The clerk clears his throat to remind us he is still there and smiles at us nervously, "Very well then Mr. Kinney, your room number is 304. This is our Presidential Suite with our most lavish accommodations. In addition to the king size bed, your suite has a full in-suite plunge pool, steam room, private Jacuzzi, and sauna. We have a wet bar that is fully stocked with your requests and in-room dining is available until midnight. Our concierge, Brent, would be happy to arrange any reservations or activities should you prefer to leave the property."

I looked at Brian with my mouth open. I had barely been able to afford the basic accommodations which were still very nice but a far cry from the upgraded reservation he had arranged.

"Would you like Brent to make some recommendations?" the clerk prompted.

Brian smiled at me with his most devilish grin. "That won't be necessary" I said, smiling back. "We won't be leaving the room…er the property" I offer grabbing the keys and pulling Brian after me.

I barely contain my enthusiasm as we wait for the elevator to open. When it does, I am irritated that it has occupants and delays my impulse to ravage Brian for another few minutes until we get to the room.

When I open the door to the room, I pull him by the shirt to the bed with enough force that the fabric threatens to tear. "Watch it" he says, "I'm already down one change of clothes due to your rain antics"

"Strip" I order, pushing him down on the bed.

"Oh, feeling kind of bossy, aren't we?" he teases but follow my instructions "Better cut that out or I'll have to punish you"

"I want to show you my appreciation. Now get your cock out so I can ride it" I say, surprising myself at my own forcefulness and removing my clothes.

"Condoms" he says, motioning to the bag we discarded on the floor in the entry way. "Shaving kit, front pocket"

I reluctantly go to retrieve supplies, allowing myself to envision a day when it won't be necessary. Just as I locate Brian's shaving kit, a loud knock comes from the door.

"Are you kidding me?" I say, looking at Brian who is naked and stroking away on the bed.

"Don't answer it" he says "get your ass over here and bring the lube, you're gonna need it"

"Brian Kinney, I thought that was you?" an unfamiliar voice calls from the other side of the door "How long has it been?"

I look at Brian, angry heat filling my flushed skin and open the door, concealing my erection behind it. I look at the voice behind the door. The man is tall and built like Ben was. Sex practically oozed out of his well moisturized, bronzed skin. His eyes adjusted at the surprise of seeing me instead of Brian but he drank me in enough to confirm for me he was gay.

"Oh sorry" he says in mock apology "I thought I saw an old, um, _friend_…is Brian Kinney here?"

"Yes" I say, not concealing my irritation at his use of the word friend obviously a euphemism for fuck partner.

"Um, can I talk to him?" he asks, now displaying his own irritation.

"Fuck off" I say "We're busy" and slam the door in his face.

I turn my attention back to Brian who is laughing in amusement still stroking his hard cock. "I can't believe you" I say "I can't take you anywhere without running into a past trick" I slap his chest as I climb on top of him. He pulls me down on to his mouth for an insanely intense kiss.

I quickly prepare myself running lubed fingers in my ass, while he rolls the condom down; my own cock is straining up, begging for him to grab it but he uses one hand to slide under me I assume to help lift my body so I can lower myself on him. The other hand surprises me with a firm smack across my ass. "Ouch" I say "That was hard"

"What?" he feigns innocence "I told you not to answer it! Now you need to be punished" his eyes dilate as he stares intensely into my eyes. He turns my hips so that he can see the red mark forming on my ass from his spanking. "How about we enjoy one of my fantasies now?" he says and before I can answer, he's flipped me on to my stomach and is smacking my ass firmly and repeatedly, his other hand has my wrists pinned to the bed.

"Brian" I wiggle under his assault "Stop" My fighting seems to spur him on.

"Trust me" he whispers, I can feel his leaking hard-on pushing into the burning skin on my ass. "Daddy needs to punish his naughty boy"

I moan and I know that I don't need to tell Brian my other favorite secret fantasy; he remembers it from my shower outburst. I lift my ass up, to grind my throbbing dick against the bed and let another sweet smack hit the sensitive flesh.


	9. Chapter 9

By Sunday night as reluctant as I was to admit it, my ass was fucked-out, my dick was raw and my jaw was aching. Brian and I spent twenty-four glorious hours rimming, ramming and sucking each other into oblivion; even my nipples were ultra-sensitive thanks to an exquisitely tight set of nipple clamps.

I sat in the Jacuzzi tub leaning back onto Brian's smooth chest. The romantic in me is giddy; we've never taken a bath together before. All this talk about secret fantasies and Brian was indulging me on my every request, even when they leaned towards the romantic side instead of the kinky. When I filled the tub, I was pleasantly relieved that he climbed in without objection. The heat and bubbles were soothing my thoroughly abused body; I sank my head back further. My head was settled in the crevice between his neck and shoulder. The move was motivated purely by satisfied exhaustion but Brian mistakes it for a go-signal. His lips find the spot on my neck just slightly below and behind my earlobe; this spot gives me goose-bumps despite the heat of the water and I can feel Brian get slightly hard at the response.

"Brian, stop" I say unconvincingly with a slight seductiveness to my tone.

His arms reach around me, holding me tight to him. He slides one hand down my chest and over my dick which is still soft and floating in the water. I wince slightly still sore from earlier friction but Brian doesn't notice. "Do you really want me to stop Sunshine?" he coaxes a response from my reluctant cock pressing his pelvis forward into my lower back.

"I think fucking in water gives you a false sense of lubrication" I joke "my ass needs a rest".

Brian cringes "Is it bad?" he asks genuinely concerned. He's never torn me before but we both heard how painful it can be.

"Well between the beatings you gave me yesterday and the three times in the pool…." I remind him.

"Sorry" he says and means it. "Let's go out to dinner tonight, I'm starving. There are some nice places in the area"

I nod thinking maybe leaving the room is a good idea. "I don't have anything dressy" I warn.

"Actually I brought you something that will work, just in case" he says motioning for me to get out of the tub.

We both climb out and Brian opens the closet. I grin that he's somehow taken the time to unpack. My wardrobe was perfectly suited to remain in my duffle bag until needed but Brian's clothing was all-high-end designer and it would seem required taking the time to hang each item carefully up. "When did you have time to unpack?" I ask, teasing him.

"You were asleep" he answers holding out a button-down cotton dress shirt I don't recognize. Its steel grey or pewter as Brian would describe it, with a point collar.

I take it, glance at the label. "Hugo Boss?" I ask with my eyebrow arched.

He nods with a smile and hands me a tie as well. "You brought your black pants, right, they should work?"

"Brian" I start to object as he thrust it into my hand.

"I need to make a reservation. Just put it on Sunshine" he insists "I'm not taking you out in one of your FCUK t-shirts"

I kiss him on the cheek by way of thanks and head off into the bedroom to change.

When Brian comes back to the bedroom, he has changed as well. He looks remarkable in a deep purple button-down shirt and grey slacks. The deep purple of his shirt perfectly complements his skin tone. He stands behind me as I look in the full-length mirror.

"Neckties are stupid. Why do men wear them?" Brian cracks a smile at my comment as I struggle with the blue-and-pewter tie of death. No matter how many times I wore one I hated the feel of it but it did kind of match my eyes.

"You look beautiful Justin" Brian says looking at me in the mirror as he straightened my tie. His words make me forget about the tie. We both pause looking at our reflections in the mirror, his hand resting on my upper arm. I smile because I can't help but think we make a handsome couple; in that moment when we both have adoring gazes on our faces, it feels like we are an honest to goodness, white-picket-fence, live-happily-ever-after real couple.

Brian breaks the moment and my gaze with a peck on my cheek and a pat on my shoulder "Brent got us reservations at an Italian place nearby, you almost ready?"

I sigh, "Just need my shoes" I say, picking them up and sitting on the bed to put them on.

When we arrive at the restaurant it's crowded but thanks to Brent, we are seated immediately in a half-circle red leather booth in the back so we can sit next to each other and have a nice view of a stage that is empty of performers but is clearly set up for live music with several instrument stands, microphones and a piano. Brian's hand is in my lap massaging my upper thigh as soon as we sit; I let him continue confident that the low-hanging table cloth blocks public view of his actions.

The host offers us our menus and Brian peruses the wine list and orders a glass of Chianti and I order a Jim and Coke. The server surprises us both by asking for my ID. I smile sheepishly and move Brian's hand so I can remove my wallet from my back pocket. I finger behind my actual ID that reveals I am just twenty and pull out the fake one I hadn't needed in over two years since I had been with Brian and offer it to the server. She nods and leaves us alone and I know Brian is smirking without looking at him and as I go to place the ID back in my wallet he grabs it from me.

"I forget how young you are sometimes" he admits staring at my picture but the details of a twenty –five year old Pennsylvania resident named Sawyer Harrison. "Really? This says your six feet?" he smiles with a mocking laugh.

"It worked, didn't it?" I remind him and he hands it back to me "Besides, you know I am hardly your average twenty year old"

Brian kisses me "True, but still I can't help but think maybe you're wasting your youth on me"

I let out a frustrated groan, "I am not having this conversation with you again. It's my call how I want to spend my youth and I want to be with you. I love you Brian. I know you don't believe in love but I do and I know I have something special with you and I wouldn't trade it for a hundred meaningless encounters"

Brian doesn't argue which I take as a good sign but for good measure decide to stroke his ego a bit. "Besides, every fantasy I have stars you anyway"

Brian arches his eyebrow. His suggestive smile tells me that I put an end to this tired conversation. The server returns with our drinks and takes our order. I am nuzzling Brian's neck with my lips, my head turned toward the wall when I feel Brian tense up unexpectedly. I look up to determine the cause and see a man approaching our table. _Fuck me if it's not the man from yesterday_.

"Evan?" Brian pushes me away to slide out of the booth, standing to greet him and shake his hand. _Awfully formal greeting for a former trick? _I think.

Brian gives Evan a warm, slightly too intimate hug. I force myself to swallow the lump growing in my throat. "Man how long has it been?"

"Um, senior year college, I think" he says "or at least that summer after we graduated"

I clear my throat and give Brian a pained look at being ignored. "Oh, um… Evan Miller, this is Justin Taylor. Evan and I went to Carnegie Mellon together. We even roomed together for a semester" he explains as he introduces us.

"Hey man" he says to me, "Sorry about the intrusion the other night. Nice to meet you"

I force a smile and shake his hand. "Mind if I join you?" he says sliding into the booth without waiting for an answer. "So Bri- what have you been up to? I heard from Rachel and Bobby you started your own thing"

"Yeah, I did" Brian confirms, "Kinnetik, it's going well, thanks. You still keep in touch with Rachel?"

"Of course, actually, she's my sister-in-law, I guess you could say" Evan said surprised.

"No kidding, Lindz will flip. I didn't know your sister was a lezzie" Brian joked. Seeing my confusion he added, "Rachel and Lindsay dated in college for a while" he clarified.

"No, she's not" Evan said embarrassed, clearing his throat and swallowing hard "I'm sort of married to her sister, Karen"

I sigh relief that my gaydar was maybe wrong on this one. I definitely got a vibe but a married, old college roommate was a lot less threatening than the scenario I originally envisioned.

"You…married a woman?" Brian said with a huff of disbelief. _Well then again maybe my gaydar works just fine._

Evan looked more uncomfortable, lowering his voice to a hush "I told you Brian, that night was a drunken fluke. I'm straight, always have been."

Brian continued to look skeptical, "If you say so. So where have you been keeping yourself? Not in the Pitts"

"No, we um live in New York now. I am a graphic artist actually. I work for Marvel now" he explains and my ears perk up.

"Marvel? Marvel Comics" I ask with interest.

"Yeah. You a fan?" he ask seemingly annoyed that I was joining the conversation.

"Justin is an artist, he illustrates a comic with our friend Michael Novotny" Brian offers, "you should see it, it's really good" he brags.

"Really?" Evan says with renewed interest "Tell me more"

I tell him about Rage and the three of us fall into a friendly conversation I am more comfortable with. I even start to like him. When our food comes out, he excuses himself. "Well Justin, I would love to see some of your work but I am only in town until tomorrow"

"Maybe you can come by our room tonight?" Brian offers as I give him a death stare.

"Sure" Evan says "I'll come by around ten, give you boys plenty of time for dinner"

"I don't have any copies of Rage on me" I explain "I wouldn't want to waste your time"

"You have your sketch pad" Brian interrupts my attempt to politely withdraw his invite, "There are plenty of examples of Rage on it for Evan to see"

Evan smiles detecting our discord "I see not much has changed Brian, you're still as controlling as ever"

"I see you at ten Justin" he says with a smile before adding, "I'll try not to interrupt too much of your alone time again."

"Thanks" I relent "Sorry about the other day" I say actually feeling a bit regretful about my jumping to conclusions and slamming the door in his face "We're sort of celebrating a special occasion so I don't want business to get in the way"

"I see" Evan says looking at Brian with surprise "So what's the occasion…birthday, anniversary?" he guesses.

"Birthday" Brian says quickly and before I can correct him, Evan has excused himself and rejoined his group that includes who I assume to be his wife and another couple.

Brian starts eating ignoring the icy glare I am launching at him. He looks up from his linguine when he notices I am not eating.

"What?" he says "Something wrong with your food?"

"Birthday" I repeat, "Care to tell me exactly whose birthday we are celebrating? And why you invited him back to our room?"

"I was hungry. It was the easiest way to end the conversation. It's none of his business why we're here. Besides he could be a great connection for you, you can take an hour away from our weekend and show him your work. You never know what it might lead to" he explains.

Even though his explanation seems plausible; I don't believe it. I can't help feel he is somehow embarrassed to admit our relationship to this man. After all, he didn't introduce me as his partner or even his boyfriend. I tried to fight my insecurity and not read too much into the action. The food in front of me smelled wonderful and I was ravenous from our physical activity, so I pushed it out of my mind and dug in.

"So tell me about Evan?" I ask "I take it you've had him at least once from the conversation"

Brian shrugs "I can't believe he married a woman" he laughs "Never pictured him signing up for a life in the closet".

"Maybe he actually is straight or bi" I guess "It's possible to have a one-time experience and not have it define you. After all, I slept with Daphne and you've slept with Lindsay, doesn't make us any more hetero."

Brian nods still skeptical, "Still hard to compare those situations to a supposed straight guy begging for my dick in his ass".

I can't tell from Brian's reaction if he's disappointed that Evan isn't gay or upset because he thinks he is gay and won't admit it. Either way, however, Evan was consuming too much of our evening so I toss-back my drink and order another double and excuse myself to go to the restroom.

When I get back to the table I am determined to get our evening back on track and am annoyed when Brian doesn't acknowledge me "Brian" I call his attention back from leering at Evan across the room "Will you quit brooding at him, so he's straight, let it go?"

"If he's so straight" Brian says kissing me gently on my lips "Why was he staring at your ass like he wants you to sit on his face?"

I turn my head and sure enough Evan is definitely giving me a flirtatious smile. I turn back to Brian whose expression has changed from brooding to amused delight. He looks at me with a laugh, "Sunshine" he says "you don't have any fantasies about threesomes with married straight guys do you?"

"Um no way, this weekend is about us. There is no way I am agreeing to a third party" I caution him.

My mind threatens to over think things. To worry over issues not quite resolved. Brian's eyes go soft and dreamy as they honed in on my mouth. Time did that strange stopping thing. He licks his very red lips. I could almost see the lurid thoughts running through his head. "Good" he finally whispers. "I have no intention of sharing you".

Maybe this was possible after-all.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Warning: this chapter is mostly smut. It does move the plot along but I was in a mood. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

By the time Evan shows up to our suite, Brian and I were back on track with the evening. We had a great dinner and the music had started shortly after our meal arrived and that helped bring back the romance. I had spent the last hour since returning from diner, flipping through my portfolio sketches picking out those I thought worthy enough to show Evan. Unfortunately, there were only a few of Rage characters since I did most of the Rage work by computer. Nevertheless, Brian assured me that my other work was impressive enough and just making the initial connection was the most important outcome; I could always follow up with him later. I had more than a few drinks at dinner to settle any residual fears and nerves and I was just tipsy enough to walk that fine line between confidence and cockiness without being unprofessional.

I open the door to Evan and am surprised to see he has changed clothes since dinner. Brian and I are still wearing the same clothes although I had shed the tie as soon as we left the restaurant much to Brian's amusement. Evan is now wearing a very fitted black t-shirt and jeans. His chest and upper body was amazing and for a brief moment I reconsider my stance on the threesome idea. He looks freshly showered and I detect a hint of cologne as he gives me a friendly straight-guy, half-hug to greet me. His hug feels fairly platonic except that his hand rests a little low on my back and the squeeze lingers just a shade too long. Brian and I exchange a knowing glance; we both silently think the same thing, Evan has put in a lot of effort for a married straight guy.

I usher Evan into the suite and Brian offers him a drink. He takes a seat next to me on the couch and Brian returns with three glasses of whiskey neat for us and takes a seat across from us on a chair. There was an uncomfortable silence until Brian asks him about his dinner experience and the conversation starts rolling naturally from there.

As Brian and Evan take a stroll down memory lane and my level of intoxication rises, I grow brave enough to start asking the questions I really want to have answered.

"So Evan" I start "Tell me about living with Brian in college. How did you two end up rooming together?"

Evan exchanges a glance with Brian and smiles, "Well let's see. Brian and I were in the same hall freshman year. I was business marketing major as well that semester so we had a few classes together. We had a mutual friend, Bobby, he was my roommate and on the soccer team with Brian. Sophomore year we both wanted to move to an apartment and it just seemed to be a good fit so we got a place right near campus"

"Did you know he was gay?" I ask matter-of fact. I figured he did since Brian was 'out' in college.

Evan chokes a little on his whiskey "Um, of course. Yeah, I knew." Evan is brushing my leg with his and giving me a seductive look.

Brian chuckles, "Stop being evasive. Justin, Evan liked to watch".

"What?" I ask. Evan's bronze skin is blushing and he looks not embarrassed exactly, but aroused at the memory. There is a definite sexual tension building in the room between the three of us as the liquor flows and secrets start to come out.

In a show of possession, Brian moves to sit on the arm rest of the couch next to me and rubs my shoulders. He pulls me back into him and away from Evan's wondering hand. I am practically in his lap.

"Evan is a voyeur" he explains kissing my neck "He gets off on watching. He wanted to room with me because I let him watch me with my tricks; you know how much I appreciate an audience, Sunshine. It was quite perfect actually."

Evan cleared his throat nervously. I was strangely aroused and wanted to hear more.

"So if it was so perfect, why did you only live together that one semester?" I ask.

Brian sighs with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes and exchanges a silent glance with Evan that I interpret as permission to tell me the whole story. "One night, I brought home this guy, he was smoking hot. I don't remember his name but he looked like Rob Lowe, whatever...Anyways, Rob heads to the bathroom to piss and I go into my room to get undressed. So imagine my surprise to find Evan there, in my room jacking off on my bed, to one of my pornos. I didn't want Rob to get freaked out so I tossed Evan in my closet, it was one of those with the slats so you could see through the door and Rob and I gave Evan live porn to watch. Only when Rob leaves, Evan comes out of the closet, literally, or so I thought, and he wants me to fuck him like I did Rob. So I give him what he wants and the next day, Evan swears he's straight and finds a new place"

I look over at Evan with my mouth open in shock. He isn't denying what happened so I assume Brian's versions of the events are true. I'm not really thinking clearly now but I somehow manage to ask, "So do you still like to watch men have sex?"

I ask out of curiosity but by the reactions I can tell Brian and Evan take it as an invitation. I blush at the mistake and quickly correct myself, "Just curious. I find it difficult to understand how a straight man gets aroused by two men fucking."

"…Or more than two as the case may be" Brian corrects with a grin.

Evan finishes his drink in one swig, "Well, I like what I like. I try not to assign labels to myself anymore. I married a woman, I love her, so I identify as straight for those that need to put me in a box. We all have our kinks. I think I've taken up more than enough of your time. Maybe you should just show me your work now and I can be on my way."

Evan's suggestion causes a palpable shift in Brian's demeanor. _Was he hoping that I would let Evan watch? Was he hoping Evan would ask? _He excuses himself and heads to the bedroom while I show Evan my work. Evan nods eagerly as he flips the pages.

"Wow, Brian was right. You're really talented." Evan says patting his hand on my upper-thigh and resting it there. He gives my leg a quick squeeze. "I would love to see more" he says suggestively.

"I would be happy to forward you copies of Rage when I get back home. Do you have a card?" I ask trying to redirect us back to professional conversation.

He reached into his wallet and removes a business card and hands it to me. "Give me a call" he says.

"I will" I respond. Evan is staring intently at me making me nervous and his hand is still resting on my thigh, "Thanks for coming by so late. I'm sure your wife is wondering where you are and Brian and I need to get back to our celebration so allow me to show you out".

He nods reluctantly. "Oh Happy Birthday by the way" he offers as he rises from the couch pulling me up with him.

"It's not my birthday" I respond without thinking.

"Oh, Brian said you were celebrating a birthday and I know his is in May so whose birthday are you celebrating?" Evan pushes although I think his goal is to make me uncomfortable more than to really find out the answer.

"Oh..um….well" I stammer. _Damn I wish I could lie better. _"The truth is, it's more an anniversary celebration"

He nods, "Yeah, I got the feeling you two were something a little more than just casual lovers."

I smile, happy that the deepness of our relationship was recognizable to other people. "Yes we are"

"I see. Well Happy Anniversary then" Evan says giving me a hug, this time much more intimate and full-facing so that his cock is pushing up against mine. He holds me in the embrace tight enough and long enough to feel a surge between us and I feel his cock twitch against my groin.

Brian joins us at the entryway just as Evan pushes away from me and we say our good-nights. I notice Evan just shakes Brian's hand when he leaves and wonder why he doesn't hug him as he did me.

"Alone at last" Brian says as he shuts the door. "How did he like your work?"

"He liked it all right, I guess. He wants to see more" I confirm.

Brian smiles "I'll bet" he teases and moves his lips to mine.

"I think we've spent enough time on Evan. Can we get back to us now?" I grab him by the back of the neck and pull him close to me.

"Once again, I think we are in complete agreement" he murmurs in my ear as he unbuttons my shirt. "Let's get you a little more comfortable"

We start off slowly at first but Brian is feeling playful and gets rougher as things intensify. "Whose turn is it?" he asks between frenzied kisses.

"Yours" I smile, "the bath was my last turn"

"Have I told you what a brilliant idea it is to share and act out our fantasies one at a time" He pulls away looking at me on the bed. "Are you drunk?" he probes.

"Drunk enough, I guess" I laugh "What did you have in mind?"

"I do have this one that I think you might enjoy as well. You have to play the virgin again." he jokes "But it's going to get a little rough. You want a safe word?"

I nod, flush with excitement as Brian describes the role play he wants to act out and gives me a safe word in case I get uncomfortable.

"I'm going to tie you up" Brian says as he takes out restraints and shows them to me. "I'm going to teach you a few things today but I will teach them on my terms, understood"

I nod and don't protest when Brian takes his left arm and secures me to the bed posts by my wrists and ankles, there is some wiggle room, but not enough to move away or come free.

"Yes Teacher" I say, trying to keep a straight face. I love being able to give Brian his fantasies but it's difficult at first to get into character.

"Wonderful" Brian says, reaching into his bag again. "As we continue your lessons, you will eventually earn privileges, such as seeing me naked" with that he places a blindfold on my eyes "but not yet"

I nod. Brian traces his fingers over my warm skin, down my chest to my naval. My breath catches in my throat as he nears my cock.

"Never been touched, have you?" Brian says casually as he lets his hand wonder lower. "I expect you to answer", he adds sternly as his fingers graze my straining shaft.

"No sir" I say, starting to get more interested in where Brian's fantasy will take us.

"I thought so. You get aroused so easily." He whispers as he wraps his fist around my heated flesh. I bit back a sound that wants to be a moan. "Let's find out just how responsive you are?" Brian licks his tongue along the length of my hard cock. My mouth opens wider and my hands close in fists in their restraints.

"Brian…"

Instead of replying, Brian closes his mouth around the tip of my cock, in a relentless tease. I know that sucking me right away is not part of this fantasy. The movement does rip a moan free from my throat. I lift my hips to sink myself deeper into his mouth just as he draws away.

"Easy, "he said "leave it up to teacher."

He fondles my balls in his hands and gives me another lick, catching my precum on his tongue. "You're too eager, "he says, "We will have to work on your self-control."

"You want to come, don't you?" he asks.

"Yes, sir, "I admit softly, "Please"

"I understand" Brian says, "But you will have to wait for my permission. You will be punished for every orgasm you have without permission. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir" I nod "Punished how?"

"Trust me; you do not want to find out." Without a warning, Brian spreads my ass cheeks and pushes a digit into the puckered, abused hole, right past the tight ring. I give a short surprised cry and my body goes tense.

Brian withdraws and jabs his finger inside again, "very good" he says. "It seems my virgin isn't turned off by a little pain"

"That hurts" I whine, hands straining to pull free as Brian wriggles his finger in my hole. However, my cock is inexplicably leaking precum on my stomach.

"I wouldn't have thought" Brian says, prodding a little deeper "from here it looks like you're enjoying yourself" With that he adds another finger and curls them both to brush my prostate.

My reaction was immediate. I let out a moan and I want Brian to take me right then and there.

"There, you like that?" Brian says, tapping his fingers on my prostate "No use denying now."

I gasp in reply, squirming under my bonds as Brian applies more pressure to the bundle of highly sensitive nerves. My skin is flushed, I am certain I am bright red.

"There's no shame in enjoying this", he says, letting up on my sweet spot to scissor me, opening me up. "Some people would be jealous of your sensitivity." He runs his thumb behind my balls, stimulating my prostate from the outside. I push harder into his fingers, unaware of what is fueling my need.

"This can get better" he promises as he runs his fingertips on the inside of my thighs, neglecting my swollen cock.

I stay still as Brian digs his nails into my skin. "Please" I beg, almost too quiet to hear.

"Please what?" Brian asks the twisted delight evident in his tone.

"Make it better" I plea, "Please"

"Mmm…" Brain murmurs as though he has to think about it. "But only because your so sexy when you say please" he pets my head "You haven't earned a reward yet but maybe I can give you something a little bigger than my fingers. I'll give you something to play with" he strokes the tip of his finger lightly over the rim of my ass before pushing a lubed toy against my entrance. "Breathe. Relax" he instructs.

My mouth opens and I gasp as Brian pushes the strange object into me inch by inch. "Halfway in" he says stroking my thigh.

"Halfway?" I ask a tremor in my voice.

My body shudders as Brian gives the dildo a final push. Beads of sweat line my skin and my cock was leaking and straining. My hands remain fisted under my bonds. I take a deep breath trying to relax. My hips jerk and I pull at my restraints.

Brian moved the dildo a little, angling it towards my sweet spot once again. I squeeze tightly around it, bucking my hips to fuck myself on it.

"Someone likes toys", Brian observes, listening to my moans. He pulls the toy almost all the way out and thrust it back in, fucking my angry sore red hole with the dildo.

My cock was rock hard and twitching when he wraps his fingers around it. I arch my neck in a shudder that wrecks my body with the first stroke of Brian's hand. "Please" I ask my voice breathless.

Brian abruptly stops, "you haven't earned it yet" he warns. In one swift motion, Brian secures a cock ring around the base of my dick. "This is going to help you stay hard for me until you've earned your right to come" he explains.

"You should thank me." he instructs.

"Thank you sir" I moan.

"I'm looking forward to punishing you, but I think that will have to wait."

I shamelessly squeeze around the dildo, moving my hips trying to fuck myself on it but the bonds don't allow it. A frustrated groan escapes.

"How do I…" I stutter, the pressure building up from the ring and the dildo still in my ass "….how do I earn it, sir"

"Seeing as how it's your first time, I'll give you an easy task tonight"

"What, please Brian?" I ask.

"Not Brian, sir" he reminds me. "First an oral exam" he says as he positions himself above me, bumping his hard flesh against my smooth chin. "Satisfy me with your mouth"

I start to protest that this angle and his cock size will choke me but Brian shushes me and places a hand over my mouth.

"If you want to come, if you want my cock, you'll be quiet and follow my instructions." he orders.

I nod. "Good boy, "he says brushing his hand over my cheek and lips. "Open up"

I obey, my body tense, I move my mouth to form an O, waiting to be filled by Brian. I can't reply as I feel Brian's cock inch between my pink lips, the taste of his arousal spreading on my tongue. "Relax" he orders and pushes deeper. "See what you have to look forward to having in your ass later if you're a good boy"

My gag reflex is triggered as he hits the back of my throat and I feel a sense of panic set it. Brian makes a soothing sound, and grabs my head by my hair roughly, pulling my neck into an arch so he can go deeper.

I try to swallow and vibrate my mouth around him to give him pleasure. Just when I think I can't take it anymore, he pulls back a little and gives me a rest and strokes my pulsing cock, still held hard by the metallic ring secured to the base. I moan with Brian's dick in my mouth.

"You want to come?" he asks again, his grip tighter than ever before "Suck me like you mean it."

I give it everything I can and lap and lick the solid heat violating my mouth. I swallow around him and suck hard.

"Enough" Brian says, pulling out. I let out a surprise whimper feeling the loss. I was looking forward to his taste.

"Did you want to taste my come?" Brian asks, pinching my nipples hard and placing the nipple clamps on the swollen buds.

"Please, sir" I beg. Brian wiggles the dildo still buried in my ass, and pulls the slick object out and thrust in back in harder each time. I'm a mess, writhing and bucking, desperate for a release.

"Please…I need…." I scream.

"You've been good so far" Brain says, petting me again, "You may not come while I fuck you. I need to change your position. Do not move on your own." Brian orders.

He finally releases my restraints, and maneuvers me on my knees and forearms, "Lift a little higher" he instructs as he removes my cock ring. I shuddered with his touch but did not move. "Such a good boy" he says again.

Brian finally positions himself behind me and guides himself inch-by-inch into my well prepared hole. He rolls his hips grinding against my sweet spot with every move.

I groan and push back against him. Brian digs his fingers into his thighs, keeping me in place as he pulls out and pushes back in again. Each time is harder and deeper than the last.

I finally give in and the sweet sounds of torturous pleas fall from my lips in a chant. Brian sets a merciless pace as we both feel the brutal wave of ecstasy build.

"Please, Brian I need…" I mutter unable to form an full plea any longer.

"You mean this?" he asks as he wraps his hand around my pulsing hard heat and jerks his hand.

Brian stills and lets me do the work. I move my ass frantically back against him and then thrust forcefully into his fist. _So close_

Brian withdraws his hand suddenly and takes back control. He pounds into me until I felt his convulsions and a loud cry accompany his release.

"Brian please, I have to come" I beg desperately. "Please sir, can I come?"

Brian finally gives me the words I've been waiting for "Yes Justin, now you may come." He moves me to my back and swoops down and takes me in his mouth. My whole body seizes as Brian works his tongue around me, and I shiver and shake with the force of the climax that Brian was coaxing out of me as I release powerful spurts of semen that Brian drinks down until I am sucked dry and the shaking subsides.

Brian strokes my head "You did so good baby" he whispers "that was exactly how the fantasy went in my head. Did you like it too?"

I nod enthusiastically. "I wasn't sure I would at first but that was amazing" I confirm.

"Amazing enough to do it again?" he questions "There are so many lessons I want to teach you"

"Yes sir" I tease and for the rest of our trip I come to understand what Brian had in mind for us if he had won our bet.


	11. Chapter 11

Tuesday morning came far too soon. I rolled over in the king size bed to shut off the incessant beeping that comes from Brian's cell phone alarm on the bedside table; it requires me to climb over Brian to reach it which he misinterprets.

"Good Morning Sunshine" he smiles raising his neck to kiss me as I rest practically on top of him; the stale smell of cigarette smoke evident in his morning breath.

I place my hand over his mouth to block the pungent smell. "Good Morning. You need to brush your teeth if you want to kiss me." I tease.

He looks momentarily offended but shrugs and gets out of bed to go to the bathroom. I hear the sound of water running from the sink and a gargle noise before he reemerges from the bathroom. He slides back into bed under the covers, grabs me and pulls me in to his chest.

"Better?" he asks, blowing a warm breath on my face. The smell of spearmint toothpaste overpowers the offending cigarette odor and I nod before kissing him back. Strange how this exchange feels so intimate; it reminds me of our morning routine at home and how much I crave these domesticated moments. Moments I am not certain Brian feels the same way about.

I sink back into my pillow and pull him on top of me. I roll my head sideways to expose the crook of my neck and he waste no time in sinking his mouth on my warm flesh. "Mmm" I moan softly, content to let him place soft kisses along my neck and jaw allowing me to procrastinate just a bit longer what I need to say.

Brian seems less content to slowly make love to me this morning. He finds one of my favorite spots and sucks hard on the skin as he sinks his hand down between my legs. "We only have about an hour before we need to hit the road if you're going to make your class today" he warns, explaining his urgency.

I reluctantly interrupt his hurried foreplay by removing his hand and clasping it in mine. He stops his assault on my neck and looks at me. I smile at him to offer reassurance while I'm forming my words.

"What's the matter?" he whispers before licking my neck.

"Brian" I say, "Can you stop for a second? I need to say something and I can't concentrate when you do that."

He groans in protest but compliantly stops and rolls off of me.

"I need to tell you something." I start, "I love you; you know that, right?"

He nods, "Yes. I know. Now can we get back to…." He runs his hand down my chest and tries to kiss me.

I stop him again "I'm not finished, listen to me" I protest "this weekend it means so much to me that we spent this time together. I know you won't say you love me but by coming here with me, sharing all of our fantasies, having that level of trust with each other; I know that you love me in your own way."

He smiles and kisses me softly on my lips showing his agreement.

"When we get back to Pittsburgh, I want you to know that I am going to make some changes." I have to will myself to speak in declarative sentences not questions.

"I am committing myself to you fully. We never discussed this because it wasn't part of the bet but I don't want to be with anyone else so I want you to know that I won't be tricking anymore."

I stare at Brian to ensure he is hearing me, he nods and swallows hard. He looks nervous as hell. I smile at his reaction but I continue.

"I also want you to know that I want to be your everything. I want to be every fantasy come to life for you and anything your twisted little mind comes up with, I promise to be willing to at least consider it. But that doesn't mean that I can be available twenty-four, seven for your every sexual need. This is a partnership and the last month I feel like I've sacrificed myself in some sick attempt to prove to you that you don't need anyone else. Mostly out of fear that turning you down, even temporarily, would give you an excuse to find someone else. It's not sustainable and it's not healthy so I'm not going to do that anymore."

Brian is shaking his head and I know my confession concerns him. He would never want me to sacrifice any part of myself for him especially not in the name of love. "Justin, I never asked you to do that….I'm not incapable of delaying gratification."

"I know" I sigh "You didn't ask… this is something I did. I did it out of fear and insecurity. I did it because I want you to be mine, only mine, so much. I know now... I understand it can't be that way. I can't demand it and I can't win it. You have to want it or it will never work. I am hoping that this past month you will have come to realize that what we have is more meaningful than anything you can find in a back room or in the baths."

"Justin, I…." Brian starts to take over but I stop him because I need to get this out. He looks absolutely terrified and my stomach flip-flops at what I am about to do.

"Shh. Don't" I kiss him to stop him from talking and to reassure him, "That's why I am officially ending this bet; it is entirely up to you if you want to stay monogamous. If you won't or can't do that, then I have a new rule to add to our arrangement but regardless of what you decide, I am done with other men."

I finish my speech and find the strength to look into Brian's eyes. I am afraid of what I will find there: _Fear, disgust, anger? _

He holds my gaze and runs his hand over my chest resting his hand on my heart. I know it's beating rapidly. I fist his hair and place my hand on his heart. His eyes are full of fear. "You're scared" I acknowledge "Understand this isn't a threat. I'm not leaving you. I just really need to know that if you're making a commitment to me that it's coming from here" I tap my hand on his heart.

We lay there for a few minutes just gazing into each other's eyes and feeling the other's heart beat before Brian finally responds "This has been one of the most amazing weekends of my life" he continues, "I've never….I've never been with anyone like this before. It's been romantic and incredible and exhilarating and when I think about being able to be with you in every way there is, with nothing between us, well I wasn't lying when I said I really wanted to try it these six months. I've never been with anyone raw before, I've never shared that level of intimacy, never even wanted to before you…."

My eyes tear up at how sincere he is being. A lump forms in my throat because I know there is a 'but' coming to this confession.

"…But Justin I've been, who I've been, for a long time and I know myself well. I'm not sure I can be what you want me to be; I'm not sure I even want to. To be honest, I've been more than a little worried that if we have these six months then we can never go back. You need to understand fucking for me is mechanical, it's a means to an end, whether it's to get off or forget about a lousy day or get a business deal done; it means nothing beyond the moment. I don't want to hurt you but I feel like if I am with someone else you think it means I'm rejecting you or that you're somehow not enough. It doesn't mean that to me, it never has. When I'm with you, it means something. You mean something to me."

I swallow hard and nod, "I had a feeling that is what you would decide. I'm disappointed of course but I know who you are. I didn't really expect you to change. I think we should get dressed now. I need to make it to class today."

I roll away from Brian to climb out of bed and to shield the pain I know my face displays. I knew it was a risk. I knew this could be the outcome.

He grabs my arm and pulls me back to him. "Sunshine" he whispers, wiping away my tears "I need some time, okay. I just need some time to think about it."

I shake my head in agreement, "In the meantime, I need to add a rule to our arrangement. I need for our bed to be _our_ bed. I don't want other men in it."

Brian agrees to my request and I agree to give him time to think it over. We shower together quietly, emotionally exhausted from our conversation. He wraps his arms around me and we kiss. I have kissed him thousands of times before this kiss but this one is different from any other we've shared. It's a kiss that's incredibly intimate but not sexual. It's warm and soothing and it comforts me instead of exciting me.

On our drive back from the mountains, there is no sexual innuendo. We don't flirt or stop to have sex in the rain. We don't grope and tease each other. We don't argue or fight. About ten minutes into our drive Brian looks at me and takes my hand. Four hours later, when we pull into the parking lot of my school, my fingers are still interlaced with his resting on my thigh. He lifts our hands and kisses the back of my hand before finally releasing it.

"See you tonight?" he asks tentatively.

"Of course" I say before leaving his car and walking to class. I just enter my class when my cell phone buzzes in my pocket.

I pull my phone and look at the screen. There's a text message from Brian.

_**For what it's worth Sunshine you make me want to change**_


	12. Chapter 12

It's after five before I make it home from class. The lack of sleep over the weekend was taking it's toll and I was praying Brian was up for a night in. "Brian" I call out from the doorway of the loft "I'm home".

Brian emerges from the bedroom and smiles at me warmly. I can't help lick my lips at the sight of him shirtless and in faded jeans left casually unbuttoned. I wonder if there is ever going to be a day when I'm not attracted to him.

"Hey, you hungry?" he asks, heading to the kitchen and grabbing a water, offering it to me.

I know there is nothing beyond beer and water in our fridge so I interpret his question to mean 'where should we eat tonight?' and answer him with a simple "Thai?"

He picks up the phone, selects 4 from the speed dial and orders our usual while I head to the bedroom to change. I throw on a pair of sweatpants and move to join him in on the couch. He's stretched out lengthwise but he spreads his legs and drops one foot to the floor so that I can sit between them. I lean back onto him and feel his bare chest against my back. He raises his hand and runs it through my hair almost mindlessly. It's a rare moment when we're home in the evening, relaxing together. Even rarer that Brian is watching television. I watch with him quietly for a few moments, it's an old western I don't recognize but Brian must know it well because he is mouthing along to the dialogue. _He's so cute._

After a good-faith but unsuccessful attempt to enjoy the movie, I give up and pick up Brian's laptop from the coffee table and check my email. It's mostly junk that I wade through quickly and delete but one email catches my eye.

_From: EMiller _

_To: Justin Taylor_

_Subject: Consulting Work?_

_Message: _

_Dear Justin-_

_No need to send me your samples after all, when I got back to work and spoke to my boss here at Marvel about you, he was thrilled. Seems he was already a big Rage fan and has every edition in his personal collection. Very impressive- guess we both know where your inspiration comes from? We are developing a new concept and the artistic team here is unhappy with the current direction of the project, seems the author doesn't think we're edgy enough. If you're interested in doing some consulting work, we would love to discuss it with you in person. Can you make a trip to New York next week? I've sent some files for you to take a look at. _

_Regards-_

_Evan Miller_

I read the email over again to be sure I didn't miss anything. "Holy Shit!" I gasp.

Brian looks up from his movie. "What? Did you get a two for one coupon?" he teases laughing at his own joke.

"Look" I say showing him the email "Evan invited me to New York to help them with a project. Isn't that amazing?"

Brian looks less than thrilled. "What about school?" he asks.

"Fuck school! This is why I'm going to school…to be able to make a living, making art. Besides it just some consulting work, not a job offer."

The buzzer rings signaling the deliveryman is downstairs with our food. Brian gets up to allow them in and waits at the door with the cash. "Yeah, not yet" he mutters under his breath as he brings the food back over to the kitchen.

While we eat at the coffee table and watch the movie, Brian is inexplicably sulking; clearly not happy about Evan's invitation. I ignore him and click on the attachment that Evan sent. The screen flickers and a pop-up screen appears. I click "run" thinking maybe I need something special installed to open the file. "Shit" I exclaim when nothing opens. I try it again when Brian glances over my shoulder and asks me what I'm doing. He takes the laptop from me and sets it on the coffee table. I glance up and notice the credits are rolling on his movie. "That was important" I protest.

"So is this" Brian responds as he kisses me firmly making his intent clear before pushing me back gently to the pillows. He takes my wrists and pins them above my head and climbs on top of me. I leave my arms above my head even as he removes his wrist, I flash back to the restraints that held me in this pose yesterday. He rubs my smooth skin pushing up my shirt to uncover my chest and lifting it free from my body. Goosebumps dot my flesh and I try not to grow restless. He works his way down removing my clothing until I am sprawled naked in front of him. The touch of his fingertips was teasing, moving without rhyme or reason.

For a second, I start to doubt he will do anything beyond caressing my skin but then his hand starts to wonder. "Brian" I moan awaiting his end game but he continues to tease me with slow and torturous, feathery touches.

"Please Brian" I beg, I kiss him passionately hoping to move things along and grab at his zipper.

"Mmmm still so impatient" he chastises me, "Have I taught you nothing this weekend?"

His end game revealed, I submit to his game, "No sir"

"Well it looks like I have no choice but to punish you after all. Stay here." He commands while he disappears into the bedroom when he reappears, he has an arm full of supplies.

My eyes widen at the instruments he brings with him and displays for me on the coffee table. "Get on your knees" he orders and I comply.

He pets my head gently, "So obedient. That pleases me" My dick starts to fill with anticipation. He kneels behind me. "Place your arms behind your back" he instructs me and nervously I submit my wrists to him for binding behind my back.

Once my arms are secured he pushes me over so my upper body lays flat against the couch and my ass is sticking out. My own breath chokes me as the first slap against my ass catches me by surprise. Warmth surges through me, converging on my cock which pulses with pleasure. I want to groan but before I get the chance, I am subjected to the next slap. Each slap is accompanied by a circular soothing rub. His strokes were firm enough to cause a crack as his hand meets my flesh. The noise consumes me and I struggle to understand why I find this so erotic. I don't have much time to ponder it before I feel Brian reach for a small object from the table. I turn my head to see what he's grabbed.

"Don't turn around. If you turn around, I'll stop." He warns. I need him to continue.

"Yes, sir" I respond and keep my eyes glued to the couch.

His fingers work my opening first. He uses a leather whip to spank me why he twists two fingers of his other hand inside me. Pleasure pulses through me and I'm quickly getting euphoric with every forceful touch.

"Oh God Yes" I moan pushing back onto his fingers. "Don't stop. I'm going to come" I announce as I move my hips into the couch rubbing myself against the leather.

He abruptly stops, "I haven't given you permission to come." I bite my lip and let out a frustrated groan over how close to the edge I was.

"You haven't earned it yet" he reminds me. "Are you ready for your task tonight?"

"Yes sir" I respond. "I want you inside of me. I want to ride your cock" I tell him shamelessly.

"You're so lustful" he shakes his head in disapproval as he unties my wrists and helps me upright so I am kneeling before him.

"I think you know what I want" he whispers down to me, and this is all the provocation I need.

I lean forward, kissing him over his jeans, wanting to feel his glorious cock thicken beneath them. He takes a step back and unzips his pants. Within seconds, his flaccid length was staring me in the face and I greedily take it in my mouth, looking up at him all the while sucking him, feeling him grow engorged in the wetness of my mouth. I did my best to focus as my tongue worked the pulsing veins along his shaft. His smell and taste, the essence of manliness, spurred me on. I pushed him to the back of my throat and sucked around him. He pulls back, leaving me empty and hungry.

"Stand and lay back on the table" he orders suddenly. My heart skips a beat as I comply and lay on the dining room table. Before I even situated myself, Brian grabs my ankles and forces my feet up. He holds my calves at a V and guides his sheathed cock into my ass, barely pressing the tip inside. I feel my ass pulsing from the initial breach.

"Do you want it?" he asks.

"Yeah" I whisper.

"Don't you mean yes, Sir?"

"Yes Sir, Please, Give it to me"

He presses inside me without another word, tunneling his length all the way into me. I groaned in appreciation. After every few thrust, he gave me a hard slap and the leather stings my skin.

"Play with yourself" he instructs me and I was quick to grab and stroke my cock to milk my quickly approaching orgasm. Within seconds, I warn him of my pending climax and he forces my hand away, pulling me back from the edge yet again and smacks me hard across the back of my thigh. I leaned up on my forearms so I could watch him enter me again and again. Once again he takes me to the edge and pulls back but this time he pulls out completely and removes the condom. I groan at the loss but he walks over positioning himself over my head. Knowing what he wants, I relax my throat and let him back inside my mouth. He doesn't move and allows me to do the work, sucking and licking his orgasm out of him until I am rewarded with warm streams of his seed spilling down my throat. _After he comes, he will let me come. This is how the game worked._

"Justin, you can come now" he says but makes no attempt to give me the release I crave.

I look at him questioning, my cock is throbbing.

He pulls me up off the table and takes me back to the pillows by the couch. "Pick a toy" he says.

I look at the assortment of toys on the table and select a medium size blue dildo. Brian takes it and lubes it for me. "Fuck yourself with it" he orders "I want to watch you"

I blush embarrassed by the thought of being watched so purposely. I lay back and push the toy inside. "Lift your hips up. I want to see you it disappear in your sweet ass." Brian commands.

I bend my knees and push up, while I work it slowly inside me. I secure it with one hand, moving it slowly in and out and grab my cock with the other, fucking into my fist. It only takes a few thrusts and I am finally, blissfully over the ledge Brian has held me at for over an hour. He offers me praise for my obedience and performance.

He pulls me up off the floor and wraps his arms around me tightly. I want to shower but he escorts me to our bed and at his encouragement I sink in exhausted onto the mattress.

"I think you should go to New York" he says "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks. I'm glad I listened to you about Evan. You want to talk about why you were so upset by it earlier, jealousy?"

"Straight or not, he wants to fuck you." He smirks.

"I told you Brian. I'm done tricking. You have nothing to worry about." I stroke his arm that's holding me close to him.

He agrees but his face is still uncertain. I try to reconcile the complexity of a man who is so opposed to monogamy but so prone to jealousy. I am nearly asleep when I feel his arms squeeze around me and his warm breath on my neck. "Did you get my text today" he whispers.

"Yes" I answer. "Do you want to talk about it some more"

"No. I just wanted to make sure you got it" he kisses my neck and rubs my hip. "Goodnight lover"

"Lover?" I ask turning back into him grinning, surprised by his use of the word.

"Shh. I'm just trying it out" he says, kissing me "Go to sleep"

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A/N: Thanks again for the support. Love the reviews...keep 'em coming.


	13. Chapter 13

I hang up the phone with Evan more excited than ever about the New York trip. Once I finally got the files to open on the desktop, the project looked really interesting and I was planning to spend a week with his team. I spoke to my professors and everyone was really flexible with my school obligations except for my art history professor, Dr. Scott. She refused to give me an extension on my paper due on Fauvism and Expressionism period. So instead of hitting the bars with Brian, Ted, Michael and Emmett; I was hanging with Matisse, Kirchner, Kandinsky, and Marc. I had three days to get the paper done, complete a figure drawing, review the notes Evan sent me, and finish the latest issue of Rage.

I was hunched over the computer at the library when Brian texted.

**Brian: Babylon? **

**Me: Can't crazy busy, home late, have fun**

**Brian: All work and no play, makes Sunshine a dull boy, take a break**

**Me: Can't, love you**

I pound out another five pages for the paper and glanced at the clock. It was midnight already. The Library was closing so I saved my work and headed home.

When I got home I worked on Rage waiting for Brian but I was surprised when he came home well before the 3 am curfew we agreed to.

"You're home early" I noted.

"Uh-huh. I missed you" he said kissing me on top of my head, "Your paper done?"

"Almost" I nod; he looked over my shoulder at the drawing I was completing on the computer. The scene was one of JT riding Rage.

"Mmm, come with me, I think we should bring this art to life." He suggested, rubbing my shoulders.

"You don't want to shower first?" I ask. It was an indirect way of asking if he had been with anyone else tonight. Not exactly subtle but he knew how much I detested smelling other men on him. In addition, there was nothing worse than blowing him and tasting latex, knowing where his dick had been.

He smiles proudly and understood the hidden subtext of my question. "No need" he answers to my great relief "unless you are trying to tell me I smell bad?" I pull him in for a grateful kiss. There was no real conversation on the matter but I did see he was trying.

"Take these off and sit down" I encourage him pulling on his pants. He takes his clothes off and I strip as well before climbing into his lap and taking control. As much as I have been enjoying taking a submissive role to indulge Brian's dominance kinks, it's a relief to call the shots for a change and I take every advantage. Brian seems to be enjoying it as well as he claws at my back and pulls me down hard on his cock, moaning in ecstasy. After I come, I lean into him and rest on his chest which is coated with my fluids, feeling the rise and fall as his breath slows under me. He taps my hips prompting me silently to get up. I don't want to move but Brian is going soft inside me and there's the pesky condom to deal with so reluctantly I get up and head to the bathroom to clean up.

Brian's work clothes are still lying on the bed and I open the closet to hang his suit up. Two papers fall from his pants pocket when I pick them up from the bed. The first is a receipt from William Penn hotel downtown. It's dated today and it looks to be dinner for two with a very expensive bottle of wine thrown in. Nothing out of the ordinary about it, likely just a business dinner. The second paper however makes a lump form in my throat; it's a business card for Aiden West. On the back of the card in plain black ink is written _Room 423._

I put the papers back in his pocket and hang up his clothes. I lay back into our bed and close my eyes. When Brian joins me he rolls next to me trying to spoon; I pretend to roll over on my stomach in my sleep so that he can't. I have no words to explain just how gutted I feel and how much it hurts for him to touch me tonight. I have no room to complain so I don't. I gave him the choice, I can't go back now.

I hear the slight wheeze in Brian's breathing and I know he's asleep. I turn over and he's lying on his right side turned away from me. His right leg is bent at the knee and his left leg extended. He's curled forward, hugging a pillow and the curve of his spine is visible under his stretched skin. It's well after 3 in the morning but I can't sleep. I pick up my sketch pad. My assignment for the life drawing class was to focus on the musculature of the back and buttocks. I pick up my pencil and began to capture him as he lies before me. I imagine him curled up with Aiden in Room 423. I wonder if they shared a romantic dinner before he fucked him or if they ate after, famished from hours of passionate sex. I let my imagination take me to a dark place and doubts flood my soul. I finish my sketch and a tear falls onto the paper. I don't realize I am crying until I see the smudge of graphite from the single drop. I put the sketch pad up and lay back down but toss and turn until the alarm goes off.

I go through the motions for the following two days. I don't talk to Brian about Aiden and I don't join him when he goes out at night. I use the paper I've already finished as an excuse but the truth is, I don't want to see Brian in action. If I stay home, I can pretend he's still trying or thinking about trying to be monogamous. I make sure to be asleep when he gets back home and I do my best to focus on myself. I tell myself that he loves me and these other men mean nothing and I try hard not to resent him for what I have freely given my consent to.

The night before my trip, Brian is growing frustrated with me.

"What's wrong?" he finally asks when I've rebuffed him yet again breaking his attempt to kiss me with an excuse of having to work.

"Nothing" I lie, "Just a lot going on. I need to pack."

"Let's go out. You'll have time to pack in the morning." He insists.

"You go", I push "I'm too tired"

Brian grabs my waist and pulls me into him. "Will you just tell me why you're angry with me? If I did something to piss you off, I would appreciate if you just tell me so we can have make up sex before you leave me."

"It's not you" I lie again, "I'm just stressed is all"

Brian lets me go but looks unconvinced. He pours himself a glass of scotch and drinks it quickly. He grabs his keys and heads out the door, calling a hurried "Suit yourself" behind him.

Evan has arranged for a car to take me to the airport and I leave Brian sleeping in our bed when I head out. I was grateful for the distraction but as I boarded the plane, I was somewhat regretful that I was leaving with the tension between us.

By the time I get to New York, I had pushed Brian mostly out of my mind. The energy of the city is addicting. The driver holding a sign with my name at the airport made me feel important and when he takes me to the Plaza Hotel I suppress my awe and try to look like I belong. I just get settled when Evan calls and we make arrangements to meet for dinner.

I change into my black pants and the gray shirt and tie Brian had bought me. It occurs to me that I was wearing this when I last saw Evan and then I laugh at myself for caring.

"Evan" I call in surprise, opening the door to my room. I give him an awkward hug "I thought we were meeting downstairs?"

"I got here early so I thought I'd come up. Hope that's okay" he smiles nervously and fidgets. I cringe because it feels more like he's picking me up for a date than a business meeting.

"Yeah fine, let me grab my wallet and we can go." I grab my phone and wallet from the counter and tuck them into my pocket. "Ready' I exclaim.

"There's a great sushi place down the street or we can order in..." he runs his hand over the small of my back "…in case you're tired".

"Umm, sushi sounds good" I open the door and try to usher him out.

"Ok" he says not masking his disappointment. "Mind if I leave my bag here? I don't want to lug my laptop to the restaurant and I wanted to show you what we came up with"

I nod, it seems Evan was determined to find an excuse to come back to the room.

We have a nice dinner. After a few rounds of drinks, Evan manages to mix a few suggestive comments in but for the most part he is professional in public. I sort of pity him, Brian was right; he was clearly deep in the closet. I wonder if his wife knows.

On the way back to the hotel, Evan walks close to me and he moves his arm around my waist. I give him a look and step sideways to remove his hand. "Look Evan" I finally say after his third attempt to touch me which felt good and was getting harder to resist "I'm really excited about working with you. I appreciate the opportunity. Don't take this the wrong way, but nothing's going to happen between us"

He looks embarrassed and protests "I don't know what you're talking about".

"I'm talking about the flirting and the touching" I say taking a deep breath trying to be firm, "I would like you to stop. I would like to keep things professional".

"I apologize if I gave you the wrong impression" he explains, "I'm just naturally affectionate. I didn't mean anything by it."

Once we get back to the room. Evan fixes himself another drink and makes himself comfortable on the couch, loosening his tie and unbuttoning the top few button of his shirt. God his chest was magnificent, I fight the urge to rip his shirt off of him "So how's Brian? How did you two meet anyway?"

"He's fine, thanks. Um, we met outside a club about three years ago." I purposefully don't elaborate.

He practically spits out his drink, "Brian Kinney's has had a boyfriend for three years?" he questions in disbelief.

"Well not exactly. It didn't happen overnight" I laugh "Let's just say I was persistent in wearing him down".

"You must be very special if you got Brian to settle down. That man was insatiable during college. He had more sex than any person I knew"

"He's still insatiable. He hasn't changed much on that front" I admit.

"I was always in awe of him" Evan admits "watching him anyways. I wish I had a tenth of his confidence in the sack during college. I would have gotten laid a lot more."

"Is that why you let him fuck you?" I ask, knowing I am contradicting my request to keep this professional but letting curiosity get the better of me.

"No, not exactly" he answers tentatively, "It was just the once. That guy he was with that night. The things he did to him, it was intriguing to me. I think I was more interested in the game, than in him."

I look at him confused, "What game?" Brian hadn't mentioned a game.

"I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't know" He winks and I want to punch him "Brian likes to be dominant. He's sort of a sadist with edging. He gets into this whole Teacher/Student age play. God you should have seen the spankings he gave this guy. It was so hot."

My face grew beat red hearing Evan describe Brian's all-too-familiar kink. Up until that moment, I believed that this was a fantasy Brian had acted on only with me. I felt foolish and degraded, like I was one of many. Evan was throwing back yet another whiskey and when he stood to get more, I could see the tenting in his pants from his arousal_. Damn, He has a nice size cock too._

"Evan, I think you should leave now, it's getting late" I suggest.

"Wait" he says pulling his bag off the floor "Let me show you those drawings"

Evan opens his computer and sets it on the table. His erection is still evident as he sits next to me on the couch. As I look at the file, Evan runs his hand on the back of my neck and starts rubbing my shoulders. "You look tense. Do you want a drink?"

"Evan" I groan in frustration "Please stop. I have a boyfriend and you're married. This is not happening."

"We don't have to fuck or even touch" he says touching himself over his pants "I just want to see your body and watch you jerk off."

I'm a little horrified, he really was a voyeur "I think you should go."

"Are you sure? I brought something I think you will like" he says pulling a large dildo from his bag "I know how much you like toys" he remarks.

"What?" I yelp throwing his hand off my leg and pushing him back "how would you know anything about what I like?"

He flushes pink and I can see him perspiring "Um…well…I " he stammers. I flashback to Brian's words to me in the hotel room about me liking toys, combined with the blindfold and oh shit…

"What the fuck? Did Brian let you watch us in the Poconos?" I don't let him answer "Get out" I scream horrified. I grab him up from the couch pushing him out the door and locking it behind him.

It's after midnight and I feel sick. My embarrassment turns to anger, then to rage. Fuck Brian and his games. Fuck Brian and his commitment phobia. If Brian can be a slut for business when it suits him, why couldn't I? If Evan can help me get ahead maybe I should just give in to the attraction and fuck anyone who may get hurt. It was time for me to be selfish for a change.

* * *

A/N: I know what you're thinking...getting kinda angsty. Just remember Keep Calm and Stay tuned...


	14. Chapter 14

I pour myself a drink and sit down on the couch. _Damn it! _In my rush to get Evan out of my room I forgot about his laptop bag. I wonder if he will have the nerve to come back for it? I swallow my drink in three big gulps and the whiskey burns my throat as it goes down. _Shower,_ I think, _I need a long hot shower before I do anything rash._

The shower in my room at the Plaza reminds me of the shower at the loft. I turn on the water and peel my clothes off. The water feels good so I close my eyes and let it run down my back and shoulders. I try processing the events of the last few days. It was unfathomable that I had gone from such a high to such a low in the matter of a week. But I guess this is how things were with Brian. He could make me feel so incredible, so sexy, so desired and the high was better than any drug I had experienced; but just when I was soaring he could do or say something so cruel or selfish and I would come crashing back to earth. The infuriating part was he only ever let you expect the worst from him; no apologies, no regrets or excuses. He was fiercely devoted to himself and no one else except maybe Gus. So the highs from over-the-top gestures were a gift but never a promise and you could never feel justified to demand more than he was willing to give because he was never anyone other than who he claimed to be.

I started to cry in the shower because I know that is how it is with him. I figure I either accept it or I leave because there was no changing him. Even if he wanted to change for me, it was clear that he couldn't. Brian seeing Aiden upset me but in a way I had more than expected it. But Evan, that was different. That was a betrayal I didn't think I could forgive.

When I climb out of the shower my cell phone is buzzing. I punch my unlock code into the phone and see the waiting message.

**Brian: Hey how was your first day in New York?**

I decide I need the night to sleep on it before I talk to Brian so I turn my phone off. I have to be at Marvel by eight am to meet with Evan and his boss, Jeff, so I set my alarm for six and decide to call Brian in the morning.

My night was very restless. I have horrible nightmares. When the alarm goes off, I am already awake sitting in bed, smoking a cigarette. I turn my phone back on and it buzzes repeatedly as missed call notifications and text messages are delivered.

**Brian: Hey, you up? Call me**

**Brian: Getting worried just let me know you're all right will you**

**Brian: Damn it, answer your phone**

In addition to the phone call there are five missed calls all from Brian.

I hit 2 on my speed dial to call the loft. It rings twice and then a voice I don't recognize answers the phone.

_Hello_

_Um, Brian?_

_Oh, Just a sec. He's in the shower still._

I just hang up. _What the fuck? Why do I continue to do this to myself? So much for no tricks in our bed._ I lie back in the bed and light another cigarette. I pick up my phone and stare at Brian's texts and type a response.

**Me: I'm Fine. Call me when your guest leaves our bed**.

I hit the send button and get up from the bed. I walk over to the table where Evan's laptop is sitting. I hit a button on the keyboard and to my surprise it opens to the desktop without entering a password. I just plan to shut it down so I can put it in the bag but an icon catches my eye. It just says Brian.

Before I can decide if I should click on it the phone rings and it's Brian. I stare at it before picking it up just before it goes to voice mail.

_Hello_

_Hey, you okay? I was worried._

_Yeah, I'm fine_

_ So how was your day yesterday?_

_Fine, I had dinner with Evan_

_ Really? How was that?_

_Informative_

_Well that's cryptic. Listen I'm glad you're okay.__I wish you would leave your phone on when you travel. I was worried._

_I have to go Brian_

_ Um, Ok. Can you call me tonight?_

_Sure, will you be alone?_

_ Justin, don't be a princess. It's not what you're thinking he didn't stay here last night_

_Who?_

_ Aiden_

_Brian, I have to go_

_ All right, Later, Um...I miss you_

_Later_

I hang up and turn my attention back to the laptop. Curiosity wins out again and I click on the icon labeled Brian and to my surprise a folder opens with over 50 documents. All appear to be video files and they have date and time stamps in the file names. I click on the first one. It's dated a few days ago.

The video begins to play and I recognize the loft immediately. Brian comes into frame and he's talking but there's no volume. I fiddle with the laptop to find the volume button.

"Mmm So Impatient. Have I taught you nothing this weekend?" I hear Brian say.

I recognize my own voice but am off screen "No Sir"

I feel nauseous. _This isn't happening_. I forward the video a few minutes. Images flash by me, each more horrifically exposing than the next.

Brian holding the whip and dildos.

Me on the floor…being spanked

Me on my knees….sucking Brian

Me on the table….getting fucked

_How is this possible? Oh my God, the file, the file that wouldn't open….the webcam. That sick son-of-a-bitch!_

I open other files clicking them randomly. Brian and I in so many personal moments. I confirm the angles are from the webcam both from the laptop and the desktop.

Some of the files are from yesterday and today. I click on the one from this morning and begin to sob as it opens and I am thoroughly unprepared for what I observe. I watch Brian open the door for Aiden at 6:12am. He tells him he shouldn't have come by, that he could have met him at the office. He goes to take a shower. I hear Aiden answer my call. I hear Brian yell at him for answering the phone. I see Aiden go to kiss Brian and Brian reject him. I hear Aiden bait him, 'Give it up Brian, this hard to get act is getting fucking old. I know you don't expect me to believe you gave up fucking for some blond twinkie"

"I don't owe you a damn explanation. I already told you in your hotel that I... I'm in a ...relationship now. He's not just some twinkie " Brian responds angrily.

"Just give me one plausible reason why you've changed and I'll let you keep the account"

I hear Brian say it. I rewind it again and again to make sure I hear it correctly.

"Because I'm fucking in love with him and this is what he needs from me, so fuck off."

I close the laptop and throw my stuff in the suitcase and get dressed as quickly as I can. I wait impatiently for the elevator and roll my suitcase out the lobby door.

The doorman looks at me, "Do you need a taxi sir?"

"Yes, thank you." I say impatiently. I throw my suitcase in the back of the taxi and climb in.

"Where to sir?" the driver ask me.

"JFK airport, please, I'm in a hurry"

* * *

A/N: Sorry this chapter is a little short.


	15. Chapter 15

Sitting at the airport, I start to wonder if I'm making a mistake. I was able to trade my ticket in for an earlier flight but I still had almost two hours of waiting ahead of me and the impulsiveness of just leaving was weighing on me. In my hurry to get back home to Brian, I was completely ignoring the professional obligation I had committed to. I feel I should at least let them know not to expect me but I wasn't about to call Evan. I pull Evan's laptop out of my bag decide to search it for Jeff's contact information. Maybe an email about a family emergency would at least preserve my reputation.

The laptop is clearly Evan's personal one, not a work laptop. I open outlook but it prompts me for a password. His contact list is also protected. _What an idiot_. I find it more than a little perplexing that he password protects his damn contact list but I basically access his illegally obtained home-made pornography without one. _Sick Bastard!_

I search files for the name 'Jeff' but without a last name, over 300 files appear. I scroll down and start to see icons that look like the one in the Brian folder. Hundreds of video files. I take a deep breath and click on one. Sure enough, a video opens and I am looking inside a sleek, modern looking apartment. A tall, lean man around fifty with thinning silver hair and glasses is walking around in his tidy-whitey underwear. He reaches in his underwear and scratches his balls and I deduce he is oblivious to the recording. _Well hello Jeff. _

I fast forward a few minutes and Mrs. Jeff enters the picture and she is thankfully robed. They're drinking coffee and reading the paper together. I have enough information to determine Brian and I aren't the first victims to Evan's hack job of our webcams but I still don't have a last name or contact info for Jeff.

A google search of Marvel Comics New York plus Jeff gives me what I need: Jeff Cooper, VP Art Design. The small portrait on the website of a slightly younger, less-grey Jeff confirms he is the man in the video. A phone number and email flank the picture. This just gets crazier and crazier. _Evan was fucking recording his boss. _ I am amused and horrified at the same time and immensely grateful for the internet.

_Fuck, Fuck, Fuck the fucking internet! _A shiver runs through me thinking that our videos could be on some porn site right now.

I pick up my cell and call Jeff leaving him a polite message that I was regretfully unable to meet with him this week and that I would be in touch with him later to discuss rescheduling.

I make use of my time at the airport searching what I can on Evan's laptop and wishing I had more computer expertise. By the time the gate agent announces it's time to board, I uncover three additional victims. _All men, straight my ass!_

We land at ten-thirty and I am through the airport and back to the loft in record time. I am surprised to find Brian working from home. He looks upset, his hands cradle his head. I don't think he's heard me come in.

"Something wrong?" I ask, notifying him of my presence.

When he looks up his sour expression instantly converts to a smile and his face lights up when our eyes meet, with just that look I feel better than I have in the last few days.

"What are you doing here?" Brian asks, getting up from his desk to embrace me.

I hold on to him tightly and plant my lips on his.

"Well hello to you to" he laughs. "But why aren't you in New York?"

"We need to talk but not here. A lot has happened. Can we go somewhere?" I ask, kissing him again.

Brian looks at me with a regretful pain, "Sunshine, I would love to but I sort of have a lot going on here. I lost the West Enterprises account" his sour face returns. "I may have to let people go. That's why I am home. I needed uninterrupted time to think."

I smile brightly, "Oh, I think I might have a solution for you. I can't talk to you here though. C'mon, take me to lunch" I grab the laptop bag and open the door.

He gives me a skeptical smile but follows me on the way out the loft. "Why can't we talk at home?"

When we get to Brian's car, I pull out Evan's laptop and show him the video. His face grows redder and redder as his blood starts to boil. I tell him everything about Evan's proposition and the Jeff videos as well.

"We are going straight to the police, now" he yells starting up the car "He's not getting away with this!"

"Wait Brian, that was my first instinct too but I really don't want that video to be seen by anyone else. If we go to the police, it could end up in court records"

Brian eyes flutter as if he hadn't considered this. He thinks for a minute before responding "I don't care. We can't let him get away with this"

I place my hand on Brian's cheek and give a small sigh "It's not you in the video being submissive, getting spanked and fucked. I'm the one in the more compromising position. This is my call and I don't have the best luck with the justice system…." I insist "….but I'm not suggesting he get away with it". I tell him about Jeff and suggest sending Jeff his files might cause Evan more than enough 'punishment'.

Brian nods reluctantly but declares he's too upset to go out so we drive to a little bistro nearby and pick up a lunch to-go to bring back to the loft for later. When we get home, Brian marches straight to the desktop computer and pulls the plug and places a towel over the webcam. Then he takes the laptop, turns it off and sticks it in a drawer for good measure. "There, that should put an end to that until we can get someone to fix it!" he cries pulling me close to him. "I've missed you and I'm ready for that make-up sex now" he whispers into my ear while sensually licking and kissing his way from my shoulder up to my jawline. I moan in response. It feels so good to let Brian touch me again.

"Brian" I moan again, grasping at his shirt, untucking it from his pants and feeling the skin on the small of his back. I tug at the fabric to prompt him to remove it, which he does after lifting my shirt over my head "Come on. Let's go to the bed. I want more" I say

"Me too," Brian echoes, while grabbing my hand and leading me to our bed. When Brian stops at the ledge of our bed, one knee lifted up to the mattress, about to lie down; I grab his waist and stop him. Reaching around his waist I unbutton his jeans and yank them down and dip to one knee. I can't help myself. I kiss his firm ass, lick and suck on his skin. Wild with greedy hunger, I run my tongue lower to Brian's thighs. I breathe in the freshness of his flesh and the scent of his soap he uses. I reach around to the front and grab his cock, pumping it to full length. I push him forward on to the mattress, face down and follow still kissing his flesh. I spread his legs and fondle his balls gently. I massage them in my palm as I play over the delicate skin with the tip of my tongue.

Brian squirms on the bed. "Ahh that feels good" he groans. I continue to lick my way up to Brian's ass, finding the tight opening and feeling Brian shudder with glee. I remove my pants before being bold enough to move higher on the bed, climbing up Brian's body until I am fully on top of him, my hard cock smashed against his ass.

I kiss Brian's shoulder and press down harder. I nuzzle his ear and intertwine my fingers with his. "Is this okay?" I ask tentatively.

Brian doesn't respond but he lifts his hips up pressing his ass into my cock and I take that as permission to continue. I reach between my legs, raise my hips and rub the head of my cock over Brian's hole. A bit of pre-come smears his flesh and from the look on Brian's face, he is nervous about bottoming. It's the first time he's let me since our bet. Then it was hurried and I didn't last but a few minutes. This time I was going to make it different.

I sit up and straddle him looking down to marvel at the site of Brian's ass between my legs. I scoot a little lower so I can see his balls, and push his cheeks apart to see his hole as well. I lick my lips. "Let me know if you're uncomfortable" I whisper. I don't top often and am not as adept at reading him as he is me.

"Justin, just do it already" Brian orders impatiently.

I grin but said nothing. I should know he would top from the bottom. I ready a condom. I lube my fingers and began threading them into Brian's ass careful to not move forward until I feel him relaxing under my digits. When I work him up to three fingers, I pull out and place my cock at his opening. I need to get inside him but I know to take it slow too. I apply pressure to the opening and watch as my cock head pops in. Brian hisses and swears "Fuck".

I still, try to determine if that's a good fuck or a bad fuck but then Brian moans, "Mmm that's good" and I know I can keep going. "Go slow but give me all of it" he orders and I think I might come right then.

The sight of my cock slowly disappearing into Brian's ass takes my breath away. When I am in to the hilt, my skin tingles as it meets with Brian's flesh. I withdraw and enter him again. The pleasure was unbelievable. When the squeeze is less mind-altering, I try moving a little faster and at the end of each thrust, I let my groin bump against Brian's ass. Brian moans and wiggles, arching his back to make my entry deeper. He clutches the sheets in his fist and demands me to take him harder. _What a bossy bottom._

I give it all I have and pound him and when I hear Brian shout my name, pushing back into me and forbidding me to stop, my climax builds like a damn volcano ready to erupt. My muscles burn and I desperately long to come, it feels like I've been on the edge forever but I want Brian to come first. I reach around his body and pump him until my hand is full of his thick cream and then roar through my release.

After I take care of the condom in the bathroom and stop to admire Brian laying across the bed. "Damn, you're beautiful" I observe.

Brian smiles, "That was good" he praises and motions for me to join him.

"Did you really like it?" I question him shyly.

"I came didn't I?" he laughs "But don't get to use to it". I curl up next to him on the bed and kiss him, as he runs his fingers through my hair.

After a few minutes, Brian checks his watch and groans. "I need to get up. I still have to figure a way out of the West debacle."

I look up at Brian and smile widely, "That shouldn't be a problem" I climb out of bed to grab the laptop and bring it back with me. I find the video from this morning and show it to Brian. His eyes are glued to the screen and grow wide in recognition of what's about to unfold. I study his face for a reaction.

"_Give it up Brian, this hard to get act is getting fucking old. I know you don't expect me to believe you gave up fucking for some blond twinkie"_

_"I don't owe you a damn explanation. I already told you in your hotel that I... I'm in a ...relationship now. He's not just some twinkie "_

_"Just give me one plausible reason why you've changed and I'll let you keep the account"_

_"Because I'm fucking in love with him and this is what he needs from me, so fuck off."_

After that last line Brian meets my stare. I'm beaming and he knows why. He shuts the laptop and moves it off the bed onto the nightstand.

"You know that Aiden could get in a lot of trouble for that, right?" I tease, running my hand along his chest.

Brian nods.

"I bet he would be willing to reconsider Kinnetik if he saw that video. I'm thinking he might even be willing to expand the campaign" I say before taking his nipple in my mouth and tugging gently.

Brian nods again.

"Sunshine…about what I said…" Brian stutters and I enjoy seeing him flustered for a change.

"Shh" I say placing a finger over his lips "I love you but you don't have to say anything right now. Next time you say it though, I want it to be to me and maybe we can leave off the 'fuck off' part."

Brian takes my hand from his mouth and laces his fingers with mine. He kisses me and pulls me into his body and it feels like home.

* * *

A/N: Getting closer to the end peeps. Evan and Aiden both have some karma coming to them. Also, hope the few chapters of angst was worth it to get to Justin on top! Oh how I wish that last scene in 2x14 was longer!

As always love the reviews, so please let me know what you think. Also feel free to follow me on twitter Erin_424.


	16. Chapter 16

I wake up to Brian's mouth on my dick which makes me smile not only because it feels good but also because I know he's tasting latex since I haven't showered from last night. I take a silent delight in having the tables turn for a change. He stops after a few seconds and gives me a not-so-pleased look. I grin and can't help myself before running my fingers in his hair, "See, not good, right?"

He sits up and climbs back up to lay next to me, "Yeah, okay, I see why you complain about that. Definitely not sexy"

I laugh and kiss him for the effort. "Let's take a shower and then you can finish what you started" I suggest.

Brian washes me in the shower and I return the favor, it's really just fifteen minutes of foreplay before he forgets about my blow job and takes me quickly in the shower. I didn't come but after last night, I don't complain.

Since we're up, we move through our morning routine and we both get dressed. I call the diner since I am not working in New York this week and see if I can scrounge up open shifts for work.

"Can you help me carry the computers to the car?" he asks me.

"Sure, what are you going to do with them?" I ask concerned he is going to the police after all.

Brian explains that he plans to ask the IT guy at Kinnetik to take a look and see if he can clean off the virus or whatever is allowing Evan to control the webcam. He goes to grab Evan's laptop as well.

"Wait" I stop him "You can't take that. I need to send the information to Jeff."

Brian sighs, "Can it wait until after I take care of Aiden? I can have the IT guy put Jeff's files on a disk for you to send to him."

Since I need more time to figure out how I want to deal with Jeff and Evan, I agree to let Aiden get his comeuppance first.

I carry the laptops out to the car as Brian takes the desktop. "Be careful" I warn him. "There is no password on our videos. I hope you trust this guy."

Brian nods and kisses me telling me not to worry. "What time are you off tonight? I think we should go out tonight."

"Around ten, it might be later if we're busy" I warn "I can bring a change of clothes and meet you at Babylon when I get off?"

"Not to Babylon" he says "Text me when you get off, I'll come and pick you up and I'll bring you something to change into"

"Okay, you're not going to tell me where we're going?" I grin anticipating a hint of a pending romantic gesture.

Brian shakes his head and kisses me "Later" he says as he climbs into the car.

"Later" I call after him, waving.

I need to head to work shortly after Brian leaves but not before heading back to the loft and lying back on our bed. I unzip my pants and lower them and lift my shirt up. I start rubbing myself with memories of last night fueling my lust and with images of Brian under me; I quickly bring myself to the climax that eluded me this morning. I clean up and leave for work.

As I enter the diner, Brian's mystery evening has me flustered. I can't imagine where he might want to go but I do my best to temper my romantic expectations since Brian is not much for romance. I work the busy double shift which goes by quickly thankfully and my excellent mood translates into good tips.

Brian shows up around nine. He takes a seat in the booth and I offer him a coffee. I don't bother asking if he wants something to eat since its well after his eating cut-off. He sips his coffee and watches me work. He's in jeans and a black button up shirt so I rule out any fancy destinations but the last hour of my shift drags very slow with Brian's eyes on me.

At 9:58 I close out my last table and grab the bag with my change of clothes. As I open the bag in the restroom I burst out laughing. Brian has packed the cargo pants I wore the night of the bet and the same navy shirt. I change quickly assuming we are headed to some other club besides Babylon, maybe Poppers or the Adonis. I'm a little disappointed that it's not more romantic but it is Brian after all.

I come out of the bathroom and Brian whistles at me, "Ready lover?" he says smiling, the word lover still doesn't fall naturally from his lips but I love his effort nonetheless.

He takes my hand and leads me to the car. "So how did it go with Aiden?" I ask distracting myself from the questions I want to ask about where we are going.

"Pretty good actually. Seems you were right about his wanting to expand the campaign. Looks like Jack West and I will be working very closely together over the next few months."

"Jack West? What happened to Aiden?"

"Well it seems that Jack was unaware that Aiden was using his position to sexually harass me. Once he became aware, he decided that Aiden would better serve the company managing their interest overseas….in Saudi Arabia…so he will be personally overseeing the advertising campaign that Kinnetik is working on"

"Saudi Arabia?" I cringe thinking Brian might have gone too far, "Do you know what will happen to him if anyone finds out he's gay in the Middle East. I think gay sex is punishable by death there still."

"Oh don't be dramatic, it's not like there aren't gay Muslims, I'm sure there is plenty of butt-fucking in the desert. You just have to be more careful who you proposition, a lesson I think Aiden needs to learn."

"I guess he can always quit if he doesn't want to go." I try to ease my twinge of guilt.

We pull into a parking lot and I don't recognize where we are. It's certainly not a club; there is only one car in the lot. "Brian, where are we?" I ask as I get out the jeep. Brian grabs a bag from the back and my sketch pad. I'm even more confused when we walk up to the back door and a security guard opens the door. Brian grabs my hand and I find myself in a vast space, my footsteps echo but it's too dark to see anything.

The security guard follows us for a few steps, "Kinney, I'm taking my break, text me when you're leaving so I can lock up". I hear his footsteps fade away and then a click followed by the lights coming on. I take a look around and gasp.

We're in an art gallery; I take a few steps into the center of the room and Brian disappears into the back. The floor is an elegant hardwood, with a glossy sheen, the walls are white. There are several large scale light installations on the ground floor. There are black metal stairs leading up to the second floor which opens to the ground level. The second floor has paintings on it that I can't see clearly from the first floor. I start to head over to the staircase to get a better look but stop when music starts playing over the speakers.

Brian grabs me from behind and kisses my neck. I turn into him, "What? How?" I ask him.

"Well I had planned to take you to a club tonight but did you know that Jack West is the chairperson of the Andy Warhol Foundation for the Visual Arts?"

"No" I respond

"Well it seems Mr. West is quite the patron of the arts. He was kind enough to allow me an opportunity to use the gallery this evening."

"So why am I dressed in club clothes? I thought we were going dancing" I ask growing uncomfortable by my attire despite no one else being here.

He pulls me by the too-tight shirt to the middle of the room, "You're dressed like that because you look fucking hot in that outfit and I enjoy looking at you in it" he leans down to kiss me and wraps his hands around my waist. "Now dance with me" he insists.

I let Brian lead me around the empty space to the music. It feels a little awkward at first since we're alone but the light installations give a blue and silvery glow to the room and it's really very romantic. I relax into his arms and we kiss. After the second song, he pulls away from me and guides me to another room in the gallery. I gasp as we enter, another light installation takes up an entire wall of the room. The installation is hundreds of candles and the remaining walls are mirrors making the room appear there are infinite rows of candles. I appreciate the artistry for just a moment before I take Brian in my arms and kiss him passionately. "Wow" I remark nearly speechless.

"C'mon" he whispers "Are you hungry?"

He guides me to the center of the room where a blanket is laid out. There are strawberries and champagne on a table along with cheese and crackers and a few other snacks. He sits down on the floor and pulls me down with him.

"It's after seven" I warn as he takes a strawberry and holds it to my lips. I bite it and the juices flow down my chin and on to his hand. He licks the juices from my face and offers me his hand to lick.

He holds me in his arms as I eat while repeatedly turning down my attempt to feed him. I'm amused that he eats only two strawberries himself, sticking to his no carbs rule.

He pours the champagne and fills the glasses, "A toast" he says handing me a flute and pulling me to my feet.

"To?" I ask unable to predict his toast in this night full of surprises. He takes me to the stair case and we walk hand in hand to the second floor.

"To you" he says "to your success" he says motioning to the wall.

"Brian, I can't believe you" I stare in disbelief at the wall where my painting hangs. It's actually an abstract painting I did for school last year. It was one of my best pieces but I marvel that it looks even more impressive now; professionally framed and in this space. "Wait; did you blackmail him to hang my painting?"

"No, I blackmailed him to look at your painting. It was his suggestion to buy it and gift it to this gallery." Brian holds his glass out for me and I clink mine to it, finally accepting his toast.

We stroll around the second floor looking over the paintings and sculptures. Brian wraps his arms around me from behind every time I stop at a piece that I really like. Overall, I love the gallery, it's a great collection and I am surprised that I haven't been here before.

When we return to the first floor picnic Brian surprises me by undressing. His body looks so incredible in the candle light; I want nothing more to make love with him but I am all too aware of cameras now and I know a gallery is bound to have one for security, "Brian, I don't think we should" I warn.

"Relax" he says, handing me my sketch pad and pencils, "I want you to draw me, only the real me, not Rage".

"Really?" I ask uncertain; Brian was never that willing of a subject.

"Yes, really" he answers "Tell me how you want me"

I pose him in a position that I think he can hold on the uncomfortable hardwood floors and open my sketch pad to an empty page. I look at him with my artist eye and he takes my breath away. I put the pencil to paper and begin outlining his figure. The picnic and the lights give added complexity to the sketch and I struggle to get the shading just right on his chest and face. Every time I look up to study him, my hand translates something new onto the paper.

Midway through the sketch; I realize just how restricting the shirt I'm wearing is and it becomes almost unbearably uncomfortable while sitting for so long. I finally set the sketch down and lift it over my head. Brian smirks a little, 'I was wondering how long you would last" he teases "that shirt is way too small for you Sunshine".

I smile back and resume the sketch. "Why did you bring it for me to wear then?"

"I figured I should get something distracting to look at while you draw me so I don't get bored."

"There you go again, always worried you'll get bored with me" I shoot back.

Brian just shakes his head and smirks, "I don't see myself ever being bored with you. Besides being an artistic genius. You're also the best lover I have ever had"

"I am?" I laugh nervously.

"Why do you think I've kept you around for so long?" he teases moving towards me.

"Brian, I'm not done. Hold still." I order but he keeps crawling towards me on his hands and knees. "Ok, why?" I ask giving up on the sketch for now.

He stops a few inches from my face "Because no one else adores me the way you do…."he kisses me gently on my lips "…and because I love you."

He pushes me back and blankets me with his body, rolling off to the side enough that he supports some of his own weight. He runs his hand over my hair and looks at me so lovingly it unnerves me. "I love you too" I offer him a kiss not giving a damn about the cameras but he doesn't take it. "Let me look at you" he asks, staring into me, smiling. "You're so incredible."

"Brian take me" I ask, my hips lifting towards him; my cock desperate for his touch.

"Not yet beautiful" he whispers "where's all the self-control we worked on? First I take you home to _our_ bed _then_ I will make love to you for hours. Are you ready to go now, or do you want to finish your sketch?"

"Um…now's good" I laugh grabbing my sketch pad and shirt while Brian dresses and packs up our picnic. He texts the security guard and turns out the lights. I am walking on air back to the car but I know this is that soaring feeling again and my mind betrays me by trying to predict the cause of the next crash. There is still the very unresolved monogamy issue but Brian loves me and he's trying, and I love him so fiercely that I fight the urge to do anything other than enjoy this high as long as it last.

When we return home, Brian lights candles in our bedroom and leads me to bed. He touches me and my skin tingles and I feel nervous like the first time. My body trembles a little as he undresses me slowly and I sink back into our bed. Brian keeps his word and makes love to me slowly for hours but this time he never holds me back from the edge. Every time I come, he whispers "that's it, come for me my love" and other sweet encouragements which serve to heighten the night to one of the most romantic and sensual experiences of my life.

I never felt so close to him. I don't want it to end and just before I finally fall exhausted into sleep wrapped in his arms, I realize that my wildest romantic fantasy couldn't have touched how incredible this reality was.

"I love you" I whisper in his ear. He smiles and presses me tighter into his body, "Me too" he whispers back.

* * *

A/N: can I get a collective "Awwww"? Okay before you say it, I know the Brian we all love is probably not capable of quite this level of gushy romance but what the hell it's my story and I can gush if I want to :)

So we've taken care of Aiden but Evan is still due for some karmic retribution...so stay tuned!


	17. Chapter 17

I took my time over the next week to figure out the best way to deal with Evan. I had the video files of Jeff isolated to a disk. Brian suggested I just send the files to him but it sounded too risky to let him know they were from me; if he wanted to go to the police I wouldn't be able to conceal Brian's and my involvement as other victims. I also had the three other victims to consider. One of the other victims was easy enough to identify; Brian recognized him from college as their mutual friend Bobby. The other two victims were just first names: Seth and Ian. I decided I needed to call Evan and give him a chance to come clean with all the victims as a way to avoid getting the police involved. I didn't think he would but it seemed like it was worth a shot. So despite Brian's objections I picked up the phone, took a deep breath and dialed.

_Hello_

_Evan, um, this is Justin, Justin Taylor_

_Justin? My God what happened to you? You just left!_

_Yeah, about that…_

_Look Man, I can be a real asshole when I drink, sorry if I freaked you out. _

_Evan, cut the bullshit. I found the files._

_(Silence)_

_The files of Brian and I, I know what you did. How could you do that?_

_Listen, man. I don't know what you're talking about._

_Oh, you don't remember hacking our webcam and recording us having sex? What about Jeff, you remember spying on him, you sick fuck?_

_Justin, I, I can…._

…_Look I'm calling to give you a chance to come clean with Jeff…and Bobby, Seth and Ian and anyone else that you have been spying on. If not, I will contact them myself._

_I'll stop, please, don't do this. My wife, my job…I'll lose everything._

_That's not good enough, listen I hate to tell you this but you're gay. Maybe if you stop trying to not be gay, you can start living in the real world instead of spying on unsuspecting men. _

_Fuck you, I'm not gay!_

_What the fuck ever, listen stay in the closet however long you want but just so you know I don't think they have closets in prison._

_What are you threatening me?_

_What you did is not only deplorable it's illegal. Listen, being gay is the least of your problems if you don't come clean._

_Oh, yeah. Well if you go to the police, I'll make sure that video of you and Brian makes it to every porn site on the internet. Everywhere you go, you'll be wondering if they've seen you being Brian's little bitch. Everytime a group of fags are laughing in your presence, you'll be wondering if they are laughing at you. You want that? _

_You wouldn't…._

_Listen I want my laptop back and don't ever call me again. If I so much as think you've gone to the police, Jeff or anyone that video will be uploaded everywhere. You might take one video down but four more will pop up in its place and you'll be downloaded and shared so many times you won't ever be able to make it go away. Click_

I listen to the empty phone for a few seconds until I hung up the phone trembling; _oh my God what have I done?_ I choke back tears and it feels like my throat is closing. I have an unnatural awareness of my heart beating and I can feel the irregular beat pounding through my chest skipping every few beats. The room starts to spin and I sit down and close my eyes to avoid passing out. _I feel like I'm going to die._

The door opens, "Justin, fuck what's the matter with you?" I hear the sound of Brian's voice as he shakes me but my vision is fuzzy and my eyes can't focus. _Breathe, Justin, Breathe._

When things start to come back into focus I'm lying in our bed and Brian is lying next to me. "What happened?" I ask.

"You tell me; I came home and you were having a panic attack" Brian is rubbing my cheek in a soothing manner, "I was so fucking scared. I haven't seen you like that since right after you were bashed."

"I don't remember" I lie.

"Justin, don't lie to me. You were holding the phone when you freaked out. I know you called Evan." Brian shakes his head and sits up slightly. He doesn't sound angry, just disappointed that I'm not talking to him. "We're in this together, just tell me."

There's no hiding it now "I fucked up big time" I admit, "I thought I could talk to him and he would come clean."

"You told him that we know?" he asks unsuccessfully trying to temper how pissed off he is.

"I'm sorry" I grab his hand and I wonder if he can feel my hand shaking in his. "We can't go to Jeff or the police. He threatened me…"

"Threatened you?" Brian jumps up off the bed; his voice is shaking and I can't tell if he's scared or angry or both. He picks up his cell and starts dialing. "No way he gets away with this"

"Brian, who are you calling" I ask the panicky feeling returning as I grab for the phone.

"I'm calling the fucking police. Who knows what he's capable of; your safety is not something I am going to compromise on" he pulls his wrist holding the phone away from me breaking my grasp.

"Hang up!" I scream "Hang up now" I grab his hand and swat the phone out of his hand forcefully. His cell goes sliding across the hard wood floor and down the steps.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you. He's not going to hurt you." Brian pushes me back on the bed and goes to pick up his phone but I grab him by the waist and tackle him to the ground before he reaches it. "What the fuck Justin?" Brian yells as he hits the floor with a thud and I fall hard on top of him.

"You don't understand, you can't call the police" I yell as I climb off of him "I'm not worried about him hurting me physically"

Brian picks up the phone "The screens cracked, thank you very much" he huffs as he shows me his cell phone, "Now what the fuck are you talking about. You said he threatened you?"

I nod, "Yes but not physically. He said if we went to the police or to Jeff he would upload the video of us to porn sites on the internet."

"Justin he can't do that. The videos are illegally obtained, no porn site is going to accept them and if they do we can get a lawyer to take them down." Brian explains.

"That's total bullshit" I argue "You know as well as I do. Once something is out there on the internet; you can never get rid of it totally. I can't risk it. I won't risk it."

Brian sighs, "Justin, would it really be the end of the world if a couple of fags jack off to our video? I mean we have sex in public all the time in front of people who know us. This would be anonymous on the internet."

I give Brian a disgusted look, "Of course _you_ wouldn't care. You aren't the one who's being submissive. It's not humiliating to you. You look like the alpha top you want everyone to think you are."

"Okay, first of all, I _am _an alpha top. Second, what's with this bottom shame all of a sudden? Do you really think it matters who's fucking who; we are both exposed in the video?"

"Fuck you! Just because I don't want people to watch me get fucked on the internet doesn't mean I have bottom shame. It's not like every queer in Pittsburgh doesn't know you're a damn top; I think it's safe to assume they know I bottom. That's not the point!" I realize I'm yelling again when Brian recoils slightly pulling away from me. I take a deep breath to calm myself and try to make a final rational appeal "Look if the tables were turned I'm sure it would matter to you. What if the video was from the night of our bet and you were fucking yourself on that dildo and begging for me to fuck you? Are you telling me you wouldn't feel differently then?" I smirk as I say it because I already know the answer and when Brian flinches I know I've made my point.

Brian releases an exasperated sigh, "Do you really want him to get away with it? He will just keep doing it. We can stop him with one phone call. You don't know the video will get out."

"I went to the police with Chris Hobbs and he still got away with it. Going to the police doesn't mean shit." My eyes tear up with the memories and a wave of shame rushes through me because I know I'm scared and as long as I'm scared; I will always be a victim. I throw myself back on the bed and cover my face with my hands.

Brian sits back down on the bed and tries to peel my hands from my face, "Look at me" he ask when my hands lock over my face refusing to budge. "Justin, look at me please" he begs and I let my right hand fall into his and my eyes meet his gaze.

"We don't have to figure this out now" he offers wrapping me in his arms "We will figure it out together. I won't call the police if you don't want me to."

I break our embrace and look up at him, "Thank you" I whisper.

Brian takes his hand and wipes the teardrops that are smeared on my cheeks. "Shh. Don't worry it will be okay. Do you feel like eating, it's getting kind of late?"

"I don't have much of an appetite but I could use a distraction to forget about Evan for a while. Do you want to go out? Babylon?" I suggest.

Brian nods, "Let me grab a quick bite and we can head out. It's kind of early for Babylon but we can go to Woody's first if you want."

I nod and follow Brian to the kitchen. He makes a quick inventory of the contents of the fridge, inspecting a left over container and flashing a grimace as he smells it before promptly tossing it in the trash. "Looks like we are going to the diner" he smiles with a flirty grin "Let's get ready to go out"

I break into a wide grin because I know he's referring to our pre-club ritual; "C'mon" he says pulling me into the living room area and pushing me back onto the couch. He keeps eye contact while unbuckling my belt and unzipping my pants to free my soft cock from its confines. He kneels in between my legs, licks his lips and takes me in his mouth. The gush of warmth combined with the sweet suction and attention of Brian's tongue, rips a moan from my lips and brings me to full erectness in minutes. I run my fingers in his hair and cradle the back of his head as he bobs back and forth taking my full length with expert proficiency. I close my eyes and lean my head back; forcing my mind to shut out the distractions of the day and focus only on the immense pleasure Brian is giving me. But every time I get close and think that I might come; the image of Evan watching us pops into my head and my climax remains elusive. Brian, growing frustrated with my lack of response, ups his game considerably. He uses his hand slicked with saliva and his tongue is performing unbelievable acrobatics on my dick but nothing seems to work. I groan in frustration. Brian continues to work me with his hand but releases me from his mouth, looking up to me completely perplexed.

"Are you being intentionally stubborn or can you not come?" his tone hints of irritation.

"That was great. It's not you." I try reassuring him since he's always been able to get me off orally before, "I just don't think it's going to happen".

"You sure?" he says less irritated and more worried, "I can keep going" he offers halfheartedly.

I shake my head since I'm already soft again. I lean down and kiss him "I'm sure. It's okay. Let's just take our shower"

Brian stands up and pulls me off the couch, I can tell he's taking my lack of climax personally but I don't have the energy to reassure him.

We run the water and get into the shower. Brian picks up the soap and moves it over my skin with one hand and massaging my soapy muscles with his other. I lean against the wall and let him wash me. The water cascades off of my back and neck. Brian sets the soap down and uses both hands running them over my back circling my skin in a soothing manner. He wraps his hand around my waist and squeezes me. His mouth takes up residence on my neck and I can feel his cock growing hard against me. I turn into him and meet his lips letting him kiss me; he starts off frenzied and passionate but sensing my lack of response, quickly retreats to soft and slow reassuring kisses.

For the first time since right after my bashing, I realize I don't want to have sex. "Brian" I sigh pulling away from him, "I'm sorry, I can't tonight"

Brian stares at me with concerned eyes, "Okay" he says slowly, "If you don't want to". He picks up the soap and turns from me washing his chest. His physical withdraw matches his emotional withdraw. I wish I could explain and give him reassurance that this is not about him but I just wash my hair and we finish our shower with no further contact, physical or otherwise.

We get dressed in almost silence and I change my mind about wanting to go out but I don't want to disappoint Brian any further so I go through the motions.

We make a quick stop at the diner so Brian can get a turkey sandwich before starting our evening. When we finally get to Woody's I hit the bar first while Brian claims a pool table. I take two shots at the bar before grabbing two beers and heading back over to Brian. Woody's is crowded and we abandon our pool game after one round once we spy Michael and Ben walk in. I grab another round of drinks for all of us but not before sneaking in another few tequila shots. The evening follows in a similar fashion and for every round we have, I take a few additional shots trying to forget my troubles.

The alcohol starts to set in and by the time Brian suggests we head to Babylon, I'm feeling pretty numb.

"Do you want some E?" Brian offers, "It might help" I'm not sure if he thinks it will help me relax and forget about Evan or if he just wants me to have sex later. Either way I'm way too drunk to be taking anything so I turn him down and watch as he pops a tab on his tongue.

When we arrive at Babylon Brian leaves me at the bar to head to the dance floor with Michael. Ben orders a drink and offers me one. I take it and listen to Ben make small talk over the pounding music. I glance at him while he talks but the alcohol really makes my thoughts fuzzy and I have no idea what he's talking about. _Fuck he's really hot_. _He might even be hotter than Brian. Shit, he kind of looks like Evan._

"Where's Brian?" I slur trying to stand up to look for him.

Ben catches me as I stumble off the bar stool "Justin, are you okay? How much have you had?"

"Where's Brian, did he go the backroom? I go get him now." I take two steps away from Ben and sway back and forth, the lights and music make the room spin and a wave of nausea washes over me.

"Whoa, kiddo" Ben says steadying me on my feet "Let's get you some fresh air"

Ben half- carries me to the exit, "Thank you Ben, you're the bestest" I ramble "Michael is so lucky you never fuck around… you are so hot…you got so many muscles…I just want to lick them" I lean in to kiss him but the nausea surges through me and the contents of my stomach violently expels onto the concrete below us.

"Shit" Ben screams as he jumps back to avoid being splattered by my vomit.

"What the hell" Brian's voice calls from the exit "Justin, did you take something?"

I shake my head no and fight the dry heaves that consume me. Ben helps me to sit down on the curb since I am having trouble standing alone still. "I think he's just drunk" Ben tells Brian.

"Are you sure? He only had like three drinks at Woody's" Brian is crouching down beside me, "Michael go get him some water would you?" he asks.

"Need home" I slur "Feel sick" is all I can get out. Michael comes back with the water and I refuse it. "Can't"

"Sunshine you need to drink some water" he holds the bottle to my lips "Are you sure you didn't take anything?" Brian asks. I shake my head no.

"No you didn't take anything or no you're not sure" he asks again.

"Drunk. Shots. Woody's" I get out and take one sip that my stomach wants to reject and I close my eyes wishing for sleep or death whatever comes first.

"God Damn it" Brian shakes me gently "Stay awake okay". I am in and out as Brian and Ben get me to the car and Michael tells them to take me to the hospital.

I wake up in the dark loft, the only light coming from the fixture above the bed, an upwelling of vomit in my throat jolts me upright. I clasp my hand over my mouth and just make it to the bathroom before unleashing it in violent fashion followed by bile dry heaves. I hug the toilet and lay my head on the side. The room is sideways and the slow spin threatens to speed up with every movement of my eyes. "Just kill me" I moan.

Brian stands at the doorway. "If you hadn't made it to the toilet, I might have". He hands me a cool washcloth and squats down next to me. "Jesus, how much did you drink?"

"I don't know maybe eight shots of tequila plus the beers" I moan.

"You had eight shots and three beers on an empty stomach. No wonder you're sick" he smirks, "Do you need anything?"

"No, just want to stay here" I sigh.

Brian slumps on the bathroom floor and sits with me through another couple rounds of dry heaves offering me sips of water and placing the cool rag on my head.

"Ready to go back to bed" he offers.

I nod and he helps me back to bed. "Thanks" I say.

"Yeah, you're lucky I love you" he kisses my forehead.

He tucks me in and grabs the trashcan from the bathroom placing it by the side of the bed. "Get some sleep Sunshine" he strokes my hair.

I nod my head and close my eyes. "Brian, I don't want to be a victim anymore" I cry.

"Shh you won't my love" Brian whispers as he kisses my cheek "I promise we'll figure this out in the morning"


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: If you don't know what a VCR is or what it sounds like when a tape is eaten in it and what Rob Lowe looked like in St. Elmo's Fire- you're too young to read this story or I'm too old to be writing it. One of these...you've been warned.

* * *

After my drinking antics at Babylon, I settle into a warm cocoon of depression that carries me through the rest of the week. Brian gives me a pass the first day dismissing it as recovery time from my brutal hang-over, but soon grows weary of my refusal to eat, shower or generally get out of bed to go to class or work. I also refuse to discuss the Evan situation at all and order Brian to send Evan's laptop back to him and be done with it. I'm pretty sure this order is ignored but we don't discuss it. By the end of the weekend, I'm pretty sure he is ready to kill me. Unfortunately for me who welcomes a quick end to my misery, he instead calls for reinforcement which is how I come to be surrounded by Daphne, Emmett and Ben on Sunday morning. The three most annoyingly positive people we know.

The four of them force me out of bed and into the shower. Despite my complete lack of cooperation; Brian bathes me, Emmett dresses me and Daphne practically force feeds me, all the while Ben quotes me various bullshit Dalai Lama sayings and generally just tries to inspire me to fucking cheer up.

They prop me up, freshly showered and dressed, on the sofa and I slump down as far as I can and still be considered sitting. The three of them go back and forth throwing out various suggestions to Brian my designated gate-keeper. Daphne wants to take me to a shrink, Emmett thinks I need a fairy weekend, and Ben suggests they get Debbie or my mother involved. I look at Brian trying to convey the desperation I have to get these well-meaning people out of my space immediately. Our eyes meet and we have a silent conversation that only two lovers can have.

"Okay, ENOUGH!" Brian shouts quieting the group who are now all talking over each other, "Justin, if I kick them out will you please talk to me and eat something?"

I nod.

"Do you promise?" he looks at me skeptically.

I nod again.

"All right but if you don't; I'm calling Debbie!" he adds and I know his threat is real. Debbie getting involved in this would be the worst imaginable outcome outside of my actual mother.

Brian thanks everyone for their help and pushes them unceremoniously out of the loft. He comes back to me and kneels between my legs handing me a bowl of cereal. "Eat first" he orders.

I sit up and take the bowl and stare at it for a minute before Brian picks up the phone and says "Debbie?" and I shake my head and put the spoon in my mouth. When I've finished half the bowl, I set it down. Brian inspects how much I've eaten and sits up on the couch, pulls me back to him and says "Good enough for now".

I lean into him and he wraps his arms around me "Now talk" he orders.

I open my mouth but just start to cry. _God I hate myself!_

"Shh Justin, don't cry. Look, I've been thinking I might have a way out of this but you may not like it"

I stare at him waiting for his plan and just simply ask, "No police?"

Brian nods affirmatively and my ears perk up; he takes a deep breath and continues, "So Evan has a video of us that he's threatening to put on the internet. So what if we have a video of him that he is equally afraid of being made public?"

"Yeah, but we don't have a video of him." I sigh dismissively "Besides we don't know how to hack a webcam"

"Well that's not exactly true" Brian corrects.

"Huh?" I sit up and turn around to look at Brian's face. He looks guilty and he's not making eye contact with me. Horrible thoughts run through my head.

"If I tell you this you can't get angry and fall apart on me" he says and I start to panic again but I agree.

"Back in college, I um, when I was living with Evan, um…."Brian is unusually flustered this can't be good "I told you I would let him watch me right?"

"Brian, you're not making any sense." I argue "What does this have to do with now?"

"What's the one thing Evan is afraid of people knowing?" Brian asks sternly.

"I don't know, that he's gay" I guess.

Brian nods, "…and what would out him undeniably as being gay?"

"Brian, I hope you're not suggesting we try to tape him having sex with a man" I huff, "How would we even arrange that…hire a hustler, in New York?"

"Justin, I already have a video of him having sex with a man"

"Huh? What? How? With who?" I fire questions at him excitedly but don't give him a chance to respond.

"When I lived with Evan, we set up a camera in my room so that he could watch. That time, with the Rob Lowe look-alike. I recorded it and when Evan came out of the closet after I never turned the recorder off" Brian finishes explaining and my head feels like it's going to explode.

"So let me get this straight….you recorded yourself having sex with men who didn't know they were being recorded?" I ask disgusted by the thought. "So you basically did the same thing Evan did"

Brian cringes, "It's not like I was going to sell the tapes, and it was just for fun. It didn't seem like anyone was going to get hurt."

"Oh my God, did you ever record me, us?" I scream horrified by the thought that another Brian Kinney induced crash to earth was upon me.

"God Justin no" Brian shouts, "This is something I did in college, it was a long time ago"

"Wait, you're telling me this so you…. you what….you kept the tapes? Are they here at the loft?" I ask looking around, wondering where he could have hidden them from me.

Brian nods. "Yes I kept them; they're in a storage container. I haven't looked at them in a long time."

"So we can just go get the video of Evan?" I ask.

"Well there's a slight problem with that" Brian mutters, "There are a few problems actually. The first is the videos are on VHS tapes so I'm not sure how well preserved they are and I'm not even sure you can still buy a VCR these days and we don't have one. The second problem is the tapes are only labeled with first names"

"Yeah, so we just look for one labeled Evan and find a VCR" I surmise simply.

"Not exactly, I hadn't plan to fuck Evan, I had planned to fuck the Rob Lowe lookalike and I have no idea what his name is so the tape isn't labeled and there's no date stamp on the label" Brian explains.

"Well how many tapes are there?" I ask "We will just have to go through them"

Brian looks positively ill, "There's a lot" he admits sheepishly.

"Like what 20?" I estimate.

"Higher"

"50?"

"Higher"

"Oh my God, you're such a slut. How many are there?"

"Like close to 250" he whispers, "Even after Evan moved out, I kept doing it for about a year. I thought it would be fun to record all my tricks for an entire year"

"You slept with 250 men in a year?" I ask incredulously.

"No those are the ones I had back at my apartment. I couldn't tape the ones from the bath house or backroom or those that insisted on going to their place" Brian remarks as if I should know better.

"What the fuck Brian?" I argue "So we are going to watch 250 videos until we find the right one; that seems impossible?"

Brian looks at me reluctantly, "Well I have one more suggestion but I think you'll like this one even less."

"Less than watching you have sex with 250 men? I doubt it" I conclude.

"Well we can't exactly use a hustler since we know Evan is more about watching than participating but I've had him before. I can go to New York and try to seduce him and we can record it somehow"

I look at Brian in complete disbelief, "Are you seriously suggesting this to me?"

"It's just an idea. It's not like I want to" he shrugs but he's clearly baiting me so that I will go for the video idea.

"I think we can rule that one out" I punch him hard on his upper arm which he immediately grabs and rubs.

"So where is this storage container?" I ask resolved that this is the only solution "I guess we're having a movie night".

"It's near Debbie's house" he answers me; "We can stop by there first. I'm certain Debbie still has a VCR, maybe we can borrow it?"

"She's gonna want to know why?" I ask.

"I'll make something up. Just don't come in with me, you can't lie worth shit" Brian teases me but he's right and Debbie can read me like a book.

I can't believe it's come to this but I follow Brian out of the loft and we drive to Debbie's and discover she has two VCR's that Brian carries to the car. I laugh out loud when he's on his way back because they are large and bulky and only Debbie would still have kept these dinosaurs around.

When we get to the storage locker, I stare in disbelief at the boxes and boxes of things that Brian has stashed away. All the boxes are taped and poorly labeled so we end up opening several boxes containing yearbooks, trophies and other mementos of his youth before we find the many, many boxes of VHS tapes which contain regular movies both adult and otherwise, as well as his "home movie" collection. I laugh at Brian for keeping all this stuff in a storage locker. I always assumed since his loft was pristine and sparse in personal touches; he wasn't sentimental enough to maintain any of these items and I'm kind of happy to know that he has this side of him tucked away and that he's let me see it.

We load the boxes we can into the back of the car and it's clear we will have to make several trips. I sift through one box that sits on my lap as we drive back to the loft. Tape after tape is labeled in black sharpie, most have actual names…Brett, Cody, Sam but some just have descriptions when I presume he didn't recall their names or never thought to get it in the first place; twink from art 101, Penn State halfback, ice cream man. I knew Brian was promiscuous but seeing a year, or almost a year, of evidence to that fact was just downright disturbing. I comb through the box hoping to find one labeled- Rob Lowe lookalike but come up empty.

When we get back to the loft, Brian sets up the VCR and calls Michael to bring over a small TV we are borrowing so we can watch two videos at once, _lucky me._

For the next several hours I watch Brian in all his early college day glory in fast forward. It's quite possibly my worst nightmare. Brian stops the fast forward every once in a while under the guise of getting a better look at faces but I suspect he's reliving some of his better fucks right in front of me which disturbs me to no end.

Then after 7 hours of searching and two trips to the storage container on tape #203 labeled "Jean Luc", I find it. I am running through the video and when Jean Luc enters the room, I grow suspicious because he does resemble Rob Lowe circa St. Elmo's fire era. "Brian" I call his attention away from the other TV "Is this him?"

"It might be. Fast forward a little" he instructs.

I move the tape forward and the VCR makes a crumbling sound like it's eating the tape. "Fuck! Stop!" he orders again.

I hit stop and the tape still plays but now we are afraid to fast forward it so I am forced to watch it at normal speed and volume. "This can't be it!" I sigh "You're not dominating him"

Brian looks at me confused, "What are you fucking talking about?"

"Evan told me the reason he let you fuck him was because you were doing your student-teacher game, with spanking and bondage and it turned him on. This is totally vanilla so this can't be it. I don't really want to watch if it's not the right guy"

"Justin, you are the only person I've done that role play with. That was the entire point of that weekend. We were doing things we wanted to do but hadn't" Brian sighs.

"But how would he…." I start but answer my own question, shaking my head in my own naiveté. "God I am really stupid. Of course, he saw us on the video already. He was just trying to get me mad at you so I would go along with his game."

"Fuck me, look that's him!" Brian shouts as he directs my attention to the screen. Jean Luc has left and Evan emerges from the closet. _Oh the irony._

We watch long enough to confirm that the tape shows him clearly and stop the playback. "Now to find someone who can transfer this to a file we can actually use" Brian says as he tucks the video back into the case.

"Now what are we going to do with your little collection?" I ask

"I don't suppose we can just stick them back in storage?" Brian suggests.

"Um, think again" I reach for him pulling him in for the first kiss in several days, "First you're getting rid of these, then I will find a way to make up for my mood the last couple days" I tease.

Brian tosses the other videos back into their boxes and surveys the sheer volume that needs to be dealt with. "I don't suppose you can let me deal with these after you make up for your ignoring me the last four days. It has been like five days since we've fucked and I just spent almost 8 hours watching porn" he says only half joking, pulling me into him for a kiss.

"Stop, it's not like you haven't been getting any" I play push him off of me and point to the boxes.

Brian's face falls sullen, "Is that what you think?" he accuses me angrily.

"What?" I ask, genuinely unsure of what's set him off.

"Babe, I haven't been with anyone else"

"You haven't fucked anyone else in four days?" I ask in disbelief.

"No" Brian smiles proudly and bites his bottom lip out of nervousness, "I haven't fucked anyone else in over a month, over two months if you don't count the one blowjob I gave Aiden, which I don't because I didn't swallow and it's so low risk. Nothing except that since you won the bet."

"I'm speechless. I just assumed that you were still tricking. I know you turned down Aiden but I thought that was more because of him being a repeat and the rules" I stammer, my heart is practically leaping from my chest. I look into his eyes and grab his hand "So we're doing this thing? We're really monogamous?"

"I don't know about you, but I am" he smirks. "But if you cut me off again for four days, I may have to reconsider"


	19. Chapter 19

Brian's decision to finally give up other men has catapulted me out of my depression and given me the courage to do what has to be done. Despite my new fearlessness, the past month was not without turmoil. Brian had a hell of time getting Evan's video transferred to a format we could actually use. We were almost ready to give up when we finally found someone. The quality wasn't the best but it was good enough to serve its purpose and at Brian's urging we set the wheels of our plan in motion; a plan that ultimately did include us contacting the police.

Brian had never returned Evan's laptop and since we could never identify the other two victims, he convinced me this was the best way. After a deep heart to heart, I decided that no longer being a victim was worth the risk of exposure on the internet. It helped that Brian finally convinced me to watch the entire video of us and I came to realize with the webcam picture quality and distance it wasn't that easy to identify us. In fact, you couldn't see my face clearly in most of the video so if worse came to worse and the video got out, it wasn't likely to be as humiliating as I feared. So with my blessing, Brian contacted Evan and let him know about the video we had of him. He didn't believe us at first, but Brian played him the audio over the phone and he soon accepted his fate.

After we hung up with Evan, my next call was to Jeff. I explained what I had discovered not only about my own files but his as well and told him of our plans to contact the police. He appreciated the heads up and offered me another chance to come work with him but I was getting behind in school and the semester was wrapping up, so I declined. Brian and I had a huge argument about it but it was my decision and eventually he believed me that it really was about school and not out of fear of leaving him unsupervised. Although Jeff was clearly straight, he actually had a huge collection of subversive and controversial comics, and was a big fan of Rage. He encouraged me to stay in touch with him as I got closer to finishing school and left the opportunity open-ended.

Brian did a little digging and located contact information for Bobby from some other college contact. He actually wasn't that hard to find although he lived in Chicago now so Brian had to break the news awkwardly over the phone. Turns out Bobby, who now went by Robert, and Evan were still pretty close friends so he was the most betrayed and hurt by his actions. Robert also agreed to speak to the police although he said he had been so busy at work that he hadn't been laid in months so there wasn't going to be anything too revealing on his videos.

The next stop was to the police. We brought the laptop with us and the detective didn't sugar coat the fact that while they would do what they could to keep our privacy, there was no guarantee that others would not watch all the videos including ours. He chastised us for not coming forward sooner and the fact that we had removed the virus from our computers was problematic. There were moments when my fears about nothing being done seemed to be coming true. Robert had decided not to cooperate after all; he was just too close with Evan's wife and couldn't go through with it. Then last week we finally got a bit of good news; the detective called us to say they had located Seth and Ian. Seth it turns out was a coworker at Marvel and Ian was a bartender at a local gay bar. The New York District Attorney's office had decided to pursue charges in New York just with Jeff, Seth and Ian as victims. Ultimately she reassured us it was for the best; our case had been compromised since we removed the virus ourselves and tried to deal with Evan on our own. That combined with the fact that we were in another state could open up the possibility of jurisdictional challenges. The best news was that since Evan wasn't being charged with stalking Brian and I, there was no need for our video to ever be used in court.

So finally after weeks of upheaval and doubt, Evan was arrested and indicted. He did make bail immediately thanks to his wife so he was free again but he had lost his job and was facing some pretty serious charges. I felt relief but at the same time tried to not get my hopes up; the prosecutor warned us it would be months before a trial and they were trying to get to a plea agreement. He could still avoid jail time. We wouldn't know for a while.

Even with the stress of the past month, I was grinning as I logged on to one of the computer terminals that dot the hallway of the visual art building anticipating another bout of good news. Final grades were in for the semester and I was pretty sure I made the Dean's list again. I click through the system impatiently to get to the log in screen for my grades and as the page loaded, I did a little jump for joy as I confirm I had in fact received all A's for the semester. I didn't know if I was happier about that or the fact that Brian and I had reached a new milestone and shortly he would be picking me up for another landmark event in our relationship.

I stroll out of the building a self-satisfied smile lighting my face when I spot Brian's car. I throw my bag in the back, and hop in exuding the positive energy I was feeling.

"For someone about to go to the doctor, you're in a good mood" Brian laughs, leaning over to kiss me while I put my seatbelt on.

"Yep, got my grades" I beam.

"Oh yeah, good news?" Brian asks, "I certainly hope my investment in your education is paying off."

"Dean's List again! I should be able to get a few merit scholarships next semester too". I nod proudly and look to him. As my educational benefactor, Brian takes an exorbitant interest in my academic success and I can see he's fighting his urge to show me how proud of me he really is.

He offers no sincere congratulations but he does run his hand through my hair and cradles the back of my neck guiding my lips to his for a congratulatory kiss before smiling and casting off a smart comment, "Good, your tuition is really cutting into my preservation funds"

"Um, preservation funds? Like save-the-whales?" I joke.

"No as in the keep Brian looking twenty-nine preservation fund…Botox, eye lift, gym memberships, anti-aging serums- they all cost money" he laughs, "I can't have you leaving me if I start to look…old" he shutters as he speaks.

"You can't get rid of me that easily" I tease. Brian responds with a knowing look admitting that if all the emotional turmoil he had put me through didn't scare me off, a few winkles wasn't likely to either.

Brian turned onto the freeway and headed East towards his doctor's office. I was just as fine going to the free-clinic downtown but Brian insisted we see his doctor. As we pulled into the parking lot, I followed him to the office which was not like any doctor's I had been too. Instead of your standard exam rooms, we were shown into a large office with a curtained area for examinations. Instead of waiting in a small room on an exam table, we were asked to sit in comfortable chairs that sat across from the doctor's desk. When Dr. Kline came in, he sat as his desk and talked to us at length about nothing related to our visit. He and Brian clearly had a personal, platonic relationship. He didn't appear to be gay so I didn't think there was anything more to it.

"So Brian" Dr. Kline begins, "What brings you in today?" Dr. Kline looks at me with a surprised expression. I am assuming Brian has never brought anyone in with him to his doctors and I get a surge from the significance of this.

"HIV testing" Brian answers while Dr. Kline flips through a folder containing Brian's medical records. Dr. Kline nods. "Well according to this we just did your routine test at your physical. Any reason why you want to test again early? Did you have an exposure you're concerned about?"

Brian shakes his head and glances to the floor, his leg is bouncing up and down. _Is he nervous?_ "No exposure" Brian clarifies, "My, um…." He looks at me for help but I let him squirm until he gets the balls to say it, "….um, boyfriend, and I are planning to…." Again with the look, this was beyond amusing, "….um, planning to have, without, um…."

Dr. Kline is completely perplexed as to what Brian is rambling on about and looks at me to interpret Brian's incoherent statements. I sigh and decide to take mercy on them both so we aren't here until Christmas, "What Brian is trying to say is that we've decided to get tested because we are monogamous and we are planning to start having sex without condoms." I stress the word monogamous and look at Brian as I say it slowly and with emphasis. I rest my hand on Brian's leg to comfort him and because the leg bouncing is getting annoying.

Dr. Kline offers a forced smile and looks at Brian, "So just to be clear, you're both monogamous and plan to stay that way?" I should be offended by this statement but I wasn't. Dr. Kline clearly knew Brian's sexual orientation and promiscuous behavior, he was probably asking out of shock.

Brian simply nodded affirmatively and took my hand. Dr. Kline let a poorly concealed smirk of disbelief show as he made a note in his chart. "Brian, do you mind if I speak frankly?" he glances at me as he asks and I read the intent of the question to be "do you want him to leave so we can talk about this?"

"Sure, there isn't anything I need to hide from Justin" Brian smiles and squeezes my hand and I know this is his apology for not being able to admit to his doctor that he was not tricking anymore.

"Ok then" Dr. Kline says, "Brian despite your extreme diligence to protected anal sex, in the past nine years I have treated you for syphilis, chlamydia, and twice for gonorrhea all likely exposures from unprotected oral sex. I have on numerous occasions explained to you that your casual, often-annoynomous, sexual encounters puts you at extreme high risk for HIV and other incurable STD's such as Hepatitis correct?"

Brian says nothing but affirms his statement with a nod.

Dr. Kline continues, "So you both understand that while HIV transmission risk is low from unprotected oral sex, there is risk of other STD's from unprotected oral sex and oral to anal contact. I ask because I want to be clear that when you say you are in a monogamous relationship that includes sexual contact other than anal sex."

Brian and I both nod in understanding. He squeezes my hand again. "We've been monogamous for three months except for one blowjob I gave two months ago" Brian explains.

"Okay well if you had exposure to ejaculate in your mouth, there is some minimal risk there. Largely saliva is very hostile to the HIV virus and the membranes in the mouth are much more protective than in the anus but if you had a cut or tear in your mouth there can still be exposure. There are two types of HIV test; the most common and what we normally run for you are called antibody test or the rapid test. This give a positive result based on antibodies to HIV, not the virus itself. If you have an exposure, 97% of people will test positive with this test in 3 months and nearly 100% in 6 months. Therefore, I would recommend that you come back after you've been monogamous for the full six months before having unprotected or condom-less sex".

Brian looks at me and I'm not hiding my disappointment. I had always heard that three months was the window but now it's a full six. 97% meant there was still a 3% chance of a false negative and Brian was not about to risk exposing me no matter how much I begged. "You said there were two tests. I didn't know that. What about the other type of HIV test?" I ask curiously.

Dr. Kline smiles, "This test is far less common. We can offer it here but it's more expensive and insurances don't usually cover it. This test looks for the presence of the actual virus. It looks for the antigen or RNA. Nearly 100% will have enough viral material for a positive result by 3 weeks from an exposure"

Brian looks at me and nods silently before I answer, "We'd like to have the antigen test then please."

Dr. Kline sighs heartedly closing the folder, "All right then. We will run the antigen test as well as the full panel of STD tests for both of you. I hope it goes without saying that if you do engage in any sex outside your relationship you should immediately resume using condoms. I will send the nurse in to draw your blood. We should have results in two to three days. I can only release the test results to you individually so please make sure that we have your contact information as well Justin"

We move to the exam area sitting side by side on the long black exam table blanketed with paper that crinkles loudly with you sit on it. The nurse comes in to take our blood and I offer to go first. As I roll down my sleeve I look over at Brian who is flinching as the needle enters his vein. There was something about this moment that overwhelms me. Knowing that Brian and I were about to take this step together I imagine it feels like crossing the finish line after running a marathon. You work and work towards this single goal and you put your body and mind through ungodly torment just to have this single momentary reward. As Brian bends his arm and gazes at the cotton ball he holds to the spot of the needle prick awaiting for the nurse to apply the bandage, I catch him in a rare moment. He looks at his arm with child-like glee, a look of pride washes over his face. He's proud of us for getting this far and I imagine he's proud of himself for surpassing his own low expectations. He looks up catches my stare and I offer him a wide smile and his eyes dance in their orbits.

As we make our way back to the loft, I think of how different it will be with Brian once we cross over this line. Not so much on how it will feel different without a barrier between us although I was excited by that thought. Just the phrase "unprotected sex" implies that sex was risky and you needed protection from each other. In two to three days, we would know for sure that the physical expression of our love wouldn't be risky anymore. In just a few days we would be one of those couples that no longer needed protection from each other. I would be free to love Brian and he would be free to love me and the only thing we would have to worry about protecting would be each other's hearts.


	20. Chapter 20

"Justin, I fucked someone last night"

Brian's words tore into my chest and threatened to rip out my soul. _We were so close_. My breath catches in my throat and time stands still. The room starts to spin, a wave of nausea surges through me and I am unable to move for fear that I might buckle under the heavy weight of his words.

"Jesus Justin" Brian grabs on to me and pulls me into him and guides me to the couch "I didn't think you would take me seriously Sunshine. You were with me last night. I was trying to make a point."

"A fucking point?" I demand. _Oh thank God, feeling is returning to my legs._

"Have you been listening to me at all?" Brian shoves my shoulder in an effort to bring me back to the point and time on Earth he has occupied for the last thirty minutes that I have been immersed in a daydream.

I look into his eyes and with remorse admit that I hadn't been listening to him at all. The white envelopes on the coffee table were staring at me and despite Brian's instance that we talk before we open the test results; my mind was fast forwarding the evening in my head from opening the envelopes to the extremely passionate, bare sex we would be having as a result.

"You know, for someone who accuses me of being emotionally stunted, you certainly aren't all that supportive when I try to have an adult conversation with you. Now do you think you can let some of the blood in your body return to your brain so you can focus for a bit?" Brian chastises me glancing at my crotch.

"I'm sorry" I apologize, adjusting the raging hard on pushing against my zipper. _Debbie, Mom, Molly _I think and my dick starts to return to a semi-erect state that is at least concealable. "What did you want to talk about?"

Brian smirks, "I was saying that before we open these results and go through with this we need a few ground rules".

"Ground rules?" I question, still not catching up to his thought process.

Brian takes my hand and sucks in air sharply. His hand is gripping mine tight and I sense he's holding me down to the couch so I won't leave before he gets this out. "Justin, I need you to suppress your inner drama princess and just listen to what I am trying to say without interrupting me."

"Brian, just say it for fuck's sake" I grow impatient.

"This little experiment with monogamy…. we need to be realistic. You're twenty years old, that is entirely too young to know what you want or who you want to spend your life with. As for me, I have absolutely no practical experience with being in a committed relationship. If we start bare-backing and something happens...you meet someone else that you want to be with or I slip, we can't be afraid to tell each other. I can't be afraid to say 'Justin, I fucked someone else last night' for fear of losing you forever and you can't be afraid to tell me you've changed your mind either. So I think we should agree that if that happens, we just start to use condoms again but that we promise not to end this, what we have, at least not because of that."

"So you want an out clause; you don't want to stay monogamous?" I cringe.

"Justin, I never wanted to be monogamous. It doesn't mean the same thing to me that it does to you." Brian explains and I go to pull my hand away but he maintains his grip.

"Then why, why are you doing this? The bet? Do you really even love me?" I accuse, my inner princess screaming to get out and my voice breaking like a pre-pubescent boy.

Brian continues patiently, "Yes, Justin, I do love you. Look, in most ways that matter I am your first right? First love? First blow job? First fuck?"

"First kiss" I admit and nod.

Brian looks a little taken aback, "I was your first kiss?" he sighs and I can't determine if this realization really surprises him.

"Uh huh, that counted" I say softly.

"Well that even more helps prove my point. Look, I agreed to this because I know it's important to you but I don't think it's important to you for the reason you think it is" Brian speaks slowly and I can tell he is struggling to choose the words that will be least likely to spin me into orbit.

"Huh? You're not making any sense" I say, planting a kiss on his lips so I can refocus him on what we are supposed to be doing.

He surprises me by pushing me away, "Listen!" he commands, "Are you listening to me?"

I sit back and look into his eyes. "Yes" I sigh with exaggerated exasperation for effect.

"You think you want monogamy because then we can start to have this hetero-normative relationship and soon we'll be marching down the aisle and then you know what will happen?" he asks but continues without giving me a chance to respond, "We'll get the hetero-normative experience of going through a brutal divorce, hating each other all because…surprise…one of us fucks someone else and then we start lying to cover it up and then the other feels betrayed and hurt or we both are miserable because we're trapped in a relationship that doesn't look like the one we signed up for…"

"Brian" I try to interrupt his rant unsuccessfully.

"….The reason I agreed to this and the reason I think you want this to begin with is because you want to know that you're different, that you're special, to me." he surmises and his words hit home, "You want to be one of my firsts. You want to say he-only-does-that-for-me, about something."

I bite my lip and nod for him to continue.

"I've been trying so hard to make you feel that way. The weekend away, the role-playing games, taking a bath together, calling you lover, letting you top, romantic evenings in art galleries, telling you I love you….that was all for you, for you to have some of my firsts. I'm going to give you one more…. Bare-backing….but only if you promise that after it will be enough. It's enough for you to know what you mean to me and for you to feel secure and loved and whether it's something we decide to keep doing or it's a one-time thing, it doesn't move us on a path to marriage or bust. It's not a point of no return. It's a decision and we do it because we want to and there are not consequences for changing our minds."

I shiver as Brian's ultimatum and motives become clear. He was right; I did think this would move us closer to the white-picket fence and the two kids and a dog. I sat silently absorbing the information. I thought about how I would feel if Brian did fuck someone else after we crossed this line. If my reaction earlier was any indication, it would destroy me, destroy us. I tilt my head back and rest my neck on the back of the couch and close my eyes hard, a small tear escapes my lid and rolls down my cheek.

Brian sits up and pulls me back to him, so I'm resting in his arms my back to his chest. "I want to do this with you." He reaffirms nuzzling my neck, "but it has to mean the same thing to both of us. I can't go through with it if it means that monogamy or breaking up is the only choice in our future. I know myself enough to know that once the novelty of fucking raw wears off, I will feel trapped and resent you and we won't make it."

I turn to kiss him and our eyes meet and I see the finish line I thought we were so close to crossing in my head melt away and instead start to envision us in an open field and we're still running but there isn't a predetermined path and there's no finish line and no other runners, no pressure to keep running at all actually. This vision felt more like us. We could walk or run in any direction we wanted and we could go in the same direction or different ones. It felt free and easy compared to the marathon and I knew Brian was right. We belong in the field, not on the race track because races always come to an end eventually. This was him; this was us.

"I understand. I know what to expect. I can't say it won't hurt like hell if we have to go back but I think you're right. It's better that we keep it as a choice rather than an expectation."

Brian's muscles relaxed around me and I appreciate for the first time how tense he was during our conversation. I wonder if this level of communication with a partner is another first he's giving me; it certainly was out of character. I try to maintain myself in the moment and temper my romantic expectations but then Brian starts to kiss the curve of my neck and I feel myself melting into him and giving myself over to what's about to happen. I whine a little as Brian pulls away from me until I realize he's grabbing the envelopes from the table and hands them to me.

"Do you want to do the honors?" he asks, his seriousness fading allowing his sexy smile to return.

I tear open the envelope with my name first, "Negative across the board" I say as I hand him the test results. "I'm clean"

My hands tremble as I open Brian's results; I take the letter out of the envelope and fold it down angling it sideways so Brian can't see over my shoulder. "Hmmm" I sigh teasing him with an unnecessary delay.

"Give me that!" Brian rips the letter from my hands losing patience. "Well look at that. Looks like I'm good to go as well"

I giggle and flip myself over so that my chest is pressed against his. My heart is racing in anticipation but I pour my mouth onto his and relish the slipperiness of his tongue dancing with mine. I'm soon transported back to my daydream state and my cock fills against Brian's and I push my hips down grinding into him. An unwelcome layer of clothes blocking the skin on skin contact we so richly deserve.

Brian moans into my mouth and I lift my chest enough to curl my fingers under his third shirt button and pull my hands apart roughly exposing his chest to me as the sound of fabric tearing and popped buttons spilling across the hardwood floor give Brian pause.

"Jesus Justin" he smiles, "I would have just taken it off if you asked."

"Sorry…naked…bed…now" I say with each breath between kisses I place on his warm sun-kissed skin.

"You have to get up if you want me to move" Brian tries to push himself up but his hand has my head locked to his nipple that I can't stop sucking long enough for either of us to move. "Ahh, God, Oh Fuck, slow down…." he whispers as I move my hand to his cock massaging it firmly over his pants "….or this will be over before it starts."

I stop long enough to look up and pull up so I'm straddling him. My heavy cock is resting against his and I can't help but move my hips aching for more friction. I keep his gaze as I unzip his pants, "Should I take the edge off so that you can last? I will be very disappointed if the first time you come inside me isn't incredible."

"Well no pressure there, huh?" Brian laments, raising his hips so I can shimmy his pants down enough to spring his cock free. I re-position myself so I can take him in my mouth. I tease his cock head and run my tongue over the slit, tasting him like I've never tasted him before. I push down, relaxing my throat until I have him completely contained. I moan and swallow around him and purse my lips as tight I can creating a firm suction. I slide back up his length and release his cock with a satisfying popping noise before swallowing him back up. My tongue dances and flicks along the ridges and veins over his taut skin as I repeat the motion over and over. Brian is grunting and bucking into my mouth so I use one hand to hold his hip down, digging my fingernails into his flesh. I'm taking control of this knowing that Brian will have control soon after I'm done. I use my other hand to gently squeeze his balls that are tightened and firm under me. With one final thrust down a stream of fluid hits the roof of my mouth and Brian convulses under me.

I run the tip of my tongue over his overly sensitive tip and he moans, "Ya, don't" and yanks my head back. I smile smugly, that was the best blow job I had ever given and Brian's eyes are unfocused as they return from the back of his head.

"Holy Shit" Brian cries, "there's taking the edge off and then there's what you just did. I'm going to need some time to recover."

"That's ok. We have time. Come with me" I guide Brian by the hand into our bathroom. I run the water and pull the remainder of his shirt off, this time by unbuttoning his buttons and guiding it off his body. He yanks his pants down and pulls them free. I go to lift my own shirt off and Brian stops me choosing instead to undress me slowly. As we both stand in front of each other completely naked just smiling; Brian licks his lips and I can see his mind working things over planning the next few minutes. I can see him take in our bodies; his soft cock, still glimmering with the remains of come and saliva, contrasts with mine which is heavy but standing at full attention straining towards him. He wraps his hand around it and jerks his hand a few times and I lean into him. He opens the door and we enter the shower together, the steam rising filling the shower enclosure with a warm vapor coating each of us with a thin layer of wetness so that our hands slide over each other easily. As Brian steps back into the stream and the displaced spray hits my face, I wipe the water from my eyes and blink but before I can move out of the way Brian's lips cover my mouth blocking the water from my face. There is no breathing in this moment; I feel like I am receiving air solely from Brian's throat and when we do finally break, I'm panting. Unsure of what is happening; he moves behind me pushing up against me. I instinctively put my hands out bracing against the shower wall assuming he's going to take me right here and now.

Before I can process what's about to happen, Brian pulls back and sinks to his knees in the shower and is kneading my ass, pushing a hand onto my back angling me forward slightly so my cheeks are spread. I gasp as I feel the first lick along the path from my spine to the trail leading to my puckered hole. The first few passes Brian makes stop short and I tense and release under his tease. Finally he flicks gently at the sensitive rim and I greedily push back into the sensation. Brian pulls away and spreads my cheeks apart firmly before diving into me with purpose. My knees buckle slightly at the sensation and I take my cock in my fist, pumping along the shaft as Brian rims me. His brief flutters over my hole alternate with firm stabs into me with his tongue and sometimes his fingers too when his tongue needs a rest. His motions bring me to an unfamiliar level of ecstasy and I plummet over the edge moaning and crying out as I free fall into oblivion.

Brian stands and holds me tight as I return from the fog of my orgasm. We take the soap and wash each other, kissing and feeling each other's every muscle as we go. The water starts to cool and Brian breaks our kiss to turn off the water and opens the door. We dry each other off, unable to break from our exploration and I shiver as Brian takes a towel over my head and dries my hair, his fingers dig into the pressure points in my scalp and it's the hottest non-sexual touch I have experienced.

Unable to deny ourselves any longer the moment we've been building towards; I grab Brian and lead him over to our bed. "Baby, I need you inside me" I whisper.

We climb back onto the middle of the bed together and I spread my legs so that Brian's slender hips fit between them. He sits back onto his feet and grabs the bottle of lube. Slicking his cock with the substance in preparation, raw instead of sheathed for the first time. He moves two fingers into me spreading the lube, warming me up.

"You ready?" he asks, raising my legs up to his shoulders and positioning our bodies just as he had the first time.

I nod and smile, "I want you to always remember this" I offer, echoing his words to me, "So no matter who you're ever with. I will always be there."

Brian nods, acknowledging the meaning of the moment before sliding in one fluid motion into my tight tunnel. "Oh God!" he moans like nothing I have ever heard and stills.

I move my hips up and Brian stops me, "Don't move!" he orders, "Need a moment, you feel so incredible!"

I can't hide my delight as I wait for Brian to regain composure, after what seems like an eternity of feeling him still inside me pulsing as my ass contracts around him, Brian slides out and starts to move back into me.

"Fuck" Brian cries stopping again, "I don't think I'm gonna last long. You have no idea how good this feels"

"It's okay" I reassure him, "I just want to feel you, move please"

Brian grunts and pounds into me. His face is contorted and he goes to another place all together. I grow hard just witnessing the effect being inside me is having on him. He lowers his torso and kisses me. The move creates new friction on my cock which sends electricity pulsing through my body. I shift my hips up rubbing myself onto his stomach as he pistons in and out of me. "Gaww, Ahhh, So good" Brian is moaning and his movements are becoming more rhythmic and purposeful as he drives us both to our climax.

"Coming, Oh God, I'm Coming" Brian cries and I feel a rush of warmth and the sensation of Brian actually pulse inside me as he expels his load into me for the first time. He moans my name and it sends me over the edge careening into an express lane to the most powerful orgasm I've ever experienced. My come coats the cavity between my cock and Brian's abdomen as he collapses onto my body. I rest my hand on his ass and beside the feathery touch up his back; neither of us moves a muscle and I think we both doze off for a few minutes just laying like this.

Brian starts to soften and slip out of me and in his sleepy fog he reaches down with a look of panic but sighs beautifully remembering there is no condom to remove, there is only our skin soaked in our own fluids. _Nothing but us_! As he moves his hand back up and rests it on the bed between my torso and my arm, I smile at him and we both break out in a laughter as we take in the magnitude of what has just happened.

"That was so unbelievably hot" I admit since Brian's come is now trickling out of me "messy, but hot"

Brian rolls off me resting his head on my chest and throwing his arm around my waist above the mess that I've left. "You have no fucking idea" he says "I had no concept of how much better it would feel without a condom"

I kiss the top of his head, "so do you think that was good enough to keep doing it for a while?" He groans knowing what I'm really asking.

Brian sighs, "I can't imagine going back to condoms again right now. Let's just enjoy the moment, can we?"

I stay silent for a while just reliving the sensations from earlier. "Are you ready for me to fuck you raw now?" I ask.

Brian jerks up suddenly off my chest and looks at me, "That's not happening Sunshine" he smirks. "Don't push it" he warns as he sinks back down to me without looking at me

"Oh really?" I ask, my eyebrow arches in disbelief.

"I told you this was the last "first" I was giving you. I'm a top; you're a bottom. Let's not confuse things"

"You like when I fuck you. Why won't you let me try it raw? Afraid you might love it too much?" I push him up slightly off of me so I can look in his eyes.

"I don't think so Sunshine. You're the one who loves cock. You love it down your throat. You love it up your ass. And you love to fall asleep with it still inside you" he insist, smiling smugly.

I hold his gaze for a few minutes and we have another silent conversation that only two lovers can have. I see he wants me to push this one; he wants it but can't admit that he want its. I curl the corners of my mouth up in a mischievous smile. "Oh yeah, you wanna bet?"

The End

* * *

Thanks for all the support for this story. I think this is a nice way to end it but I might add an epilogue soon just to take a glimpse into the future. Let me know if you would appreciate that or if you're happy with the current ending. I really hope you enjoyed reading it as much I as I did writing it. This was my most ambitious effort to date.


	21. Epilogue

A/N I can't say good-bye to this one and you asked for it so here is the epilogue...

* * *

I was glaring at the back of Evan's head as he sat behind the defense table waiting for the Judge to issue his punishment. I clutch Brian's hand as Evan's wife Karen, walks in to the courtroom holding a handkerchief that she uses to blot her tears. Karen is a petite blond woman, barely five feet-two, she was thin to begin with but the stress of her husband's crimes clearly evident in her now severely underweight, gaunt frame.

It struck me twelve months ago the first time I saw Karen Miller that she was a picture of femininity; she wore a dress befitting her petite figure and coordinating high heels. A signature look she presented at each court appearance. She is always pristine, except for occasional mascara run when the tears really got a hold of her, her outward appearance was consistently flawless. I wonder if this is really her or an image orchestrated for the courtroom. Evan has accepted a plea agreement so there was no longer a jury to impress but perhaps there were others who would be convinced that a man, married to such a quintessential woman, couldn't possibly be gay.

The judge enters the courtroom and Brian shifts in his seat anxiously. The legal process strikes me as very dry to the casual observer. A stark contrast to the "Law and Order" dramatic reenactments you see on television. The process went effeciently and quickly. The judge accepted Evan's plea on three counts of computer hacking and stalking; he acknowledged the violation and the severity of his conduct and apologized to his victims. Jeff, Seth and Ian all had a chance to make a victim impact statement to the judge. Only Seth chooses to speak. He and his partner were both in counseling to deal with the violation of being watched, he spoke of being paranoid and having PTSD-like symptoms. I could relate to his story of fear and depression. I regret that I am not given a chance to speak but in the eyes of the court, I wasn't a victim to Evan's crimes. After the victim statements conclude, the judge issues his sentence. It's not a surprise to anyone since its part of the deal: _18 months. _Evan would have faced eleven years for the extortion case if our charges were include but any jail time seems a victory considering the outcome of Chris Hobb's case. _18 months for watching me have sex; community service for almost killing me. Quite the justice system we have._

After the judge leaves the courtroom empties quickly. Brian and I stand and say our good-byes to Jeff and his wife who we've gotten to know quite well now. Once we leave Brian pulls me in and gives me a warm hug.

"I guess it's finally over" I sigh "Ready to go?"

"Yeah, let's go. Home or food first?" he asks.

My stomach is growling and it's after one, so I answer "Food".

Brian parks his rental car on the street outside my Brooklyn studio apartment. We walk about three blocks to my favorite diner and take a seat in the only unoccupied booth, the one nearest the door. It's small and cramped, like everything else in New York, and Brian gets irritated as he has to dodge several people waiting in line to pay to get to the red leather bench seat.

"How do you stand this place?" he grumbles using a napkin to sweep some crumbs off the table.

"Which? This Diner or Brooklyn in general?" I laugh feeling my mood lift just being in this place.

Before he can answer Sherri; a short, stout, bleach-blond, loud-mouth, smart-ass of a waitress approaches our table, "Sunny!" she greets me. "My Gawd, who's the looker?" she asks me looking at Brian licking her lips. "Hello Gorgeous!" she says in the fashion of Barbara Streisand as she plops next to Brian and places her hand on his leg.

I giggle as I see Brian catch site of her prominent Adam's apple when she splays across his lap. He smiles knowingly at me and helps her up. "Sherri, meet my boyfriend Brian Kinney" I introduce them.

"Well, if it isn't the famous Brian?" she remarks her Brooklyn Jew accent wavering.

"In the flesh" Brian answers, smiling because his reputation precedes him.

"Well I've heard nothing but Brian, this and Brian, that for almost three months now since I first met Sunny here his first week in the big-bad-city. I thought he made you up. He would say you were coming for a visit and then- nothing! No Brian" Sherri continued flamboyantly gesturing as she spoke.

"I'm very much real" Brian jokes with a flirtatious twinkle, "I'm afraid we don't get out much when I come to visit"

Sherri nods and takes our drink order before leaving us alone, flitting her act over to another table.

"Does that answer your question?" I ask, watching Brian gawk after Sherri.

"It's like Debbie's been reborn as a blond tranny" he remarks, "its uncanny".

"I know, right! I never told her about Debbie calling me Sunshine either. I swear she called me Sunny the first time she met me. I stumbled in the second night I got here and it is the closest I can get to feeling at home." I smile, grabbing Brian's hand.

"Yeah, I get it now" he shrugs and changes the subject, "Speaking of home, how many more weeks until this Marvel internship is finally over?"

"Two more weeks" I repeat patiently, Brian has asked me that question fifteen times in the two days he's been here.

"So we gonna talk about it yet?" I ask.

Brian shakes his head. "No let's wait until you get back. Two weeks is still a long time."

I let out a frustrated sigh but acquiesced. When I accepted this summer internship, we agreed that staying monogamous was still a choice and neither of us should put expectations on each other to stay that way during our prolonged absence. We also agreed that we would use condoms during his visits and not discuss it further until I was back in Pittsburgh. I thought it was silly but Brian insisted that we should make decisions about if we wanted other men based solely on our own feelings and not what the other had decided to do. We agreed we would not re-evaluate the situation until I was home.

Initially I was confident in my desire to stay faithful but New York had its share of temptations. It wasn't like Brian and I never used condoms during the many months we were monogamous. We used them often particularly if we weren't at the loft but something about Brian sliding one on during his first visit in New York just felt wrong. It felt like we were back to before when they were a prudent necessity and not a mere convenience. After that visit, I just wanted to get back to that place again with Brian.

I didn't think anything would deter me from that goal until I met Jake. Shortly after Brian's first visit, two guys from Marvel invited me to a gay club and since all the other interns were straight and I didn't like going out alone much, I hadn't really experienced any of New York's gay nightlife. They took me to the club and gave me some E. It was so liberating back dancing among family again. The thumpa-thumpa was permeating my pores and I was feeling the energy I always felt dancing at Babylon even if it made me miss Brian even more.

Jake first found me at the bar. He was not the first man to hit on me that night, but the first that I was actually interested in. He was about my height with short dark hair and big brown eyes. He looked about mid-twenties but we didn't share too many personal details. He wasn't flamboyant or twinkish and didn't fit any gay stereotypes which I liked. He had an athletic build, much thicker than Brian's slim frame and somewhat of a boy-next-door vibe to him but he was confident while he flirted with me. I found the confidence without the irritation of inflated ego sexy as hell. I let him buy me a drink, I flirted back and we danced until we were hot and sweaty. When he removed his shirt I was surprised to discover that he had a naturally hairy chest, not shaven like Brian and so many other men. He was hot and manly and I was dying to know what he looked like under the rest of his clothes.

It was late when he asked me to come back to his place. I was so alarmed when it struck me that I really wanted to go. As I followed him to the exit I knew for the first time what Brian meant about sex not meaning anything. I just wanted him and he wanted me and there was absolutely nothing more to it. I had faked knowing what this felt like when Brian and I were still tricking but for the first time I knew how he actually feels when he does this. No matter how good sex with Brian was being with a new lover was exhilarating and it felt good being desired in a new way; I fucked him that night and once again the next morning. Since he was versatile we switched it up. It was just as mechanical as Brian described this sort of casual sex being for him; my heart wasn't in it but my body definetly was. I left his place without feeling any guilt whatsoever and without any concern about seeing him again.

After that time, I returned to the same club and since I was horny and lonely I stepped into their version of a backroom. I let a beautiful young twink with a gifted mouth suck me off and after I came; I left the club and went home to call Brian who had been on my mind the entire time anyway. We had amazing phone sex and I was struck again by my complete lack of guilt.

Brian came to visit the second time and I knew we had to use condoms because of my actions and I was curious if Brian had indulged as well but didn't ask. We made love so many times that weekend that I lost count and it was amazing as always. I had missed him so much and even with the condoms and the weight of having been with other men; I felt the same connection and just as much love as I did before I left. I started to question if maybe the monogamy wasn't really that important to me anymore. I really did have a new-found security of my place in Brian's heart and wasn't overly preoccupied with what he had done with his dick while we're apart. After he left, I had a few more meaningless encounters as the mood struck me none of them I felt detracted from my love or my feelings for Brian. I just felt like a twenty-one year old gay man living an exciting life in one of the best cities in the world.

After Brian and I left the diner and returned to my apartment, we took a nap together. I didn't sleep long and woke with Brian snuggled up close to me in my small double bed; his arm resting over my hip. I listen to him snore softly while I reflect on how different this third visit had been so far. The stress of the trial had come to a head and we had been busy but Brian had arrived here a full forty-eight hours ago and we hadn't had sex once and I find I miss his touch intensely. I contemplate waking him up to rectify this but he was sleeping so soundly and I knew he was tired so I shimmied out of the bed careful not to disturb him.

I sat at my desk and turn my attention to the project I was working on for Marvel. The internship had been really interesting and I learned a ton. Jeff had even offered me a permanent position but I came to realize that this wasn't the art that I was interested in making long-term. Working on Rage was personal; I had the freedom to explore story lines and art that was important to me and my community. I didn't find the same inspiration or connection to commercial comic production. However, living in New York for three months was far more rewarding, just being at the center of the art world had given me such a boost creatively. I started painting and found that my gimp hand was far less of a limitation using a paint brush than a pencil. If I was honest with myself, it was tempting to take the job just to be able to support myself in this city full time. I decided not to mention the job offer to Brian since the decision was made and I didn't want his input.

I try to pour myself a drink quietly but every noise amplifies in this tiny studio apartment so I'm not surprised when I hear Brian stir in the bed. "Hey, you're awake?" he asks rubbing his eyes "Did you not sleep?"

"I did" I confirm "I've only been up for a few minutes. How did you sleep?"

"Good" he stretches "Come here"

I pour another drink and bring both glasses over to the bed, handing him one, as I sit next to him. He leans over to kiss me briefly before taking a swig of the amber liquid and setting both of our glasses on the table next to the bed. He pulls me into his chest and runs his hand through my hair pulling the strands that brush my neck out of his way.

"I've missed you" he admits, kissing along my neck.

"Hmm. Me too" I sigh, shifting my head to give him better access. "I was just thinking how much I've missed this"

Brian continues to kiss me and run his hands over my body taking his time over each sensitive area. I reach behind me grasping whatever I can to pull him closer to me. We move in sync and the passion builds slowly and purposefully. Every touch feels incredibly sensual and romantic. We remove our clothes as we go, only taking off what's immediately blocking the skin we want to touch. By the time were both naked and ready, Brian motions for me to roll over and opens up the drawer where I keep the condoms and the lube. He reaches in and feels around the drawer, removing only the small empty box. "Sunshine, where are the condoms?"

I freeze, thinking about Brian's last visit. We were down to our last few condoms the day he left. I was supposed to get more. _Shit!_

Brian shrugs and picks up my wallet and opens the compartment that I usually keep a condom in. The one I used about a week ago. _Double Shit!_

He tosses my wallet aside and goes into the bathroom. I think he's going to get a condom from his bag but he comes back fully dressed and places his wallet in his back pocket. He looks upset but not angry.

"Brian, wait I can explain" I start but the look he gives me tells me not to continue.

"I'll be right back" he says quietly "I saw a drug store on the corner"

With that Brian leaves and I don't know what to do. I lie back on the bed and try to think of some way to make this right although I didn't really do anything wrong, I never want to be responsible for that look on Brian's face. It seems like an eternity until he comes back. When he returns he still looks upset, his eyes are red and he smells like cigarettes. He places the paper bag from the drug store on the counter and comes back to the bed.

I go to kiss him and he's letting me but he's not kissing me back. I pull away from him and he's tense and pursing his lips. "I'm sorry I forgot about the condoms" I apologize wishfully thinking maybe that was all he was upset by.

"We had some left after my last visit" he says quietly.

"I know" I admit, not jumping ahead to the conclusion he's making.

"You ran out though and you're not carrying any with you" he observes.

"I know that too" I say.

"I want you safe. I need you around for a long time." He says and tears start rolling down his cheeks.

"I am Brian, always" I clarify wiping his tears, "I just ran out and I forgot to replace them, that's all, I swear"

Brian gets up and grabs the bag, opens the box, and takes one condom and sets it aside, takes another and places it back in my wallet and throws the rest of the package into the drawer. He resumes making love to me but this time intensely and without hesitation. Afterwards we collapse into the bed both satiated and spent.

I caress his back as we lie face to face and meet his gaze. "Do you want to talk about it?" I ask him.

"Not really" he admits.

"Can I ask you something?" I whisper.

He nods, "Yeah, of course"

"You didn't have a condom in your wallet either. Does that mean something?" I ask barely able to keep his eye contact.

"It means I thought you would have them so I didn't think to bring them" he smiles, kissing my forehead.

"So you don't carry one just in case?" I ask, still not able to ask what I really need to know.

"No" Brian answers "Not usually, not anymore"

"So you're still…." I start but Brian interrupts me.

He sighs and kisses me, "I haven't been a saint either" he admits and I feel myself exhale for the first time in a while.

"So, what now?" I tremble a little under his gentle touch.

"Now we continue to do exactly what we want to do. We enjoy being with each other. We make no excuses. We have no regrets. And in two weeks when you're back in our bed, we decide together what feels right to both of us."

"Brian, do you think I can get an appointment with Dr. Kline for that antigen test for the week I get back?" I smile at him, my decision already made.

Brian smiles brightly "Yeah Sunshine, I already have an appointment for that week, so I bet we can do that"

"Brian, you said bet" I laugh at his use of a word he had forbidden us from using ever again.

He smiles at me and we privately enjoy our favorite inside joke.

"I love you" I whisper, "I love you so much"

"Yeah, I know that" he replies, stroking my cheek, "I love you too"


End file.
