


It won't be long now

by forgotten havok



Category: Queer as Folk
Genre: Drama, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-01-05
Updated: 2008-01-05
Packaged: 2014-01-05 08:32:20
Rating: T
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,670
Publisher: www.fanfiction.net
Story URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3992732/1/
Author URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/465914/forgotten-havok
Summary: first in the death of Brian Kinney Series. Set Post Season 5 Brian is trying to kill himself really trying ot kill himself but someone won't let him.





	It won't be long now

Author's Note: ( Feel free to ignore.)

I know its kind of been done before. The one where Brain and Melanie come to some weird understanding cause something happened, or someone realized something or whatever. I just never thought it was because they were " too much alike" or that they were jealous of each other's place in Lindsay and Gus' life. I honestly think that the two just don't get along, and I think it mostly has to do with the fact that they never got to know each other.

Set Post Season 5 AU- ish Justin is in New York, Mel and Linds have returned to the Pitts , everyone's moving on and moving ahead…and Brian's trying to kill himself… I mean really trying to kill himself. But Someone just won't let him do it. ( humorous I promise)

Chapter 1 : It didn't take long.

It didn't take long for Ben and Michael to make it official. In fact it was already official, under the guise of a certain superhero ( who neither confirms nor denies their sexual preference) and a really good custody lawyer ( not a Melanie Marcus ) it had been official since January 14th 2004 at approximately 1:13 pm. The only thing left to do was to change the Little Hustler That Could's name from James Hunter Montgomery to James Hunter Nyvotney-Bruckner the 3rd upon his own insistences that it classed the name up.

It didn't take long for Ben and Michael to also realize that their son was also a really talented actor even though the only real acting experience he had was the short lived job at Disney and his sock puppet performances that amused Gus and JR over the Web Cam that Ben had bought for Michael. It took even less time for Michael to take his rightful place as one of those god awful stage mothers who constantly impressed himself with just how talented his teenage son was. And of course It didn't take long after that for Ted and Blake to receive phone calls at strange hours of the night demanding that the Nyvotney- Bruckner the 3rd trust found was in fact properly filed and collecting interest somewhere off the cost of Zurich.

It didn't take long after one of these phone calls for Blake to huff, immensely annoyed at being awoken at 4:15 am on a Wednesday night, " thank God we don't have any kids," before turning away form Ted's confused face.

This comment was proceeded by:

" Well, why don't we?"

" What? Thank God?"

"No.. Have Kids…"

A very worried Blake jumped up look straight into his lover's eyes and went on a rant about staying clean, worried out of his mind that the love of his life was in fact back on the meth, and then asking if he had any extra lying around to take the sting out of the very stressful day he would no doubt have tomorrow.

" I'm not high. I'm serious. I think maybe we should start thinking about our future or at least doing something that actually leads to a future-"

" Ted-"

" Oh, Blake shut up! I know the fucking program says to take it one goddamn day at a goddamn time but I'm so goddamn sick of it!!"

" So much for thanking God…"

" Look, all I' trying to say is that I Fucking love you, and you're the only fucking person I want to be with for the rest of my goddamn fucking life and I don't think that's ever going to fucking happen if we don't fucking plan of- "

Ted Schmidt was silenced by one of the most earth shattering kisses a person could receive. This particular kiss can be only described by the hatefully clichéd saying : Life Changing, because once again the once lack luster man was given a chance to prove just how great he could be to the man he loved who spoke the next words:

" That's a lot a fucking-"

It didn't take long for them to discuss the future deciding that while the ex addicts were both fucked up enough to qualify as parents, that they just weren't ready to be that irresponsible yet. However, they did set a day aside next April to celebrate their love for each other in front of family and friends ( and Brian).

It didn't take long for the Peterson-Marcus family to realize that they made a big mistake in going to Canada, in fact while it took them 3 weeks 4 days and 7 hours to tie up all lose ends in Pittsburgh it only took : 173 calls from Michael, 12 web cam sessions with Hunter and sock puppets, 9 repeated message of "take care of yourself" from Deb on the answering machine, Emmett crying on the phone 8 times, and Melanie running into 3 French guys all on the same Sunday afternoon at the grocery store , for the munchers to decide it was time to go home. 

All of these events that led to their less then tearful goodbye to Canada , actually took place within the time span of 4 day 3 hours 2 minutes and 1 second . ( Weird, but true non the less). It then took them 22 hours 3 minutes to take their home off the market, book movers, get their jobs back , re-enroll Gus in school & JR in daycare, and call Emmett who would be sure to have the news spreading across Liberty Avenue faster then a bad case of Crabs. With this they packed up into their car and headed home for Pittsburgh.

It didn't take long for Deb's national campaign to stop Prop 14 to take affect. As terrible as the bombing of Babylon was, it brought the much needed media attention to the kind civilians of Liberty Avenue. Deb was introduced to the world as the head coordinator of all PFLAG events in Pennsylvania with her vice-president Jennifer Taylor.

" Its just not right," she kept her composure as suggested by Jennifer , " to do this. To people. Human beings. Just like you or me or any other straight person in the world."

" Yes," Jen chimed in. " It really is a step back in the Civil Rights movement to deny someone their rights because of their differences in lifestyle."

" Its fucked is what it is- Oh, sorry. My mouth. But its really just messed up to think that the news is bombard daily with images of hate from half way across the world, a hate that shouldn't even rally exist, and that's our main concern, but we ignore the hate in front of our own eyes. The hate that lives inside our own country, here, in our home, and no one's doing anything about it. "

" it really just breaks our hearts."

Backed with Jen's story of Justin's bashing , Deb's passionate & sometimes inappropriate comments about her HIV positive son-in-law and adopted grandson, the two women won over the hearts of millions that morning and before the day closed the Pennsylvania Legislative were bombarded by express letters of contempt and disgust at Prop. 14.  
Election day came and went. Propositions on environmental conservation, litter, protection of privacy, and cleaning after your dog were passed. Propositions on higher taxes, lynching, and the dreaded 14 were not. 

It didn't take long for the people of Pennsylvania , Amish included, to come to their senses and pass a law allowing gay marriages. Michael and his mother are now planning a double wedding. Emmett will be planning the event set for sometime next winter.

It didn't take Long for Emmett to come to his senses and seek some kind of escape route. Unfortunately both Michael and Debbie simply adore him, love him unconditionally, for fuck sake he lived with one of the brides! How could he say no?

"Oh shit… I'm going to need a lot of therapy after this…"

" what was that baby?"

" Oh , nothing Deb!"

And….

It didn't take long for one Brian Kinney to figure out he had just made the biggest fucking mistake of his life. By letting his world, his Sunshine, walk out the door with an encouraging shove off Kinney cliff into the NY harbor. In fact it took him less then .036 seconds to come to this conclusion, and only 5 hours 12 minutes and 14 seconds to end his life.

Unfortunately, he kept being interrupted by well meaning friends and family who he just couldn't bring himself to just say "Fuck off and let me kill myself in peace." The moment he got a chance though, he would do it. He would end it.

It won't be long now…. 

Chapter 2: That's What He Said!

At last! After the whole Babylon reopening, he knew he would get his chance. He knew it, all those harsh words about growing up and facing reality had been bull shit. They did not want him to. Not Michael, not Linds, hell in all honesty not even himself. He didn't want to admit that one of the reasons he wasn't pushing Babylon's return was because he would go back. Back to the shit that lost his angel to fiddle fuck and…and… just fucking leaving… Over syphilis?! It was only Syphilis!

The constant muttering from his friends and strangers. Words that didn't mean shit now that really never did. The constant " You will always be beautiful! You will always be young!" rotting in their mouths. 

What he wouldn't give to be old, decrypted, fucking ugly, just to have the Sunshine back. His Sunshine, in NY filling it with his bright light! Goddamn NY, Brian really wanted to kick his metaphoric ass and watch NY bleed all over its own dirty streets and regret the day that it was ever founded!

He even in his overly enthused overly drugged state, knew damn well that NY was not a person, that it had not stolen his Sunshine. He could still recite every word on every voicemail left by his Sunshine always ending with " I love you Brian". He hated himself for not picking up for not calling back. He truly believes one thing now, his mantra:

I Don't Deserve to Live.

He was constantly reminded of Justin everywhere he went in Pittsburgh. He'd spent whole nights walking the streets at ungodly hours, looking down dark alleyways and remembering some unforgettable fuck. He went to Boston a week ago to check in on a client. The Weather had seen it fit to release the Sun from its winter imprisonment on the day he arrived. It lit up the shadows in the snow covered world , and after several days of being snowed in, the children were running around with a million Sunshine Smiles. Not. A. Single. One. Could compare to the one Brian had had in his life for the past five yeas.

That was a week ago. He spent a few days working on long term financial terms for Kinnetic. Taking his son to the park one last time to play soccer. He hung out with Mikey a bit whose sole focus was on the trust found he and Ben and set up for Hunter somewhere off the coast of Zurich. Ate dinner at Deb's one last time. And scheduled to die at twilight on February the 7th 2006. ( Twilight for dramatic intent of course.)

He picked up the things he'd need: 6ft. Of rope, a ladder, and a book he confiscated from the library on the art of tying knots. He used the ladder to reach the highest beam in his loft and tied a sturdy base with what is called a fisherman's method. He made an exemplary slipknot for the noose that would really go to waste as Brian never saw race, color, or creed just dick. This slipknot was almost art and would of made any klans man proud . He stepped off the ladder and proceeded to the computer where he printed off a list of things for Ted to take care of upon his death.

Schmidt,  
Make sure this gets done.

Kinnetic is to be made a partnership between you and Cynthia  
Do what you will with Babylon  
Trust found for Gus  
Trust found for JR  
Trust found for Molly  
Car for Hunter  
Pay off Deb's house and start retirement fund  
Make sure everyone is taken care of: The munchers, Emmett etc.  
Sell my personal effects and property with all profits going to the Vic Grassi House.  
Epitaph: He was Just such an Asshole  
Don't tell Justin.

Brian Kinney

With his suicide note printed he placed it into an envelope with the words Ted Schmidt across it. Now he could get back to the task at hand and kill himself.

He returned to the center of the loft and climbed up the ladder without much thought. It took even less thought to kick out the ladder from underneath him. He tried his best not to struggle against the noose wanting to have as little damage as possible to cover up for his open casket. He noted to himself that the rope was holding up a lot better then the scarf he'd tried using during Justin's Prom.

Ugh. Prom.

Death had been watching in the corner. The second he had heard of Brian's suicide he'd raced over to see it finally happen. Death had wanted to fuck, get fucked by, the Stud of Liberty Avenue for so long. Watching him gasping and wheezing for air on the noose gave him such a hard on. He'd though he'd had his chance the night of Justin's Prom, but Michael had stopped that. He thought that cancer might finally make his life, well Dead-life, be more interesting.. No, thanks to modern medicine and that stupid twink (!) he'd been kept from Brian once a-fuckin-gain! Death was finally going to get lucky.

However, for a gay man, even Death, whenever a lesbian was taken into consideration at all Luck was never even given a second glance. Thus Luck was thrown out the window of the loft and splattered over the concrete sidewalk of Trentmont. It would be ruled as a suicide.

Enter Melanie Marcus.

Lawyer exterminate with papers to finalize or end the partnership of Brian Aiden Kinney and Justin Craig Taylor. Even though Brian could of told you that Justin had left exactly 4 months 3 days and 2 minutes ago for NY. She'd knocked on the loft door but receiving no answer she pushed to see if it would open. Brian had left it unlocked to make it easier for whoever found the body.

The papers scattered to the floor as Mel rushed to the kitchen and gripped one of the prominently displayed Japanese steel cooking knives. Steak, jagged for better friction against the rope. By some form of magic she sprang the ladder up as she raced to the center of the loft. She climbed up it in a hurried uncaring manner in her business skirt and jacket that only befitted a woman 9 dyke or not).

The rope was cut and Brian fell to the floor in a mass of limbs. Rasping and coughing as air returned to his lungs. Death died a little inside as for the third time Brian Kinney slipped from his grasp. Death collapsed on the floor and began to cry, he then crawled out the open loft door without being noticed by either of the two.

Mel came down from the ladder next to Brian.  
" What the FUCK were you doing?!"

" Don't tell me that being a lesbian leaves you without comment sense as well the lack of appreciation for dick?"

She kicked him while he was down. She truly hated that even in this moment after she had just saved his pathetic excuse for a life dick was on his mind.

" Why do you care anyways?"

She began to curse him in Yiddish and Hebrew. She didn't, or at least she couldn't bring herself to admit it. She hated him to the core and he hated her with just as much if not more passion. Yes, they'd come to an understanding of sorts before they'd moved to Toronto , but that didn't mean that the two didn't' still detest the idea pf spending time together. 

She just couldn't understand why. A normal person would say it was because he missed Justin, felt as if he had lost him in some way, but Brian wasn't normal. In fact, with the reopening of Babylon three weeks ago according to Ted ,he'd been there every night. Linds had laughed at Brian's callous words about paying for Gus' and now JR's ( he'd be damned if Mikey's kid didn't get the best) school and daycare tuitions. Michael at breakfast the other day had talked about how good Brian was doing , how he really was back to the old Brian like before Justin.

Justin. So it was Justin.

" This is about Justin , isn't it?"

Brian looked up at her with empty eyes. It was then she realized he had not been listening to a word of what she had just said. But that didn't matter now, because she had said the name that mattered most to him other then his own son's. He was listening now.

" Why are you here?"

She panicked for a moment. This whole suicide was about Justin, she couldn't just put salt in the wound by showing him the partnerships papers scattered at the entrance of the loft. She couldn't explain them away either. She'd left her briefcase down in the car so there went the whole " my briefcase popped open " excuse. They weren't friends so its not like she'd come by just to hang out with him before he went to Wet Wednesday at Babylon. And Brian knew that no amount of begging and promises of good sex from Linds would get her here to just check up on him. She went to the entrance and began picking up the papers.

She told the truth.

" I , uh.. Brought the papers for umm, your partnership," Mel was fucking nervous about this, despite Brian's belief that she wasn't, she was in fact a good person and didn't want to hurt him. " I uhh, brought two sets. One for finalizing and uhh. Well. I mean. I didn't know if you still wanted to g o through with all of it… I uhh, brought the ones that end it."

Mel separated the sets on top of the kitchen counter. Brian lifted himself off the floor now that he'd regained his strength from his botched suicide. He walked over to the kitchen counter by Melanie and looked at the digital clock above the oven. 7:43 so much for the dramatic intent of timing it at twilight.

" Sorry it took so long to get to you. What with Stop Prop 14 and legalizing marriages , the process took a lot longer then it should of, and what with breaking it off and everything, it kind of took a back sit at the firm."

" Which one is the one to end it?"

" Oh, that one."

" Got a pen?"

" Yeah," she pulled it out of the breast pocket of her jacket and handed it to him.

She waited in silence as Brian read over the documents in front of him. Her mind a hamster on a wheel. The same question repeating over and over.

Whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy-

" Why?"

Brian indicated the papers in front of him. " Because its over."

" No. Why kill yourself?"

A tight smile appeared on his face. " Because its over."

She smiled a little at that. She still did not like Brian. She didn't know if she ever would. She'd seen a side of him with Justin that she'd never seen before, that no one had ever seen before. It was a side that almost made her wish they were friends, almost but not quite. They still did not like each other, and Mel had often wondered if asking Brian to be Gus' father was an attempt-

Gus. While Melanie begrudged him for it, he was still Gus' father. The man whom she may have wished dead more then once was Gus' father. He had given her a beautiful and intelligent son and from the moment he was born, Melanie had never felt so complete, even if her genes were not in that child blood, he was just as much hers as Brian's. Gus was growing up, he would need his father.

" What about Gus?"

" He has you. You'd make sure he was ok. Him and Lindsey."

That statement spoke volumes. Brian steady his right hand over the last page of the termination papers ready to make his mark. Mel reached out and grabbed his arm. He looked up at her.

" Don't. Brian. Don't. your right. I'd take care of Gus and Lindsey, that's a given. Just don't, though. Yeah. Everyone would be hurt, and yes everyone would move on given time. But don't. Ok? Don't kill yourself, because if you do, you've given up, and that's not you. And as for the whole" its over" bull, given your history its far from over."

Melanie hoped she had gotten him with the " giving up" barb. If there was one thing true about Brian's life it was that he'd never given up. Even as defeat weighed down on him or others, he somehow glimpsed a slim victorious future on the horizon. Then he'd go after it with almost no help from anyone.

" Do you want a drink?"

He still wanted to kill himself, but he had to make sure it was perfect, after all, he was Brian Kinney. But now it was 8:12 the dramatic timing was off. He'd need to buy more rope. He could use a razor but that would stain the floor, and the shower was filled with too many good memories. Really good memories. He had enough drugs to medicate a third world country but Ods were just so cliché and usually became bloated and discolored. He'd be damned if his beauty wasn't immortalized with an open casket service. Hanging left bruises on the neck but that was easy to cover with a collard dress shirt and a little makeup.  
" Sure"

He poured himself a Beam at the bar, asked Mel that she wanted and came back with a glass of expensive white wine. Brian never had the taste for it himself, he'd only drink after a particularly good day with Justin. Now he'd gladly drink the world dry of white whine for a shitty day at work, fighting with Justin, and only one round of sex instead of the usual three. All of it so he could wake up to the Sunshine in his bed. 

Mel on the other hand had been contemplating Brian's situation. She'd thought of it, almost every time Linds and her had problems. Especially with Sam, but she had been pregnant and couldn't do that and the thought of Gus calling for Mama gave her chills. Afterwards, she'd hoped they'd worked things out, but Linds moved out of the house , so she thought about it even more. She'd never taken it as far as Brian had though.

It wasn't just the fact that Linds had left. It was that Mel didn't think she was good enough for Lindsey and hoped against hope she would find someone better, penis or not, to make her happy.

" Why , Brian?"

He gulped the Beam and set the glass down before heading to the side of the couch and jumping over it. He sat down and watched the skyline out his window. Mel set her full glass down and came up behind him. She crossed her arms over her chest she stood watching the skyline as she spoke.

" I know . Brian, I know. Loving someone it hurts so much. When their so much more then you or anyone you know. You give them everything you have to give, but their so full of dreams and passion, they could do a hell of a lot better then you. So you let them go even though the entire time their leaving their saying all they want, all they need is you. Maybe that's true, but you'd rather they go and be happy without you and live those dreams then stay with you and make new ones."

Silence. She continued.

" I think we fell in love with those sort of people Brian. I think that's the only thing we really have in conmen, I got lucky though. I love Lindsey, but she doesn't have an ounce of the talent Justin has. Justin will be big. Hell his big now, at his last show one of his paintings went for 5 grand. Yeah, I got luckier then you ever did."

" His the reason, Mel."

" What?"

" the reason why women become dykes."

Mel burrowed her eyebrows in confusion as Brian looked back at her.

" In the movies, real life, whatever, you hear women talk about Mr. Right, " the One"," Brian continues in a falsetto voice. " Smart, but not obnoxious, Sensitive but can defend my honor. Sweet, adventurous, romantic, maybe artistic, strong, brave, etc. Oh, and really good looking and great in bed . "

Melanie laughed, but caught herself. Yes, she had once been one of those women who looked for Mr. Right , and yes, Justin had a lot of the characteristics that defined Mr. Right. She didn't know about the great in bed part, but she assumed it was one of the reasons brain kept him around at least in the beginning.

" Shit. Your right."

Brian gave her a tongue and cheek expression over his shoulder.

Melanie got sucked back into her head when she realized that Brain had just referred to Justin as both " the One" and Mr. Right ( the all male version.). That's when she knew she and Brian were going to be friends, even if she had to force herself on him like a divorced straight woman, the two would be seeing a lot more of each other. 

With that her intent in mind, she loosely draped her arms over Brian's shoulder. He tensed as she leaned down to speak in his ear.

" Your right. You said it, he was Mr. Right. Guess what? Mr. Right is everything anyone could want in a partner, lover, husband, or friend. He chose to be yours, so to everyone else you may be Mr. Anyone But, the One thinks you're the One. "

Brian relaxed a bit in her arms, she kissed his cheek and continued. " Don't prove him wrong by doing this Brian. Don't."

She stood up straight went to the kitchen, threw back the glass of wine, and picked up the unsigned papers. "I'll leave this for another time. Also, I expect to see you tomorrow at 1 for lunch at Perriot's. Don't be late, its my treat."

With that Melanie left the loft closing the door behind her, confident that Brian would show up for not in a body bag. Then she would get him to become even more active in Gus' life. Then she'd help him see that he didn't have to be the Brian Kinney to be Brian Kinney. She'd have to find some way to keep Justin in his life though without actually forcing contact. She'd think of something.

It won't be long Brian. It won't be long. 

Chapter 3: The system .

Justin had a System

Here in New York he had met , what seemed like, a billion inspired people; all with dispositions similar to his own; all with as much talent if not more then he; and all working through their art, their lives, with just as much passion and drive. Yet, out of those billions of people that he had met in his first 2months 1 week 4 days and 17hours , none of them where here now. They were replaced by another billion or so, who came and went from one week to another without so much as a passing thought to him. He had to wonder, what made him so fucking special ? 

He didn't use to have to ask that question. If someone asked him point blank where his sense of entitlement came from he'd look them in the eye and tell them that he was so entitled he didn't have to answer such a stupid question, in a charming way of course. Now, others were commenting on his high worth but Justin felt as if there was nothing remotely worthy about him.

He figured it out pretty quickly though. In Pittsburgh all he had to say was : " I'm with Brian." Here, no one knew who Brian was. Yes, the few artists who'd manage to stick around since he'd come up ( most of them had already been established ) knew the story of Brian Kinney but none of them truly understood the roller coaster that had been there relationship.

Now, his self-worth was gone, but he did a damn good job of faking it apparently with art reviews praising "the young, cocky, and witty artist whose work is laced with juxtaposing sources of light and dark… utterly captivating in its sado-masochist attack on the viewer's vision… topped off with a sexual heat that could get the Pope off."

When he'd read the review in the New York Times only one thing came to mind.

" What a load of bullshit."

Bullshit or not it did wonders for his career, at his last show the same writer who contributed to the huge boost in Justin's showings talked up a piece so much, that though the going price was set at $1500 ( not much when you live in NY), it had been sold for $5,000. When finding this out, he responded with :

" What the fuck?!"

He then silently prayed to whatever God there was, that the female 48 year old divorced mother of three with a art history degree, did not expect him to have sex over this. He was relived when she merely congratulated him with a smile, and squealed about how she knew from the moment she'd seen him he'd be a success.

" I knew from the moment I saw you, you'd be a huge success. I can't tell you how hard it is to find an artist this day and age who'll risk everything for the sake of experimentation. If you continue down this road Mr. Taylor you will have a secure place in the art world. Its because of that that I didn't mind writing such a big review for such a new artist. "

Justin stared dumbfounded.

" what? The New York Times doesn't usually do an article on someone after only two shows. You weren't even a featured artist."

" Then.. Why were you there?"

" My nephew thinks his an artist. He was the one with that fucking ugly head statue thingy-"

" Oh, god. That Was Hideous!" Justin was utterly embarrassed for her. She merely smiled and continued.

" Mr. Taylor-"

" Justin."

" Justin. I want you too know that you would of made it here on your own, without that review, there's no question about it. I hope you understand that I only did it for the fame.'

He gave her a confused look. Sticking the tip of his tongue out as he tried to figure out what that statement meant, exactly.

" I discovered you as far as NY is concerned. But really I did it more for the art. I love your work, its so expansive and creative. What sort of paint do you use again?"

Damn ,she had to ask him that.

" Err. Umm, I use acrylic on cardboard and a sort of self-made version of tempera." Tempera was usually the mixing of pigment colors and egg yolk to form a texture on the canvas. Justin's special brand was made from pigment colors and cum he collected while jacking off to the thought of Brian. He had decided that she didn't need to know that.

"hmm. Anyway I'm sure you don't mind the exposure I created for you, after all its only your fourth show and you just sold a painting for $5,000. I'm more then happy to see it all work out so well for you, and I'm glad that I helped jump start your success. "

" Really, I am very thankful for all your help Ms. Brim-"

" Laura"

" Yes Laura, the article was more then enough-"

" I'm afraid I haven't Justin. Here," she handed him a card . " Take this and call me the next time your ready to do a show. I'll get you into Usher Gallery in a flash for a featured show. Maybe even a solo one. Call me, we'll set up a lunch date. I have to go right now, but trust me you don't want to loose my card, "  
She patted his cheek and began to walk away leaving Justin in a stunned silence.

Just as she was about to leave she turned around and with a wide grin smiled and said, " Oh, and fire your agent, whoever the dead beat is."

" I-I don't have one."

" You don't have an agent and you've had four shows in about 3 months?"

Justin looked at his watch. It was 7:22. " I've been in NY exactly 3 months 3 days and 2 minutes. And yes I have had four shows."

" how did you get them?"

Justin shrugged, " I lugged around canvases from gallery to gallery. Is that a bad thing?"

" Of course you did, " her smile got even wider. " Call me Justin. You DEFINITLY want to call me."

He smiled at emphasis on her words. " Ok. Sure."

" And Justin, I don't want you to pay me understood?"

He broke into a full on infamous Sunshine smile and Laura, though certain of the young man's gayness couldn't help but get a little weak at the knees. As did the seven other people who had caught a flash of that smile. Which were mostly straight married men dragged to this function by their wives, al of who seem to be wearing a black dress in an attempt to look classy but merely came off as unoriginal and boring.

" Ok."

" Bye."

" Bye."

It didn't take long after that discussion for Justin to race to his empty apartment , filled with his work some furniture, and call Brian to explain to his answering machine the importance of being shown at Usher Gallery, the conversation he had shared with Laura, and the major boost in his career. He was on the verge of tears form the excitement that all his dreams were going to come true.( Brian who never picked up the phone but instead listened to every word from his place on the couch. Brian who had that exact moment knew in his heart that Justin had become a success and would never want to come home.)

As his system included, he ended the message with: " Remember Brian, I will always need you. I will always want you. I will always love you. Later."

The system was actually something put in place to calm the nerves of everyone back home who would not stop calling him the first week he had arrived, all except Brian, that is. So Justin had carefully selected days and times to speak to the members of his family in groups of two whenever possible. Except for Brian who , despite the fact that he never answered the phone or responded to an email, got a call once every day sometime between the times of 8 to 10pm. Late enough for him to be home from work and early enough that he wouldn't be at Babylon.

The system worked out perfectly with everyone's schedule actually, and if Justin missed a call to someone he could relay an apologetic message through the next person on the schedule. It had work out some thing like this:

Day time person Reason  
Mon 11-1 pm/ Mickey & Ben Usually s slow day store Good for work on Rage and small talk.  
Tues 9-10 am Deb Doesn't work a shift (amazing) for some over mothering  
Wed 8-9pm / 7-8 am Marcus-Peterson Before Gus and JR go to school and before they go to bed for a bed time story.  
Thurs 4pm 4ppm 4 4pm4pm Mom and mollusk More mothering and molly's home  
Fri 7-8pm Ted b/c his a lot more interesting then people think.  
Sat 12-12 Emmett The only time his not super busy planning parties.

With this in place Justin had worked out a system to everyone's liking. And he almost never missed a call, beside the fact that he did in fact have friends in NY. The artist wanted more then anything to go home. He felt so alone.

Part two: 7 days before Brian tries to kill himself.

The Wednesday before 8:32 pm

The voice of Justin Taylor could be heard in the living room from the speaker phone.

" -then the princess wished with all her might for- "

JR burped, she was still barely two, in translation a 6 year old Gus cried " A Prince!"

" That's right Gus!"

Gus smiled, pleased that Justin was pleased even if he'd only done it to appease his now sleeping sister.

" Gus, " Lindsey warned him with a look. They had had this conversation so many times already. .

Gus ducked his head down. He missed Justin a lot, and he missed his dad too. His Dad still came around but he wasn't the same Dad. He was a happier dad when Justin was around . Gus didn't like to think about it, but there was time when he thought Justin was his dad until his Mom straightened him out when he was two. He didn't really know any better. It was just that Justin was always around and his dad was this guy who played with him on Sunday's at Grandma Deb's house and sometimes came when Justin brought him over. Otherwise until he was about four his dad was pretty much a stranger.

" I think , " Mel said, " Its time for bed. " She looked down at her sleeping daughter curled in her arms. " Say goodnight to Justin, Gus. "

" G'night Justin. Love ya-" the 6 year old yawned.

" Love ya too, Gus-bear."

Justin didn't know that about a month ago Gus had specifically asked everyone to stop calling him that. He was in first grade now and he couldn't be bothered with childhood nicknames like that. Gus had never corrected him though, he had decided to let Justin be the exception to his rule.

" Like father , like son, " his mom had commented on his rule breaking decree.

He didn't get the joke quite, yet. He followed his Ma and JR upstairs as his Mom stayed downstairs to make small talk with Justin. Probably about his dad, he always asked about his dad, but not in front of Gus. Gus didn't know why, he'd tell Justin the truth unlike his Mom and Ma.

It wasn't that they didn't tell the truth, but more " the truth as they saw it," he'd read that somewhere. They just couldn't tell how sad his Dad was since his Sunshine had left. They assumed that because he acted the same and did the same things he never felt the sting of Justin leaving. Gus could tell Justin though that his Dad had really sad eyes and sometimes when he thought no one was looking he'd rub them hard as if trying to make something go away or come back.

Justin would never ask Gus about his Dad, because, and Gus knew this, he wasn't the kind of person to use a child as a spy. Unlike his Mom and Ma who did every time he went out with his Dad. He never told them about the sad eyes though. They would see it too if they saw just how empty and hollow his Dad was at Sunday dinners, where it was most notable. It looked to Gus' as if he had no fight left in him, when his Ma would call him an asshole his reply of cunt held no feeling in it. He'd thought about telling them, but Justin had once told him that's what made him special. Gus could see things others couldn't and that if being an artist was really what he'd wanted t would do him good.

So instead of Justin really knowing how his Dad was he'd believe his Mom's cheerful " Fines" and " Same as always" that she unfortunately meant, because she just didn't know that his Dad wasn't. With that final thought and a kiss on the head from his Ma, Gus snuggled into his covers and muttered something about " stupid grownups".

Thursday 4:13 pm

" -oh and she totally stuffs her fucking bra. I mean Justin tits so fucking disgustin-"

" Molly! Don't curse so much, please."

" what ever Mom! Where was I Jest?"

" Miranda's stuffed bra."

" Oh, right. Isn't Miranda like a stripper's name?"

" Does sound pretty skanky, mollusk. What is her last name?"

' I don't know! Erotica?"

Justin burst out laughing. " Miranda Erotica?! Mol, I don't think that's her name. I mean honestly a 13 year old named Erotica? I think that's illegal."

' Well, I'm sorry Jester, I don't make it a point to know skanky girls last name. And why are you so interested ? If I didn't know any better I'd say you were a pedophile instead of a fag!?"

" Molly, your mother asked you to watch your language."

" Bite me Tucker. "

" Oh God, Mol, you're a little horror-"

" Molly, stop fucking talking like that right now!"

" What? Mom what did I do?" Molly batted her eyes and filled them with the sincere innocence that only a Taylor could do knowing full well how utterly guilty they were. 

'" I love you Mollusk. I really do." Justin wiped a tear from his eye and smiled at his 14 year old sister over the phone. A gorgeous Taylor sunshine smile that radiated through the phone. He could feel the small but wicked grin that came across Molly's face in response.

" Love you too."

Friday 7:52 pm

" Hi! You've reached Ted and Blake. And we're not answering the phone right now because we're having sex-"  
" Ted!"

" What?"

" That is completely inappropriate! What if one of my patient's call? Or someone important form Kinnetic?"

" Drug addicts don't know anything about random, casual sex? Kinnetic sells sex? I don't see the Problem Blake.'

" Ugh. I can't believe I'm marrying you-"

" of course you can, I'm the best you can get."

" Ugh!" Somewhere in the distance a door slams. Justin can just see Ted shrugging.

" Any way. Just leave a message at the beep."

Beep.

" Love the answering machine. Really classy. Really nice. I guess the two of you are having sex then. So Ted, fuck him good once for me. Ask him how I do it, I'm sure he remembers at least some of it.

In the bedroom of that apartment Ted stopped mid thrust, " You Fucked Justin!?"

" I, uh, didn't tell you about that?"

Saturday 5;13 am

Emmett has been talking to Justin for the last two hours. during most of the conversation Justin drifted in and out of consciousness listening to Em's horrified shrieks and moans of anxiety about a winter wonderland theme, where Deb's dress and the three tuxedos of the Nyvotney double wedding are trimmed in muskrat fur.

" They want White Tulips! White fucking Tulips!"

From what Justin understood , tulips in Em's expert opinion were not wedding flowers.

Monday 11;23 pm

" -and the tux is trimmed in fur, and fits really nice… Oh, and we're getting White African Tulips for the flowers! Jus? Justin are you there?"

" Michael do you ever feel like your life is on repeat?"

" What the fuck? Are you high at 11:25 in the morning?!"

" Actually I am. You know. Us artists types."

Tuesday 9

Justin unfortunately could not talk to Deb on Tuesday morning due to the fact that he was extremely hung over from smoking out all day yesterday and drinking a bottle of vodka as his only sustenance.

She however called at 9:02 , yelled at Justin for making her worried and listened to his pathetic whimper of " I'm sick Debbie"

" No your not! Your hung over!"

'" Shh. Keep it down your words hurt so loud."

Wednesday ( the day Brian tried to kill himself) 8:44 pm

Melanie had walked in the door just in time to hear Linds say goodnight to Justin in the living room phone. She walks up behind her as she puts the phone down on the charger and circles her arms around her waist.

" What news does young valiant Sunshine bring from NY?"

Linds giggled and leaned into her wife's embrace. " His slowed down a lot since Laura personally took over his career. She insisted he take a month or two to work on his next big show at Usher Gallery."

" That's good, he works too hard. "

" yes, he does, Laura told him she's afraid he'll burn out that way. But the owners want to get him in so bad that their doing a special showing and selling of his sketch work and computer enhanced art. They want to show it all in a two month exhibit featuring him as the solo artist! Isn't it exciting?!"

" yeah," Mel's mind on the conversation with Brian about Linds' dream vs. her talent flashes through her mind and how really lucky she is that Linds' chose her over that. " Exciting."

They stand like that for a few more minutes as Linds' continues on about the opportunities Justin has as a young hot artist in NY.

" When's the opening? "

" On the 22nd of the month. "

Then it hit her. It hit Melanie as she saw out of the corner of her at the top of the steps a small Gus hand creeping around the wall listening. He stood still when he realized his Ma had seen him. She merely gave him a crooked smile and a wink.

" Is Jen going?"

" Yes, she is."

" Did he ask about Brian?"

" Of course he did, you know he always does," she laughed a little as she turned in Mel's arm to face her wife. Melanie had a serious face on.

' What did you say?"

" That his fine, " confusion struck her face as she wondered where this conversation was going.

" Oh… Do you really think he is? Fine, I mean?"

" Of Course he is1 his doing beautifully, why?"

" I don't know. Just wondering is all. "

" O-ok, then."

Mel stepped away from Linds and headed toward the book shelf throwing a conspiring smile Gus' way. She picked up Gus' workbook for school and asked her wife what lesson their son's class was on.

" 7. But I think Gus' is ahead of them in -"

" 11... His doing good don't you think?"

" Yes."

" maybe he could umm take a week off. Go see Justin. As a treat. You know he misses him."

" I know, " she smiled at that, thinking that Mel was finally coming around to the idea of their son being an artist. It wasn't that she didn't support Gus' dreams she just wanted him to be secure and safe in life. " I suppose if Jen doesn't mind taking him and Molly with her it'll be fine. "

" Great. I'll call her in the morning and ask. I'm beat. I'm going to take a shower," Mel began to peel off her jacket slowly giving a very happy Gus a head start for his room.

Lindsey followed her up the stairs, seeing the clock on the wall she remembered why Mel was so late getting home. " How'd it go at Brian's with the papers?"

" he wasn't home. I'll give it to him another day."

" what do you think he'll chose?"

" hell if I know," Mel replied to her wife. In her head she finished it with hopefully the right one.

Same night 8:57 Pm

" Kinney. Leave a message."

' Hey Brian. Umm, I just sent you an invitation for my next opening. it's the 22nd maybe you could make it to this one?… You probably won't. Your probably just sitting there on the couch listening to this I'm sure . Do you think about me Bri? Do you think about me and time? Its been 4 months 3 days 1 hour and 35 minutes since the last time we talked, touched, kissed…. I haven't figured out the seconds/ Do you have it down? Anyway… Remember Brian. I will always need you, I will always want you, I will always love you and you're ' the One '… Later."

Brian let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. " Fuck me."

Justin was going to be big. Bigger then this. Bigger then him. Brian knew it the moment he saw the sketch he did 5, almost 6 years ago. For five years he had the best. The elusive 'One' at his side, accepting him not as himself , but as what he could be…

" Fuck me."

He needed a shower . He got up looked straight up at the beam that held the noose. He'd give the ladder to a bum or something. He'd take the noose down tomorrow. Tonight he would shower and let himself be reminded of good memories, better dreams, and the best future anyone could possibly imagine.

Because It Won't Be Long Now….

… Till Justin comes home 

A/n : Gus' take on drugs. A day in the life of James Hunter Nyvotney - Bruckner the 3rd , The Mel and Bri show, and Emmett meets with the brides.

Thanks for all the awesome reviews!!

Chapter 4: Sometimes Its Ok to Lie.

Part one: Shooting Sunny

Monster woke up at 6:15 and went through the process of becoming human once again. 1st it showered, dressed in impeccable designer pant suite, brushed teeth, brushed hair, and drowned itself with two cups of coffee made by the pretty morning angel. It had now turned in to the human Melanie Marcus, who despite Lindsey's protests had decided to drop off Gus and JR at their respective schools and day care, loosing an hour of precious sleep.

After the small ordeal of becoming human and being convincing, Mel dropped JR at the daycare center for babies to toddlers. She then took the long way to Gus' school so she'd have time to talk to him about the trip to NY.

" So, sneaking out of bed, huh?"

Gus looked at his hands sheeply. " Yeah."

" How often do you do it?"

Silence.

" I'm not going to be angry Gus, I promise."

" All the time."

" What's all the time?"

" Sometimes I go to sleep and I wake up at weird hours , so I sneak downstairs or to the studio. "

" Hmm… Gus' I'm going to ask you something else, I want you to tell me the truth ok?"

He nodded his head. He pretty much knew what this was about, but he still needed to confirm his suspicions.

" Does your Dad ever talk to you about Justin? Or do you ever talk about him with your Dad?"

" No, they said it'd be better if I don't."

" Who, Honey?"

" Mom, Grandma Deb, Jen, Auntie Em, Uncle Ted, Grandpa Carl, Uncle Mike-"

" Ok, I get it. Why would they do that?"

" They told me it wasn't ok to talk to him about Justin. They said he needed to move on and go on without  
Him."

Mel frowned, even though she had never understood Brian and Gus' dynamic, she knew that Brian, given the little she knew about his childhood, would not be pleased with what Gus had just said. She didn't think he'd be happy to hear that others tried to dictate what his son talked to him about.

" But Molly says-"

Mel had gotten use to the " Molly Says" . The 13 year old girl filled her son's head with philosophies that may or may not be appropriate for a 6 year old boy to hear .

" But Molly says: to fuck them all cause I have every right to talk about who ever or whatever I goddamn please."

Mel smiled big at her son's matter-of-fact way of quoting the young Taylor. Tow things came to her mind. One she kept private went along the lines of possibly finding Gus' a new babysitter or getting Molly to curse less around him. The second she shared with her son:

" Molly's right Gus. Your Dad says something like that too. But Gus' I'm going to ask you to do me a favor ok?"

The young boy blinked his hazel Kinney eyes at her in a way that came to be known in Gus speak as ' go on'.

" I need you to talk to your Dad about Justin. Whenever \you can, bring him up as much as possible. Do you understand what I'm asking you to do?"

" Yes. You want me to make sure that he doesn't forget about Justin."

" God, your smart. "

" Yeah," Gus said trying to hide the content grin on his face, by looking out the window. " I know."

Mel however, caught a glimpse of the satisfied smirk and the self assured tone of his voice and muttered to herself , " Great another Kinney trait."

" Huh. "

" Nothing. Look. You know about the trip to NY. All I have to do is call about Jennifer and confirm a flight for you. And when your in NY with Justin I want you to promise me that you won't tell Justin how your Dad is really doin-"

" What!? Ma, Why!? If I tell him he'll come home and Dad won't be sad anymore!" Gus' small voice cried in anguish and broke a little piece of Mel's heart.

" Gus, your Dad sent him away. He told him to go, for his own good. Justin needs to do this before he can come home and the second you tell him how your Dad is, he'll forget all about NY and come home. You have to understand sweetie, like your Dad understands, that Sunshine is just too good to keep to yourself. Talent like his needs to be shared with the world."

" Ma?" Gus looked up at her with tears behind his eyes. Yes, he understood what she was saying, but that didn't mean he had to like it, still when she went on about Justin's talent, well the six year old couldn't help but wonder: " Do I have talent?"

Mel looked at her son when she stopped at the next light, took his small hands in hers and told him bluntly. " You have an incredible gift Gus', but its not your only one, I don't want to back you into a corner where you feel that you have to become an artist to get approval. But yes, you do have talent, you have so many, and one they are going to take you far away from our family…when that happens, you'll have to go, you'll have to go, but we'll stay right here waiting… Just like your Dad is waiting now… We'll wait for you to come back home." She kissed the top of her brilliant son's head and gave him one last smile before bringing her attention back to the light.

They drove the rest of the 4minutes and 28 seconds to Gus' school in silence. Gus' with a slight frown on his face, reminding Mel every bit of an old Jewish man. She sighed contently to herself: At last , something he got from me.

She parallel parked in front of the school's entrance, a maneuvered that is only proved more difficult by a thousand little brats running in the street hyped on Sunny-D, which in recent medical studies show that that shit was just as addictive as crack or speed. Or at least that's what Gus' had told his mothers , with a statement that began with: " Molly says…" Now Gus refused to drink Sunny-D at all instead insisting on only drinking fresh squeezed orange juice.

Lindsey had blinked at her wife over breakfast as their son left the table to collect his things for school. " Do you think our son knows what crack or speed is ?"

" DRUGS!" Gus' had called in from the other room. He returned with his bag and workbook and spoke to the whole table including his little sister. " Their actually both stimulants, they speed up the heart and give the user a feeling of invisibility-"

" Invincibility , honey," Mel corrected.

" yeah, that, causing the user to make impulsive decisions. They can also make your heart go boom, cause its going so fast a vessel explodes!" He said the last part with a smile at his parents.

" Where did you learn that? " Lindsey asked.

" If I told you , then you'd take whatever or whoever it had been away."

Lindsey was on the verge of getting angry but Mel had leaned over and touched her arm gently, " Just let it go. At least he knows its dangerous. "

Now, in the present day , Gus was hesitant to enter the world of the those fool hearty children who shot up Sunny. Instead he looked at his Ma with a look of silent apprehension. " Did you see the sad eyes too Ma?"

Mel immediately knew he was talking about Brian, and she didn't want to lie to her son, but how did someone tell their child that their father had tried to kill himself? She knew anything she said on that would crush Gus' heart and split him in to two. So instead she looked away from him and stared at the mini van in front of her. " Yeah, I did."

" Your lying."

She looked at her small son whose stare was unflinching. She looked back at him with a small smile, " I know. I'm sorry."

" Its ok Ma. Sometimes its ok to lie." He smiled back at her raised out of his seat to give her a kiss grabbed his bag, and opened the door. He jumped out the car and looked in at his mother a huge smile plastered on his face. He danced a little dance, acting every bit the Sunny addict as he cried into the sky, " I'M GOING TO NEW YORK!"

Part Two: The 3rd and Shellfish  
James Hunter Nyvotney-Bruckner the 3rd. He repeated it every morning in his mind, until he could convince his sleepy mind that it had all been real, every last fucking horror, had been real. Better yet, every miracle, twist in plot, had been real. Best of all, every dream that had been dreamt in his 16 years of life had come true, and Hunter had a lot more dreams stored in his mind, other then pornographic ones ( which would be nice), that he just knew would become real. Because the dreams of James Montgomery, though faded at best, were the life that the 3rd was now living. 

This positive kind of thinking though usually lasted only till the bus from his loving home brought him to a stop in front of the Gates of Hell. Yes. High School.

In retrospect, its bad enough, the concept of bring hundreds of unwilling minds in the hopes of molding something out of them. Nameless faces of pimples and concealer and braces , none of which Hunter actually had, thank God for Ben's homemade acne remedy from Budapest . Then the idea of actually teaching kids something they might actually use in real life?

No high school was a necessary forced upon by society to pull children away from their parents who were probably sick of cleaning up after them. It was 'Big Kids' daycare as Shellfish had once commented to the 3rd, her new pet name for him.

The 'Big Kids' daycare, is only worsened by the fact that Hunter had left in the beginning of the school year due to the pressure placed by extenuating factors. Otherwise known as his ex's parents who had red their daughter's diary , found out he was HIV + and had taken it upon themselves to warn other parents when he'd bumped his head in a pool. Because as common sense would have it, yes, the others in the pool could get HIV through water and skin contact. Even if the water was mostly chlorine.

To top it off in a foolish attempt at bravery or to get some sympathy out of them, he didn't even remember why anymore, he'd told them point blank that he had hustled it out of someone. 200 without a condom. They deemed this fact to be public information as well. After awhile, Hunter had gotten so sick of it he had left to California.

In some way, it had been a good thing, he'd found what he was meant to do, a dream to dream for James Hunter Nyvotney-Bruckner the 3rd , who really needed one at the time. So gone was his sense of no direction and he'd enrolled in the school theater program, which, though practically non-existent, gave Hunter friends again. Theater folk, he'd soon realized were much more accepting then the jock and status quo of the school.

The first day he'd walked in a young man with dark hair strolled up to him and asked with a smile, " You're the guy whose positive right?"

" Yeah."

" Names Chris. Just don't infect me on purpose and we'll get along fine," his smile grew wider at his own joke.

Hunter laughed, " Ok, I promise. Just don't call me the guy with AIDS and we'll be fine."

" Done deal. Let me introduce you to everyone."

So Hunter had found himself in a group of fucked up kids, all friends now they shared everything together including spit, but no blood. He now had people to hang with after school and everything, unfortunately, he wasn't with them all the time. Just before school as he walked past the jocks who screamed " FAGGOT" as loud as possible in his ears, making him wish they would bleed and the noise would be dampened so he wouldn't have to hear that word. 

The word didn't bother him so much really, he heard it all the time on Liberty Ave. It was the hate behind it that bothered him. It wasn't the sweet teasing of Emmett cooing the word or even Brian's proud proclamation to the word or Ben's encouragement of using it as often as possible , theorizing that if they did they would take back the word from those who used it for hatred.

" Ignore it ! Words are just meaningless representations !" Shellfish had philosophized.

" Of what exactly?"

" Nothing cause its meaningless!" he words rang through liberty diner but the fags had ignored her outburst because it was far from an uncommon thing.

Molly had taken to meeting up with Hunter after school there about a month or so after Justin had left. At first Hunter had wondered why she'd gone to buses out of her way to hang there. He'd come to the conclusion that she probably remembered coming here with Justin and Brian a lot so it was like a piece of her brother only 35 minutes away from her house instead of a 4 hour flight.

" And I am the master of them!" She laughed wickedly.

" So your nothing?"

" No their nothing," she explained.

" Huh? Come again Shellfish?"

" I'm the Master of all that is nothing and all that is nothing is everything. So I rule them, even those pricks who say those words."

" Am I nothing then?" he smirked when he saw just how adorable the girl looked frustrated.

" Yes and no-"

" What the fuck!?" he pretended to be angry.

" Yes because your annoying the shit out of me today and no, because you and I and everyone in this diner, are more then anything they'll ever be, just as we are today.'

" Why's that?"

" Because we are."

" That easy? You say it so it most be true?"

" Pretty much," she stuffed her mouth with fries form his plate having eaten all of her's. " G' fries."

At the time it had spread through him with worth the thought that someone just knew he was better. Yeah Ben and Michael told him that all the time , but they were his dads they had to say that Molly was someone who chose to see him like that. Most of the times though it worked. Whenever the words " FAGGOT" were screamed he'd remember that he was better just because.

Sometimes it didn't though. On those days just to keep going he'd lie to himself. He didn't like lying to anyone especially himself, it reminded him of when he was hustling and he'd lie to himself every morning and night, that what he was doing was ok, if not right.

But on the days were being better just because didn't work, he'd lie to himself, and then think afterwards that it was ok to lie. At least sometimes.  
Part Three: Never Fine

At 1:02 Brian entered Perriot's in a pressed Gucci suite, he had hoped to get a hold of Mel and cancel because the last thing he wanted to hear was what a mistake it would have been. How could you do this? And Why, oh why? He figured he might as well show up, have a free lunch and get her out of his hair by finding someway to assure her he was fine. When in truth he knew he wasn't.

No, he was far from fine, as he asked the host to show him to Mel's table. He was far from fine when he woke up this morning remembering almost every detail about the night before. He was far from fine when he looked over to the his left and Justin wasn't there. He was far from Fine when he inhaled, and he was even farther when he exhaled.

The waiter brought him to the table where the witch sat looking over a menu , without looking up she greeted him, " Your 3 minutes and 12 seconds late Brian, how can you run a business like that?"

" Nice to see you too Cunt."

She looked up at him and the waiter who looked as if it had been him the word was directed at. She smiled brightly , " Its great to see that your still an asshole after all this time," her voice like honey and silk.

Brian sat down across the table from her as she continued: " They have a very nice pesto pasta here. I think I might get that and a class of Chardonnay white '86," she said to the waiter who stood stark still waiting for the explosion of anger. " Know what your having yet Brian?"

" The Lobster Ravioli-"

" Carbs?"

" I can have them before seven wench. "

" Prick."

" and a Chardonnay red, same year, but don't think that means anything. I know how you dykes are reading into those little things."

" Hey, it was a good year."

Brian smiled at that and then scowled at the waiter, " We just ordered you jackass, and unless you want to be the meal I suggest you either get back their season and cook yourself to a medium rare- rare's fine with you right? "

" Yeah, that sounds good actually."

" Is human meat against your religious diet?"

" No, just pork, but thanks for your concern."

" No problem… cook yourself to a medium rare and serve yourself on a fucking silver platter or get your ass back there and do your fucking job!"

The waiter practically ran to the kitchen to tell the Mexican chef of a French restaurant that specialized in Italian food and charged about $15 more then the actual food was worth, to quit whatever he was doing ( fucking the bus boy) and put the order through quickly, because he honestly feared for his life.

They made small talk as he came back with their wine glasses and respective bottles of '86. He backed away slowly hands in front in what he hopped was a non threatening position. The two professionals who had often seen such behavior in weak minded co-workers, merely blinked and then turned back to each other and what they both knew was inevitable.

A page in history was about to be written. The day that Melanie Marcus and Brian Kinney had a semi-civil talk with each other about something that was not impersonal small talk or Gus. Today they would share their feelings on a mutual event that they both experienced in what would later be called by the historian who wrote said page in history: " What the fuck happened?"

Not the most eloquent thing to write but, true none the less for anyone who knew the ancient story of Marcus v. Kinney.

" So," Brian bit the bullet ( not a real one) " What did your lovely wife had to say when you told her? When is her worried phone call going to be so I can be sure that my phone has no service at that time."

" I didn't tell her."

" Really? And why the fuck not?"

" its not her business. Hell, it wasn't mine until you made it so."

" When did I make it your business, exactly?"

" The second you told me everyone would be fine. No one's ever fine after a loss like that, you should know. Your not fine now and you'll never be fine again. Not that you ever really were to begin with, but at least you resembled something like fine."

" I'll have you know I'm very fine. The men and the ladies love me."

Mel laughed. ' Your such a narcissistic prick. Its one of the reasons I hate you so much."

" Yeah, well you're a lesbian, a life without dick is a good enough reason to hate anyone who has it in their lives."

" Oh, but I have the biggest dick known to man in my life. You."

" I'm flattered."

They laughed a little as the waiter once again backed off quietly leaving their food on the table. His eyes wide in anticipation waiting for the moment they would pounce, on him or the food in front of them.

Mel looked at Brian, " how are you really?"

" I'm… not good. "

" Well, it isn't much but it's a start. Don't worry Brian you'll be ok again, I'm going to help you be ok with Brian Kinney. If you let me?"

He looked at her skeptically. He analyzed her features looking for the moment of when she'd turn on him. He knew he needed someone or something in his life right now to get him trough the rough patch until Justin came home. He 'd never accepted help like this before, and if he made it till Justin got home without too many scratches, and it was because of Mel's help… He'd lie to himself later and say it was all him.

He indicated yes, with a nod.

The historian would later right further down on this page in history: " Ok Really!? What the Fuck Just Happened!?" as Mel and Brian set up a lunch date for later in the week,.

Part 4:

Emmett Honeycutt is one of the most sought after party planners in Pittsburgh. He had hosted galas on behalf of wealthy business men. He'd planned high-end bat &bar mitzvahs without breaking a sweat over bratty teens. He'd even had a brief career as a journalist that had brought so many people joy to their world when they realized that a Clorox stain was really just a fun pattern you could make all your own. But he could see all of that success go down the drain if any one knew that it was him behind what had to be the fucking tackiest wedding ever in the course of human history.

No, he was not being a dramatic queen, he wished to hell he was. No, unfortunately on this day he was looking at very ornate light up carriages that would take the guest form the location in the winter park gazebo and ice rink to the reception area a few blocks away. It wouldn't be so bad if the carriages didn't resemble Cinderella's cheap plastic piece of shit in the Disney parade or even if the brides had stuck with one color for lights. Classic white lights or maybe blue to give it an actually wintery feel.

But no. He had to cater the need to two of the most Prideful people he knew and every goddamn color of the rainbow needed to be included.

He'd tried to intervene once or twice but now with Deb suggesting different color streamers to be laced through the horses hair, Emmett did not stop himself from stepping in before Michael elaborated.

" Deb, honey, Don't you think it's a little much?"

" What do you mean baby?"

" Nothing I just think that with the lights and the intricate carriages, it might distract from the beauty of the ride…"

" I think it's a great idea Ma! I think we should go for it!"

If only Michael had said that to be spiteful. But no, he hadn't, Emmett could never forgive him for truly meaning those words. Spite he could of forgotten. This, no this was a betrayal on the worst level.

" Oh, I'm so happy! You know what Em? I don't give a shit I'm marrying the man of my dreams and that's all that matters to me anymore."

" Ma that's so sweet."

With that the two broke down in tears at the thought of their wedding set for December 6th 2007 and it was only February 2006. But the looks on the faces of the people he loved. God, he just couldn't deny them anything. So through gritted teeth Em pushed out a terrible lie that went against his very principles.

" Know what Deb, sorry I said anything before. I just wasn't seeing the whole picture. But I see it now. We should definitely put ribbons in the horses hair."

She burst into tears once more with the happiest and biggest smile Em had ever seen. She forced him into a hug, and he really couldn't breath. Maybe just this once it was ok to lie.

But it definitely won't be long now till Emmett loses his gay license for this wedding. 

A/n: Can I just tell you how much I love reviews? I mean seriously I'm a huge slut for a good review. So I have named the next chapter just for those kind folks who took the time to read and review my little fic. Kisses.

Chapter 5: The Reviews ( or What People Say) 

Part one: Secret Thursday Dinners

( eight days after the incident)

After lunch that faithful last Thursday, Brian had been invited to a secret Thursday Dinner at the munchers. Apparently Ben and Michael and occasionally Hunter, who preferred to eat at the Taylor's on Thursdays , would come over for dinner and they would have a private family gathering of sorts involving the parents of the two bright young children who lived at the address. 

To say that all, except for Mel and Gus, were surprised to see Brian was an understatement. Shocked out of their fucking skins is more along the lines of the truth. It was unnerving, the question everyone's mind was how did he know?

" Bri!? What are you doing here?"

" Happy to see you too, Mikey."

" How did you know about this dinner?" Lindsey asked hoping to jump in before Mel or Brian started any unnecessary conflict.

" I told Dad to come mom."

Brian looked down at his miniature in surprise then glanced over at Melanie who was eating a carrot a smile in her eyes. He brought his gaze back to Gus, who had wrapped his arms around his father's waist in a hug.

With the most sincere look he could give Gus looked up at his father and smiled slightly. " Thanks for coming Dad."

"Anything for you, my boy."

Linds was struggling to find her words. Mikey and Ben were literally frozen in their seats. But little JR got up from the corner where she had been playing with her toys and clumsily pushed herself onto " Unc' Bwin." The only one other then Gus who seemed happy for the unexpected surprise. Though Mel, was doing a victory dance of massive spasms on the inside. Outside she kept a cool exterior.

" Oh get over it," Mel began taking her seat. " He was bound to show up sooner or later."

" Yeah!" Gus said indignantly to those who were in what seemed a catatonic state , " JR's dads get to come for secret Thursday dinners, but my dads can't cause ones in NY and you've never asked the other one!"

Mel choked on her carrot. Ok, Gus announcing Justin as his dad was not part of the plan. And almost immediately Linds began to explain once again that Justin was not Gus' dad.  
" But he is, Mom. I'm not two. I know being a dad is more then DNA and JR has two dads so why can't I have two?"

" Not reason why you shouldn't sonny boy."

" See! Mom! Dad thinks its cool don't you Dad?!"

" Yeah. I think its really cool."

So, this was his second week attending a dinner with the private family and at this one Hunter had shown up sans Molly. Somehow Brian noticed Gus' kept referring to his other dad as much as possible. Talking non-stop about his other dad and all the things he'd promised they'd do. Asking already if he could visit NY again.

" Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself, Gus?" Ben asked.

Hunter scuffed. " His not. He wants to see his dad. He misses him."

Gus leaned over and gave hunter a quick hug. He was one of the few besides Brian and Ma and Molly who'd taken to calling Justin his dad. Just like he always wished he were. Justin literally cried when he called him that, he knows his dad was trying to hide it, but that's why it worked out so well for Gus to have two dads. One who could teach him to be a tough guy and the other to teach him to be brave enough to cry. At least that's how he liked to see it.

" I think that could be arranged sweetheart, " Mel said, thoughtfully chewing on her steak.

" Thank you Ma! Dad maybe you can go with me next time to visit Dad?!" The little boy's smile was so bright for a second all of those around the table wondered if he was really relate to Sunshine.

" We'll see," Brian responded, extremely uncomfortable.

" Oh well, if you can't come you can't come! I'm going to NY! I'm going to NY! I'm going to NY-"

" Gus get off the table and eat your diner," Mel growled, trying to contain her laughter at Brian's discomfort.

At the end of dinner Mel and Linds said goodbye to their children's fathers. Kisses and Hugs were traded between Linds Michael and Ben. Melanie and Brian exchanged :

" Later Cunt."

" Later Asshole."

It seemed no one saw the glances and slight friendly touches being exchanged between the two, except for Gus, who saw everything everyone else didn't see and heard the teasing in their voices that everyone didn't hear. Even if they were 'bad words' ( though Gus had stopped believing in 'bad words' cause as Molly and Hunter and Dad and Dad explained, sometimes 'bad words ' could be bad they could be said for fun. Even good words that were 'good ' could be said to hurt. So he just saw them as words now and didn't bother distinguishing the two unless asked .) there was an affection that no one seemed to notice and had merely passed off glances as death stares.

Part Two : He works hard for the money.

( the next day )

Ted Schmidt had seen a lot in his 33 years… ok, 37, but 33 just sounds better to his ears, after all Jesus was 33 when he was persecuted and hung on the…. Never mind. 37 was a respectable age that Ted Schmidt could live with until he was 38.

37 years was a lot of years to accumulate regret, but right now on this day , he could honestly say that he did not have one. Not a single false step he would of changed for the world, because even though he'd hated who he was for the first 34 years of his life. These last almost 3 years had made it all very very worth it.

Ted could honestly say on this glorious Friday morning, as he strolled through the doors of Kinnetic, that he loved his job. As he smiled in greeting to Cynthia, barking at the new office assistant, he loved his friends, old and new. He walked to his office, situated right next to Cynthia's saw a picture of Blake and him standing together smiling, he loved his wife. Fuck, Ted Schmidt considered himself to be a lucky sun of a bitch who just loved his life.

That was saying a lot coming from a man who had once gotten less then stellar reviews on the managing of his life. He'd given himself most of them to be honest, and those were the reviews that stuck in his mind. Even now, after losing his way time and time again, falling into addiction twice ( once on porn and the second on meth) , he still had that small part of him who believed that Ted was shit. Even so, it took little more then a shake to clear his head , smiling to himself, and remembering that there were people worse of then him to push aside and get on with being happy.

Those reviews, hurt though. The ones from before, hell even the ones from now, from people who didn't know anything about him except he was gay, or even if they just knew he ran porn site, or did meth. The people who didn't know him reviewed the old Ted and expected him to be that.

He wasn't but he wouldn't deny that the old Ted had been a building block. A huge fucking building block that had led to ' Nice work Schmidt's' instead of ' Fuck off Theodores' from Brian. Congratulatory hugs instead of ' it'll get better' hugs from Deb and Emmett . Teases from friends, that had once actually hurt now taken for exactly for what they were. Friendly teases.

Of course there were still some critics whose view simply did not change. A good example was his mother, who decided that today was a good day to call, that the new office assistant had put through. As his mother began the preliminary conversation starters, Ted had calmly told himself that he would calmly hear his mother our then calmly fire the new shit assistance as soon as the call was over.

" Theodore are you listening to me?"

" Of course Mother."

" What did I say?!" she asked expectantly.

" Your ulcers acting up, your glaucoma's getting worse, and you think that the nurse is stealing from you, " he hadn't actually been listening, it was just always the same complaints.  
" and?" she asked expectantly.

Oh shit, there was more?! Why was there more? Why was there always more when his mind was preoccupied with other, more important, things?!

" err…"

" I twisted my ankle Theodore! The woman who gave birth to you twisted her ankle and called for a little sympathy from her only son, who is just so ungrateful for his mother!!" she burst into tears.

Ted used his get out of free card, " I'm so sorry Mother, I'm just so preoccupied with the wedding! I'm looking over center pieces right now," he wasn't the wedding wasn't until next April, it would be awhile before they actually got into the details. Unlike Michael and Deb who were going all out for theirs Ted and Blake had decided on a simple outdoor wedding, when it wouldn't be freezing cold.

" You know Theodore, I don't know why you can't just find some nice lady-"

" Mom I'm ga-"

" Honey, I know that doesn't mean you can't get married for real, does it?"

" Mother, it is legal in the state of Pennsylvania remember?"

" Well, the church doesn't condone it darling. So its not real."

" Whatever you say Mother," it was hard to be angry at her when she was using such a sweet voice. " Besides I thought you liked Blake."

" Oh, Theodore I love Blake his just to good for you."

" Mother-"

" I mean, face it Theodore. You're an ex crystal addict and gay porn king. You were nearly convicted of a felony! And you're an accountant, not exactly the highest paying job or the most important and Blake is a counselor. He helps people. What do you do Theodore?"

He contemplated telling his mother that the one time he had nearly died almost six years ago was because Blake had given him some bad stuff. Then thought better. She already had enough ammunition against him as it was.

" I make the money that pays for your personal nurses mom instead of you being put into a home, Mother. You'd think that's be enough to give your only son some credit."

" Theo-!"

" Mother, I have to go. I have a meeting in 15 minutes and I now have to fire whoever it was that put you through. I gotta go, love you mother."

He heard the hitch in her throat as she responded. " I think you should move the wedding date up, Theodore, if you love each other so much it won't be a problem. Tell Blake I said hi. I love you too Theodore."

" Bye Mother."

" Bye Ted."

When Ted hung up the phone he immediately ripped open the door to his office in search of the new girl, who had already been torn apart by Cynthia. By the time Brian would come in from an early breakfast meeting to no coffee, the new girl would quit. She would go home call the temp agency she had been working at and tell them that she could no longer work for them. Sara, that's the incompetent girl's name, would then call her estranged parents, who had disowned her after she had quit law school to become a writer, which she had no actual talent in, and ask them for a loan. Then she would call Yale School of Law and re-enroll herself in the program. Sara would later on in life become a Supreme Court Judge.

All because of the shitty reviews she had gotten at her last temp job with Kinnetic.

So, to answer the question his mother had asked " What is that you do Theodore?", the reply goes something like: " I fire college drop outs and inspire them to go back to school to pursue better career opportunities then serving me coffee , Mother."

For the mean time, Ted simply settled into his desk to begin his work for the day. The work, though meaningless apparently, paid for his mother's personal home care, and would one day, through taxes, pay for the former temp's salary.

Part Three : Hot Buns

( A/n : I haven't really talked about Daphne yet, but she is actually apart of the story later on so I kind of need to address her life.)

Daphne Chanders, is any parents' ( white, black, Indian, Mexican, hell even Asian!) wet dream.

That is a fact not a matter of opinion ( review if you will) .

How could it not be.

1) Daphne Chanders was pre-med at Penn State. ( she'd been accepted to Harvard , but had chosen Penn for its excellent research center for children with AIDS).

2) Daphne Chanders was clean, organized, and presented herself with confidence and charm that could win almost anyone's heart.

3) Daphne Chanders posses the qualities that even the most rotten of men and women admired. She was loyal to family and friends. Honest, but tactful. Aware of her worth but not over confident.

Yes, Daphne Chanders on paper was every parents wet dream.

Key word: Was.

In truth Daphne Chanders was tired and quite frankly miserable with her life.

Since Daphne was a little girl she had wanted to be a doctor, ever since the first time her best friend and partner in drunken scenes ( currently seated next to her) had taken off all their clothes and played together. She winced at the thought as quite a few people who'd heard that story insisted that it meant both her and her friend would one day become porn stars. However, the closest either of them had gotten to it was Justin's short lived job as a go-go dancer, and the one time Daphne had posed nude for $300 for a class at PIFA.

Now, she had decided to take sometime off of school, even tough those who knew, except for Justin who refused to pass judgment on her or anyone else's decisions for that matter, had repeatedly asked her why. Especially now that she was in her last year of pre-med.  
She' couldn't even answer that herself. She didn't know why. In the beginning school had been fantastic she was excited about the work she was doing, but now it was all the same thing. She need something a little less monotonous perhaps. Something that was exciting. People could argue that being a doctor would be the ultimate excitement, but after almost 4 years of running the same tests over and over again, practicing the same procedures time and time again, and knowing.

Oh, God, the knowing. The knowing was the worst part. " Doctors play God," people are found of quoting, " save a life or take it away." No, Daphne knew better, doctors did not play God, because with every patient, even the most effective treatment could fail and eventually would. The thing that was meant to keep you alive only granted you extra time. It was unavoidable. Patients were all humans and humans were all mortals, even doctors. Knowing that even the right treatment was a risk, sometimes a greater risk then just letting patients die in peace, that was the worst part for Daphne.

Knowing that one day, as so many doctors do, she'd fall into the pattern of watching a patient die, and then heading home.

Even worse, was the fact that she knew she was every parents wet dream. Yet, here she was in her last year, seriously considering dropping out of school and actually reconsidering the fact of doing porn, as so many had suggested.

But that was probably the weed she'd already consumed.

Daphne had arrived four days earlier then Jen, Molly, and now apparently Gus. She had arrived at Justin's old apartement on a 136th street to find a very hung over Justin lying on his mattress surrounded by boxes, that very morning at 9:57. The door had been left open as most of Justin's valuables had been already transported to the new studio that Laura had suggested away from the cramped University apartments with loud nosies and drunken students ( Justin had always made sure to be clean and sober around Laura so she never knew that when Justin wasn't working he was doing exactly what he was doing now, ass hanging over the bar stool and heard against the bar, looking up at Daphne.) to a two floor town house on w. 60th street a few blocks away from central park and broadway, and just down the road Amsterdam Ave. which apparently lived up to its namesake in quality at least.

Daphne had walked right in set down her bag, and kicked at Justin's limp body. After a few good ones Justin fluttered open his glassy eyes, and let out a small :

" What the fuck."

" Thanks for picking me up asshole," she said with a slight smile. She'd been angry at Justin for forgetting her, but now seeing him the way she was she couldn't help but feel a small tear at her heart. Justin never got this hung over unless something had seriously been up.

" Oh fuck," he moaned staying perfectly still as she pushed him over to make room for herself on the bed.

" So what happened?"

" Fiddle fuck."

" Ah, so Ethan's in NY. "

" Yeah, I ran into him last night when I went out with Pietor, Morgain, and 'Bastian. " For the first three months in NY Justin had barely any time to make friends except for in passing, since he was pushing himself so hard to make a name so fast having four shows in three months pretty much managing and marketing himself. But thanks to the godsend Laura Brim, Justin was taking his time for his major show in March and just sending a collection of about 30 or so old sketches for his first show at Usher. This gave him the time he needed to really adjust to NY life and make more then just passing friendships work.

" Oh fuck."

" That's what I said!'

" I know… So what happened? I thought the two of you were over?"

" We are. So Over. I mean, I saw him and I couldn't imagine what I saw in him. He was always so corny and repetitive, it could get so fucking annoying, you know?"

" I never really liked him."

" I know. Anyway I'm just there with some friends at this cool little bar and dance club called Crash-"

" Ooh, I heard of that place. Kinda chic no?"

" Yeah, but in a weird bohemian way, so its not snobby or anything like that. So I'm at the bar with Pietor while Morgain and 'Bastian are dancing-"

Flashback

Justin Taylor had entered a straight bar with his straight friends. It was only fair after all 'Bastian and Pietor didn't complain about being hit on by guys when they went to gay clubs, so Justin indulged them by not complaining about getting hit on by girl at straight bars.

So of course, being in a completely hetro friendly environment the last thing Justin expected was to see Ethan Gold pull up next to him and the gorgeous Russian, who nudged Justin to look over his shoulder when he had been in the middle of speaking on the finer points of his special cum tempera. Then there was Ethan , looking at him with those plain brown eyes that only seemed alive and playful when playing his violin.

" Hey there Sunshine."

Justin rolled his eyes and took a sip of his beer before replying " Hey, Ethan."

It was strange not feeling anything towards him. No animosity at all for cheating on me. No love or deep connection that he had once alt least imagined for some confounded reason or another. No instead he felt the simple curiosity of :' What ever happened to…' A common emotion in people who once felt a deep friendship or something of the sort with someone else that was long broken , years before they'd ask ' whatever happened to…'

" This is Pietor, " Justin motioned to the Russian next to him.

Fairly muscular with green eyes and thick black hair, the Russian raised his beer at Ethan and said: " привет. «

Ethan looks blankly at him when it seems pretty obvious that whatever Pietor had said was offered in greeting. So Justin translates briefly , " he said Hello."

" Oh, yeah. Hey." Ethan returns to his smile.

Pietor seeing this is going to be a tense moment decides to leave he turns to Justin and says " I think I am going to dance."

" YOU hate dancing."

" Да, I am going to try."

Justin laughs a little at the determined look on Pietor's face, and though he knew that Pietor himself was proud to be the son of a communist rebellion, he just looks so much like a good Russian soldier. " Ok, break a leg."

" Why do you say this? I am not that bad," the smirk on Pietor's face shows he is only joking and that he actually does get the catch phrase. He walks away, taking all of Justin's 'red' thoughts away.

" So.."

Awkward silence.

" How've you been?"

" Ok. Busy."

" Yeah I heard, you've got a pretty big show coming up don't you?"

" No, not really. Its just some old sketches of mine that Usher gallery wants to exhibit before the real one. There's even one of you." Immediately Justin regrets saying this as he sees Ethan's eyes light up in what could only be vain hope. Justin had only put up one of Ethan's sketches because it didn't mean much to him really. Yes, there was the sentiment of the time behind it, but all the people who he still considered important to him weren't being displayed at all.

" Really?' he smirked at that. 

Ethan's mind scrambled at the thought that Justin must still have some kind of feeling for him. He'd wanted to work things out with the blonde so desperately, but had been afraid to approach him. Then about 4 or 5 months back he'd heard from a mutual friend at PIFA that Brian and Justin were getting married. Ethan had hauled ass from California, where'd he'd been recording to Pittsburgh to stop it, only to find out to his relief that Justin had left for NY instead. Unfortunately he had to be back in California by the next day, so he simply waited till he could go to NY to win back his muse.

" yeah."

Not much but Ethan was thriving on it.

Justin took another sip of his beer, " So what have you been up to?"

" Oh, I was recording in California for awhile and I'm in NY for a thing at Carnegie Hall."

Justin was happy for him really but only the kind of happy you get when a stranger tells you good news about themselves. " Great. So you made it, huh?"

" Not really, its going to be about me and fifty other up and coming musicians. I don't even have a solo or anything."

" Still. Good news."

These non-committed responses were really making Ethan nervous. Maybe he was wrong to think it meant anything, that his picture would be displayed.

" yeah."

" Yeah."

Hell, he might as well ask. " So I heard you and Brian almost got married? Is that true?" he kept his voice light and disbelieving.

" Yeah." Another sip of beer.

" Really?" Now the skepticism he felt showed when his voice cracked.

Justin laughed. " Yeah. Its true. Pretty unbelievable, " he held out his thumb and finger. " We were this close to getting hitched."

" Wow… That's something…You uh, still with him?"

Justin froze for a moment. What could he say? It wasn't like they were together. Brian wasn't even talking to Justin really, they had no contact of any sort except for the hearsay of others. And Brian was getting along fine without him, so it wasn't like he'd made any promises really. Neither had. They'd just kind of left it too a maybe.

So, the answer of course should be no. no, they weren't together, but yes Justin was with him. Every waking hour his thoughts wandered to the Pitts were Brian was, doing whatever Brian was doing. Being with him , talking to him, touching him, sitting across an empty room from him…

" Yeah. I'm still with him." Sip.

" Oh." Ethan felt the world come down on his shoulders. That was that. If Justin was still with Brian there was no way he could- or was there.

" I'm sorry about the way things ended between us… I regret it everyday."

" I don't."

" What do you mean you don't?"

" We weren't meant to be Ethan. So, no I don't."

" Do you regret us being together?"

" I don't."

" Do you regret anything that happened?" the sound of desperation in his voice.

Sip. " I don't."

… Not even coming to NY.

End Flashback

Which is why Daphne Chanders college drop out was high and drunk stumbling into a NY cab with Justin Taylor, to his new apartment discussing the benefits to having a porn career. They were like this because they both felt lost. They both felt alone. Not because they had done something to make themselves miserable.

No, because they'd made themselves happy. Despite being a college drop out, Daphne felt free and clear of all problems and she knew that what ever she eventually ended up doing it would make her happy and would some how change the world. She just didn't know what it was yet. Despite missing Brian terribly, loving him so much it hurt, Justin didn't regret going to NY. Even if things never went back to the way it was before. Justin belonged in NY at least for now.

So what do two people do when they realize that what could've been the biggest mistakes of their lives ended up being the very best thing they could do for themselves?

They go out and get shit faced drunk at 6:12 pm having conversations like this.

' Fucking children," Daphne hissed at the kids going by on the sidewalks.

" Daph ! Shh Gus can hear you!"

" Oh, fuck I forgot."

" Where to-"

" You idiot! Gus doesn't get here till Wednesday!"

" Oh, yeah." Justin burst into a fit of sporadic giggles.

" Where to?"

" Uh. it's a street and its named after a country-"

" Its named after a city in a country and its off of that street! How did you get into med school?"

" Its off the one named after the place with all the weed!"

The two of them didn't know how lucky they were that their current driver had just screwed a hooker and was thinking about screwing his wife when he got home. In other words they were lucky he was in such a good mood or they may have never reached W. 60th St. off of Amsterdam Ave. He might have been inclined instead to let their drunken asses get lost in the subway tunnels trying to find a subway station for Amsterdam Ave.

They continued to talk about children and how parasitic they were.

" They smell-"

" Gus never smells."

" They can't carry on a good conversation-"

' Gus called me Dad."

And so forth trading off on jabs at children's expense and cooing over the gem called Gus.

They reached a low in the conversation as Justin was getting really sleepy and Daphne was going to that weird place where the body and brain meld together to contemplate the life they share.

" Maybe 'I'll have on one day."

" YOU hate kids. "

" I do. Its not even that though I could just never imagine myself with kids… Well, except for once…"

" When?"

" Before we found out about your little disability."

" My inability to make you orgasm?"

" Yeah, that."

The driver got a little whiplash over that statement but kept himself contained enough to only mutter to himself, " I'll make you orgasm honey."

" Oh… We could still… You know… If you ever wanted too…"

" Really?"

" Yeah.'

" So I got dips on your sperm if I ever want it?"

" You got it."

" Good. Same goes for you. You ever want one, I'll bake it in my oven for you."

" Hot buns. Want hot buns."

" Yeah me too."

The driver stopped by a bakery before dropping them off at Amsterdam and 60th, they'd recognized the bum on the corner. As he pulled away he could hear them singing:

Hot Cross Buns! Hot Cross Buns-

Part Four: A Really, Good, Extremely Surprising Review

Friday night at Babylon, a good way to end any day. If every night could simply be Friday night at Babylon the only stress anyone would have would be the slight soreness of throat and ass ( from singing along and shaking it to the music) the next day at work. Alas, life is cruel and Friday night came only once a week .

On this particular Friday night Ted and Blake made the official announcement to Michael and Ben, Emmett as their planner already knew that they were pushing the date of their wedding to 3 months instead of a year and 2 months from then. The conversation flowed between the five friends over the loud music, eventually it got back to Justin and his upcoming opening in 4 days, technically three since the stroke of 12 had passed.

" Honestly, his brilliant-"

" Oh, God. Lets not talk about his brilliance again., " Ted moaned, tensing at Blake's comment.

" Ted-"

" What you could've lied."

" But you asked me for my honest opinion."

" His honest opinion about what?" Emmett urged.

" He and Justin fucked."

The clamor that went up among the friends immediately masked Brian's arrival as he slid his arm over Blake's shoulder causing him to glance up and then yelp at seeing exactly who it was. Blake begged the gay gods to let him off this once. None of them had talked to Brian about Justin assuming it was all for the best. Ben and Michael had agreed not to press for any information even though at the last two family dinners and private dinners Gus had badgered his dad on and on for stories, (PG stories) about him and his other dad.

" Really?" Brain smirked at the shock on their faces. " Was he high? Because I know his standards aren't that low."  
Very quietly Blake said, " Yeah, we both were."

The silence could be heard over the music, to all in the backroom even, time stood still as Brian made a very nervous Blake scarier by the second. 

" So who was the top?"

" Uh. Uh. Uh. "he couldn't speak. He had been stricken dumb.

" Either way it doesn't matter. His great at both."

At that Michael found his voice, " How would you know he was great top, Brian?"

" Mikey, we were together for five years. We had sex everywhere and in every possible position. Of course he topped me," he signaled the bar keep for a shot of beam drank it down and continued. " And he was fan-fuckin-tastic at it. Come Honeycutt lets dance."

With that Emmett was pulled to the floor in a whirlwind of bright orange and melon. While the others stood back and tried their hardest to a) not die of shock and b) not get hard at the idea of Justin topping Brian, which face it both were extremely difficult to do.

The historian, still at work recording the events… Lets call him Fred, since he'll probably show up again at some point or another. .. Fred, still at work recording these events once again looked to the heavens in a scream that could be heard over the sound of 10,00 gay bars and clubs, screamed:

" WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!?"

It won't be long now till everyone knew just what the fuck was happening.

After all, everyone moves on at some point. 

/N: Song of the Exile is a modern Irish folk song, just in case you were wondering about the lullaby.

Chapter Six: The Adventures of Bear In the Big City

Day 1 ( Feb. 20th 2006)

Gus could not be happier. He really couldn't. There was no way that any one could take this moment form him. He was there. In NY the city that never slept and he was going to stay with his Dad , Molly, and his Grandma Jen for a full week, and he wouldn't have to go t school.

It wasn't that Gus didn't like school. It was fun, he liked playing with other kids and having friends his own age, but it was so boring. The learning and teaching part. Gus was so ahead of his entire class that most of the time he just ended up drawing and writing short little poems that his uncle Ben had shown him ( haikus) with the funny name, while the rest of the class was still learning how to write sentences like ' The sky is blue.'

The sky is blue ( 5 )  
Silken spider's webs ( 7)  
You remain true ( 5) 

Gus was just so past that, and it irked him that no one else seemed at all phased by his lack of interest. His teachers thought him bright and studious, his moms and dads knew he was brighter then the others but they'd never suppose that their son might be a genius.

In true Kinney form, the young boy had declared himself so after someone made a comment about child prodigy's ( Ted) in reference to music. So Gus, being the self-serving boy he was had looked up IQ tests, his was 143, just one point above the level of genius. Being curious he looked up child IQ test and tested JR, the two year old had the IQ of 117, for a two year old, that was pretty fucking special considering that the average two year old has an IQ of about 70. ( Having no actual blood relation , Gus therefore concluded that it was nurture and not nature that had given them their intellect.)

So at school he did the work quickly and dumbed himself down a bit to have fun with kids his own age, even if sometimes they didn't understand his rantings about hearing Pachabel in Avril's ' Skater boy' or going off on the Big Brother scare tactics the teachers used and how positively orwellian they all were. He did none of this at school, but here in NY he would do plenty of it.

He ran to his Dad arms stretched wide across the room and flung himself into Justin's arm at full force, knocking the blonde's breath out of his chest. " Hey Gus-bear!" " DAD!!" Hanging on to his dad the best he could, Gus would not part and his Grandma Jen and Molly had to greet his dad by putting their arms around the both of them. Over his dad's shoulder he saw Daphne, he waved brightly at her and blew her a kiss, but there was no chance in hell that Gus was letting go.

Justin found himself carrying the six year old, who was really getting to heavy to be carried, through JFK's exit doors. He really didn't mind the weight though , for one Justin had always been stronger then he looked and two, it was Gus. So through JFK and into the rented SUV and into the townhouse Laura had given him, Gus held fast to Justin until eventually he had fallen asleep, his hand in the blonde hair, and Justin laid his son down for a nap in the room that had been put aside for him.

Later, after Gus had awaken, he helped his dad make dinner in the kitchen while his Grandma Jen, Molly and Daphne had gone out to see some of the sights. A part of Gus wanted to go too, but he knew he'd eventually see them all, and besides, he wanted to spend time with his dad more then he wanted to see NY. And if he could get him all alone, all the better, because no one would interrupt him and that to Gus was very important.

" I want to start doing Pastels soon, Dad? I've done some stuff in charcoal, but I really want to do Pastels?" there was a slight whine in his voice. He knew his dad had a perfectionist streak when it came to mastering an art form and Gus knew that the step before pastels was charcoal and while his charcoal was good it wasn't perfect.

" Gus, don't be so impatient," Justin replied as he chopped up vegetables with his delicate hands.

" Dad says that your not suppose to chop the vegetables!" Gus cried suddenly. " Remember? He always said your hands were too important to do that!"

Justin blinked at his son ( since the day Gus had called him Dad he'd been doing that a lot referring to Gus as his son).

" Remember Dad? Dad said if you cut your hands it could mess with your art!?" there was real worry in Gus' eyes. A fear that Justin knew all too well. It was the same fear Brian got every time his hand gave out. He wondered to himself if Gus would take his hand and mimic his father's gesture of massaging out the kinks.

" I'll be very careful, I promise. I'll go really slow and watch what I'm doing. Ok?"

Gus bit his bottom lip, and looked around in search for someone else who could chop the vegetables,. Gus was too young to do them himself. " Ok," he whispered his consent, " I promise not to tell Dad."

" Ok," he smiled and kissed Gus' forehead.

Gus watched in silence, waiting for a slip of the hand as his father cut the rest of the vegetables , slowly and with precision. Gus let out a small breath he'd been holding after he finished, and Justin smiled at the memory that Gus had brought about. Brian refused to let Justin cut anything with a knife about a year ago. He'd noticed that Justin's hand had been acting up with tremors and for about 4 months Justin wasn't even allowed to use a paring knife, and if he was caught doing so Brian would watch him, wait till he was done and then attack him for not taking care of himself.

Now, it felt to Justin like those same pair of hazel eyes stood by his side waiting once again.

Daphne, Molly, and Jennifer arrived just as the food was being set out for dinner. They all agreed to go to bed early that night except for Gus who would wonder the townhouse until he was satisfied and then go to his room for a little sleep. Before going to bed however, Gus brought down the charcoals he'd done for Justin's examination, most of them were pictures of his Dad.

" Gus?"

" What? Dad's the only person whoever stays still long enough."

Justin sighed, this was true. Brian could spend hours in a comfortable position without moving a muscle. The fact that the devious mini- Kinney had wanted to remind his Dad about his Dad back in the Pitts was just a plus.

The charcoals, Justin admitted to himself as he lay in bed, were very good in likeness. Gus' had even captured some of, if not all of, his father's persona in his eyes. Justin sighed as he wondered what their son could do if he was given pastels.

Meanwhile in Pitts burgh

" So you and Blake, huh?"

" Yeah. Can you believe it? Two old crystal queens tying the fucking knot." Ted smiled at his friend. A few years ago if you had told Ted that he would be in a sports bar drinking beers ( well he was drinking a cranberry spritzer) with Drew Boyd after an underwear shoot for Brown athletics, Ted would of told you to get off the drugs. But that's exactly were he was, hanging out, a couple a guys having drinks on a Monday night.

" That's great. The two of you really love each other. I didn't love Sierra."

" I know, but its understandable after all she didn't have a dick."

Drew laughed. " No she didn't… Here's to you and Blake-"

" and blake's dick."

" And Blake's dick."

They toasted and Ted asked " Your going right? To the wedding?"

" I don't know. Is Emmett going to be there?'

" His planning the wedding. "

" Oh… How is he?"

" Em? Em is fantastic his great his… not doing so good."

Drew frowned, " Is he ok?"

" Yeah. His fine… umm.. He and Calvin broke up. Emmett moved back in with Carl and Deb yesterday."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

Ted laughed at how close Drew came to actually being serious. " No your not."

Drew smiled evilly, " Your right I'm not."

Day 2 ( Feb. 21st 2006)

" I can't believe I'm fucking doing this."

That morning, Laura Brim had entered Justin's townhouse and came across a young boy with dark hair and hazel eyes at the kitchen counter covered in charcoal soot. The boy had responded to her' Who are you?' with ' Justin's son.' that alone intrigued Laura, the young blonde did not seem old enough for one, and he'd never mentioned to her before that he had one. She looked over the boy's shoulder as he lost almost immediate interest in her to see what he was working on.

" That looks a lot like your dad. How old were you when you learned how to draw like that?"

" 6 weeks. My dad started me out when I was 6 weeks old. He let me play with paper and crayons, when I got older I started copying some of his stuff and then one day I could just draw."

" How old are you now?"

" 6. I like charcoal, but I want to do pastels, Dad says I have to wait a little longer."

Laura Brim blinked at the boys knowledge as he continued on, talking mostly to himself it seemed as he described all the mediums he wanted to try, those he had, the painter he loved, and his Dad. He was enamored by his Dad, it seemed to Laura, that Justin could do no wrong in his eyes and was his son's main focus in all his actions.

She was shortly joined by a blonde older woman, a young red-headed teen , and a young African-American woman, who all quietly introduced themselves to her in hushed tones as Gus continued sketching and talking. The four women found themselves exchanging smile after smile at the bright boy's lengthy speech, until Justin himself came down in search of orange juice.

The blonde yawned a ' Good morning' to everyone and kissed the top of Gus' head as he headed to the fridge for fresh- squeezed organic orange juice that he had purchased at Gus' insistence, though Justin preferred Sunny-D himself. He poured himself a glass, gulped it down and shook his head twice. Then poured himself another one and silently handed one to Gus' who copied his actions in a way that was just too cute and the four woman had let out a long' ahh'.

This brought Justin's attention to the presence of Laura, " Hey, what are you doing here?"

" Oh, I wanted to bring you by Usher House to see how they set up your works for tomorrow night's opening, but I see you have other plans," she indicated Gus.

" No, not really. We have plenty of time to check out the sights and museums, Gus' is going to be in town for a week so-"

" Oh, but Justin.! You have to buy your son his pastels right away!"

Gus' looked up and smiled an evil Kinney smile that would make his father proud.

That's how Justin ended up at the local art supply store buying a pastel's kit that cost $167. 56 of 120 different colors, encased in a redwood brief case for a six year old, when Justin had bought himself a set of 40 for $37 only a few days ago.

" I love you Dad!"

" I'm going to call your mothers and tell them not to let you hang out with your Dad anymore."

" Why?!"

" Your turning into a label queen just like him."

" Oh, they know that already."

" They could've warned me."

" Why? Come on Dad! I really love this set and I'll use them all the time!"

" Until you get bored of Pastels and want to do something else, right?"

" Exactly."

" $167.56, I can't belie- "

" O for fuck sake's Dad, just let it go."

The rest of the day Gus had instructed Daphne, Molly, and Jennifer off to go partake in what he called ' tourist shit' , because his Dad, Laura, and himself were going to the park so he could draw with his new set of pastels, even if it was fucking freezing.

" His so adorable."

" Don't let him hear you, his ego's big enough-"

" I heard that Dad!" Gus had situated himself in front of a tree, his sketchbook on his knees , his small pink tongue stuck out in quite concentration as his small nimble fingers drew the ice rink in front of him. Laura nod his Dad on a park bench just a few feet from him, where he could keep an eye on them.

Justin laughed. " I'm taking him to diner to meet Pietor, 'Bastian and Morgain. They're going to love him."

" How could they not? His yours after all?"

" Yeah. His mine," Justin gave her a small smile, that didn't quite reach his eyes.

" Can I ask you something?"

" Why I never told you about him?"

" Yes."

" I didn't know he was mine until a few days ago."

" His mother?"

" A friend. I've known Gus since he was born, I fucking named him , his real dad and I almost got married. I never considered him mine until a few days ago though. He started calling me Dad in all of our phone conversations, I helped raise him, so I guess his mine-"

" I AM!"

Laura laughed as Gus put on a face stuck his tongue out at his Dad and then went back to work. " Well, there you have it. His yours."

" Hmm. He looks exactly like his dad though I swear . He even gives the same expressions and smart ass attitude."

" You never mentioned him before, do you miss him?"

" Every goddamn day."

" He misses you too Dad."

They spent most of the day in the cold park, occasionally moving to a different location so Gus' could have something else to draw, and keeping warm with hot coco. Laura found herself content to listen to Justin and Gus' light banter about art or books or home and yes on occasion cartoons. She soon found herself spending the day with them and then joining the two as they met back up with the three others outside of a Russian restaurant.

Upon entering Gus' was swept up by Pietor's accent and began badgering the big Russian to teach him. ' Bastian though deaf, talked with animated hands that Gus' tried to follow and store in his memory. But it was Morgain that really got to him.

" I'm Irish," she responded when he asked about her sweet accent, nothing at all like the harsh Russian of Pietor's. She flipped her red hair over her shoulder. " And you are too aren't you? With a name like Kinney."

Gus frowned. He looked to his Grandma Jen, " Yes. You are part Irish, sweetie. Your dad is."

" Your Da isn't no Irishman!"

" No, my other dad. I have two dads and two moms… Is Da Irish for dad?"

" Yes, it is."

" Since my other dad's Irish, would he like it better then Da?"

" Don't know me lad. Me Da always seemed to like it fine."

Gus again looked to his grandmother. " Me Da, is the same as my dad."

" Oh. So me Da should like it fine then?"

" I think so."

" Hmm. Pietor how do you say I'm perfect?"

Meanwhile in Pittsburgh .

" ME-LO-DI-OUS" she sounded the word out slowly. " ME-ME-ME-"

" You. Are. Stoned. "

" Yes. I. Am. And so is your mom."

" My mother would never touch this demon weed-"

" Spawned from the demon seed," Mel finished in song.

" She won't have anything to do with me either, " Brian laughed at that.

" Yeah well neither would I," Mel cackled. Brian leaned up on his elbow and faced her. He put out one finger and began moving it just above the surface of her skin. " Stop it, Brian."

" I'm not touching you I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you-"

" Fucking stop it asshole! Your freaking me out! Your really Freaking me out!"

" Oh god. Your paranoid? You're a paranoid smoker-ha-ha-ha," and Brain rolled on to his back, joint flicking in his fingers as he took another toke in between his breathless laughter.

" Not funny," she hit him hard.

" Ow-ha-ha-ha-"

She rolled her eyes at Brian turning red with laughter. She gingerly picked the joint out of his hand and lay back on the floor to smoke. While Brian appeared to be dying next to her she stared at the ceiling quietly repeating the word 'melodious ' to herself, because it was a melodious word to say. Abruptly Brian stopped laughing.

" What was I laughing at?" he blinked and turned his head to Melanie.

" Melodious."

That started him once again, somewhere in the back of his fucked up mind it registered that that had not been what had started him laughing. The thought of that made him laugh harder, and the thought of that thought of that made him laugh even harder, and the thought of the thought of the thought of that made him… etc. Until Mel hit him once again because his shot hyena laughs where fucking with the melodious sounds of the word melodious.

" Ow. You hit like a dyke."

" Thank you. Melodious."

" Why are you saying that word Mel?"

" Hey! My name is Melodious!"

" Huh?"

" Melanie. Melodious. Some words sound prettier when your high."

" melodious. Melanie… your right, I didn't feel the need to gag when I said your name- OW"

She stuck her tongue out. " BRI-AN. BRI-AN. Your names not as fun."

" BRI-AN… NO its not… DE-BBIE-"

" NO."

" MI-CH-AEL."

Giggle.

" LIN-S-DEY"

" Pretty."

" GUS-"

" Wonderful."

" JE-NN-Y RE-BB-ECA-"

" Love it.."

They exploded into laughter and Melanie continued with their new game. " HU-N-TER-"

" Ok. That ones just not fair. Its just a cool name, high or not."

" Yeah. Your right. Really cool name… BEN?"

" Boring."

"TED"

" Sleepy."

" JU-S-TIN-"

" Perfect."

Melanie heard the sincerity in Brian's word and instinctually she rolled on to her side and place her head on Brian's chest in a gesture that almost seemed friendly. " I thought you would of said horney."

" Yeah," he smiled, " that too."

" You should call him."

" I'm not high enough for that."

" Still. You should…At least for phone sex.."

Day 3 ( Feb. 22nd 2006)

That morning when Gus woke up, he knew it would be the best day of his young life. Today he would get a glimpse of the life he too hoped to posses. He'd rub elbows with rich men and women drooling over his dad's art work. It filled him with a sense of pride and another surge of admiration flowed through the boy's small body. This sense of overwhelming excitement had Gus up at 6:23 that morning.

He rushed to his dad's room in the attic/studio and hopped on the bed, unnaturally hyper. " Dad! DAD!"

" Gus. Go back to sleep."

" But DAD! it's the day of your show!"

" ..fuck...the show.." Justin ducked his head underneath his pillow in an attempt to drown out all existence o the adorable six year old. It did not work. In stead, Gus jumped on top of him, and kept trying to lift the pillow off his head.

" Dad, please!"

" Go wake your Grandma or Molly or Daphne….or go back to sleep.."

" B-but-"

" Go Gus-bear please. I'm really tired right now."

Gus sighed loudly and huffed to the room Molly's room. She was a little more cooperative as she simply instructed him to go make coffee and she'd get up when it was done . Soon after the aroma carried to his Grandma Jen and Daphne, both woke from the deep sleep slightly annoyed but thankful for some of the life giving nectar.

Jennifer convinced Gus to let his dad sleep for awhile longer since he'd probably be busy all day preparing for the show that night and be completely exhausted otherwise. With a groan of defeat Gus let his grandmother talk him into getting dressed and going out with the women for a little sight seeing.

" We can have lunch in Chinatown Gus," Molly prodded.

" Well, Chinese is my favorite," he grumbled still not convinced.

" We can go to the Met and look at Egyptian artifacts," Daphne nudged.

" yeah."

" Then after lunch we can stop by Usher House and see how your dad's show is being set up-" Jen did not get the chance to finish as Gus flung himself at her thoroughly convinced and ecstatic.

They left a pot on for Justin and went on their merry way.

Justin did not wake until around noon, so he had no time to make a new pot and instead drank his coffee cold as he made his way to Usher House to prepare for that night's showing. As had become custom, he dreaded opening night. At his first showing he had been filled with so much excitement and anxiety, but it had turned out to be a huge bust as it was filled with boring unimaginative people trying to buy a piece of someone who was not boring and extremely imaginative.

However, when the time came for making the rounds, he had a precocious 6 year old making them for him. Gus attracted more buyers then the art work itself really, he'd certainly inherited his father's knack for selling useless things to worthless people. Only Gus didn't see his Dad's paintings as useless and the people weren't worthless, because even with very little talent, people who could recognize real talent were worth something. So this time for a change Justin stayed fairly much in one place laughing and talking with Daphne and Molly and blushing with every praising word his mother and Laura deemed necessary. Gus would bring perspective buyer's to him, introducing them all to each other in a way Justin knows he head to have learn from Lindsey.

" MR. Carmichael is the CEO of Aqua, Dad, the men's swimwear line? " Gus spoke over their hand shake. " Mr. Carmichael, this is my dad Justin Taylor, the artist of the sketch you are so desperate to buy."

" You have a wonderful son."

" Thank you. Pleasure to met you."

" I have to go back to mingling now dad. Wow him with your charming personality, though I don't think you'll have to work too hard 'cause his already impressed by your immense talent."

Gus continued like this for the rest of opening night, Laura complained that he was taking her job. Gus stuck his tongue out at her.

Molly called him a pretentious prick for using 'really big words in front of such common folk'.

" I can't help it if I'm brilliant… I get from my Dad, " Gus nodded emphatically to a would-be buyer near him. Then he turned and stuck his tongue out at Molly.

By the end of opening night the only sketch that had not been bought out was the sketch of Ethan which Justin gladly gave away for free to Mr. Carmichael who had been so taken aback by his adorable son and his amazing artwork that out of a collection of 40 he'd bought 13.

That night a sleepy Gus was carried to his room by his dad and Morgain. His dad told him the story of a wonderful little boy who was loved by all who met him. And Morgain sang to him in her clear Irish rose voice.

Land of bear and land of eagle  
land that gave us birth and blessing   
land that called us ever homewards  
we will go home across the mountains  
we will go home  
we will go home  
we will go home across the mountains  
we will go home  
we will go home  
we will go home across the mountains  
land of freedom land of heroes   
land that gave us hope and memories  
hear our singing hear our longing  
we will go home across the mountains  
we will go home   
we will go home  
we will go home across the mountains  
we will go home singing our song  
we will go home across the mountains  
Land of sun and land of moonlight  
land that gave us joy and sorrow  
land that gave us love and laughter  
we will go home across the mountains  
we will go home  
we will go home  
we will go home across the mountains  
we will go home  
we will go home  
we will go home across the mountains  
when the land is there before us  
we have gone home across the mountains  
we will go home  
we will go home  
we will go home across the mountains

"Pretty I like that song," Sleepy Gus said, his hair entangled in Justin's soothing had.

" O' course you do, your Irish after all."

" How do you say I love you?"

" Gráim thú."

" I love you too," Sleepy smiled. " Gráim thú Dad."

"Same here."

With that Gus , despite the fact that he was a smart 'grown-up' in his head, did what most six year olds did after a long night of pimping their dad's work. He fell into a nice long sleep punctured only by small fits of snoring and good dreams that all children should have about a world that should be.

The Last Two days…

… passed with little occurrence. Gus indulged in all the ' tourist shit' his family wanted to do and sedated himself by sticking close to Morgain , Pietor and ' Bastian, as he was determined to soak up as much from them as he did all of NY.

By the end of the first day Gus had mastered the alphabet of the funny hands language ( sign language as Bastian is deaf) and a few simple sentences. By the morning of the second he had mastered several curses in Russian and soothing words in Gaelic to counter act the Russian ones. Gus had been having so much fun in the past five days that when the end of the second day comes to a close Gus feels as though his plummeted to his bloody death.

" I have something for you Gus." Justin pulls his son aside from the group in the lobby of the JFK airport. " it's a phone. Call me at anytime of the day or night and I'll answer it no matter where I am." He slips the phone in to Gus' coat pocket and tried his damndest not to cry at the retreating back of his son as he enters the plane taking him home.

Home.

Gus was going home, but Justin had been kicked out of that wondrous place all for the glory and fame and lonely that NY offered to him.

And Gus knew he was going home as he got on the plane, but though a very small boy, Gus also knew more then his three female companions did. Home would never be home until his Dad was back safe in his Da's arms. Until then it would be a word empty of all meaning except for a nagging sense of comfort that came attached to it that Gus knew really didn't exist.

But he told himself it didn't really matter as the plane took off after his first visit to NY. Because he would be back again and again and again in the months, and yes even years to come if need be, until the time was right to bring his dad home.

He hoped it wouldn't be that long… 

Chapter Seven : First Time…

There would be a lot of firsts in the months following Gus' first big adventure to NY and through Ted Schmidt's first marriage. These firsts, however, would prove the theory of an outrageously narcissistic man. Believe it or not, Brian Kinney did not actually believe that he was the center of the universe. Quite the opposite.

In fact, Brian Kinney believed whole heartedly that the universe and it occupants would be better off without him. Especially since he was just such an asshole. Really a very big very gigantic asshole whose sole purpose in life was to torment others with his sexually frustrating presence and huge cock and his magnetic hazel stare that just ….( where was I?) Ugh. 

Anyways, Brian Kinney at least gave off the air of being the center of the universe and played the part with little complaint. So when the series of 'firsts ' happen that would determine the rest of his natural life on this unnatural planet , it seemed only plausible for the rest of the universe to decide that it did revolve around Brian Kinney and that it wouldn't have it any other way.

The first time Gus spoke Russian was the day after he came home from NY. He spent the Saturday afternoon chasing his little sister in circles screaming at the top of his lungs : " Я - жирный монстр !! ( I am a fat monster!!)"

He was then lectured by his Mom ( Lindsey) about how inappropriate it was for him to make up words for his little sister who was only just learning how to speak. He gave her a pointed look and replied that he was not making up words merely practicing his Russian language. He then continued to chase JR around the house neglecting to tell his parents that JR did speak, but only to him because she was still too shy to talk to ' gwon-wps.' he couldn't blame her though, grown-ups tended to use to many words and speak to fast and get to excited by small simple matters so he had only nodded his head in agreement when she asked him to keep it a " secwet, pwese Gus-Gus?".

The first time Brian called Justin it was after the Thursday Dinner that the family discovered Gus' ability to speak Russian. He was really really high, and whenever he was this high he was really really horney. So in his mellowed state at 2:15 in the morning Brian picked up his phone and called Justin for quality phone sex.

" What The FUCK Brian?! Its been 5 fucking months and now you call?!"

" What are you wearing?"

" Your calling me for PHONE SEX?! You Sick pervert! I'm sure there's a thousand guys lined up outside your lof-"

" I'm not wearing anything except my socks-"

" Just fucking waiting to suck you off so get one of them you ASSHOLE!"

" I'm touching my thick long hard dick-"

" I can't believe your doing this to me-" Justin's protests getting quieter and quieter as Brian dredged on.

" .., thinking of you on my bed, waiting for me to take you-"

" your high aren't you?"

" … touching your thighs, licking them, biting them-"

" ..god Brian…s-stop…"

" Hmm… Feel so good sunshine when I'm with you. Can you feel me?"

" yes."

" Moving to your nipples now.. Drives you crazy when I touch them, don' it?"

" please… stop…"

" Are you touching yourself, Justin? Are you imaging me stroking your shaft up and down and up and down?"

" …."

" You are aren't you? … I get so hard thinking of you touching yourself…You make these noises, fucking love those noises-"

A low moan from the other end of the phone, " Bri?…Please stop this…"

" Ugh. Can't. Help me Justin help me…"

" I'm touching myself for you…Brian, I want you to fuck me… Please.."

" DO you have a dildo?"

" No…ahh."

" Lick your fingers…." with a small grin Brian went about the work of getting himself and Justin off.

The First time Melanie came by Kinnetic was sometime in mid- March, with spring on her heels as she entered the converted bath house she was immediately greeted by Ted.

" we're not having lunch today are we?" Ted had a confused look on his face.

" No," was her simple answer as Brian walked out of his office.

He greeted Mel with the curt " Cunt" and a peck on the cheek as had become customary.

Her reply was the equally short " Asshole."

Ted almost died of a heart attack as the two walked out for lunch partaking in friendly banter and mild teasing. The doctor at Allegheny Hospital would later say it was brought on by shock due to a weekend heart from his days as a meth junkie. Brian would return from lunch to a frantic Cynthia pissed at Ted for not considering the repercussions of his absence at work and would demand him back at the office by the next Monday or he'd have to find some other way to pay for his wedding.

The first time Molly spent the night at Brian's was the weekend after the whole debacle. She had been spending the weekend at her dad's once a month as the custody battle had determined. Molly knew that it was really her mom who sought out the weekend. She knew from listening in to conversations with lawyers that her dad didn't want anything to do with either of his children but her mother had insisted that Molly get to know her father.

So once a month she was damned enough by god or Satan or the fucking pink unicorn in the sky to spend a dull weekend locked inside a guest bedroom surfing the channels for something good and wondering how come straight people never seemed to have any good porn channels ( her mom and Deb being the exception). But after her visit out to her brother's last month she was feeling a little adventurous so she made her way to Trentmont and Liberty without so much as a note, explanation, good bye or even a " fuck you" to Craig and his new wife.

The first time Molly had gotten stone she had been 10 and Justin had been 19. Her mother had left her with Justin at Brian's place and she had found the little giggle-stick all too tempting and Justin had obliged her the thrill. Brian had come home and joined in shortly after they lighted it. Now she was just turning 14 and knocking on her brother's ex's ( ?) door looking for a good time.

" Brian your looking as gorgeous as ever."

" Now what is the littlest Taylor doing at my door? Come to pop your cherry because I am not going down that road again."

" Eww. You pig. You Fucked my brother for what? Five almost six years? With all the cum and spit split between the two of you we're like fucking related!" she really was terribly disgusted by the thought. It wasn't that she didn't find Brian attractive or anything, hell, Justin was aesthetically pleasing as well. It was just the god honest truth that Brian had been around for so long she couldn't help but think of him that way.

" hmm. Your right. Look I'm going to Babylon is there a reason why you're here?"

" Yeah. I've decided I'm crashing here for the next two nights," she pushed her way into the loft and dropped her backpack onto the couch.

" What?"

" Yeah. You can go if you want, I don't care but there is no way I'm spending the rest of my weekend hauled up in Craig's guestroom watching soft core porn."

" That bad eh?"

" Yeah."

" You eat yet?"

" Turnips and gruel."

" Ok. Now your just exaggerating."

" It went by the name of tofurkey surprise. "

" You want to order takeout?"

" Yeah. Can we get Moroccan?"

" Sure. Why not?"

" You have Rebel without a Cause?"

" Of course!" Brian stared at her mouth open. " What self respecting fag doesn't?!"

" Sorry. Didn't mean to offend." forty minutes later Molly and Brian found themselves sitting on the couch watching the beginning credits and eating spicy Moroccan food. " You really don't have to look out for me Brian. Its cool if you want to go."

" Don't worry bout kid. Babylon will be exactly the same tomorrow night."

" Ok." that was the last that was said about that for the rest of the weekend.

The first time Justin got held up in NY would be his last time. He and Laura had been walking though a classier part of Manhattan when some idiot child in a ski mask came up to them wielding a gun. Laura screamed and immediately began taking off her jewelry. Justin rolled his eyes at the boy's shaky posture and stuttering demands. He swept the kid off his feet with a ground kick and loosened his grip on the gun with a squeeze to the wrist. He held the gun daintily as if it was a most unpleasant thing in one hand. With the other he made a shooing motion as the kid got up and ran away.

" Fucking Amateurs."

The first time Justin got held up was also the first time that Tucker asked Ben to join him for a beer while Jennifer saw it fit to ask Michael for one too. Tucker and Ben met up at some anonymous, hole in the wall, family sports bar ( most likely a Beef O' Brady's ) while Jennifer met Michael on familiar territory : Woody's.

Tucker and Ben's conversation went something like this:

" So uh, how do you do it?" Tucker avoided eye contact with the big handsome gay man who could break him in two.

" Do what?"

" You know… T-the sex part?"

" Are you asking me about anal?"

" Kinda yeah… Its just… Jennifer wants to try it, you know? Molly talked her into getting some hardcore porn channels-"

" talking about the benefits it would have for your relationship? "

" Yeah."

" Hunter did the same thing to us."

" Well.. Uh, we've got a few g-gay ones and uh… You know its only fair cause she watches lesbian porn with me and all and we only ever watch the mild straight ones so ummm… "

" Are you trying to tell me Jennifer wants to try having anal sex?!"

" Shh.. Keep it down."

" Sorry. Just a little surprised. The Taylors are freaks. "

Tucker nodded emphatically his eyes getting wide. " You don't have a fucking clue… Anyways.. I've never you know done that with anyone before and.. What if I like it?"

" Oh you'll love it. No doubt in my mind you will. But no it doesn't make you gay the way it works actually…"

Jennifer and Michael's conversation went something like this:

" So me and tucker want to try having anal sex… Any tips?"

" Yeah. Take it slow the first time. Once you get past the pain it gets really really good. And if you squeeze your cheeks together it'll really drive him wild…"

Jennifer took notes.

The first time Brian attended a parent teacher conference at Gus' prestigious private school had been on the insistence of Lindsey who had gotten use to Brian's more active role in his son's life in the past few weeks. He glowed with pride and tried not to laugh at the flippant remarks Gus made at any of his teacher's praise.

" Gus is by far are most advance student-"

" Конечно я. Я прекрасен. ( of course I am. I am perfect.)"

" God," Mel cried in frustration. Since Gus began making weekend trips to NY by the courtesy of Brian's pay check he'd picked up more Russian, and more it seemed of his father's attitude. " Could he be any more like you and Justin?"

" We should all be so blessed-"

" the two of you promised to play nice," Linds hissed at them.

The looked blankly at her , exchanged a look and blurted at the same time: " We are."

They were.

The first time Molly and Hunter got stoned together was in April during spring break in Hunter's bedroom. The two were playing their own little version of ' I never' listening to a song called ' I never' and squealing " I never' every chance they got.

" I never… hustled." Molly giggled as Hunter took an obligated toke.

" I never… fuck.. I don't know… What have you done?"

" Absolutely everything and nothing at the same time."

He looked at her blankly she was lying on the edge of his bed looking down at him on the floor. " What the fuck does that mean?"

" It means… I'm a Taylor. I look to pretty to ever do anything but I'm too aware of it to not take advantage of it."

" Your right. You probably have hustled before and I just wouldn't know-"

" Uh uh. Nope no hustling. Haven't even had my cheery popped-"

" Your shitting me! With the movies you watch?!"

" What's wrong with the movies I watch?"

" Their not even porn but their porn!"

" Your stoned your not making any sense."

" Ok… What's that one that's all pink and bird like?"

" Pink Flamingos?"

" Yeah that one.. The guy plays with his asshole in front of everyone and bounces his semi-hard cock for that fat chicks birthday and then they all trip on acid and fucking cannibalize the cops!"

" What is your point?"

" Its disgusting. I had to vomit from that-"

" Oh. The little hustler that could couldn't take it? Poor baby." She reached over for the joint but he kept moving his arm out of her reach. She was too high to really perceive how far from the floor she was so the fourteen year old landed on top of her 17 year old friend.

She struggled for a moment trying to get off him, but his arms came to clamp along her waist. His breathing was heavy against her ear. She squirmed a little more giggling thinking it was just a game between friends, but then she felt him underneath her thigh. She looked in his eyes a question she wanted to ask but never voiced. He nodded a soft response. He leaned up to kiss her, and she kissed him back.

" Do you have a condom?" 

The first time Molly and Hunter got stoned was Molly's first time.

The first time Emmett ran into Drew was … awkward. After the eight month whirlwind with Calvin Emmett had lost a bit of his flame, but now he intended to get it back with full force. Which is why he was at the Todd's . ( Todd though known for his bottoming skills made a living as a successful business owner of a local adult store.) He was holding leather bondage straps. Drew was holding leather chaps.

" Uh Hi, Em."

" Oh… Hello Drew… You'd look great in those."

" Thanks.. You'd look great in those then again you look great in anything. "

"…."

" So planning Ted's wedding?"

" Yeah. Its going to be fabulous you'll see. Your invited right?"

" Yeah. Me plus one."

" Ahh. So you have a ' one'?"

" N-No. I j-just .. that's what it said on my invitation. But no no plus one at the moment… Umm. You? Taking anyone special?"

" N-no. But its you know about two weeks away. Maybe I'll find a plus 'one' to go with me."

" I'm sure you will… Umm… Listen not to be too you know forward or anything, I mean I know your planning the wedding and all so you'll probably have not t-time but uh.. I'm really too busy to look for a plus one so… Uh.. Maybe you could be mine? For o-one dance?"

" Yeah! I'd love too!"

" Really? Uh great. So I'll see you at the wedding then… It was nice seeing you Emmett."

" Nice seeing you Drew."

The first time Justin brought a trick home since leaving the Pitts would be two days before he would get on a plane and head to Pittsburgh. It would also consequently be the first time Brian would call stone sober. Justin would at first become annoyed at him, then worried, and then he would listen. At the end of this conversation he would quietly tell the trick to leave, and he would go to sleep with an infamous sunshine smile on his face.

The conversation went something like this: 

I was 10 when I smoked my first joint. One of my brother's was upset because some rapper had just died and I walked in on him smoking. He was pretty far gone so he gave me some without even thinking. Lol.

Pink Flamingos is John waters First highly controversial Midnight Movie made in 1971. Really outstanding and grotesque.

The Todd's is actually a favorite adult super center of most of USF students. Its awesome. 

Chapter Eight: Still

" Hey sunshine."

" Brian you have got to stop calling me when your horney and high-"

" I'm sober."

" oh. Is something wrong is Gus ok? Did something happen? -"

" Everything is fine.. I just wanted to hear your voice."

" Brian? Are you ok?"

" … Yeah. I'm fine… Can I ask you something?"

" What?"

" I'm still yours. Are you still mine?"

" …."

" Sunshine? Justin? Oh for fuck sake don't drag me along like this-"

" Yeah. I'm still yours."

"… Ok… I'll see you in a few days, right?"

" Yeah. A few days…"

" Later, sunshine."

" Later." 

You are cordially invited to

Celebrate the union of

Blake Warren

&

Ted Schmidt

In holy matrimony on

May 12th 2006

At

The Liberty Park

Chapter 9 : The Wedding

Part one: Fucking Spring

March, April, May. March, April, May. Fucking Spring time again. Brian personally hated the spring time. It seemed to come with all sorts of pesky annoyances that had grated on him since he was a child and throughout his life.

At first growing up with the Kinney's , at least the first fourteen years, it meant Spring barbeques and picnics and more excuses for Jack to get drunk with the boys, alas meaning more excuses to beat his son to a bloody pulp. It meant Easter Sunday's and Ash Wednesdays with four hour long masses at church. At home Joan would instruct him and Claire on their knees ( and definitely not in a good way) and they would stay like that for hours under her scrutiny until she was sure they had repented for their sins enough. Brian had the most sins it seemed as Claire was often excused after only an hour or two, Brian would stay in that position for a whole day and night sometimes. If his knee gave out Joan would cut a switch from the backyard , stand him up and hit him across the back of his knees.

( Brian would sometimes silently thank Joan for that though, because as a soccer player his knees were important. Falls that would bust his teammates knee caps or break their legs did very little damage to Brian from so many years of abuse. That fact alone had helped him attain the scholarship that got him out of her clutches. He also thanked her, at least in part for his ability to stay on his knees for long periods of time sucking people off. Countless men had benefited from her rigorous covert gay training.)

After he turned fourteen he still went to church, only with Deb, Mickey and Vic. They went to the services held in Liberty Park by the Rainbow Church and Brian still hated service but at least he didn't feel like such a poor excuse for a human being. Then there was the Barbeques and picnics that were all variations of his parents only Deb and Vic were happy drunks and instead of beatings Brian got hugs, wet kisses, and lemon bars. And Brian though thoroughly annoyed at Deb for showing him off to her friends ( " Little Shit's a straight a student!" " His an asshole but gotta love him!" and the whispered " I'm so proud of you.") he found some happiness and contentment in that at least. Even through college he went to services with Deb, though Michael stopped when he was 20, and then stop by the picnic tables for an hour and indulge her maternal instincts.

When Gus and Justin happened, he still went to services but he didn't stay after. Instead he headed to the Muncher's place after service where he'd spend the day with his son buying a whole fucking candy store and dealing with Justin's allergies. Afterward they would go home and Brian would give him a blow job which they found to be a surprisingly efficient way to get rid of a runny noise. ( A/n : I know that sounds crazy, but it actually works.)

Spring was just so annoying really, it came with too many 'activities' that Brian had to attend and pretend he hated, secretly he didn't mind the Rainbow Church services outside where you could breathe instead of inside where the church was choked with incense. He didn't necessarily hate it when Deb nurtured the shit out of him and preened over her 'second son'. He liked trading blows with Mel and spending time with Gus. He absolutely loved blowing Justin. Really Brian doesn't find spring annoying he just act like he does.

Still as it dawns on him that he isn't annoyed by the more pleasant things his life had to offer he thought to himself, ' well there's all these birds chirping and their really loud and really shrill and they never stop-' trying to justify his hate for spring.

Now he would have a new reason to hate spring though, it was Ted's wedding the day after tomorrow which was good news really because Ted deserved to be happy , he wasn't such a bad guy. And Justin was coming home today and would be in the Pitts for 6 whole days-

Brian was really running out of reasons to hate spring.

Part Two: Blue Matador

Justin pulled the blue cashmere over his head, thoroughly exasperated by Daphne. He had meant to wear that particular light weight pale blue sweater to the casual outdoor wedding in two days with a pair of dress slacks. He'd laid out a similarly cut sweater of the same material only white and a pair of jeans for the family get together tonight.

He had taken particular care in choosing that outfit as it would be the first time he saw Brian in Seven months , two days , 4 hours and 31 seconds. Part of Justin that was still seventeen wanted to look cool and casual, almost unconcerned by the thought of seeing his ex- fiancé, lover, boyfriend….what-the fuck-ever again. That same part was giddy and anxious and becoming hard at seeing Brian's amazing body again. The more mature 22 year old Justin was freaking out because two nights ago a sober Brian had called and practically confessed his undying love.

Brian had said Still. Still was a word like any other word in any language. It was meaningless and trifle. It was a four letter word like fuck and shit. It was suppose to mean something along the lines of peace and tranquility or to stop movement of some kind. Instead, from the short four minute and 53 second conversation with Brian two nights ago Justin had started equating that word to a very familiar form of Kinney-speak, or "Later". Which ultimately meant love.

Which is why Justin was putting up such a fight with Daphne about wearing the blue one instead of the white. Usually he took whatever his best friend said into consideration and could be easily swayed into wearing whatever she suggested.

" That looks so much better," Daphne said with a satisfied look on her face after spending the past hour and a half arguing in favor of the blue one.

" Why the fuck is it so important that I wear the blue one again?"

" Because I said so."

Jennifer called them down with the final warning that she was leaving with Tucker and Molly and since neither Justin nor Daphne knew where Ted and Blake's new house was they took one last look into the mirror before getting in Daphne's car and following Jennifer there. The entire way Daphne tried to remain calm as she studied Justin's nervous frame. He kept staring at his hands that fidgeted in his lap and tried to concentrate on not passing out.

The first person to greet the Taylor crew at the door was Emmett whose smile only broadened after he hugged Jen, Molly, Tucker, and Daphne, reaching Justin.

" Hi Baby!!" ( Brian never calls him Baby) Emmett squealed happily. He practically jumped into the shorter man's arms causing Justin to nearly topple over.

" Hi Em-"

Before Justin could say anything else Emmett is talking his ear off with the latest Liberty Ave news and stops only for a moment to take in Justin's appearance. " Honey you've lost some weight, ( Brian was always too skinny ) we'll need to get you eating again. Oh but that color looks absolutely divine on you."

Justin looks down at the light sweater his wearing, he doesn't understand why considering that he owns so many articles of clothing that are practically the same color. He shrugs it off with a smile, too nervous to hear the whispered exchange between Emmett and Daphne.

" His wearing blue?"

" Yeah. You wouldn't believe how much work it took to get him into it."

" you do know what this means right?'

" Of course I do. They'll probably miss the wedding"

Gus ( Looks so much like Brian ) came out of nowhere a whirlwind of untapped energy followed more slowly by JR who stumbled along the way but picked herself back up reaching for " Sunsheen" with her sticky fingers. Justin embraced both children equally and had a hard time keeping the tears back as Gus untangled himself long enough to get something out of his backpack so he could show his dad just what he was learning in class. Gus dragged him over to the couch with JR and ranted to his dad for 12 minutes on just how stupid some of the people in his class really were. ( Brian rants about stupid people all the time)

" And this is suppose to be a school for smart kids only. Its false advertising ( Brian's in advertising) . JR knows more then most of them do-"

JR nodded glumly and whispered into Justin's ear " Fawse Advertisin' Sunsheen. "

JR was suddenly swung into the air by her father and Gus was shooed away by Deb who took Justin in a fierce hug that left Justin choking for breath and momentarily forgetting all about Brian ( Brian breathes air…) . Soon he found himself being pushed into the kitchen by Deb who claimed to have felt nothing but ribs when hugging her sunshine. Its true Justin lost about 15 pounds in NY, but not on purpose or because he wasn't eating ( Brian never eats) . He'd always had a high metabolism that allowed him to eat just about anything and he never really worked out. But life in NY is much faster then life in the Pitts and Justin's metabolism seemed to speed up to catch up with his life.

He was practically pushed into Mel and Linds' open arms in the kitchen. The two lesbians cooing over him like a brand new baby boy. Linds' turned away when she heard Blake call her name from the dinning room and excused herself from Mel and Justin.

" How you been?" Mel asked coyly a glass of white in her hand.

Justin smiled , " Great. Really just great-"

" Yeah Brian's missed you a lot too," she couldn't help the knowing smile that stretched across her face when Justin's gaze dropped for a moment.

" I didn't say anything about Bri-"

" Its ok Justin. Your both pretty miserable I can tell."

" How can you? I mean you and I have always been close Mel, but how can you tell me Brian's miserable when you hate each other?" He kept his voice low and even putting a little ice behind his blue eyes.

Mel smirked at the blonde's gaze, " Your right… Lets just say I've been learning to read eyes, " she winked over the brim of her glass. After taking a sip, " Brian's much more transparent then people think. And you've always worn your heart on your sleeve."

Justin couldn't help but soften at Mel's statement. But he was confused. The last he heard from everyone Mel and Brian still didn't get along. " Since when did you become such an expert on Brian?"

" Don't worry Sunshine your still the expert in that department… You look good in that sweater by the way. Cashmere?" She didn't let him answer before walking away to join Lindsey and Blake in the dinning room.

Justin wasn't really sure what had just happened between him and Mel. In fact he wasn't sure he wanted to know because as much as he loved Mel she was very clever and very Jewish so if he tried to dig information out of her she'd probably go off on his Aryan ancestors ( Brian's not Aryan) and Justin would become too ashamed to push further. The Jewish guilt trip she used always reminded him of the shitty B-movie he made Brian watch called the Hebrew Hammer. It was both hysterical and a bit depressing because no one could ever really put a Jew in a corner without them turning the guilt on. ( A/n Jewish people rock and I wish I were Jewish..)

All he could really do was follow her in to the dinning room where he was immediately rushed at by Blake.

" Oh my God Justin! You look so great in that sweater!" Blake launched his arms around Justin's neck and Justin squeezed him back.

" Thanks. Look at you the very picture of a chaste bride. " He grinned one of his Sunshine smiles as Ted forcefully peeled Blake off of Justin. He glared at Justin.

" You've ruined my life."

" Ted that was like three or four years ago and we were both completely out of it!" Blake defended his own honor, something Ted should be doing as his husband but was instead defiling it.  
" Seriously Ted. It didn't mean anything you guys are in love and well Blake and I.. The only love we ever really shared was a love for illegal substances," Justin placed both hands to his heart in mock adoration and batted his eyes at Ted. " and that love affair at least for Blake has ended."

Ted was less then amused and briefly hugged Justin before tugging Blake away towards the head of the table. The rest of the seats were quickly filled up by everyone else, and before Justin could take a chair he found himself on the left of an empty chair where only one fashionably late person could sit. ( That would be Brian.)

He felt his palms getting sweaty.

" .. the Usher show was simply marvelous.. Shame.. Couldn't make it.."

" ..Sell well?"

He could only hear bits of the conversations.

"..Ran.. To Drewsie….nice…and big…"

A burst of laughter and Justin could feel him self shivering.

"..ok dad?"

Justin nodded because his throat was so dry.

"… Hunter… elbows off.."

" ..so manly… dumb ass.."

He swore it felt like he had just sucked off six guys in a row.

" Bri's late… on campaign … Aqua swimwear…"

" Cool…pass bread…"

Oh and there's Brian.

Brian had actually been watching for several minutes before Ted had looked up and saw him. During those minutes he had stared at the back of Justin's head because it was closet to the dinning room door. He felt his heart beat quicken when he saw Justin's hair was longer, he liked it better that way. Justin was wearing a blue cashmere sweater and though Brian tried to push any sexual thoughts out of his mind he slipped and couldn't help thinking that the sweater wouldn't be there for long. He let his mind drift to Justin on his bed, absolutely beautifully naked-

" Oh and there's Brian."

Justin turned his head and looked into the eyes of the man he loved and for a moment he forgot to feel nervous or scared. He could only feel a strange mixture of excitement and perfect peace all at once. Under Brian's gaze he felt so safe. Except he really wasn't because before Justin could even smile he felt himself being torn from the chair and dragged out of the house.

Brian couldn't help it. He was like a bull and Justin in blue was like the red clothes of the matador. It did nothing but heighten the sexual desire Brian already felt for Justin naturally. He shoved the protesting blonde into the 'vette, Justin cried out as his back hit the lather interior a bit too hard. He tried to open the door and pull himself out of the car, then it registered that he was in a moving vehicle and somehow as if by magic Brian was pulling into the parking garage below his building. Justin turned his head to Brian for a split second and felt the world shatter as Brian pushed his tongue deep into his mouth.

Meanwhile at the Shmidts

" I can't believe Brian just fucking did that?" Michael huffed.

" What drag Justin off to have sex?" Molly asked brusquely sending seductive looks to Hunter, who like Brian was having a hard time keeping his hands off the Taylor's.

" Well come on its not like they've been talking or anything like that! Every time I talk to Justin his always asked about Brian and if he were talking to him he wouldn't have to-"

" Oh, Michael get over it," Mel murmured into her wine glass. She'd been drinking since getting there.

" Of course he did it Michael. He was wearing blue," Daphne stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Emmett nodded silently in agreement.

" Yeah. Remember when they first started fucking on a regular basis? " Ted asked no one in particular. " He gave Deb all of his really expensive sheets that weren't blue and went out and bought like 10 that were?"

"Carl and I use them for special nights."

Hunter began to gag. Jennifer, Molly, Daphne and Lindsey awed as Carl blushed a deep becoming red.

Emmett continued on this thread, " Every thing he ever bought for Justin was blue. He bought him blue slacks, blue shirts, hell even blue briefs-"

" though he doesn't usually were underwear," Daphne interjected casually.

" Of course. Not when your fucking Brian Kinney -" Michael said it almost bitterly. He didn't hate Justin. He had long ago gotten over all of that shit. It was just that whenever Justin left it was Mikey who was left to pick up the pieces. When he was younger he enjoyed being that guy but now that he was older and married with two kids and a white picket fence he was getting fucking sick of it.

" Actually Justin never liked wearing underwear all that much," Jennifer commented quietly.

They all stared at her.

" I'm his mother. I raised him. My son started going commando when he was about thirteen and wouldn't wear nay unless he absolutely had too."

Molly nodded emphatically. 

Lindsey changed the subject. " Its kind of sweet really. Brian hasn't talked to him in seven months and he still wants Justin. Almost romantic."

" Almost." Ben made a point of emphasizing the word with a smile.

" You all are fucked. This is going to end badly it always ends badly and none of you are there to pick up the fucking pieces-"

" Oh grow up Michael. If you don't want to pick up the pieces then don't-" Mel began.

" But I'm his best-"

" yeah we know. Look Brian's a big boy he can wipe his own ass, and so can Justin. And as for picking up the pieces don't pick up his fine. But don't go running to him every time you and Ben have a little tiff over something and ask him to pick up yours." Mel said all of this rather calmly before picking up her wine and taking another sip.

Every one around the table were extremely puzzled, especially Lindsey. She had noticed some changes in the past couple of months, ever since February really. Mel who had always been controlling was becoming much more relaxed and mellow. She came home from work in a better mood then before. Mel took a bigger interest in Gus' creative side and was even encouraging their son to spend more time in the studio. And just then, she had defended Brian… 

Lindsey couldn't help but think that something was not right.

Part Three: I want Us .

Justin was thrashing beneath him, straining his lithe body against Brian's rock hard one. He kept up a constant protest of nos. Justin's senses were on overload. He distinctively knew it was Brian and his body responded easily to Brian's ministrations, and even though Justin always did prefer it a bit rough Brian never did, at least not with him. With Justin Brian liked to take his time and lick and suck every square centimeter of his body before letting him cum at all, but he was filled with such a need to have Justin that he ignored any of his whimpers of pain or protests.

He expertly gripped the back of Justin's neck, putting slight pressure on the spot that always made Justin moan into his mouth when they were kissing. He rubbed his shaft furiously on Justin's thigh causing friction, he could feel Justin's balls tighten underneath his stomach. He flipped Justin over in one swift move to his stomach. He didn't bother reaching for lube , he stuck two of his fingers in Justin's mouth and watched him suck on it.

Brian almost came when he felt Justin's lips on his fingertips, but a trace of control was still there. He inserted his two fingers with a sweet push into Justin's sweet tight ass. Justin stiffened, he was still as tight as his virgin night and the burn that came with anal filled his body. He grunted out a " please no" between his rapid shallow breaths. It hurt so much but he quickly found himself leaning into Brian's fingers, desperately wanting him to go deeper.

Brian couldn't help but grin at Justin's apparent pleas of mercy and his actions. Yeah he was saying stop and don't but he head begun to fuck himself on Brian's fingers. Brian took them out and Justin protested that much louder then he did anything else. He quickly sheathed himself and in one quick movement lodged himself so deep in Justin he had already hit his prostate.

Justin screamed at the second thrust already riding the edges of his orgasm. Brian became impossibly larger and filled his hole. Three. Four. Five. Si-

"Uhh," Brian landed on top of Justin as he came inside the condom embedded in the blonde's sweet tight ass. Justin came all over the blue Egyptian cotton sheets that Brian was so found of with a long load moan. Brian remembered himself now and slowly extracted himself from the blonde before flopping down next to him.

They lay like that for a few minutes, Brian's hand in Justin's hair with Justin facing away from him.

" You realize that what you just did could be considered rape right?"

" Uh huh. "

" That was fucking hot," Justin turned his head and gave Brian an angelic look.

It made him chuckle , " Yeah it was… You ok?"

" Now you ask?… A sore ass, I might have a few bruises but nothing to traumatic."

" I didn't mean to-"

" I know you didn't. Don't worry about it. I like it when you mark me like that."

Brian shyly grinned at his lover before leaning his head in for a tender kiss. Justin's eyes glittered in the dimming lights of the loft. Brian closed his eyes and draped his arm over Justin's back. " We should probably talk."

" We probably should… Do you want too?"

" Not really."

Justin giggled at his blunt honesty that made him so Brian-esq. " Well then what do you want?" He shifted closer to Brian, still on his stomach, no way he could lie on his back after a fuck like that.

" I just… I want us."

" Us?"

" Yeah. That's what I want."

" So what you want is for one or both of us to Marjory fuck up whatever chance we have at a future… break up… get back together.. Have incredibly hot fucks like the one we just had… split up again...have the entire world against us….. And yet somehow still end up together?"

Brian laughed softly, but his eyes shone with a genuine feeling of happiness he hadn't felt in seven months 12 days 6 hours and 42 seconds.

" yeah. Something like that…"

" Ok… I think I ruined your sheets. I haven't cum like that in a long time," he ducked his beautiful blonde head into the crook of Brian's neck.

" Fuck em. I'll just get knew ones. "

Part Four: Probably

It was probably beautiful as far as Justin and Brian knew. Despite Emmett's own personal fashion and taste he was exquisite at capturing others whose were more subdued.

Ted probably smiled the entire time as his mother walked him down the aisle wobbly in her 4 inch heels that kept getting stuck in the soil of the park.

Deb probably cried more then both Ted or Blake's mothers.

Carl probably got a bruise on his arm and shoulder where his soon to be wife had dug her nails and face in.

Jennifer and tucker would be all WASP and get the perfect wedding gift.

Molly and Hunter probably spiked the punch and though Justin and Brian didn't know it they'd probably go off into the woods nearby and have sex.

Drew would probably ask Emmett after their 'one' dance to have dinner with him.

Emmett would probably say yes.

Michael would probably gush over how his wedding would be so much bigger and so much better and so much classier.

Ben would indulge him and listen.

Lindsey would probably hug and kiss Blake and Ted so much they both would worry about turning straight.

Mel would probably make a comment about Brian and Justin not being there to witness the beautiful ceremony.

Ted would probably laugh and say he really wouldn't have it any other way.

None of them would have minded if they weren't their even Michael, who still felt a nagging pull in his stomach.

None of them would probably ever understand how Brian and Justin navigated their relationship , but they all would know it didn't really matter to them.

Brian and Justin however would spent the next six days in bed, touching each other as much as they could.

Brian dropped Justin off in front of the airport and waited until Justin was a couple of yards in front of him before silently following him, hoping that Justin wouldn't look back and see just how lesbianic he was acting.

Justin knew that Brian was behind him the entire way and indulge him by not turning around even though it killed him to leave. He had only one hope, that one day he would be done with NY and he could come back home to Brian's bed.

It won't be long now… hopefully. 

Kinney. Leave a message.

Hey Brian.  
Your still not going to answer the phone and I thought we made a break through last night.  
I'm just teasing.  
I guess you meant it when you said you just wanted ' Us'.  
Whatever the fuck that is.  
I bet your just lying there on the floor, smoking a joint ( He was) listening to me babble on.  
You always looked so sexy smoking a joint.  
Now your smiling ( Brian couldn't help smiling).  
Guess I'll just have to keep calling then and wait for your intoxicated phone calls.  
Remember Brian, I will always need you.  
I will always want you.  
I will always love you.  
Later.

Look for the next installment in the " Death of Brian Kinnney Series" 

Book Two : let me know.

Chapter One: Ch-ch-changes Part One

Sage

They called me a sage

I call me a fool

My wisdom is the half lies of old wives

And seeing things through

Old Chinese Zen Proverb

" Who are you ?" the man asks.

" Don't puzzle me," I reply.

Prologue: Fred

Let me tell you about my job.

Its what I am.

Who I was meant to be.

A constant observer of what goes on around me .

It is by far the worst and best job anyone could ever have.

The best because, from your little ledge above the world you can see everything out of harms way.

The worst is that its 'his' story. Not mine.

I had a story once. Got to be pretty famous too. Even made a major motion picture for it.

But of course, Homer got the credit for that one.

No, my life alternates between settings and times and era and whatever else is used to distinguish a time and place.

It gets to be pretty boring when you sit around waiting for some kind of action to take place instead of taking action yourself.

I'm rambling . Forgive me.

What I'm trying to say is :

Do what you have to to make your life worth living because mine sure a s hell isn't .

Part One: The most Zen relationship

( Zen Ben's POV)

" I can't believe the little shit left again!"

Remember Benjamin, you love him. This I the man you married. You took him for better or for worse. Your stuck with the whiney brat until the day you die….

Thank god I'm HIV positive…

I don't mean that. Of course I don't. I want to live a long and full life before I met whomever my maker is. Its just that …. Well, you can't blame me. I love Michael very much but sometimes his over-mothering and complaining and uhh…. The whining oh God the whining.

You love him. You love him.

" I know. I'm doing it again aren't I?"

And that's when I remember just why I love Michael Nyvotney Bruckner so much as I look into his eyes and see the real sincere understanding that yes, he is being slightly aggravating and definitely annoying. Its that childlike sincerity that gets me every time.

As a Buddhist I am thought to go with the flow in life to practice Zen and its mysterious by allowing life to happen to me. I'm not suppose to waste my energies on life's surprises . I am suppose to accept what the world has given me and focus my energies on making certain aspects of negative situations and making them positive through the act of meditation.

In lament terms… I do nothing to create something.

That's the thing about Zen honestly and the Buddhist path.

Its all middle ground and knowing and admitting to not knowing.

And it can be confusing as hell.

So I try to take each aspect of the religion ( ?) ( though no real Buddhist considers it a religion but a way of life) with a grain of salt and apply it to my life everyday.

Because of this , or maybe because of my repressed alcoholic family ( they weren't abusive or anything we just never really talked about things), I reign whatever emotion I am feeling in and shrink it down to what passes of as cold concern and sympathy. Very rarely do I allow things to get to me in everyday life.

Which is why when bad things happen…. When things like Paul's death and Hunter's life and the bomb at Babylon… Something in me snaps and I tell myself to deal with it befitting a Buddhist but I ignore myself and do the exact opposite. I react too strongly without thinking and mostly without sincerity.

It affected me, Paul's death, there's no denying that. Finding Hunter, losing him, and having him come back, I carry that with me always. Nearly losing the man before me with the pleading big brown eyes, I could die, and it wouldn't be because of some little virus.

But whose to say I acted sincerely?

I f I let myself experience the full range of every emotion like my husband does, would I have turned steroids? Would I have torn our family apart ? Would I have really thought, for that one split second , that killing that man at the memorial would of solved everything?

I don't know. Maybe, if I gave myself this freedom of feeling, I wouldn't have. I could've acted sincerely. I could've cried for myself and Paul and Vic and the others like us. I could've grabbed Hunter before he had the chance to leave and made him stay. And I could've killed that man with my bare hands with police and media watching.

" Yes. You are," I answer my husband.

" I'm sorry. Its just…Ugh It gets me so frustrated you know? Brian doesn't deserve to be so miserable, and without Justin he really is."

Do you see why I can't help but Love him?

A year and a half ago he would've told Brian and everyone else we were better off without Justin in our lives, but now he sees that he was wrong he admits it.

Anyone could see it, if they looked into his beautiful brown eyes, that despite the fact his changed… His still this pure and honest soul that sincerely wants things to work out. He truly means what he says even if it could use a little editing sometimes. He really believes in what he claims to believe, even if he falters a little. He completely feels every emotion he voices to the extreme extent without a missed beat….

How could anyone not love him?

I kiss him gently, pulling him close to me by his shoulders. He returns it.

Every time we kiss like this… I've been in other relationships before, but no kiss feels as real as this one. Or any other one we share.

" Don't worry about it."

" I shouldn't right? Its really none of my business… but his my best frien- my brother. .. I really just hate to see him like he was when Justin first left. I mean, talk about your fallen super heroes."

I smile down at him, the comic book metaphors…. Oh. They are so bittersweet in his innocence and perpetual immaturity.

I've thought about it though. The whole relationship or whatever it is between Brian and Justin that seems to encompass so much of the ' family's lives despite the fact that we all have our own to live…

I admire it. Its so Zen.

I know, usually people think of Zen as the flowing or the river and the sand beneath the waves. But it really is. Buddhism does not believe in the love that Michael and I have, a relationships of puzzle pieces glued together. ( I am the serious and intellectual one he needs and he is the playful and reactive man I need.)

In Buddhism and Zen you have to be a whole piece to be in a relationship. You have to be able to stand on your own and not rely on someone else to make you whole or happy. Brian has always said that there were no locks on their door and that is the type of commitment that Zen supports.

The thing is I don't think either one of them is whole yet. Justin needs to make it on his own and Brian needs to be his own. I know he says his his own man, but that a load of shit. He is a legend and a legend never belongs to itself but to the people. Until then I think the door will remain unlocked and even after that I'm not sure they ever will lock it.

" You shouldn't. But I love that you do."

" Really?" his entire face perks up and his eyes light with a spark.

" Yeah. I do."

My thoughts aren't on Justin and Brian anymore but on the man in front of me. In the kitchen of our home on a Monday morning with our son oversleeping upstairs and feeling like I could never be complete without him.

I may be a Buddhist so to speak , but I'm more then thrilled to be in my completely un-Zen like marriage.

" For Fuck sake would the two of you please stop making out?"

Part Three: Like the time before

" I'm worried Carl… I Don't know who else to go to."

" Lindsey, you really should consider going to a private eye for this sort of thing. Its not my bag."

" I know. I know… But you know how Melanie is, do you think maybe she's-"

" She loves you. I don't think she's cheating-"

" She's done it before you know."

" Yes, and so have you. I would think you two would be over this sort of thing by now."

" Its not me. I'm the same she's changing Carl… She's…. She's happier and more relaxed and she comes home smelling of cigarettes! She use to smell like them the time before. I think she's seeing someone else."

" Linds… I'll tell you what. I'll keep an eye out when I can, but I really don't think she's cheating on you. You've worked too hard to keep your marriage intact for her to do something like that. "

" Thank you Carl. I really appreciate it."

Part Four: I find myself..

( Blake's POV) ( I really hate Blake. I think Ted could do so much better then him. Because Lets face it I never thought Ted was unattractive.)

I find myself thinking about it from time to time. Ok, all the time.

The looks.

What the fuck, I mean I was looking at Ted before he became the self confident ex-junkie he is today. Why the fuck do they keep looking?

There's this kid, ugh, at Kinnetic every time I go there I hear him whisper : " Can you believe that that's what Mr. Schmidt goes home too?" and he doesn't mean it as a compliment. I can tell by how he slightly sneers at me and the looks they all give me.

I was here before the success people. I'm entitled to the perks that come with being Mrs. Schmidt.

Yeah, I may have first started hanging with him because I thought he was a stupid weak man who wouldn't notice if I used his money to feed my habit, or who would just be so thankful for a hot piece of ass to not care and look the other way. But I've really grown to care about Ted. I mean, it took me awhile to get clean to really appreciate the catch he really is, but still….

We walk into the dinner together and I'm the ex-twinked out Twinkie with the older handsome Mr. Schmidt. Before I was front and center and now I'm being pushed to the back and to be honest I don't like the feeling.

Ted swears I'm the only one but from the looks I get. It feels like they all know something I don't.

I find myself thinking of this even now as I've got my patient John's 8 ½ inch dick jammed up my ass in my office.

Chapter two: Ch-Changes Part Two


End file.
