


Promise Me

by Shard's Angel



Category: Queer as Folk
Genre: Drama, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-08
Updated: 2008-06-12
Packaged: 2013-06-10 23:56:27
Rating: M
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,312
Publisher: www.fanfiction.net
Story URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4244388/1/
Author URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1556590/Shard-s-Angel
Summary: Set after season 5, bit OOC in parts I think. Justin goes back to Pittsburg for a vist with some bad news and Brian helps him through a tough time.





	1. Going Home

Promise Me

A/N: Okay people, here we go, first chapter fic I'm doing. Justin, Bri, I am sorry in advance if I accidentally kill either of you. I will try hard not to. To my Beta: good luck. To all of you reading this: please review!!

Chapter One:

Justin's POV

I had been on planes before, so there was nothing too special about being on this one. But it did feel different this time, all the other times it had just been a normal flight that only meant I was flying from one place to another. This time it was an escape where my mind and spirit were lifted away from the ground and all the troubles that awaited me down there.

"Thank you." I said quietly to the stewardess who had just set my in-flight meal down in front of me. I tried to give her a smile and actually managed a ghost of the one I used to have. It was the best one I had given in weeks.

As I picked at my food and moved it around my plate without really eating it I thought about my new life in New York. At first it had been overwhelming being in such a big, bustling city. I had to really work hard to get a roof over my head and a lumpy mattress to sleep on. I had taken on so many little jobs to keep myself alive that when I got home I'd be lucky to even make it to the mattress. Dodging pipes and hanging wires at three in the morning just to get to your dingy apartment that was so tiny you could stand in the middle, stretch your arms out and touch the sides, that wasn't much fun either.

Pretty soon though I had made enough money to buy the basic art supplies I'd need and started really focusing on my art. Once that started to take off I dropped a couple of the jobs I had needed to sustain myself and really concentrate on what I had come to New York to do in the first place. I was finally able to get a decent place to live where the pipes were actually in the wall and a decent night's sleep for the first time in months. Having a bigger place also meant I 

had a bigger place to paint and eventually my art brought in enough that I didn't need any of the other jobs.

Now I was going back home, my real home, for a visit. New York was a great new experience for me of course, but I missed seeing my mom and Molly, getting crushed by Deb every time she saw me, staying up late chatting with Daphne, going to the diner and Babylon with the gang… walking into the loft to find Brian waiting for me. I missed Pittsburg.

"Ladies and gentlemen," and queers, I thought with a slight smile. "We will be landing in approximately half an hour." I sighed as I leaned my head on the window. I was glad to be going home, but I was also nervous about what I'd have to say to everyone once I got there.

No, I wasn't going to think about that yet. I still had half an hour of carefree suspended serenity left, better enjoy it while I still could.

* * *

Brian's POV

"Hey Brian," Mikey greeted me as I wearily stepped into the relatively empty diner and accepted the hug he gave me. "Where have you been lately? You look like absolute shit." Gee, thanks a ton Mikey.

"I already told you, he never leave the office anymore." Ted muttered as I sat down with them, my muscles practically sighing at finally getting to rest.

"Aw, he misses his Sunshine." Emmett took one look at the glare I was giving him and decided to use Ben as a human shield.

"Can you really blame him? They're living states apart now with only the telephone as communication while Sunshine goes off and conquers the art world." I would have growled at Debbie for saying that if she hadn't poured me coffee at that point to distract me.

"I wish you guys would stop worrying about me. I'm perfectly fine without him and he's in New York. I've never been better." I didn't even bother to try and put effort into that lie, there was really no point in it anymore, my appearance said it all. I didn't even need a mirror to know that all the goddamn sleepless nights were taking their toll on me along with the late nights at the office when I stayed as long as possible just so that I wouldn't have to go home to an empty loft.

It had been a few months since Justin left for New York and for the first few days I was sort of confused for a while every time I woke up or came home and didn't find the blond waiting for me. It'd take about three minutes of confusion before I remembered that he wasn't there. After a week the painful loneliness started settling in and everywhere I went there was always something that reminded me of Justin, the diner, alleys, Woody's, Babylon (where I had first met him and finally told him I love him), but most of all was the loft. Even when I tried to escape to my office there were memories of seeing Justin come walking through the door.

A sudden crash and ear-piercing shriek brought me out of my thoughts. "What the fuck-?" I stopped short when I saw Debbie rush by the table to attack someone who had just walked into the diner.

For a moment I felt my heart freeze as it was suspended in a universe where time didn't exist as I caught sight of who it was that was bring crushed by the faux red head. Blond hair that had grown a bit over the months fell gently into blue eyes that were as familiar to me as my own. The second our eyes locked I instantly felt the outside world disappear (I really am turning into a damn lesbian) as the only sound audible to me was the steady thumping of our hearts beating in time with each other.

Then Debbie has to snap us out of our moment by exclaiming, "Sunshine! We haven't seen you forever! How's New York, how's the art? Why haven't you called? How are you doing? How's your apartment or whatever you're living in? Why are you so _thin_? Do you not feed yourself or something?"

"Ma, let the boy breathe." Michael and Ben are prying Justin out of her deathly vice like grip when we notice the slightly shocked and apprehensive look on his face.

"It's nice to have you there to hug again Deb, I've missed that." Justin hugs the slightly wilted red head, making her perk up again and crush him in a painful looking hug. Once she releases him again and he turns to give his two saviors hugs he walks over to the booth.

"Hey baby, how've you been?" Emmett asked as he sat down next to me and I instinctively put my arm around his shoulders, making him give me a small smile.

Though he told the others that he was doing well I could just tell that something was wrong. Not only was Debbie right about him being so thin that I could feel his ribs and his normally fitting clothes were quite baggy on him, but I had also noticed something in the small forces smiles he gave. In all the time I had known him I had never seen him go this long with his friends and not give one of those face cracking, room lighting, Sunshine smiles. Even the smile he gave me earlier looked sad and a bit haunted, by what I didn't know, but it was probably the same thing that was haunting his normally carefree and joyful blue eyes.

"So Sunshine, how long are you planning on staying in Pittsburg?" Debbie asked, having taken a ten minute break to join the conversation.

"Just a short while. I thought I'd come back before…" his sentence stops as he realizes what he was about to say.

"Justin, you sure you're okay?" I asked him gently as I finally remember when I've seen that haunted look on him before. The only other time he's looked like his world was a collapsing black hole was right after the bashing when nightmares would haunt him. Shit. If he got bashed by some fucker of a homophobe again I swear I'll be on the next plane to New York or wherever the fuck I need to go and-

"Bri, it's not like that." Justin stops my inner rant, knowing exactly what just flew through my mind, as always. "It's just been a bit rough in New York, at first anyway. Now everything's fine. 

Except that," I notice his hand shaking and take it into my own to calm him. "I only have a few months to live."

Everyone around the table was deathly silent as we stared into watering blue eyes that slowly turned to look into my frozen ones. It wasn't what he said that scared me, not the actual words themselves anyway. What had me actually scared was that in his eyes I saw sad resolve.

He had given up.

A/N: Well, what do you all think so far? If you're thinking anything tell me! I think this is going to be maybe three parts.


	2. Justin's Story

Chapter Two

A/N: Yay! New chapter! Okay, nothing too dramatic happens , we just find out why our favorite ray of sunshine only has a few months left before it fades away.

**Justin's POV**

It may have just been me, but the diner seemed eerily silent after my statement. At least until, "Holy. Fucking. Crap." Yeah, that about sums it up for everyone Bri. I look into his eyes, still holding onto his hand as the only thing keeping me steady right now, and can see his eyes are laced with unmasked emotion, confusion, and a whole lot of fear. I actually feel a fully fledged smile coming. He really does care.

"What do you mean Justin?" Michael's question takes away my sudden happiness as quickly as it had come.

"Did something happen in New York?" Emmett enquires as he leans forward with a concerned look in his eyes.

"I guess I ought to start from the beginning." I sigh as I snuggle back into Brian's warm and comfortable embrace, also the only place I ever felt truly safe and home. I take a deep breath and close my eyes before starting my story that started the day I had left Pittsburg.

"I left the loft in the morning, dragged myself and all my stuff to the airport while trying very hard not to run back and never leave." I feel Bri's arms tighten around me at that. "When I got to New York I had enough money to rent this tiny apartment that anyone who was over an inch taller than me would absolutely hate. I got about five different jobs, at diners and such, so that I could keep the stupid hole in the wall that was infested with hell knows what. I came home every night at like three and got up at seven, so needless to say I was tired and hating the whole fucking city for a while." That got some laughs from everybody and I felt myself finally start to relax a bit. I was back home with the people I cared about who also cared about me. Unlike the snobs I had left in New York, my friends wouldn't judge me.

"I finally started making enough to buy some supplies and actually started up my art. I dropped one of the lower paying jobs to work on it. At first the quality was pretty crappy because of the cheap supplies, but they sold. After about a month of doing that I had saved up enough to say good-bye to the cockroaches and freakin' loud pipes whose only purpose was to hit my head and I found a pretty decent apartment to rent. My painting and drawings were selling really well so I could finally drop all those goddamn draining jobs and really start working on my art." I felt myself smile a bit at the memory of how it felt to finally feel like myself in that big city. Judging by the looks on everyone's faces, especially Brian's, they were proud of me for making it that far without breaking down or letting the city get to me.

"I was actually starting to get my work put into galleries and everything was finally going pretty good for a while. It was about three months after I left here that the accident happened." I stopped while I let my breathing calm down again before continuing, making sure that Brian's arms were still holding onto me in case I fell. "It was late at night after an art showing and I hadn't brought enough money for a taxi ride back. One of the guys there offered me a ride, and he had seemed sober."

"Oh no," Debbie breathed as she put a comforting hand on my knee.

"It wasn't until we were almost halfway there that I noticed he was driving weird. I asked him if he was okay but I couldn't understand his slurred response. I knew then that I was in trouble because drunk driving there is a lot different from here. Here we can drink all we want and drive crazy because the roads are practically empty, over there no one sleeps." I paused again as I flashed back to the events of that night.

"I don't know how big a pile up it was because all I remember is the sounds of horns, bright lights, then black. The next thing I know I'm waking up in the hospital. For a moment I felt like I was waking up after the bashing again, only I was in an alien place and none of you guys were there. So I freaked out. My stats went awol and all these nurses rushed in and worked on calming me down." What I didn't say out loud was that even though I did calm down eventually, I knew that if any of them was there, especially Brian, I probably wouldn't have had a panic attack in the first place. But I didn't want to get sappy on them.

"When I woke up again a doctor came in and started explaining things to me. Kevin, the driver, had been killed on impact but no one else was, only bruises and a few broken bones. He told me that I'd be sore for a couple of weeks but nothing else was wrong. He also told me that I wasn't getting sued by anybody in the other cars, thank god. But then he told me what side effects the accident had." I took a deep 

breath and squeezed both Brian's and Debbie's hand before saying, "He told me that even though I had my seatbelt on I had gotten slammed around when the car got flipped. Somehow one of my main arteries to the heart got twisted somehow so oxygen can't get into the heart as well. He told me that unless I got a surgery done in the next month or two, I'm going to die within six from lack of oxygen getting into my heart."

Silence fell on the now empty diner as everyone took their time to digest what I had just told them. Nobody was talking, or blinking, or hardly even breathing. I just watched them, waiting for someone to say something. It was Ben who finally broke the silence.

"But, what's the problem? You said there's a surgery." He said slowly.

"It's expensive."

"Hello? You've got us. And you know we wouldn't let you die just because you didn't have the money." Emmett said.

"It's risky, he said there was only a 30 chance I'd make it."

"It's better than nothing!" Debbie looked ready to hit some sense into me. At that point everyone decided to voice their arguments that were, mostly, good ones. But still none of them were able to convince me. Their voices were still overlapping each other when a new voice sliced through them.

"Justin, what's the real reason you don't want to get the surgery?" Brian's gaze was as piercing as ever and I knew that I wouldn't be able to get away from it without telling the truth. Everyone fell silent and simply stared at me expectantly.

"I-I don't want to go back." My cryptic response didn't do anything to lessen the stares. I closed my eyes tight as I tried really hard not to cry and I could feel Brian hugging me tighter. "I can't go back to it. The lonely nights, empty days, superficial people, it's all too much. At first my art distracted me and made me feel better, but after coming back here and feeling home again, feeling real love and being with you 

guys who really care about each other and accept each other, I can't go back after all this. I can't go back to that emptiness." I opened my eyes as the tears fell to look at Brian. "That's why I wasn't in contact for all these months. I knew you wanted me to make it and stick it out, but I also know that I'd never be able to do it if I knew everything I had left behind."

Brian just looked at me sitting there with tears running down my face before saying, "You are the biggest twat ever." And then promptly grabbed me and started kissing me with more urgency and need than when we parted, and it was then that I realized I had missed him and needed him more than anything during the months of loneliness. I also realized I wasn't going to be able to leave him again. Ever.

"Okay Sunshine, you've had your say, time for me to have mine." Brian says once he releases me from that mind blowing kiss, pausing to glance at the others who, upon sensing a private moment, hastily move to help Debbie clean up the diner. "I wanted you in New York because I knew it was the best place for you to be at the time, and even though you went through hell you made it, and you found your way back. I'm glad you did, cause I missed you." He stops again to give me that smirk of his that I absolutely love on him. "You've made it through hell just to get me to the point where I can actually say that out loud, and I'll be damned if you let all your hard work go to waste, both with me and your artwork, which is fucking fantastic as usual."

At this point he pulls me towards him again and I nestle myself into his chest before he continues. "You've fought so hard to get here, don't give up now." He whispers into my ear before kissing me again, not hiding a single emotion from me for one of the very few times. When we pulled away and I looked up into his eyes again I knew what I wanted to ask but couldn't. "Ask me Justin." Brian said, his voice abnormally quiet and unguarded.

"If I go through with the surgery, will you stay with me through it all? And if…when, it's all over, can I come home?" I ask hesitantly, suddenly feeling like the inexperienced seventeen year old who's just encountered the all powerful Brian Kinney for the first time.

In response Brian wraps his arms around my shoulders again before quietly assuring me, "Of course."

Letting out the breath I was holding in with a huge relieved sigh I throw my arms around him as well and hug him as tight as I can. "I love you Brian."

"Love you too Sunshine."

For the first time in months I finally smile for real. I'm finally home.

A/N: Don't worry people, it's not as gloomy as it looks. Also, what I said before about this fic only being three chapters? Screw it! This is gonna be four at least cause I love it so much. Review!!


	3. Fucking the hell out of New York

Chapter Three

A/N: Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up and running, hopefully the fourth will be coming along soon after this. Okay, this chapter is mostly just Brian and Justin getting settled in with each other again. They go to New York to see a heart specialist and, oh yeah, the rest of the gang are hatching something. And no, it's not a chicken. Then again…

**Brian's POV**

When I first wake up I think I'm still sleeping, sure that the warm body snuggled into me with my arms wrapped around it is just a part of my dream. Then the night before catches up with my mind, Justin walking into the diner, him telling us about how hard he had it in New York, his accident, and then me convincing him to get the surgery that would save his life while also promising to be there every step of the way there and away.

I opened my eyes and let them wash over the sight next to me that for so long, too long, had only existed in my dreams. Justin was on his side with body pressed up tight against mine with his head nestled in my neck, blond hair tickling at my collarbone. The warm sunlight that was filtering into the loft highlighted his smooth features, making him look more angelic than ever. Then again, that could have been because for months I had woken up in bed alone and would spend hours just staring at his side of the bed, imaging every single curve and dip that I had grown so used to but would never see again. Now I didn't have to imagine.

"Wakey wakey Sunshine." I nibbled at the tip of his ear.

"Bri, I'm sleeping. Fuck off for an hour or two." Justin grumbled as he squirmed under my wake up call.

"You know I'd love to, but we're going to be late if we don't get up now." I grinned a bit as he burrowed into my chest so that our naked bodies were pressed tight together.

"Late for what? And didn't I tell you to fuck off?" his angry words lose their effect slightly as they're muffled by my chest.

"Want me to carry you?" I asked sweetly. His next stream of grumbles were completely lost this time. "Fine, I'll just do this the hard way then." I said before ripping the covers off of us, making him cringe and press himself closer at the loss of warmth. "Nuh uh Sunshine, no using me as your personal blanket." I disentangled myself from him and got out of bed. When my stubborn blond still didn't move to get out as well I headed towards the kitchen.

"Brian!" Justin bolted straight up, dripping wet.

"Now you're up, and you've gotten your shower too." I grinned, setting the glass in my hand down on the nightstand.

"Fuck you." He grumbled as he walked by, making sure to shake his hair off so that the droplets splashed me. Even though he seemed pissed at my wake up method he didn't resist when I pulled him into a good morning kiss. "Hm, that's more like it," He said as he flashed me his sunshine smile.

* * *

"Morning Cynthia,"

"Morning boss, I- Justin!" Cynthia's normally bored demeanor perked up instantly at the sight of the blond and she rushed over to hug him as he smiled at her.

"Even my own assistant gets more excited over my partner than me." I muttered as I took my sunglasses off and headed into my office.

"Aw, don't feel left out Bri, I still get excited over you." Justin grinned as he hugged me around the waist and not so discreetly rubbed himself against my leg. I couldn't help but smirk before giving him a kiss and a light slap.

"Shoo, I need to get some stuff done here before we leave." I sat down behind my desk as he wandered around my office looking at all the artwork on the walls, most were his. "Cynthia, do I have any noticeable shit that needs to get done today?" I turned to her as she handed me a cup of coffee.

She glanced at my abnormal work attire of jeans and a black cotton shirt before checking her schedule. "No sir, just a meeting with-"

"Good, cancel it. I'm going to be out all day and maybe tomorrow." I cut her off as I shifted through the papers on my desk just in case there was something in there that needed attention while ignoring her pointed glare. I knew she was about to open her mouth and ask a question I couldn't answer so I simply shook my head before she could ask.

"Hey Bri, do you think we could stop at my gallery after the appointment to tell Kelli she's going to have to hold it down for a while?" Justin came over after he was done looking around.

Cynthia gave me an odd look but I ignored it to say, "We'll be in New York, only call if the agency is getting sued so make sure no one fucks anyone, clear?" I could just tell the other two were hiding smiles. "Good. Come on Sunshine, we've got a long drive ahead of us." I stand up and push the blond out in front of me.

"Hey boss," I look back a second. "Take good care of him, I haven't seen you this happy in months." Cynthia smiled.

"Don't worry, I will." I promised.

**Justin's POV**

Brian wanted to take the bus. Do not ask my fucking why cause personally I thought he'd fuck a dyke before riding in something that other people did but didn't fly. Then again, it was a long drive. And the fucking bastard wanted to tease me and tempt me until I was about to rip his clothes off and have him fuck me right there. But of course the bastard stops right as I'm getting to that point and just leaves me there all hot and panting.

By the time we get off in New York I was still pretty pissed at Brian and was sort of pouting, which of course just made him smirk before pulling me into his arms and kissing my forehead. "Don't worry Sunshine, I'll let you blow me later." He assured me before nibbling at my ear and instantly replacing my pout with a laugh.

"You're an asshole Brian." I laughed out as New York's streets saw me smile for the first time.

The bus had dropped us off just a few blocks from my apartment and a couple of blocks away from the small gallery I had finally gotten a hold of a week and a half before. As I looked around at the crowed street I actually felt happy to be on it, a first since I had come months before.

"Hey Bri, since we're only a couple of blocks from the gallery do you think we could stop there before the doctor's? We've got time." I turned to look up at him, really hoping that he would want to see my accomplishments put out for all of New York to look at.

"Sure, why not." Brian pulled on his sunglasses before slinging and arm around my waist and we were off.

Since it _was_ my neighborhood I decided to point every single little detail out to him as we passed. I kept up a running commentary as we passed cafes, stores, shops, people, buildings, parks…I basically jabbered away at top speed about the city I had gotten accustomed to.

"Geez Sunshine, I thought you didn't like this place." Brian said once he finally found a way to shut me up for a while by licking at my neck right under my ear. And really, when you've got a hot guy doing something like that to you it's kind of hard to keep talking.

"I did, still kinda do. But with you here it makes it all the more bearable." I smiled as I kissed him.

We arrived at the small gallery on the corner that had white lettering on the window spelling out _Just In Designs._ I could tell Brian was smirking at my name choice as he opened the door for me. It was nice and cool inside compared to the heat outside. The white walls standing in the middle of the room each had a few colored pieces on them along with their own light.

"You go ahead and look around, I've just got to talk with Kelli a minute." I gave Bri another kiss before letting him loose in my creations and heading to the small desk in the back where a redheaded girl was sitting and looking over some sketches. "Hey Kell,"

The girl nearly jumped out of her skin before looking up at me with emerald green eyes and taking her headphones off. "Jesus Jus, I didn't see you there. I didn't expect you back for a while." That's when she caught sight of the other occupant of the place. "Justin, who is he?" her eyes widened and I caught a glint in them.

"Brian Kinney, and he's mine so paws off." I warned her as Brian came sauntering over.

"Nice work Sunshine. I see your New York depression hasn't affected it." He said as he wrapped his arms around me, making me let out a fully charged smile.

"Wow, you actually can smile. I never actually believed you when you said people call you Sunshine." Kelli looked really surprised.

"Anyways, I just came to ask if you can watch the gallery for a month or so, depending on when they can schedule the surgery." I told her.

Kelli just looked at me, turned to Brian, and then back to me. All of a sudden she let out a loud shriek and threw her arms around me. "You've finally seen reason you stubborn asshole!"

"Kelli…Kell I can't breathe." I gasped out.

"I know you had something to do with this, thank you so much. I tried everything but he wouldn't listen to me." Kelli released me only to latch onto my partner. I couldn't help but laugh a little when her hands wandered lower.

"Okay, stop trying to convert my boyfriend. Yes Bri, I said the 'B' word." I pried her off and sent Brian a look in response to his shocked expression. "Anyways, passing over gay groping, I want to clean up my work area before we leave."

Brian followed me into my private drawing room where the works in progress were sitting. I moved over to my desk to shift through some sheets while Bri looked at the unfinished canvases. "Is it my imagination, or did you really actually miss me?" he asked as he looked at a rough outline of him tangled up in the bed sheets like he always was in the morning.

"You already know the answer so I refuse to reply to that." I grabbed a few notebooks off my desk and threw them into the messenger bag I had lying around.

"So, how did you meet Kelli?" Brian asked as he helped throw some sheets over the canvases.

"I met her the night Kevin was killed, they were siblings. We were friends and stuck together and she helped me open the gallery. She's kinda like my New York Daphne with an attitude." I laughed off the last part to forget the memories that Kevin's name stirred up.

"Come on Sunshine, let's go see this heart specialist so that we can get down to the business at hand." Brian wrapped his arms around me and steered me towards the door.

"Do I want to know what that business is?" I asked cautiously, knowing very well that this could lead to getting stuck hanging from a rooftop naked.

"Why Sunshine, don't you remember your own words? We're gonna fuck the hell out of New York."

* * *

As Brian's tongue licked over my entire body I let my instincts take over as my mind thought back to the doctor's office. We had caught a cab there and waited for about fifteen minutes before getting called in. Dr. Bartram was very straight forward about the surgery (which was a good thing for Brian, who hated dancing around topics) and its risks. He explained to us that the procedure itself was simple enough but it was the amount of time that caused the low survival rate. Brian was great through it all, listening intently and asking questions, all the while keeping a hold of my hand and gently stroking my writs with his thumb when he could tell that fear or doubt were getting to me as I thought of all the ways I could not make it. That man cares and he knows it.

"Ah, Brian…" my groan brought me back to my bedroom when I felt his tongue teasing that sensitive patch of skin on the inside of my thighs. I lost all desire and ability to think as my body was responding to every touch and every breath felt.

"Mmm… I love how you're as sensitive as that seventeen year old virgin I picked up five years ago." His voice was husky and so freakin' sexy as he glided up my body, tongue leaving a wet trail from my bellybutton up my neck and to my mouth.

I don't think either of us was able to hold back the simultaneous moans as I started sucking on his tongue and exploring his mouth with mine. Once he had enough of trying to swallow each other's tongues he moved down a bit to suck on my neck. Once he was assured that I was sweaty and writhing underneath him, wanting nothing more than to feel him inside me, he gave me a wicked grin before moving lower again but this time to suck on my nipples, teasing each of them until they were hard and taut.

"And now for the good part," Brian informed me before swooping down and taking my already hard and leaking cock into his mouth to deep throat me.

"Oh god Bri, fuck the hell out of me already." I was so close but I wanted him inside me when I came.

"Impatient little twat." Brian laughed as he quickly prepared the two of us before sliding in, making the two of us moan so loud at the sensation that I was wondering absently if they neighbors would be mad.

"Faster Bri," I gasped out as I dug my fingers into the sheets as he attacked my neck and hammered into me, sending jolts through every nerve of my body with each thrust and making me groan and gasp like crazy.

Brian growled into my ear before giving a final earth shattering, soul shaking thrust that seemed to reach right to my core before I felt a scream tear itself from my throat as my release finally came. Brian bit into my shoulder as he came right behind me.

When we collapsed on the bed we stayed still for a minute or two, both panting and coming slowly down from wherever in hell we went to. When Brian pulled out and rolled off me I couldn't help but start laughing as I stretched out in pure contentment.

"What's so funny Sunshine?" Brian asked as he kissed me behind the ear, making me purr a little.

"Nothing. It's just that this is the first time I've actually truly enjoyed being in New York." I replied as I turned my head so that our lips could meet again. "So, how did you like the gallery?" I turned on my side so we were facing each other and I could watch the golden afternoon sun warm over his yummily tanned skin.

"It was good, could use some interior work but the artwork was all fabulous, especially yours." He leaned forward to nudge my nose with his. "You've done really well Jus."

"Yeah, I just hope I get the chance to make it better." I sighed, remembering the surgery that we had scheduled just a couple of hours before.

"You will Sunshine, I know you will." Brian assured me as he gently caressed my hip with his finger tips.

"Thanks Bri." I gave him another kiss, thankful just to have him again. "By the way, what did you mean back at the doctor's office when you said the cost was being taken queered of?" I asked suspiciously as I pulled back.

Brian would only grin.

**Emmett's POV**

"Oh my god Michael, I absolutely love you." I exclaimed as I gave that man a squeeze. "For once being Brian Kinney's BFF has its perks." I hopped off, feeling like squealing as I watched Michael and Ben getting Babylon ready along with Teddy, Debs, and Daph.

"Never us that term around him if you want to stay alive." Michael warned.

"Besides, you know that asshole wouldn't be able to refuse helping out his Sunshine." Deb pointed out as she and Daph got the stage set up.

"This is going to be great! I'm going to go check on the boys."

When Babylon opened later that evening Daphne and Deb were at the door to collect twenty dollars from every person that came in. In the middle of the dance floor was a stage with lights, speakers and all that good stuff. As people came in, bought drinks, and started assembling around the stage I was in the back getting our cutie little dancers all glammed up and looking hot and yummy.

"Okay people, go out there and sex up that crowd. The other guys and I want to thank you again for doing this on such short notice to help our little Sunshine. You're all saints, well, except for Terry, you're an angel; adjust your halo by the way. Okay boys! Showtime!" I got them pumped up before letting them out of the backroom to make their grand entrance, taking the opportunity to growl at some of the spicy ones.

Teddy was working the lights and had a spotlight following the sexy dancers as they cut a path through the crowd to the stage as everyone either cheered or whistled. I watched as they got into position on stage before the lights went out. Everyone was standing in darkness until a bass drum started the legendary Babylon rhythm. Then the lights shot back on and the fun began.

"This was a really good idea Em." Teddy said once he joined us after the boys had gone through two hours of steaming hot routines that got the crowd riled up and ready to dance and fuck the rest of the night away.

"What can I say? When I'm good I'm good." I laughed as we sat at the bar.

"Ted, you want to announce the news?" Daphne asked. That girl was truly one of us now even though she was straight. Somehow both she and Justin managed to find their way into our lives but I don't think any of us would have it any other way. They were just too lovable.

"What's up Ted?" Ben asked.

"Well," Teddy smirked. "It's still a rough estimate, but with the entrance fees, drinks costs, and tips to the dancers so far, I'd say we're nearing about twenty thousand dollars."

"Whoo!" Everyone cheered, clinked drinks and started hugging like the fabulously queenly queers we were.

A/N: Yay! Chapter three is done! After this there should be about two more chapters I think, next one gets a little more sappy and a little more serious, then the fifth one gets a bit scary for our little Sunshine, and then an epilogue I think. (Happy Kelli? More than four, Ha!)


	4. Ridiculously Romantic

Chapter Four

A/N: Sappy romanticism is coming up, courtesy of a suddenly very fluffy Brian (not literally of course…maybe)

**Justin's POV**

When Brian and I walked into the diner the morning we got back from New York I could feel people watching us, but unlike times before they seemed more curious rather than hostile over the fact that I had stolen Liberty Avenue's stud for myself. Brian had his arm around my shoulder and led me forward towards the booth where Deb was already talking with the rest of the gang.

"Hey boys, finally back from the big city I see." Deb gave us both a tight hug before we sat down.

"Sigh, I would love to go to New York." Emmett said dramatically.

"Well… I was planning a road trip this weekend," Drew said slowly, watching his partner closely. Emmett sat still for a moment before turning slowly to look at him. It took another moment before he suddenly burst out with a squeal and started showering kisses all over Drew's face.

I laughed a little at Emmett's big show of affection while Brian muttered "Fucking queen" under his breath but at the same time pulling me closer to him in quite a possessive manner. "So boys," Brian started speaking normally as Debbie poured his coffee and put a large glass of orange juice in front of me. "Is Babylon still standing or did it go the way of the Babylonians after having to endure you lot?"

A few of the guys snorted while Emmett replied indignantly, "We'll have you know, oh mighty king of the world, that your precious club is still standing without a single scratch on it."

"Wait, you rebuilt it?" I asked, remembering that the last time I had seen it, it had been nothing more than a blackened shell of what it used to be.

"Yep, it's now back to its former glory and the boys over there opened it up a couple nights ago for a big event." Brian said as he took a sip of his coffee.

I was glad that Babylon was back, so much had happened there such as meeting Brian, dancing, hanging out, the explosion, Brian finally telling me he loved me. I was glad that the memories wouldn't be lost. But judging by the grins the others had there was something more to the story, and maybe it was just me but they seemed more tired than usual.

"What event? This doesn't have anything to do with the whole 'taken queered of' thing does it?" I asked curiously. Brian looked like he wasn't going to say a thing so I started teasing his throat with my tongue to loosen him up. I kept at it until he was squirming and I could tell his pants were becoming uncomfortable. I started nipping at the skin to speed up his imminent surrender.

"Okay, okay! Fuck it all already. One of you tell him before I have to fuck him on the table." Brain finally gave in, earning himself a hit from Debbie.

I stopped sucking at his neck to turn expectantly towards the others. They were all grinning a bit at the fact that Brian Kinney had been reduced to a growling bundle of sexual tension by a little blond twink right in front of them.

"Well Sweetie, since we know that your operation is costing a fortune and you would never let King Brian pay it, we decided to have a fundraiser for Babylon's spectacularly fabulous reopening. All profits made that night from entrance fees, dancer tips, and drink sales are all going towards the cost of your surgery. We were also thinking, since we did so well last night, maybe Brian will let us do it for one more night." Emmett glanced at Brian at this point. Brian merely raised an eyebrow in slight amusement.

"It would also be nice for you two to be there during the fundraiser." Michael threw in, looking at Bri with a hopeful look. All eyes at the table were on him now.

Brian glanced over everyone before turning to me. I knew he would tease me about it later but I couldn't help the tears welling up in my eyes as I said, "You guys went to all that trouble? For me?"

"Of course we did baby, you're our Sunshine and we can't give you up without some kind of fight." They all came over to hug me while I was still fighting back tears. These guys were the greatest and I had never felt more loved by them than I did at that moment.

"Besides, with you gone we'd be stuck with moody pissy Brian." Ted added in, making us all laugh before turning back to the moody man that I loved more than anything.

"So, can we Bri?" Michael asked.

Brian, being the big drama queen he is, of course had to make a big show of contemplating it for a minute or two while the rest of us were all still in a big hug in the middle of the diner, waiting for his decision.

"How much was made last night?" he finally asked of Ted.

"After the entire night we made about forty some thousand." Ted replied, making me turn to look at my friends in sheer amazement.

"Well then, I suppose one more night of mayhem won't hurt." Brian said slowly and grudgingly, though he did have a smile. Emmett squealed and started jumping up and down, leaving Drew and Ben to try and calm him down again while Michael and I rushed at Brian.

Brian actually put up with our overexcited jumping and hugging for a while before huffing out, "Okay princesses, the diner is going to think we've lost our fucking minds if you keep squealing." He pushed Michael back to Ben and took me into his arms while trying to hold me far enough away that I couldn't kiss him to death.

* * *

"Brian, where are you taking me?" I asked cautiously as he stood behind me and led me forward blindfolded. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, I trusted him with my life, but for all I knew he could be leading me into a club full of naked guys.

"You'll see Sunshine, we're almost there." Brian assured me as he kept us moving.

I could feel the warm breeze wash over me so we were still walking outside, which was a good sign since naked guys tend to stay indoors. Usually. I also thought I caught a sweet scent drifting towards me.

"Honestly Bri, you blindfold me in the diner, manhandle me into the car, drive for god knows how long, and won't even tell me where the hell we are?" I try to sound exasperated but truth is I'm really excited that he's actually taken me somewhere for something that's obviously special.

"It's called a surprise Sunshine. Besides, you like my manhandling and you know it." Brian teased as his hands wandered towards my crotch.

"Hey! If you're going to blind fold me the least you can do is guide me." I shooed his hands away when I nearly took a tumble due to the lack of someone who was _supposed_ to be leading me.

"We're here." I felt the blindfold getting untied and Brian stepping back a bit to let me look around.

When I could see again I was speechless. We were at Britin, but Brian had led me around the house to the back where the large expanse of grass that had been empty before I left had gotten a makeover. A stone path had been set down from the back door of the house to about two-thirds the length of the yard where a large fountain stood with a few benches surrounding it. All along the path bushes had been grown and were now sporting a multitude of colors and scents. Built above the fountain and benches was a pergola with vines growing and wrapping around it while carrying roses with them.

"What do you think baby?" Brian asked as he took my hand and started to lead me down the path.

"This…this is really amazing Bri." I managed to get out as I gently touched one of the numerous blooms.

"I had some spare time." He replied as he watched me looking around in sheer wonder.

"You actually kept Britin?" I turned to him.

"I wanted to keep the memories." He shrugged, playing down the meaning of his words. I just kept looking at him until my eyes forced him to look at me. "What?"

I stopped walking and leaned up to press my lips against him, letting them help to assure him that his emotions and feelings were nothing to hide. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he wrapped his around my waist, bring me as close as possible as we let our tongues dance together.

"I love you Bri," I breathed out when we broke apart. Brian actually allowed himself a genuine smile as he kissed me again before leading me down the path again.

When we reached the fountain I looked into the stone basin and saw a few koi swimming around in it and stood up on my toes to sniff at a pink rose by my head. I stopped and turned towards Brian laughing with a questioning look. He just shook his head before looking at me with a fond glint in his eye.

"You looked cute." He replied to my slightly annoyed glare. I just shook my head and looked away. What I saw next literally made my jaw drop and breath catch. Beyond the pergola was a pond that had been concealed by the bushed when we were on the path. Lain out in front of the pond was a dark blue blanket with an entire picnic set up on it. "What do you think?" Brian came up from behind and wrapped his arms around my shocked body.

When my voice finally came back to me I turned to look him in the eye to see a light dancing just below the surface of those hazel orbs of his. All I could manage was to say in a slightly accusing, slightly teasing, and completely amused tone, "Brian Kinney actually does romance."

"Only when it's for you Sunshine." He assured me as his arms gave a light squeeze and he rested his chin on top of my head. "No violinist though," he murmured as my eyes were drawn to the flute player sitting by the pond.

"All the better," I said as I took his hand and started towards the blanket.

As we sat there on the blanket sipping wine and nibbling on crackers and cheese with me leaning against Brian's chest, I felt the most peaceful I had in months. All the stress from New York and worry about my heart melted away in Brian's arms and Britin. We talked, really talked, about everything from Kinnetic, the gang, New York, art, to us. Yes, I am not joking, Brian Kinney talked about us. As if he hadn't surprised me enough that day, he continued to confess (in his own way of course) that he really missed me while I had been in New York and felt lonely.

Well, really, after a confession like that from Brian Kinney what was I supposed to do other than turn around in his arms and pull him into a smoldering kiss.

After about half an hour of that, right when I'm thinking my day can't get any better, Brian surprises me on last time by handing me something after we tidy up the picnic. "Open it." He encourages as he watches me stare at the thin box in slight perplexity. Glancing up at him, wondering if he could be any more romantic without bursting, I open the box and find a thin gold chain lying on the white cushioning on the inside.

Catching my still confused expression Brian steps forward and slides a hand into my right jean pocket. When he pulls it back out I'm surprised to see that he's gotten out the gold band that would have been around my finger if I hadn't left. Wordlessly, he took the chain from me, slid the ring on, and fastened it around my neck. Before I could ask how he knew I always carried the ring with me ever since I had taken it with me or ask why he had gotten the chain he silenced my thoughts with a soft loving kiss.

"Just so you don't lose it."

I had a feeling he was talking about more than just the ring.

* * *

"Hey Sweetie!" Emmett greeted me with a big hug and kiss once Brian and I met up with the gang at Babylon's bar. "So, what do you think?" he asked as his arm swept over the place.

"It's awesome." I smiled as I looked around the familiar club that was pulsating with life again.

"Risen from the ashes, just like its owner." Michael smiled, making Brian pull him into a one armed hug.

"What's with the stage?" I asked, looking at the new addition sitting in the middle of the dance floor.

"It's for the fundraiser silly." A voice behind me laughed.

"Daphne!" I spun around and grabbed my best friend, having not heard her come up behind me over the loud music thumping out of the speakers. "Oh my god, I missed you!" I exclaim as I squeezed her to death.

"We have to get together sometime after this." Daphne said firmly right before the music suddenly turned lower and sultrier.

"Get ready for the main attraction," Emmett was practically bounding as the lights turned blue and people crowded around the stage.

Out of the shadows seven of the go go dancers stepped up onto the stage, each dressed in some sexy as hell outfit that I was pretty sure Emmett organized. Watching them dance so uninhibitedly in front of the cheering crowd took me back to my days as a dancer and the absolute rush I got from it.

"You wanna join them?" Em seemed to know what I was thinking.

"Nah," I shook my head. "I'm not properly dressed."

"I can fix that." His eyes lit up as he set his drink down. Now I was even more reluctant, his eyes never lit up like that without some fiasco following it.

"Go on Sunshine, move that hot ass of yours and show these amateurs how it's done." Brian grinned.

"You just want me to get you turned on." I accused him as Em started dragging me away.

"Damn right."

Later on that night after three rounds of passionate love making, both Brian and I were ready to collapse. Sighing out a sleepily content moan as I snuggled into him, Brian wrapped me up tight before kissing my chest where the ring rested and started to drift off.

Right before I followed him into dream land I couldn't help but think the engraving on the inside of the ring that was illuminated by comfortingly familiar blue lights had never been truer.

_I love you._


	5. Promise Me

Chapter Five

A/N: This chapter is getting sad as Sunshine starts fading. I'll try hard not to cry too much, I imagine my keyboard wouldn't like that. Just remember that there's another chapter after this, so hold the pitchforks and torches for awhile. Kelli that does mean you.

**

* * *

**

Brian's POV

The resounding crack that had echoed throughout a parking garage as a bat met bone now seemed to come back and haunt my memory five fucking years later as I sat back on the chair in the waiting room I hadn't moved from for god knows how long. The last time I heard that sound I thought would be the last time I would be in a hospital. Then I had to get cancer and wind up back into one. Once I got out of that alive I had sworn, again, it'd be the last time. No fucking chance. I was back again. Only this time was worse than the other two combined because Justin was in there.

What was the difference between last time and this time? Something so fucking simple I'm surprised I even asked myself such a blind-sighted stupid question. This time I loved him, and we both knew it. Looking back I realize I probably loved him back then too, but I didn't know it and that made it easier to take because I was just thinking that someone I cared about could die. Now I was thinking someone I loved could die, someone I really loved and could never live without, and I wasn't afraid to admit it this time.

I forced a deep breath into my lungs to try and prevent the impending queen out I felt coming. I tried to think of something that would distract me from the nightmare I seemed to be walking in, but all I could think about was Justin and how the hell we ended up in this hospital in the first place.

He had been going great for a month, visiting his mother, Daphne, hanging with the gang, working on his art, and eating a ton without gaining an ounce, as always. What I was really glad about the most was that the shadow New York seemed to have cast over him had disappeared to let Sunshine shine through.

Although he seemed happier than ever, I could tell that the thought of his operation was always in the back of his mind, waiting until his defenses were down before leaping out. And a month later here we are. He was starting to have trouble breathing at the beginning of the week and by Thursday every breath was painful and labored. I got him to the hospital as soon as possible and they had to do some fancy doctor shit to get him breathing right again.

I knew he'd be fine, but damn, I was still scared shitless that he was going to die and leave me here to try and fend for myself in a world that had been so dark and unbearable before he came along.

_Come on Kinney, keep it together._ I thought to myself as I felt my breath catch at the thought o having to possibly live without my Sunshine. The heart specialist we had met with in New York would be down in the morning for the operation, until then I needed to hold myself together. I couldn't break down, not this time. Justin needed me to be strong. Hell, I needed myself to be strong. Because if I broke this time, I was fucking terrified that he wouldn't be there to help put me back together.

"Brian!" I looked up to see Daphne and Jen standing in front of me. Not caring what the hell anyone else might think of it, I stood up and pulled the two of them into a tight hug, thankful to have something solid to keep me grounded. The two women seemed to hug me back just as tightly, also needing someone who was hurting as much as them.

"What do the doctors say?" Jen asked with tears in her eyes as they finally pull back.

"They put some tube in to help him breathe, the specialist is coming tomorrow morning." I replied, hearing the emptiness in my own voice.

The three of us just sat there in silence, lost in our own thoughts that were occasionally paused as one of the boys or Deb dropped in. About two hours later, a doctor came out to tell us we could go see Justin. The other two rushed into his room but I stayed back a bit, steeling myself to see him lying there. Daphne looked back and saw me hesitating. Smiling reassuringly, she reached back and took my hand to take me in.

Jen was already by her son's bed, talking to him quietly. Daphne quickly rushed over as well. I just stood there watching him. The doctors had put a probe in to open up the heart's arteries and veins more so he could breathe without gasping now and he looked like his normal usual self. That is except for the fact that he wasn't supposed to be in this fucking place to begin with. He didn't deserve all of this after everything he had already been through thanks to that asshole with a bat.

Justin looked up from his mom and best friend to see me standing there lost in my inner turmoil. As if sensing what I was thinking and feeling, his eyes silently pulled me towards him, or at least closer than I had been before. I couldn't bring myself to open my mouth and try to say something normal or assuring when all I really wanted to do was break apart into little pieces so that I wouldn't have to endure this.

Jennifer and Daphne stayed and talking to him for about an hour before leaving to grab some dinner. I silently moved over to the chair by his bedside, listening to the beeping of his heart monitor in the silent room. My eyes seemed glued to the floor as I tried to think of something to say that wouldn't come out as shaky as I felt right then. Suddenly I felt a warm hand enclosing over mine as they fidgeted in my lap. I looked up to see two sapphires looking back at me.

"It's going to be okay Brian." Justin whispered, squeezing my hands with his.

His words seemed to finally break through my pain and gave me the reassuring permission I needed to finally break down and let the tears flow. Justin's warm arms wrapped around my body and soothingly pulled me towards him as I felt my very soul shaking and threatening to break apart along with the rest of me. I held on tight and buried my face into the neck of the one person I knew I would never stop loving.

Justin held me, whispering soothing words and rubbing his hands in slow circles on my back until I stopped shaking. When he felt the last tear leave me he gently kissed my forehead before pulling back a bit to rest his hands on either side of my neck and look at me with that piercing blue gaze of his. He waited until my breathing evened out and I felt utterly drained and exhausted before speaking again.

"Brian, no matter what happened tomorrow, I want you to promise me something." He said, voice quiet and soft but firm. Feeling my mouth unwilling to open I simply nod. "I've seen you, really seen you, and I know how much love you can give. I want you to promise me that if I die you'll still be open to love and won't be afraid to give it." His eyes are watering and that sight makes mine start up again even though a minute earlier I had been run dry.

"Jus, I don't know if I can." My voice is hoarse and barely gets past my lips as I look at him, trying to make him see with just my eyes how fucking hard it would be to move on without him.

"You can Brian. You're a generous, loving man who had a lot to give, you just need to give it." He rested his forehead against mine, letting out a long breath that seemed to allow me a moment to relax into his touch, knowing it may be one of the last times I could. "Please Bri, promise me," he whispers, tears leaking out from behind closed eyes.

"I promise." I reply just as quietly, trying not to let myself choke on the words. Right then I would promise anything, anything at all, just to see him happy one more time, to see his blue eyes light up along with his smile.

Justin shift over on the bed to make enough space for me to climb in beside him. I wrap my arms around his body, holding him closer than ever before and wishing more than ever that it would be enough to keep him here with me.

I feel my eyes start to close out of pure emotional exhaustion as I fall asleep to the beeping of a heart monitor and the silent crying of the owner of the heart.

* * *

Dr. Bartram arrived the next morning at eight and by nine Justin is all prepped and ready for his surgery. As I stand by watching, it's taking everything I have to hold myself together. The only thing that really helps is the fact that I will not let go of Justin's hand for one moment. From the moment I woke up to walking with him as far as I can to the OR I haven't dropped his hand once, as if that one shred of contact would keep him from disappearing.

"Mr. Kinney, it's time to let go." The nurse wheeling Justin's gurney tells me as we approach a set of double doors that will separate my Sunshine and me for several hours, or the rest of my life.

I turn slowly to face Justin, my now sweaty hand holding on tighter than ever to something that could easily slip away. "Well Sunshine," I try to sound normal and cheery. "I guess I won't see you for a while, but I promise I'll be right here when you wake up."

Justin smiled at my slightly feeble attempt. "I know you'll be." He squeezed my hand. "I also know you'll keep your promise to me if I don't wake up." He looks at me intensely, reminding me of my promise to him. I simply nod in agreement. A promise is a promise. "I love you Brian," he tells me one last time before pulling me down for a last kiss.

"I love you too Sunshine, always will." I can feel my eyes welling up fast as my fingers brush against his ring on their way to gently run his silky blond hair through them.

"Besides, we'll still see each other in dreams." Justin smiled one last time, squeezed my hand extra hard, and then slowly let go as he was wheeled through the double doors.

Once I was sure he was through I instantly collapsed and let my tears consume me.

**

* * *

**

Justin's POV

It was an odd state of mind under the anesthesia. It was like my soul was hovering over my body watching Dr. Bartram and some other doctors cutting me open, hooking me up to a load of equipment, talking fancy doctor jargon, and doing some pretty scary things to my heart. All the while I just hovered there and thought about things. I thought about pretty stupid irrelevant things, such as my childhood, my schools, my idiotic homophobic jackass of a father… But I also thought about meaningful things, such as my mother, Molly, Daphne, Deb and the rest of the family, my art, Kelli, all my experiences in Pittsburg and New York, and one crazy insane man named Brian Kinney.

I had known the night before how scared and worried he was, at times I'd say he was worse than Deb and my mother combined. I also knew that he would get through this, he had to. So I made him promise a promise that would ensure he still lived his life if I died. I would never be able to die without knowing that the man I had loved for years and would always love was going to be alright. I knew he'd be fine, he promised. And Brian Kinney would never break a promise.

The thoughts of Brian warmed my soul inside and out, making me feel light as ever as I could practically feel his arms surrounding me in a tight embrace that spoke of all the love he had for me. I couldn't help but smile at the fact that I had actually gotten him to admit his love and got to enjoy all he had to offer before I died.

Sudden beeping and frantic yelling and scrambling suddenly brought me back to the operating room where my body lay. I didn't know what was going on but judging by the doctors it wasn't good. I felt my hovering soul panic, wondering if it would be able to return to its body and its soul mate that was waiting for it.

_Shh, it's going to be alright baby, I love you._ I heard Brian's voice in my head right before the darkness closed in. The last thing I could remember was hearing the sound of my heat monitor's flatline.


	6. Horizons

Chapter Six

A/N: Well people, this is it, we've finally made it to the end. I want to thank all of you for the great reviews, they really helped to keep me going. I hope you all enjoyed this story as much as I did!

* * *

**Brian's POV**

_**If I should stay**_

_**I would only be in your way**_

_**So I'll go, but I know**_

_**I will think of you every step of the way**_

Holy. Fucking. Shit. I so did not need this right now.

_**And I will always love you**_

_**I will always love you**_

_**You, my darling you**_

Curse Justin for playing this while he was painting, and curse these fucking tears I get when remembering it!

_**Bittersweet memories, that is all I'm taking with me**_

_**So goodbye, please don't cry**_

_**We both know I'm not what you**_

_**You need**_

_**And I will always love you**_

_**I will always love you**_

Keep it together Kinney, the fucking song will be over soon. I really want to reach out and turn the radio off but my hand won't obey me.

_**I hope life treats you kind**_

_**And I hope you have all you've dreamed of**_

_**And I wish to you joy and happiness**_

_**But above all this I wish you love**_

I close my eyes as silence fills the car, gearing myself for what I know is coming next.

_**And I will always love you**_

_**I will always love you**_

_**I will always love you**_

_**I will always love you**_

_**I will always love you**_

_**I, I will always, love you**_

That's it! The fucking song was mocking me, I knew it was. A month of working my ass off at work and my radio wants to mock me. I slammed the door of the vette, cutting off the music and wiping at the slight excess of wetness in my eyes. Stupid song brought back too many memories I was more than ready to leave behind.

"Hey Bri," Michael greeted me once I made my way through Babylon's normal throng of sweaty bodies to the bar where the boys had been waiting. I mumbled a quick hello to them before ordering a Beam and collapsing onto the stool next to him and slumping over the bar.

The guys were so fucking predictable as they exchanged 'worried' glances behind my back as I downed the Beam in two big gulps, feeling it burn my throat on the way down, helping to numb my overactive mind that was close to short circuiting. It also helped me to forget.

"I'm sure dear Theodore has already told you tales about my long hours and temper due to lack of sleep so I trust I don't need to explain my appearance that has you all staring." I didn't even bother turning to face them. I didn't need them for me to know that I had shadows under my exhausted eyes and my attire of old comfy jeans and a black t-shirt was far from my normal Babylon 'hunt them down' outfit.

"It's okay honey, we know that with Justi-" before Emmett even got to finish five pairs of hands clapped over his mouth. I turned slowly to look at him, my thoughts turned blank and I suddenly felt lost at the mention of…him. "I'm sorry Bri." Emmett apologized, eyes downcast.

The rest of the gang seemed to tense as they watched me for my reaction. Feeling the walls that had always surrounded my emotions set themselves up again I ordered another Beam, downed it in one gulp, and slammed the glass back onto the bar before standing up.

"Hey professor, mind if I borrow your husband for a dance?" I asked Ben.

"Nope, go right ahead." Ben gave Mikey a kiss before my best friend followed me onto the dance floor.

An hour later the boys had all ended up dancing with their partners and I realized how alone I was. I glanced around to see if there were any interesting guys, not that I had expected much from this crowd. I had a lot of eyes on me, what else was new? But no one seemed to catch my eye that night. I really doubted that anyone ever would, after finding a seventeen year old twink no one seemed all that appealing anymore.

_Promise me that you'll still be open to love._

_Okay Justin, I'll try for you._ I took a moment to push back the tears that automatically welled up at the thought of him. Swallowing the emptiness that had taken root inside me a month ago I spend the next half hour dancing with various guys. I'm sure there were some pretty hot ones, but whenever I looked at them I kept seeing blond hair and blue eyes.

Finally feeling like I'd rather down in misery back at the loft rather than stay in the suffocating club I say goodbye to the boys and make my slow way out of the place and into the blessedly cool air of the night. I just stand there for a moment with my eyes closed, letting the air wash over me and cool my skin along with my lonely inside that missed having its blond counterpart with it. No Kinney, no thinking that. All it will lead to it a load of shitty misery I really don't need right now.

When I open my eyes, almost reluctantly to see my reality spread before me, they instantly lock onto a nice looking blond that sends my senses spinning. He's dressed simply in cargos and a white t-shirt with his long blond hair messily falling into his blue eyes that are locked on mine. He's leaning against a lamp post, _his_ lamp post, and I'm tossed back in time six years to when I found another blond under that light. Granted, this one looks a lot more confident and older than my last one, but they both have the same allure and pull to them that I can't resist. Noting that he's even got a not too bad looking ass I can feel the loneliness starting to ebb away.

Knowing that Justin would want me to keep my promise to him I slowly make my way over to the blond, noting that his sparkling blues are watching my every move. When I get right up in front of him, he looks up with a slight smirk and he continues to lean against the light post that blonds just seem to flock to in order to draw me in.

"Busy night?" I ask him, almost grinning as my memories start playing.

"Just checking out the clubs." He replies, smirk still in place as his eyes wash over me, taking me in. Judging by the glimmer I see in his eyes he likes what he sees.

"Got anywhere special to go?" I figure why the heck not, he's hot enough. When he shakes his head no, I can't help but beak out into a grin. "I can change that." I assure him. "Wanna come back to my place?"

The blond's smirk morphs itself into a full dazzling Sunshine smile. "Sure, I'd love to. I just got out today you see," he raises a hand to show the white hospital band on his wrist, "just finished physical therapy. But I'd love to see your place. I just need to leave early tomorrow for a wedding I'm attending." He answered, his eyes now shimmering with unmasked happiness.

"Really? Tying the knot I presume?" I ask as I finger the ring that's resting on his chest suspended by a delicate chain. "You do know you're tying that knot around your neck right?" He gently swats at me for that. "I hope you're ready for it."

The blond just smiles at me before pushing away from the light post so that there's only a breath's width between us. "I've been ready since the day I met him." He assures me before placing his hands on my shoulders for leverage and reaching up to press his soft lips against mine.

I find my arms automatically winding around his waist as I kiss him back, letting his simple touch melt away the last month of stress and emptiness to replace it with a deliriously happy feeling I wasn't too sure I'd be feeling again anytime soon.

"I love you Bri," he whispers as he pulls away.

"I love you too Justin, always will." I murmur into his ear as I hold my blond close to me.

"Promise?" I can feel him smiling against my chest and find myself smiling along with him.

"Promise."


End file.
